Chapter 12

I have been trying to ignore what's happening pero kahit anong gawin ko, parang tinutulak pa rin akong gawin ang gusto ko. Kahit ayoko ng gawin. Ang gulo. Hindi 'ko maintindihan. Baka nga ganito talaga kapag naiipit sa isang sitwasyon na hindi ko hawak, even though I tried with all the resources I have, I just can't seem to move on without trying so hard. Napakahirap. I'm not even sure if I'm gonna last long not thinking about it.

Noah's text message made me think about us. Though I know there's nothing to talk about us because we're just friends, that it is the sole and foundation of our meeting, just to be friends. Our date doesn't mean we have to fall in love with each other when it's only his way of connecting to his fans. But I'm not his fan and yet he kept coming at my way. 

When I came into school earlier, hindi pa rin naman ako ligtas sa mga chismis at tingin ng ilan kong schoolmates. It must be because of two things, I'm the school nerd and I dated Noah. That's still an ongoing debate for everyone. Hindi nila ako tatantanan hangga't hindi nila naririnig 'yong gusto nilang marinig. Some wanted Noah and I ended up together pero mas maraming bitter girls na ayaw mangyari 'yon. Even though kinikilig sila na makita kaming dalawa ni Noah, ayaw nilang magkatuluyan kami.

But I'm not hoping to have a label with him. Lumalayo na nga ako eh. Ayoko nang madawit ang pangalan ko kay Noah.

Tahimik na lang ako, nag-aaral ng mabuti dahil may quiz kami mamaya.

But one thing that caught my attention was Gwen. There she goes telling everyone how her date went with Noah. Pinagmamalaki niya iyon. She became the talk of the town now. Almost all of our girl schoolmates have been asking her to know what happened and how did she got a chance to take him out on a date. Everyone is fascinated, inggit na inggit Gwen. 

Hindi naman ako naiinggit. Why should I? Naka-date ko na nga 'yong tao ng ilang beses, hinding-hindi ako magseselos sa isang gabing 'yon. I know Gwen was doing it just to torture my feelings. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit hindi pa rin niya ako pinapansin ngayong nakuha na niya ang gusto niya. Binigay ko ang gustp niya. She should be happy but then she forget about me when she has now.

Kinalimutan niya ako dahil binuo na ng lalaki 'yong buhay niya. She's too happy with kaya kahit ang best friend niya kaya niyang iwan just to get closer with this guy.

Nasasayangan ako kasi sa tagal ng pagkakaibigan namin, she will just throw it away dahil lang kay Noah. Hindi ko naman sinisisi si Noah dito. He has nothing to do with this. Ginagawa lang naman niya 'yong dapat niyang gawin. He chose me to be his date and fulfill it. Wala naman siyang ginagawang masama. And I should owe it to Gwen, siya naman ang dahilan kung bakit kami nagkakilala ni Noah but getting angry on me because of her jealousy, I think that's not right anymore.

Nang matapos ang klase namin, lumabas na ako ng room to go to the cafeteria. The usual routine for me after classes during lunch break. Mag-isa akong tumungo dahil nauna nang umalis si Gwen. I told to myself na hahayaan ko na lang muna siya and let her have the moment. Ilang beses ko na siyang sinuyo pero pakiramdam ko ako pa rin ang kontrabida sa sitwasyon naming dalawa.

If she knows that Noah keeps calling me and sending messages, maybe she would hate me more. Hindi 'ko lang sinasagot si Noah dahil ayokong magkaroon na naman ng conflict and I'm tired of putting myself in between. Nakakasawa maging dahilan ng isang gulo.

Napadaan ako sa dropbox kung saan patuloy na may naglalaglag ng forms doon para sa nalalapit na prom. It is their chance to have a date and a dance with Noah Beckon. Maraming umaaasa, almost of them wanted to be that girl kaya iyong mga lalaki ay nawawalan na nang pag-asa na makuha pa ang mga sagot ng mga babaeng gusto nilang dalhin sa prom because of this little activity. 

Though I don't bother it. Kaya ko namang pumunta ng prom ng walang ka-date. I can totally live with that. I'll support whoever Noah may pick on that activity. She should be happy because my best friend does.

Nang makarating ako sa  cafeteria ay agad akong pumili para kumuha ng lunch ko. When I finally got my lunch and tray on my hands, naghanap ako ng mauupuan and then I saw the girls who keeps talking to me about Noah. Nakatingin sila sa akin at nginitian ko sila. I was about to join them when they called someone other than me.

"Gwen! Join us here!" the girl said and I immediately stopped walking towards their direction.

Bigla akong napahiya.

Nang lingunin ko kung nasaan si Gwen, nakita ko na lang siyang papalapit sa direksyon ko. Hindi niya ako pinansin kung hindi tuloy tuloy lang siya sa paglalakad saka ako nilagpasan hangga't sa makiupo siya sa mga babaeng iyon. They are only after Noah so I don't care. When Gwen seated with them, she turned to see and showed a wicked smile on her face. Mabilis kong iniwas ang atensyon ko at naghanap ng mauupuan. 

Good thing I found a solo table which I immediately reserved for myself. Hindi ko pinapansin ang paligid, kumakain lang ako mag-isa. But today, may kakaiba akong nararamdaman. I really felt that I was alone even though this is my life before Noah. I don't like attentions or anything, hindi ako naghahanap ng mga taong kakausapin ako but today I felt that and I don't know what it meant, gusto kong baliwalain but everything just kept haunting me.

Hindi na nakakatuwa.

When I heard Gwen and the girls laughing, naisipan kong bilisan ko na lang kumain dahil walang mangyayari kung tatagalan ko pa at magpaka-emo rito sa kinauupuan ko. But while I'm finishing my lunch, someone just pulled chair and joined me on the table. Nagtaka pa ako dahil hindi ko ineexpect na tatabi siya sa akin during lunch. What's happening is already confusing for me.

"Uh... Cirie? There's somewhere else you can sit. This is just a solo table." Sabi ko sa kanya.

"I know, and you're almost done so I'm having this table." She said and puts her tray on my table. Pinagkasya niya talaga kahit medyo masikip na. Ako pa tuloy ang nag-adjust para sa kanya. She sits on the chair and started eating. I look at her and wondering what was she doing? 

She wouldn't sit me anytime or anywhere kaya nakakagulat 'tong ginagawa niya. She can sit with her sassy friends but not with me. Anong pumasok sa isip nitong babae at nakiupo sa table ko.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay at pinunasan niya ang kanyang labi ng tissue. "Why can't you just eat your lunch and quit looking at me? You're such a weirdo, Tatiana." She smirks.

Napangisi rin naman ako sa sinabi niya. "No, I'm not the weird one here. Why are you here joining me on lunch? Where are your friends? I know you hate me and stop putting me into hell with this your some kind of agenda. Just let me eat in peace."

"I will, in a minute," pagtataray pa nito. "And why aren't with your friend anyway? Hindi ba mas close kayong dalawa? Why did she left you now? Oh! I see what's happening here. You're jealous of her. Naka-date niya kasi si Noah and you're the old girl so baka nagsawa na si Noah sa 'yo 'no? Gwen's really proud of her date with Noah and it seems like mauulit pa silang dalawa."

"Did you just sit with me to annoy me because what you're doing is very effective. I want to smash my lunch in your face." I said in gritted teeth.

"Do it though, hindi naman ako ang magiging masama sa tingin ng mga tao." Ngisi pa nito. "But you have to know that just because someone has an opportunity to get on with it, nakalimutan ko na. You had your chance, let others enjoy it too. Wala naman sa atin ang huling sagot, Noah had the answer to it. I really want him to be my boyfriend though but he's out my reach so ikaw na lang ang iinisin ko. But if Gwen stops being your friend just because of a boy, you should stop being her friend."

"You're dumb, Cirie. She's just living the moment, mare-realize niya rin 'to."

She chuckles, "We'll see that but I'm just saying... ikaw na bahala kung maniniwala ka o hindi. But if I'm the one who's on your situation now, I'll leave her alone. She wants it that way, let her have it. Anyway, thanks for the having me... could you please put my tray on the disposal area?" She smiled.

I rolled my eyes. "Ikaw itapon ko e," saka ako tumayo at kinuha ang tray ko at dali-dali kong dinala iyon sa disposal area. I left Cirie alone in the table, deserve niya 'yon matapos niya akong inisin. Wala talagang ginawang maganda ang babaeng 'yon kung hindi ang inisin ako.

Before I left the cafeteria, bahagya akong lumingon sa direksyon kung saan nakaupo si Gwen. She's happy... maybe she doesn't need me anymore.

Tuluyan akong lumabas ng cafeteria at pabalik na sana ako sa homeroom ng harangin ako ng isa kong teacher. He's my adviser from the Decathlon Team.

"Sir Terillo, what's going on?"

"Tate, I have something to say and I would like to know if you're also pursuing a curricular activity? I know that you're doing well on your academic track and you'll in line for being one of the honor students but I have a offer."

"Ano po 'yon?"

"Would you like to fill in the Decathlon Team? I've been eyeing for you to join the team but you're not somehow interested with it but this time kinulang ang team because one of them just dropped out. I'm really sad for what happened but I'm also worried that we'll lose again this year."

"Ah... sir... I'm not sure..." aniko.

"Oh, sure, it's fine, Tate. I'm not pressuring you to join but because we only have a limited time before the event happens in the next few weeks. I just hope you'll consider it and I'll gave you time to think about it. And if you did, send me a message me on my email or hop in my office. I would really love to see you on the team."

"Yeah, thanks sir, I really appreciate it." I smiled. "I just need to think about it..."

Sir Terillo nodded his head, "Sure, thanks, Tate. Anyway, I gotta go now. Have a nice day."

"You too sir," I muttered and he walked away.

I'm kind of hesitating with the offer but when I think that it'll help me to sway my mind from Noah and Gwen, I guess it'll do. Maybe, I'll consider it. I just don't need to think about those people right now. They're just complicating my life and I don't want them to put my life on despair. I've had enough for being the school nerd.

If forgetting them would make me happy, I'll do it.