VI ‖ unexplainable ache

How many times would someone let others trample on their delicate trust before they finally learn how to built guards that are high enough to protect themselves from the cruelty of the world? At some point, did anyone also noticed that those with cold hearts and empty souls the ones that were once the most compassionate and loving?

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SHANGHAI
December 
Location: Elysium, Styx

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"You're kidding, right?" I laughed dryly as my eyes landed on Jax, who stood at the door.

"Iva."

The moment my name escaped those lips, I could feel the anger intensified within me. I bent down and reached for the dagger that was strapped around my ankle. Focusing on the strength of my legs, I powered a sprint towards him as I swung my hand across my shoulder, holding my weapon close to me. When I thought I was fast, he was even faster. 

He anticipated my move and shifted slightly to avoid. Then, he caught my wrist and dragged me by the arm before pushing me towards the glass surface of the door. One of his hand held onto the back of my neck firmly, keeping me in place while the other twisted my wrist slightly to force my grip out of the dagger. I struggled violently against his hold, but he pinned me down and whispered softly from behind, "Let's not do this, sweetness."

Vivienne was about to launch at him but Harod cut in just in time to stop her. "Stop it," he hissed, slamming his hand on his desk before continuing, "More than anyone else, Iva, you should know better not to break the rules."

I ceased struggling immediately and replied in a piercing cold tone, "Of course."

Harod exhaled a sigh then mentioned, "Jaxen, you too. Let go of her."

Then, I felt all the grip on me being released slowly as he carefully allowed me to gain balance on the ground once again. At the amount of gentleness he handled me, the ache in my chest swelled exponentially. Infuriated, I swung his arms off me forcefully and walked towards Vivienne without bothering to look at him even once. Keeping my head low, I pressed my lips down into a hard line and my hands closed into fists. My body trembled as I tried to suppress the sudden turbulence of emotions that had morphed into a raging tempest within me. 

"As per what I said previously, this is the Elite that Lethe had sent over," Harod repeated for us and turned around to face Jax. "Jaxen, please acquaint yourself to Iva Laurent and Vivienne Yuan."

"Call me Jax will do," Jax spoke in a tone that was smooth but foreign to my ears. He held his hand out towards Vivienne, attempting to make conversant with her through a handshake. But without a care, Vivienne slapped his hand away and held out an arm towards me to secure me towards her. Surprised, I turned slightly to look at Vivienne. One side of her lips tipped up into a knowing smirk while throwing a playful wink at me. If anything, her gestures had definitely brought some comfort to me.

"So, the transfer will happen in two week's time. Meanwhile, both of you would not receive any task," Harod attempted to break the silence and ease some tension, but what he said did the exact opposite.

"As long as Seth is coming with us, all is well," I said simply, knowing that there was no longer a point in arguing with Harod over something that was sealed by the council.

"Lethe only asked for Iva Laurent," Jax mentioned, raising his brows questioningly towards Harod.

"Evrard," I interjected before Harod could speak. In all intents and purposes, we are still Elysium assassins, so it would be best to keep things professional regardless of how emotional I felt within. Lifting my head slightly, my eyes went straight to meet his startling pair of saxe blue eyes and gave him a warning stare. "May I let you know that Iva Laurent, Vivienne Yuan and Seth Raynard will either go Lethe together or not at all. So, it's either you take it or leave it, though I strongly suggest the latter." 

At the sound of my intentional passive-aggressiveness, he closed his eyes momentarily and took in a heavy inhale in an attempt to suppress the ire that had dangerously surfaced and surrounded him within a menacing aura. I would be lying if I said that I hadn't noticed how the room temperature had suddenly dropped to a freezing level and the air felt suffocating under the smothering tension.

And of course, these are also the times that you just got to applaud Vivienne for being her. Totally unaffected by the precipitous change in the atmosphere, she let out a low whistle and I knew that she would've given me a round of applause if Harod wasn't around to glare at her with his ominous presence.

"Iva," Jax called me once again with unfailing forbearance in spite of all my fatuous provocation. His eyes studied me as though he could see through all my plots. "You can make it difficult for others, just don't torture yourself while trying to build a living hell for everyone else."

"My matters are mine to deal with, Evrard," I snapped, quickly shutting him down. 

Yet, I knew he was right. Underneath all the anger, there was lingering sadness and an incredulous amount of hurt because I still couldn't believe that the person who stood in front of me was the same person that I had wanted to bare all my vulnerabilities towards. My mind was screaming all sort of stupid at myself because I naively thought that he could be an innocent companion of my life. I had wanted so badly for him to be the one taking away all the pain and bother that I had accumulated in this wretched life. It was so wrong and goddamned foolish of me to believe that for once, my life was taking a positive turn instead of running in rounds all over these covert lies.

Jax didn't react to my rude retort, but I could see his jaw tightening and his eyes dulled into a deep shade of grey, void of any colour except for the emerged cloud of dark impenetrable emotions.

"Are we done here?" I turned towards Harod and exhaled impatiently.

"As long as my message has gotten into that head of yours," Harod replied, swivelling his chair to the side and refusing to face any of us anymore.

"Excellent," I held onto Vivienne's hand and stormed towards the glass door. 

The brief moment my shoulder brushed past Jax, he whispered my name in such a hushed tone that caused my heart to squeeze painfully in my chest. Unable to handle any more of his torture, I refused to stop walking until I exited Harod's office.

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When we were far outside, Vivienne tugged on my arm carefully and said, "You know Jax."

Yes, and it hurts that I finally know him. All the words formed in my mind but I didn't have the courage to admit it out loud. Then again, my silence proved the salience of my weakness and that never sat well with Vivienne.

"Talk to me, Iva."

"Yeah, I know him." I fought so hard to remove any possible emotions that tried to seep into my tone. "Just another jerk."

"Was he the one you mentioned about in the gym earlier?"

I choked at her perceptiveness. I couldn't say anything in return, so I only nodded slightly to acknowledge her guess.

"Iva, you may not believe it," she said, pausing for a moment to check on me before continuing, "But I could see the sincerity in his eyes when he looked at you."

"Don't fucking do that to me," I snarled. "He is nothing to me, and he would never be anything."

"Iva," her voice softened drastically and I felt tears burning at the back of my eyes. "The thing with Sebas—"

"Enough, Viv." I placed my hand over her mouth, not wanting to hear any more words.

She gently pried my hand off and said, "Don't keep doing that to yourself, dearest."

I let out a dry laugh, "But my hurt is mine alone."

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