XXVIII ‖ tell me

LONDON
February
Location: Jaxen's House

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Jax sighed, "Is that so?"

I quickly noticed his crestfallen expression and how his shoulders faltered slightly at my avoidance. Honestly, I couldn't bring myself to hear anything he was going to say but I asked him just one question, "Is Thea your daughter?"

"Yes, Thea is my daughter," he replied simply.

Closing my eyes, I exhaled a dry laugh and threw my hands up to prove my point. This was exactly what I didn't want to hear and refused to admit to. He was already so far from my reach and with this, I had essentially lost him before I could even have him. Swallowing hard, I could only pray for the tears pooling in the corner of my eyes to not fall.

"Iva—" he called my name in such a tender way that I felt the sound of his voice rattling every single bone in my body.

"That's all I needed to know, Jax," I cut in curtly.

"Listen—"

"Please!" My voice came out in a near shout. I wasn't angry, not at all. Instead, I was hurt and for the first time in my life, I felt so helpless and vulnerable because I wanted to leave but my feet refused to move.

"I adopted Thea when she was three months old," he continued nonetheless. My head jerked up to stare at him, I watched as his lips moved and every word sounded as he spoke. I had to make sure I wasn't hearing things, and he insisted, "I need tell you everything, latreía mou."

"Jax—" My voice dropped low.

"No, even if you don't want to hear it, I need to say it," Jax interjected. "Adopted or not, Thea is my daughter now and nothing would change that fact. Other than you and I, no one else in Elysium should know about Thea. Iva, I really want that child to grow up leading a normal life without all the crap we went through."

I remained silent, noticing the slight frown that appeared between his brows and he inhaled sharply, "I wouldn't lie to you, sweetness, and neither do I want to hide things from you. That's why I'm explaining everything to you right at this moment before you walk out on me. If after hearing all these, you still had nothing to say to me, feel free to grab any car from the garage and ride yourself home. I won't force you to stay if you don't want to."

"Jax, I don't know what to say," I mumbled.

There was too much to take in, it wasn't because I had nothing to say to him, but I was feeling so much at a moment to even express myself with all the words I had known. At my response, he sighed again and closed his eyes. He turned around, covering his face with his hand as he attempted to leave but I ran forward to grab onto his arm. I said, "I don't know what to say but I want to know more. Tell me, please."

"You might want to take a shower first? I'm sure both of us reeked of sweat and diabolic dust," Jax suggested, his tone softened. "Let's talk over lunch later."

"If you don't mind."

"Be my guest anytime, sweetness," he smiled.

◩

I walked out of the shower in the guest room, wearing only the buttoned-down shirt that smelled faintly of his scent. Jax did leave a pair of pants but it was too loose so I gave up trying to wear them since his shirt was long enough to cover whatever goods I had. When I exited the guest room and returned to the living area, Jax was nowhere in sight.

Heading towards a direction, I assumed that he would be in Thea's room. Quietly, I pushed the door ajar and saw him struggling to change Thea out of her sleepwear. He raked a hand through the wet strands of his hair as he frowned questioningly at the child ahead of him. Holding a hand over my mouth, a burst of muffled laughter escaped me and he turned around to look at me.

Stepping into the room, I pushed on him lightly and attempted to move this clumsy man away from his daughter. This guy, really. I continued to laugh silently when I realised that he had strands of her hair curled into the buttons of her top.

Carefully twirling to release Thea's soft hair, I removed her top and Jax wrung the towel from a basin of water before passing it to me. I gently wiped the sweat off the small child and changed her into a new set of sleepwear. Tucking Thea back into the sheets, I whispered funnily in a low voice towards Jax, "You've been taking care of her for the past five years and you don't know how to change her clothes?"

"Marianne's always here to help me out," Jax responded, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand as I noticed the light tint of red that appeared on his face. "It slipped my mind that she had requested for a day off to make a trip back to Nottingham."

"Marianne's her nanny?"

"Yeah," Jax nodded. "She left some food in the fridge, I'll heat them up and we can have lunch together."

He held onto my hand and led me out of the room. We walked towards the kitchen and he took out a few boxes of packed food from the fridge, placing one of them in the microwave.

I pushed myself up the kitchen island and sat there while watching the food rotate inside the little black box. Jax turned around and stared at me, eyeing me as I swung my leg back and forth in mid-air.

I lolled my head to the side and asked, "You mind that I'm sitting on the island?"

"No," he said in a low, husky voice. "I mind about something else." 

"You mean the pants? It was too loose so I gave up wearing it since it wouldn't cling onto my waist properly," I chuckled. "You can't possibly expect me to borrow pants from Thea either, right?"

"You can't sense danger, can you?" Jax asked in a quiet voice as he stalked closer, landing a hand on the small of my back.

My heart nearly jumped out of my chest when he positioned himself in between my legs and leaned in so close that our eyes are staring right into each other's while the tip of our noses touched. His other hand smoothed from my knee and inched slowly up the length of my thigh. I gulped, nervous at the sudden closeness but I didn't resist him. He tipped his head slightly and continued to erase all the physical distance until we were only a breath apart. 

And it just had to be at this time that my stomach protested at its emptiness. I grumbled in a small voice and a peal of laughter sounded from Jax. He grinned boyishly towards me, revealing the dimples from both sides of his cheeks. Heat blossomed on my cheeks and I wasn't sure if it was because of his over-attractive smile or my own embarrassment. Or perhaps both? 

"That was a good save," he poked fun and his thumb brushed lightly across the sensitive skin of my upper thigh, tantalizing me. I groaned internally, unsure which hunger I wanted to satisfy more at the moment. Jax pecked a light kiss on my cheek before letting me go to check on the microwave. Taking out the food, he portioned a serving of the lasagna on a plate before passing it to me and cautioned, "Careful, it's hot." 

The aroma of the lasagna was overwhelming and after an entire day spent on a mission, I was famished. At that instant, gone were the hazy desires of want because my focus went right to the food I held before me. Taking a first bite into the cheesy warm goodness reminded me of Mom and she used to make incredible lasagnas too. Preoccupied by the thought, I didn't realise that I was poking on my food idly until Jax asked, "Didn't suit your taste?"

My shoulders jumped a little and I turned towards him, coming up with a hasty explanation, "No, I was just reminded that my mom used to make these for me too."

"We are lucky to have Marianne," Jax smiled. "She's a kind lady and definitely an awesome cook."

"Yes, she is," I returned the smile and took another mouthful. Unsure if it was a good time, but I had really wanted to ask, "Do you know who Thea's parents are?"

"Rhys and Olivia," he replied and I remembered that those were his partners' names. My eyes widened in surprise as he continued to explain, "Three months after Olivia gave birth to Thea, both of them were employed into the mass mission. As you've already known, they didn't make it out alive."

"Thea's parents were both Elysium assassins?" I gasped.

"Yes," he said. "When I learned that they passed, I quickly took Thea away before anyone else could find her. Olivia never wanted Thea to be part of Elysium and I would continue to do the favour for her."

"How did the three of you manage to hide her? The Guardians are bound to find out somehow or rather?"

"Hacking is my forte, sweetness," he smirked. "We replaced Thea's entire records from Acheron before the Guardian, Idris, could lay her hands on that child. Thea's current record in Elysium states that she had been pronounced dead at birth."

"You did what—" My jaw dropped.

"Don't worry, I always strike incognito," he laughed and recounted a past time that brought a wide to his face, "Rhys, Olivia and I were known to wreak havoc in Lethe and Morgiana almost couldn't handle us."

"Talking about that," I sighed. "I hate to admit it but I missed Harod."

"I'm sure you do," he softened. "Although Morgiana isn't as bad as you thought, she's actually rather awesome, only stricter in comparison."

"I guess," I shrugged. "Back to it, does Thea know about her real parents?"

"I told her everything because there was nothing to hide," Jax said. 

"She took it well?"

"I have no idea what's going on in a five-year-old's head. I could only hope that she would understand that she has me and I would do anything to care of her," he said.

"You're an awesome dad," I smiled. "Thea's lucky to have you."

"You think so?" He arched a brow and looked towards me.

"Yeah, except that you're too clumsy." I laughed. 

"Right," he grinned in response.

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(water treading we keep pushing up against the tide)