XIV ‖ sentimental attachment

LONDON
January
Location: Elysium, Lethe

━━━━━━━━━━

Standing before the administrator, Gia spoke in her usual toneless voice, "Please place the watch into the case."

I looked at the simple case in front of me and placed the watch into it as instructed. The moment I removed my hand, the case shut itself and a monochromatic blue light scanned across the watch before the brace on my wrist shook to indicate that our payout had been distributed.

"Please proceed into the Office," Gia informed simply and went back to work. I nodded awkwardly and a sudden thought of Sylvie, the administrator in Styx, flashed across my mind. Now I kind of regret complaining that Sylvie talked way too much because having a chatty administrator seemed a lot better than the tense cold treatment that Gia's giving us all the time. At least, Sylvie would always welcome us back from missions whenever we returned to report to Harod.

Vivienne and I stepped into the dark office while the floor panels illuminated upon our steps till we stood in the middle of her office and the whole room lit up to reveal Morgiana, who was leaning against her desk. Her fingers smoothed over the rim of her ginormous hat.

"Harod was right. You both never disappoints." Morgiana said. "This shall be an official welcome to Lethe. Welcome home, my children." 

"I wouldn't go so far to call this my home yet," Vivienne scoffed and I shrugged my shoulders in agreement. 

"May your heart open to this new family, regardless," Morgiana gave a short, mirthless laugh. "Elite training starts tomorrow and your assigned instructors would be here in a second."

As usual, the Guardian's 'magic'. They could make anything appear at the most perfect timing if they wanted it to. The wide door behind us slid open to reveal two tall figures. Unsurprisingly, I recognised one of them. "Perfect timing," Morgiana mentioned, then she pointed towards me. "Jaxen had already chosen you as his mentee and that would leave Porter with Vivienne." 

"Hold up a sec," I cut in sharply. "Vivienne and I are partners, why are we training separately?" 

"You seemed to have an issue with me being your mentor?" Jax raised his brow questioningly towards me.

I worked a nervous gulp though my pride doesn't let me back down, I exhaled, "Don't take it personally, Jax. I'm simply questioning the arrangement." I accented the last word, staring right towards Morgiana.

"In Lethe, you don't get to choose your mission partners because I choose them for you," Morgiana explained, emphasising her authority. "Train and be prepared, that's what I expect of my Elites." 

"You may be our new adopter but you can't just decide whatever you want with us, can you?" I fumed. 

"Careful, Iva," Morgiana cautioned with an icy cold tone. "I don't share the same kindness as Harod towards impudence."

"Then, go ahead and f—"

Jax held his hand over my mouth and whispered in my ear, "Gods above, what are we going to do with your feistiness?"

Morgiana refused to say anything in return and the lights in her office went off in an angry snap. Inhaling a deep breath, I managed to calm myself down from all the nerves and deep in my mind, I missed Harod almost dearly. Almost. I reached to pull Jax's hand off me and Vivienne stepped forward to grab hold of my shoulder but I jerked it off, trudging my way out of the Office. I wasn't mad at her because there was nothing wrong with training separately and I knew I was just being difficult. 

Ahead of us, Vivienne and Porter were just enjoying some small exchange and they seemed to get along well with one another. I mentally heaved a sigh, relieved that I hadn't made it awkward for them but I was also vexed as I tried my hardest to embrace the silence between Jax and me.

"Iva," he called my name so suddenly and my shoulders jumped, startled.

"W-What is it?" I stammered.

"You alright?" he asked, concerned.

"I am," I lied, but my mind was clutching onto Styx and everything I had there. Everything's too cold in Lethe and I don't want to be here in this freezing desperation. Harod was nasty in his ways, but at the very least, he was my adopter. And while my heart was closed to the entire world, he was the one who approached me with an outstretched arm. Even when I spoke rudely to him most of the time, all he would do was just to click his tongue in annoyance. I hadn't noticed that the back of my eyes would burn with tears that threaten to fall but I swallowed all these intricate emotions in because there's nothing I hate more than being vulnerable in front of another person.

"You know that I'm always here if you need to talk," Jax mentioned and the sting in my heart grew stronger. Why the hell am I so sentimental? I could only question myself.

"It's fine, just leave me alone," I brushed him off, holding my head down.

"If that's so, I'll see you tomorrow morning at eight." He turned at the next corner to leave us but two steps up ahead, I processed the words he just said. Eight in the morning, you've got to be kidding me.

I turned into the corner and attempted to stop him by grabbing onto his wrist but he raised his elbow and swung it towards my face. Crap. I shot my arm up in defence but he had halted before the impact landed on me. He shifted and using his other hand, he planted his palm on my chin as he straightened his arm, pushing me away from him. He said simply, "This is the reason why you're training early in the morning."

Annoyed, I gripped onto his wrist and regained my balance. Using my hold on him as a support, I swung a high kick at him, aiming it straight into the crook of his neck but he dipped slightly to catch my ankle. Then, he called my name in his irresistible deep voice, "Iva."

I stunned when my eyes met his, those saxe blue eyes drowned me in a way that made me regret the instant he pushed my ankle down, stepped towards me and landed a sudden blow to my neck to throw me off balance once again. I fell to the ground and smoothed a side roll. My eyes glared sharply towards him but only to find him smiling at me in an unusually boyish manner when he chuckled, "I'll see you tomorrow, sweetness."

I was fast, in fact, I was the fastest in Styx. Yet, Jax moved in a way that I couldn't deny that he was a lot more skilled than me. I stayed stunned where I was as I watched him walk down the narrow hallway, recalling that regardless of how much strength I placed in every move I did a moment ago, he returned his moves without placing any. The amount of force he placed in that blow to my neck wouldn't even crush an ant. Clicking my tongue in displeasure, I gave in to the dispiriting feelings of defeat. Fine, eight in the morning it is then.

I pushed myself off the ground and walked my way out of Lethe. Hopping into my car, I manoeuvred the car out of the parking space and activated the in-built disabler and jammer before ramming onto the accelerator and sped my way home. The day had been bad enough and the last thing I would want is to get caught for speeding on the road.

◩

The moment I pushed past the door and entered the apartment, Seth sat at the high table with his eyes permanently fixed on his computer screen. He seemed into it to even notice that I have returned or that his spectacles had already drooped to almost the tip of his nose. Walking towards him, I rested my forehead on his thin shoulder and helped him readjust his spectacles back in place. "I'm home, charmer."

He jumped a little from the surprise but laughed when he realised that it's me. He smiled, "It's been a while since I heard that. Welcome home, Iva."

"For once, it's not an empty house that I'm returning to," I chuckled.

"That's because you don't visit me after you moved out," he mentioned in a sigh. "Vivienne do. Though every time she crashed at my apartment, she would be drunk and all wasted."

"Same old trouble?" I sighed at the knowledge.

"Yeah," Seth nodded. "Xavier, as always." 

"Go easy on her," I said. "At least, she seems a lot better now."

"Yeah," he responded in agreement. "I couldn't imagine seeing her through those years ever again. It was as though she wasn't even alive to begin with."

"I'm sure she's over that and let's just be there for her whenever she needs."

"Iva, the same goes for you too. You know that you can always confide in us whenever you need someone," he said in a careful manner and I grew silent, still unable to talk to anyone else about all the matters I held in my heart.

"Thank you, Sethie."

"I'll let you call me that for this once," he sulked.

"Don't be stingy," I poked fun and ruffled his hair lightly. "I'm heading back to my room to shower and I'll come back out to whip a simple dinner for the both of us."

"Can we have dumplings for tonight?" At the mention that I would be cooking, Seth turned towards me anticipatingly.

"Dumplings it is then," I laughed.

I made my way into my room and removed all my clothes, throwing them on the ground in messy heaps as I stepped into the shower. The water pelted down relentlessly, with each drop hitting like merciless reminders. Pushing my palms against the cold, glossy wall tiles, I lowered my head as water streamed from the back of my head and mixed with tears that I had allowed to finally fall. My heart hurts at each and every reminder of Shanghai, Styx and Sebastian.

After my parent's death, I was placed under the custody of a distant relative who had robbed all inheritance that my parents left for me and sold me to away in an attempt to erase my existence from the world. Yet, I was soon saved and brought into Styx by a mysterious adopter who had the annoying habit of clicking his tongue way too often. Honestly, Harod wasn't the easiest to get along with and he stayed in his office all the time which made it even harder to approach him. The only times he would ever be seen out of office was whenever Vivienne and I created huge havoc in Styx. But somehow or rather, both of us always get away with it easily.

Life in Styx wasn't fantastic but at least I had family, I had shelter and I make good money for as long as I return back from missions alive. More of it, I had Sebastian. That one boy, my first love. He was the one who held onto my heart with his hand and feel every beat and breath so tenderly without trying to crush it with possession or power. But love and every fluttery feeling that came along with it were only temporary. When he took his breath right in front of my eyes, everything in my heart shattered into dust and dissipated into the air without a single possibility of being woven back. All that was left was the crushing guilt that he wouldn't have died, if it wasn't for me.

Leaning against the glass of the shower cubicle, I allowed myself to fall to the ground with knees tucked close to my chest. I tried to breathe without any air in my lungs as I cried. I didn't know how else I was supposed to grief when no one ever cared enough to teach. After all, we were supposed to be cold-blooded assassins, who would ever concern themselves with the human side of us?

◩

When I was done with the shower, Seth and I had dumplings as promised. While I mixed the filling, Seth removed the cling cover from the pre-made dumpling wrappers and waited patiently for me. We sat in the kitchen while I casually told him about my elite training schedule and he mentioned to me that he was being called into Lethe to meet with the other expert strategists. Our conversation moved from Elysium to the latest movie to a new game that he had recently programmed. It was lighthearted and that made me realise how much I needed a company since I moved out to stay alone when I was in Shanghai. Though I also knew that such days wouldn't last long since this apartment is just temporary and all of us are finding our own apartment to move out to.

But I guess, for now, for just a little moment, I deserved to be happy.

◩

(chained between these wounded wings. i can barely breathe.)