XI ‖ hidden explanations 

Some people have the ability to sweep you off your feet and take your breath away from the very moment you meet them. They march into your life without your consent in a loud, wild yet incredibly alive manner. They left you wondering why you fall hard on the spot without even knowing them, and it last. You will never understand why they hold so much control over your emotions. The only thing you would know is that each time they appear, their presence pulls you in and make you stop thinking as a whole. And here's a thing about feelings, it grows. 

But regardless of all the questions they put you through, you stupidly thought, when did love make sense anyway? 

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LONDON
January
Location: Assigned Apartment

━━━━━━━━━━

"Jax, who are you exactly?" 

There was a pause of silence before a peal of light-hearted laughter sounded, "Good question."

"I know." Grabbing his compliment and shoved it aside immediately, the impatience is real. "Answers please."

"What exactly do you want to know about me?" he asked, his deep voice slightly hoarse and almost distracting. 

"Alright, then it shall start with this." I was determined. "What do you mean when you said that you approached me because it's me?" 

"Precisely as you have stated. I wouldn't have accepted that mission to oversee the transfer if it was anyone else," he responded simply. 

"I'm confused," I frowned. "I don't even know you before any of these!" 

"You know, sweetness," he said and if I wasn't mistaken, there was a tinge of sadness in the way he spoke. "You simply couldn't remember." 

"What?" I stunned. "Why?" 

"I can't tell you more than what I've just said, Iva," he sighed in a low voice. 

"You're not getting away with that, Jaxen," I mentioned. "You don't get to stir everything up and leave me utterly confused out of my mind."   

"I swore an oath and there are consequences in every action I take," Jax replied. "You must understand that I am as desperate to tell you everything, if I could." 

"What am I supposed to do with you then?" 

"You know it deep in your heart." 

"Of course. For starters, I know that I want to strangle you," I fumed. 

"Oh, kinky," he teased, adding fuel to my anger. 

"You're so darned twisted," I rolled my eyes.

I heard him laughing on the other end and somehow his laugh was rather contagious when I found myself smiling. Not hanging onto that conversation any longer, he changed the topic swiftly and asked, "How was your day, sweetness?" 

Smooth evasion, Jaxen. I decided to let it slide for now since he already mentioned that he couldn't give me any form of answers that I desired. Moving along his flow, I replied, "Good? There was an art store three streets down and I made a friend with someone who lives around." I tucked my feet under the sheets and wiggled my toes as I find a comfortable position. A question formed at the tip of my tongue and I asked anyway, "You left in a hurry. Was it a serious matter?" 

"I had something to attend to." He continued, "No, it wasn't anything serious."

I had more questions but I didn't want to get on with the topic for a small fear that I may hear things I didn't want to know. Not probing any further, I was comforted by the softness of my pillows and the tiring day after a long haul flight had me feeling weary. "Jax," I rasped as sleep tinted my voice.

"Hmm?" 

"Could you sing me a song?" I blurted out a seemingly ridiculous request but I guessed that the well-modulated and lyrical quality of his voice would definitely sound nice in a song. 

"What made you think I could sing?" he laughed, lightheartedly. 

"I don't know, just do it." 

"Well, if you insist," he chuckled softly in a way that already sounded melodic to my ears. 

To my delight, he did sing a song as requested and it sounded like a lullaby that was in a language that I didn't understand, though it felt oddly familiar for some reason. I wondered what it was but the urge to sleep had overpowered me. Following his voice, I was guided into a deep, dreamless slumber. 

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When I woke up, my head was buried in the soft pillows as I stretched my hand out to grabble for my phone. Once I held onto it, I lifted my head up slightly and turned the screen on. My eyes squinted at the sudden flash of bright light and tapped on the first notification I saw on my phone. It was a text from Jax after he hung up the call last night. 

The corners of my lips tipped up into a smile before I pushed myself up and hopped right into the bathroom to freshen myself up. Picking up a pair of black tactical pants and a fitting cropped halter neck top of the same colour, I dressed quickly and slung the strap of my backpack over my shoulders and walked towards Vivienne's door.

"Hey Viv, get your pretty ass off the bed already!" I shouted from outside and immediately heard an unhappy grumble from the inside. Chuckling, I threw my bag on the nearby couch and entered the kitchen to pull on the fridge door.

"Thanks, charmer," I smiled towards Seth who was already sitting at the high table typing away on his laptop. Picking up a bottle of tea, I unscrewed the cap and said to him, "You know me the best."

"We're family," he responded while his eyes still staring fixedly on the screen and his fingers moved intensely on the keyboard. "It's hard to not know what kind of tea or what type of beer you guys drink."

Noticing his unusual nervy expression, I approached carefully, "What got you so worked up in the early morning?"

"This is so messed up," he vexed, focusing harder on the screen and his eyes continuously scanning through the millions of dots which had appeared randomly on his screen.

I walked close to him and turned him around, he flinched at my touch but I held firmly onto both sides of his shoulders as I faced him. Softening my voice, I requested, "Seth, talk to me."

There was a slight moment of hesitation before he admitted, "I hacked into Elysium's system."

I swore my heart stopped when I processed that Seth had breached into Elysium's system which could potentially land him in serious trouble. I stammered nervously, "Y-You what—"

"I had to find out about our forced transfer and guess what? I found it," he said, sounding displeased.

"No, charmer," I shushed him. "Hold up just a minute."

"Iva, listen to me—"

"Seth," I called out disapprovingly. "I told you many times that you can do whatever you want, except for intruding Elysium's system. It's not a joke for Gods' sake!"

"Iva!" Seth raised his voice suddenly. "You know why they transferred us? It's because high-class cacs and diabolos had been congregating amongst themselves! The last time they deployed a mass team mission to infiltrate into an infernal diabolos colony, they lost twelve elites overnight."

"Twelve?" I gasped.

"Do you get it now?" he snapped and I was taken aback because I hadn't seen him losing it for a very long while.

"And what are you planning to do after knowing all these?" I held onto his shoulder tighter, afraid that this boy had already done anything irreversible.

"Whatever that's in my power," Seth panicked. "There's no way I'm throwing you and Viv out there to get killed in their stupid plans."

"You're not going to do that."

"I am," he insisted.

"Seth!"

"Iva!" he shouted brusquely. "Don't you understand? I can't lose both of you!"

My heart ached from the words he said. Pulling his shoulders towards me, I pulled him into a hug and my fingers ran through his hair. I comforted, "Nothing's going to happen to us."

At this point, Vivienne had walked out of her room and towards us. She overheard the both of us and added, "Seth, Iva's right. Don't get yourself into trouble because we'll be fine."

"No matter what happens, we won't leave you alone," I assured, curling my fingers into his hair. "Don't be afraid."

Vivienne reached to pat on his back, trying to soothe his breathing and calm him down. We all fear what Seth had feared for us. To be honest, who isn't scared of dying? Even the best fighter loses in a fight with just a careless move. Especially in Elysium, there are only two ways around everything. It's either you die or you grief over those who died. 

"I'm sorry," he muttered, burying his head into my shoulder. "I wasn't rationalising and my emotions were all over the place."

"We'd still love you the same, Sethie," Vivienne ruffled the top of his head as she laughed. Seth was already red from his cheeks all the way to his ears as he slapped her hand away.

"It's Seth, not Sethie," he emphasised.

"Gone were the days that you'd chuckle adorably at the cute mention of Sethie," A small frown pulled at Vivienne's lips as she continued to tease Seth.

"That was years ago, Viv," Seth rolled his eyes at her. "Get over it." 

"Alright, we shall not tease you anymore," I smiled widely at Seth. "Viv and I need to report to Lethe and we'll see you soon, charmer."

He nodded but when we were almost out of the apartment, he pleaded, "Please, don't do anything stupid."

"We're too smart for that?" Vivienne and I shrugged our shoulders in unison before leaving the apartment through the main door. 

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(never let us fall, this is all i want)