( okay but no this chapter will make you all love me to bits )

RAIN
CHAPTER FIFTY NINE
❝FALLING DEEPER INTO THE NIGHT, A NEVER-ENDING PROMISE THAT YOU SENT OFF WITH A GOODBYE. EVEN THE RAIN IS FALLING SO DREADFULLY, I COPE WITH IT PAINFULLY, AS I WATCH AND STARE, IT'S POURING DOWN. I GO BACK TO TIMES WHEN YOU WERE STILL WITH ME, FALL INTO THE MEMORIES, I SEE YOU PERFECTLY APPEARING IN THE RAIN.❞

♔♔♔

      Hesitance was never Rosé's best suit. It made her feel vulnerable, weak, indecisive. It brought her to her knees as choices surrounded her, taunting her. The days of the past mocking her for being so stupid. Maybe it was because there were so many options that seemed too good to be true, so many results that were tempting.

      She was under contract at this point. It wasn't like she could tell Tom about the news beforehand. It was only ironic and coincidental that the day she tells Tom and the entire world is the day where she'd fly to another country. She wonders what Tom would think about her new occupation. There's no doubt that her best friend will be happy for her, but she couldn't help but wonder if he'd be mad about the fact that she was leaving without telling him.

      Because truth be told she's terrified. She's terrified of the future of their friendship and what it may hold for them. Maybe it's because there was no clear sight on what it may hold and maybe that's what frustrates her the most. There was no guarantee that she'll move on, there was no guarantee that he'll fall in love with, there was no guarantee that he won't find a new girlfriend.

      Camille Abbott was, no, is, the perfect girlfriend for Tom. She was amazing in almost every way that it's baffling that they broke up. Rosé honestly prepared herself to be the best man at Tom's wedding.

      Yes the best man, Harrison has absolutely nothing on her.

      It was almost this torturous game, the pain was really something she wasn't prepared for. It was obvious. She was preparing herself for the pain that may come along seeing her best friend get married, the pain of meeting more future girlfriends, the pain of realizing that there may be girls better than Camille Abbott.

      Because she can talk about moving on as much as she wants, it doesn't guarantee that she can, that she has the ability to do so. Words are just words until they're put into action, something she hasn't done yet.

      How hypocritical is it of her to preach self love and self worth when she herself hasn't even realized it. She can't say she'll move on when all she wants to do is find home in his arms once more. It's stupid, so stupid that she can't fix herself for her own sake.

      Maybe she's pathetic for running away, but was it so bad? Rosé knew she couldn't stay with him, be around him. The feelings won't go away, not when he's around, every fiber of her being screaming to stay with him, to tell him. She doesn't trust herself around him, not anymore. Not when her heart feels like it's being ripped apart whenever she's around him.

      Her feelings for Tom have always been subdued. Maybe it's because she was in Sydney whilst he resided in London. The distance was enough for her heart to calm itself, to take interest in other people, in other things, and herself.

      Maybe she'll actually be able to love herself on this self journey of hers.

      The world was changing and she has to change along with it. Her life wasn't going to be the same. Her father and step mother had gotten word that the apartment in Korea was official, meaning they were all moving back to their home country anyways. She was happy for her father who wanted to venture back into the world of acting and she was delighted for her mother whose music career was returning.

      She had gotten word that Kelsey had just signed a three year contract in New York City where her best friend will be writing music for a record label. Clara was going to study abroad in Japan for the next year. And as for Seth, well, he had just gotten a contract to take photos for a new upcoming vacation attraction in Hawaii.

      Everyone was changing, everything in her life is changing.

      Her flight was in approximately 45 minutes not including take off preparations and getting onto the plane. She's been waiting for about an hour with her mother, her emotional departure with her mother was long and full of ugly crying. But Annie Shin promised that after the movie shooting she'd fly to Seoul and help her move in.

      As for her brother, Noah tried his best to hide his emotions. The ride to the airport was when they said their goodbyes. They didn't want to raise suspicion among the cast and said their quick goodbyes and shared hugs the minute they checked in. 

      But it wasn't going to be long until they reunite.

      After all, Noah's company building is located in Gangnam, Seoul, South Korea. Not too far from where she lives.

      Many questions ran across her mind. One would be if she'd enjoy living in South Korea again. Another would be if things have changed since she had last gone. Does her grandparents still live in that apartment in Busan? Will her dialect be noticeable to Seoul natives? Will the people working with her on the drama even approve of her?

      "You're going to be fine, Rosie," she whispered to herself. She was sat in the waiting area with her carry on in front of her. A coffee sat on the table next to her but remain untouched. Caffeine would only make her more anxious and jittery, something no one really needed. It was going to be a 12 hour flight and despite being placed on first class this was going to be her first time traveling alone.

      What if you mess up?

      What if you ruin yourself with this?

      Can you even do this?

      You're going to be doing this alone.

      What if Tom doesn't forgive you for this?

      Don't go.

      Don't leave.

      Don't do this, Rosie.

      She shakily exhaled her breath as she tried to refrain from choking on her sobs. Rosé wrapped her arms around her waist as she tried to calm herself down. She didn't need a mental breakdown at the airport, not right now, not ever. She tried to push away the stares and whispers of onlookers, but all she wanted was someone to talk to her, someone to tell her that it'll be alright in the end.

      "Penny for your thoughts, love?" Rosé hastily looked up and wiped away the tears from her face. But the elderly lady who sat next to her gave her a sympathetic smile as she offered a tissue to the young woman. "It's alright, sweets, I won't tell anyone. Mind telling this old sap what's bothering you? It'll help."

      Rosé accepted the tissue and muttered a thanks, but she couldn't help but chuckle at the woman's comment and suggestive tone. She nodded as she wiped away the tears that stained her porcelain cheeks. "I'm moving back to my home country. It's difficult, especially since I'm going alone," she admitted, "I'm scared. I'm leaving my best friend, and I haven't even told him that I was leaving. He's in a different gate and he doesn't know — "

      "You need to tell him."

      "But — "

      "There is no buts, Miss," the elderly lady interrupted abruptly. She held her hand up and stopped Rosé from butting in. She was strict and firm in her decision. "You're justifying yourself with an excuse. I don't know how your friendship works, but I know human behavior. And humans can never survive without someone to support them. You clearly need someone to support you in this moment. He deserves to know the truth, and you deserve comfort."

      The elderly lady looked up and a small smile grew on her wrinkled face. She straightened her posture and cleared her throat. "It seems that you both have a tendency to run," she said as she turned Rosé's shoulders so she'd face the other way. "But I guess as much as you both run, you manage to find one another."

      Her words confused Rosé and she opened her mouth, ready to question the woman on what she meant. But her words remained in the back of her throat, her lips parted in disbelief, and her eyes widening at the sight in front of her.

      Tom found her.

      The actor's eyes were frantically searching the area, his arms by his sides as his hands continuously clenched and opened. A baseball cap was placed on his head, the bill low enough so his eyes were almost hidden. But Rosé could point her best friend out easily, no disguise hid him from her.

      Does it terrify you that you love him?

      For a moment she prayed. She wasn't religious. Her parents are both Buddhists, they believed in the higher beings and the after world. But for a moment she believed that there was a higher being up above listening to her request, simply awaiting for her, waiting for this moment where she asks for help.

      She prayed that he didn't see her, that he'd prove the old lady wrong that they don't always find one another. She prayed that he'd leave after not finding her, that he'd give up and look for her in another gate long enough that she'd be able to board the plane without confronting him.

      But they proved her wrong. Maybe it was karma for not being a true believer, for asking for help for a problem that isn't relevant.

      Because his eyes laid upon hers, those dark brown eyes meeting the warm, chocolate ones that held so much love and fear. And he watched her tentatively, almost as if he was trying to push away the disbelief that this isn't her. But it is. It's his best friend, it's Reyna sitting right there, it's Rosé who watched him.

      This wasn't a typical cliché, they couldn't afford it in their friendship. Let's say that this is some sort of cheesy love story. If Tom didn't have another flight to attend to he wouldn't be able to make it to the gates. Rosé hates reading stories about lovers meeting or stopping their loved ones from boarding the flight literally minutes before they board. This implies that somehow security allowed this person to get pass even if they have no reason to be. 

      The minute Rosé checks in she could pass and wait at the terminal, but the lover? No way.

      She didn't want a cliché, she wanted something far from that. She wants reality, she wants life, she doesn't want this watered down story. Not now, not ever. But life loves to prove her wrong in times like this.

      She could blame the universe for this, but what she doesn't know is that the higher beings have listened to her request. This was their granted wish, this was them pushing Rosé to chase after her own happiness for once.

      The artist rose from her seat and walked towards her friend. The elderly lady reassured that she'd watch the young lady's carry on, but in reality the grandmother wanted her to leave so she could watch this Korean drama play out in front of her eyes.

      Rosé wiped her sweaty palms against her sweats, her eyes lowered onto the ground as they refused to meet Tom. Maybe it was because she knew that if she looked into his eyes that it'd reveal hidden emotions she wasn't ready to understand. Or maybe it was because she couldn't look at the betrayal in his eyes, because she knows what she had done.

      She knew what look betrayal looks like in his eyes. Betrayal in his eyes are pain that wasn't meant to be brought out, light brown eyes turning dark, and this hardened shell over the beautiful color. 

      The Korean girl remembers because this wouldn't be the first time he felt betrayed by her. The first would be when she told him the news that they were moving to Sydney. Rosé swore that she saw a hint of anger towards her that resonated inside those eyes, those eyes that wanted to hate her more than anything else.

      But he didn't. He could've been immature and left without saying another word, he could've ended their friendship right then and there and let her leave.

      But he didn't.

      "Rosie," Tom breathed out with a brokenness to his tone. The actor didn't hesitate to walk towards his friend with open arms and engulf her into a tight hug. He buried his face into her right shoulder, his arms around her waist. But this hug felt different, this hug felt hesitant, full of uncertainty.

      But something has changed, something drastic.

      For she no longer smells like lavender.

      "Tom," she whispered in disbelief, her hands slowly finding their way around his abdomen. But realization struck her and forced her to pull herself away and take a step back. "W-What are you doing here?"

      "Why are you going to Seoul?" was the first thing he blurted out. And whilst Rosé was focused on his sudden question she didn't notice the begging, desperate tone that he spoke with. She didn't notice the beads of sweat that glistened his forehead or his dry lips that he'd run over with his tongue.

      Rosé fumbled as she took her phone out. She pulled up the article with the news and her picture was clear on the screen. "I'm sorry, I know I should've told you, but I was under contract and — "

      "Reyna."

      Panic arose inside of her, or that could be her breakfast that was itching up her throat. She opened her mouth, ready to ask the dreaded question of if he read her book. But before she could Tom took her phone out of her hands and typed something. 

      What she saw was something she never expected.

      Tom stared at her as her eyes took in his unread messages. He swallowed the large lump in his throat as he recited a line from his memory, something he couldn't forget. "The whole reason why we're on this Earth, why we're living, why we're even here, is we're all trying to find out purpose on this Earth. We're all searching for the reason why we're here together.

      "You taught me that, Reyna," he whispered.

      "Theo?" Rosé asked in a small voice, but she knew now that standing in front of her isn't just her best friend, it was her Theo.

      It couldn't be a coincidence, Rosé was sure that the universe was playing some shitty game on her and turned the cards around. Because she always thought she had control of everything, her feelings, her hidden desires, and her identity as Reyna Cohen. She will always be Reyna Cohen, there's no hiding that.

      Rosé was different from other authors. She was similar in the fact that she created a character after herself, but instead of using bits and pieces of herself she practically poured her own being onto the book. Reyna was exactly like Rosé, there wasn't any altercation to make Reyna a better version of herself. The Korean artist didn't see that happening, because if she was going to tell a story she was going to tell it in an accurate way.

      No artificial characters.

      No hidden motives.

      Just Reyna and Theo.

      "You're Theo from New York?" she whispered in disbelief as Tom placed the phone into her hand. She glanced down at the message before she looked back at him with horror in her eyes. How could this have happened? She was in control of everything, how could she have possibly slipped up to allow this to happen?

      "And you're Reyna from London," Tom replied in a soft, broken tone. A sad smile lingered on his handsome face as he took his phone out of his pocket. He brought up his Twitter app before he showed her the identical messages. "I — I know that this is important to you, believe me, but I've been going out of my mind since you last spoke to me. And now you're leaving me, both as Rosie and Reyna. Please tell me that this is a sick joke."

      "Tom, I need to do this. It's a big opportunity and I'll regret it if I let this slide," Rosé shook her head, her arms hugging her waist, her fingers pinching the bare skin that was revealed from her cropped sweatshirt. "College isn't for me, not at the moment. And neither is the Hollywood industry. The Korean film industry is something I understand more of, something I watched as a kid."

      Tom pinched the bridge of his nose before he let out an exasperated sound of frustration. "That's not what I'm asking you to do! I'd never ask you to give up on your dreams, you know that," Tom stated firmly. "But that's not what I'm talking about, Rosie. You and I both know that you mean well on your words. You're leaving and there's no chance of you us ever returning back to normal the minute you get back."

      "That's not true!"

      "Is it? Because you said goodbye to me three times: your subliminal message in the book, through Twitter as Reyna, and right now," Tom snapped harshly, the veins on his neck bulging as he tried to keep his voice low. But what Rosé didn't notice was the tears held in his eyes and the crack in his voice. "I can't do this without you, I need you to help me through this."

      Rosé shakily exhaled the breath she held for so long, "But Theo doesn't need Reyna — "

      "I'm not Theo, Rosie!" Tom interrupted her loudly. He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her before he brought her close and forced her to look him in the eyes. He shook his head and swallowed the large lump in his throat before he lowered his voice, "If you honestly think that I can live without you then fuck our friendship, fuck all those years okay! Because that means you don't know me if you think I can live without you."

      "You don't love me, Tom. You love Reyna, and I'm not her," his best friend argued only to be cut off by his laughter.

      "I like this girl who speaks wonders, I like this girl who draws chibi versions of her characters, I like this girl who tells me I'm stupid," Tom listed, "I like this girl who doesn't mind having late night conversations with me, who's always there for me. I like you, Rosé."

      "You're saying that because you think I'm Reyna and I'm not — "

      "I've liked you all along, I just never realized it until now," Tom cut her off. He gave her a sad smile before he squeezed her shoulders gently. "I swear, I do. It's not something I just realized or something I'm just feeling, I felt this for a long time. Why did you think I hate Seth, the same Seth who is the perfect boyfriend, who could've made you happy. I like you, I swear I do."

      The Korean girl tried to ignore the happy swelling in her chest, the racing of her heart, and the tightness in her stomach at his words. She should be happy, beyond happy at this words, but she wasn't. Because this was still a goodbye at the end of the day. She needs to find herself before she finds love with him. She's loved him for so long that all her love has been projected onto him, not once did she leave a single ounce for herself. 

      She cannot go back on her word because of his words. She has to stay strong, she has to go through with her words.

      Because let's say that they end up together, let's say that they do find one another in each other's arms. But that doesn't guarantee that they'll be together forever, that they won't have arguments or that they won't fall out of love. Because who knows, maybe their feelings are stronger right now in this moment, but that feeling isn't going to last. 

      There was no certainty that they'll end up together, that they'll be each other's last. But if she finds herself, if she learns to love herself, she'd be okay. Because if they end up broken, at least she won't be in pieces.

      "I like you too," she whispers, a small smile on her face. Tom grin from ear to ear at her words, his hands sliding up, one holding the back of her neck whilst the other cupped her left cheek. Hesitantly she leaned against his hand with her eyes closed. "God, I like you so much for so long. I can't believe that this is actually happening."

      "I'll wait for you," he promised her softly, his lips finding her forehead. He pressed them against the soft skin and found it difficult to remove himself from her.

      "I can't do that to you. Who knows what'll happen in Seoul and — "

      "It doesn't matter, Rosie. You've waited for me for much longer, I can do the same," he mused quietly as his lips twitched upwards. The actor shook his head and couldn't help but press a kiss on her forehead again. "I trust you."

      "I might not be the same girl — "

      "It's okay, Rosie," he reassured her once more, a laugh following after his comment. Tom grinned at the worried expression on her face and leaned forward, his nose brushing against her own. They both closed their eyes as they tried to savor this sweet moment knowing that it'll be awhile until they can do this once more. "I like you. Do you like me?"

      "You know I do."

      "Then that should be enough. We can do this. I'll wait for you. It doesn't have to be official, we can take it slow. I'm not rushing anytime soon."

      Rosé nodded, finally calming down and agreeing to his words. She giggled, her breath of air fanning against his lips.

      "This is so crazy," she claims.

      Tom found himself laughing in agreement. But as their laughter died down, their hearts still ran wild and alive. 

      Berlin was their city, Berlin will remember even if they don't. 

      Because in Berlin Tom found love in this girl named Reyna Cohen. He found this amazing girl who he felt like could understand him, give him words he needed to hear, someone who didn't need to see him to understand him. He found love in his best friend.

      Because in Berlin Rosé realized she needed self love. She found this path of self love knowing that this was a road she needed to take. And she was able to understand that she can't expect people to love her back no matter how much she wants. She found love in herself.

      "Can I?" he whispered softly, his eyes remain closed not wanting to watch the reaction on her face.

      "Yes."

      Tom leaned in to close the distance, his lips searching for hers until they landed on them. She was no longer hesitated, he learned this as she kissed him back with just as much passion and love. Slightly chapped lips met soft tender ones.

      Kissing him was like finding the answer to the question she thought would be left unanswered.

      The hand on the back of her neck brought her closer, the taste of his mouth intoxicating and suffocating. The taste of coffee and peppermint gum making way into her own mouth. The smell of him strong and nipping her harshly. There was this hesitance that once was present, but disappeared the minute they kissed.

      Their kiss was slow and full of revelations. He kissed her like he's never kissed a girl before, like he was having his first kiss all over again. Because this was a new kiss, an unknown territory that he was stepping into. She kissed him in a way that almost made it dangerous as the tip of her tongue swept across his lips.

      They were going to be okay, maybe not right now, maybe not for a long time.

      But they will be okay.

      Because they read the book and realized something:

      There were no more blurred lines.

♔♔♔

A/N;

I swear to God I just finished this update and I'm just going to publish it. I'm not even going to wait, I need to post this for you guys. Because I'm so proud of this. This story became something bigger than I ever hoped.

It became me.

I guess it sounds silly, but hear me out: this book became more than a fanfic, more than a story about a girl and a boy falling in love. It became advice I could give, issues I was able to address through this book. And I can't be more proud of the outcome and support I've received for this book.

So from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Dedicated to zellasdays for the beautiful cover!

Much Love Guys.

( written: october 1, 2017)
( published: october 1, 2017 )