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6 - NOT YOUR FAULT

"GOD, I'M PATHETIC."

Rhett didn't even bother looking up from where he was going over his students' schoolwork on the couch, raising an eyebrow as he peered over his non-prescription glasses, asking in a deadpan tone, "Oh no, Nicky. What is it this time?"

The younger man turned to look at his roommate from where he was sprawled out on the couch, face buried in the cushions. "I'm a twenty-six year old virgin who's never dated anyone and is gonna die alone. This isn't a 'this time' crisis, Rhett, this is a life crisis."

"Nicky, if you tried, you'd find a whole line of people willing to sleep with you," Rhett said, still not looking up, "Hell, I'll sleep with you. So would Steve."

He wrinkled his nose at the thought, though it did pique his interest. "Mmm...no, I'm okay. Don't get me wrong, a few years back, I definitely would, but now...I don't know."

"I'll pretend I wasn't hurt by that," Rhett continued to deadpan, "Though I have to ask, why haven't you slept with anyone. I mean, you've certainly had the opportunity, didn't Reed Richards try sleeping with you once? When he got super drunk. Again."

Nicky smiled at the memory, if not more than a bit uncomfortable. "I just didn't want to. Like, Steve is hot, but I don't feel any desire to sleep with him. Or anyone I know for that matter."

"You could just sleep with them for the hell of it," Rhett pointed out, "Though, I guess that requires some desire. Why don't you want to, I mean, he's attractive enough."

Nicky didn't know how he was going to explain to his roommate that, unless he had strong emotional ties to a person, there wasn't any real feasible way he was going to feel any desire to sleep with them. Of course, he had a strong connection with Rhett, but like he said, the desire to be with him had left him long ago.

"Do you want me to sleep with him?" Nicky asked, trying to divert the focus ever so slightly, "I mean, he is with you."

Rhett shrugged. "Sharing is caring."

Before Nicky could even try to find a response, there was the sound of the door opening, shocking the two into action, unsure of who to expect on the other side. To their surprise, they found Peter walking in, his jacket hood pulled over his head and his eyes downcast.

"I'm here for my appointment?" he said, almost sounding unsure like usual if not for his downtrodden tone.

Nicky was immediately worried, standing up and leading him to the room off to the side where he held his sessions with Diana and Harry, whenever the boy decided he wanted to talk. He nodded over to Rhett who had looked up, giving Peter a small smile, the boy trying and failing to return it.

The room was small and insignificant at best, but had a cozy feel to it, if not a more sterilized one, what with the completely white room and small window to the far side, the only furniture inside being a couch and a chair that Nicky had to shift around every so often, a small table towards the other wall, closer to the door and an empty bookshelf pressed up into the corner.

"What's wrong?" Nicky asked, taking a seat across from the boy who flopped onto the couch, hands shoved in his jacket pockets.

Peter Parker, sophomore at Midtown High and Spider-Man, Nicky worried about the boy constantly, not only because of his own knowledge of what he did, but because of what he heard from Diana and the boy's aunt, whom he also saw as a patient. Carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, Nicky sometimes wished he could shove him onto a plane and force him to take a vacation.

The boy sniffed, wiping at his eyes. "I don't know, I just—I went to visit Ben's grave because Diana visits her parents all the time and I felt bad that I don't visit him, but there's a reason I don't. It hurts too much."

Nicky frowned as he watched the boy fight back tears. "We all handle grief differently, Peter, don't force yourself to go see him if you don't want to."

"But I do want to!" he cried, tears welling up in his eyes, "Why wouldn't I want to see him again, he's my uncle, I miss him. I know May goes to see him all the time and it's no good for her. She acts like she's over him, but she still keeps his stuff there and his side is still empty on the bed. His reading glasses are still on his nightstand—" he stopped, choking on his words as tears began to fall down his cheeks; he was a crier, Nicky had discerned that almost instantly when they first started their sessions.

Peter held up his left hand, showing a ring on his finger, "So I gave Diana one of these for Christmas, right? It's so she knows I'm always gonna support her even if we're not dating and all that, and I got the idea from Ben, 'cause May told me about it when I was trying to find a present."

He sighed, shaking his head, laughing mirthlessly. "She wears the ring on this necklace and she never takes it off, it's right there with her wedding ring."

Nicky licked his lips, trying to understand where the boy was heading with this. "Are you upset about that?"

"Of course," Peter breathed, "I'm upset that he's gone, that May's life is ruined and it's all my fault—"

That broke him. Nicky watched as the boy's body wracked with sobs, an involuntary jolt as the words finally came out, he finally said what he never wanted to admit, no matter how many times he told himself. Finally saying it out loud, his body had to react. He shuddered and sobbed as he finally came to terms with what had been eating at him for over a year.

"Peter," Nicky sighed, "That wasn't your fault—"

"I let him get away!" Peter screamed, "I told myself it was the cop's business, not mine, I could've stopped him, he was right there! But I let him get away and he killed Ben and ruined my life! He ruined mine and he ruined May's and it's all my fault!"

Nicky watched as the boy devolved, pulling in on himself as he cried, knees pressed up to his chest, shifting on the couch as tears streamed down his cheeks, gasping for breath as he let go of so much build-up he'd had for so long.

"It's not your fault," Nicky finally said as the boy slowly calmed down, "You made a mistake, but you're not the one who killed him."

"But I'm the reason why he was there!" Peter cried, "You don't understand—"

"No, I understand," Nicky interrupted, not allowing the boy to fall too far into his thoughts, "Trust me, I understand, my biological dad killed someone, trust me, I know what I'm talking about. You were not the reason he was there. He was gonna be there whether or not you were Spider-Man. You're the reason why they didn't catch him, that was a mistake, but you're not the reason why he's dead."

"You just said that I am!" Peter argued, "You just said that I'm the reason they didn't catch him. Because of that, he got away and he shot my uncle. I'm done trying to hear you tell me that it's not my fault."

Nicky sighed harshly, shrugging. "Fine. Okay. Yeah, it was your fault. It's your fault he's dead. What, do you want me to call the police? You-you want everyone to come up to you and spit in your face because you let him get away, tell you you're a despicable human? Should all the people you care about leave you because you're a terrible person who doesn't deserve love? What are you trying to say, Peter?"

Tears welled up in the boy's eyes and Nicky wondered if he had gone too far. But he quickly saw that, now, he was frustrated, angrily stammering and searching for words that weren't coming, trying to argue his case, yet having no idea of what it was anymore.

"I want him back," he finally whispered, the hoarse, desperate sound of a broken boy, "Everyone thinks I've moved on, but I haven't. I want him back."

"You can't keep beating yourself up for this, Peter," he said, voice so soft he could barely hear it himself, "You have to let it go."

"But I don't want to let him go," the boy countered, "I-I don't want to forget him."

"You never have to," Nicky pressed, "But you can't let the guilt eat at you, it'll kill you. Please, Peter, just try."

He sniffed. "Can we change the subject. Please?"

Nicky sighed, rubbing his hands together. "Okay. Uh...how's the Spidey stuff going? May taking it well?"

Peter laughed softly. "She's not thrilled and it took me forever to convince her, but I think I got her to push. It's going fine, Mr. Stark's suit is super great, and I still go see Diana to help fix me up, so there's no worries there."

Nicky smiled. "That's great, Peter. Glad you're doing fine there. How's school?"

º º º

By the time Peter left, they had gone nearly an hour over their intended time, but Peter hadn't had a session in nearly two weeks, so it wasn't a surprise that they had a lot to talk about. By that time, Diana had arrived, so they just stayed in the living room, not wanting to leave just yet.

"Hey, Rhett," Diana said, looking up from where she was lying sprawled across Peter who was lying longways on the couch, "Is Steve dropping by?"

"Probably, he came over for dinner two days ago, I'd like him to come back," Rhett said, leaning over the back of the couch and smiling at the blonde, "Why, you wanna steal my boyfriend?"

"Is that an option?" she asked, sitting up quickly, failing to notice the displeased expression on her boyfriend's face, "Because I would love to."

"He's twenty-nine," Nicky pointed out from where he was pouring himself some juice.

"He's Captain America," she countered with a wide grin, and Nicky had to wonder if it was genuine or not; a girl like her, sometimes she forced herself to smile, and not for the same reasons why he did.

Peter sat up and dropped his head to the back of his neck, mumbling something which sounded suspiciously like, "I'm Spider-Man," which elicited a snort from both adults in the room.

"He's also coming for dinner," Rhett said, checking his phone with a surprised expression, turning to look at Nicky.

"And he's bringing Sam."











AUTHOR'S NOTE

Wow, an ending I'm proud of! I'm sorry this was a pure filler chapter, but I wanted to show Nicky doing his job, and this was a much shorter chapter than before, but I promise it'll pick up again soon.

The reason I wrote this was mainly because I felt bad for not acknowledging in Lonely Hearts that Peter and May are still trying to recover from Ben's death, so I figured I'd show it here. Makes more sense since Nicky's a psychologist. I really wanted to show how he has a foot in every single aspect of the Avenger's characters, except for maybe Thor.

That's all I have to say is...thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!

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