13
s t a y

There is something in me. Something in him as well. And bang, they break open the night.

Noah presses his tongue into my mouth. This. This is what steals my breath. He cups my face, his thumb caressing my cheeks. His hand digs into my hair as it runs down like stroking a stream of calm river. The kiss is comforting in ways that words will never be. His breath becomes faster as it resounds through the stillness around us, and before I realize, my heart is thumping heavily, echoing his breath. I've never had a kiss like this before, a kiss so gentle but passionate.

I think I've been keeping my guard up for what feels like forever, but tonight—or today—is simply not the case. I find myself thinking over and over about how Noah stares at me. And hell, his lips on me is probably what I need most now.

I tangle my hand into his nest of hair and pull him toward me.

My head is throbbing. So hard. That everything in me is going to shoot out and dash in circles.

"Riley," he mumbles between breaths, prolonging my name as if to savor it, his lips still attached to mine.

I smile, my heart fluttering at his voice. I want to hear that voice beside me every night.

I wish we could stay at this moment.

»»————-　➴　————-««

My vision is blocked by my strand of hair, blown by the breeze and floating in the air. I lean against the highway fence again, standing at the exact same spot before we kissed.

My lips still feel warm. I'm not sure how long we've broken apart, but the only thing I know is that my head is spinning. It's like I'm wandering between reality and dream.

I hear a cough next to me, it sounds a bit faint. "Um, so..." Noah starts.

I school my face into a nonchalant mask. "So..." I manage to say, despite my heart ricocheting inside my chest.

"That's... a kiss." He chuckles, his index finger tapping against the fence.

"Yup."

The air stays still as another car speeds on the road behind us. Now that's the definition of awkward.

But the kiss has to mean something, right? Technically, he kissed me first.

I suck in a deep breath and ask, "Why did you kiss me?"

Noah drops his head. My heart sinks as well, why is he not saying anything? Either this question is too abrupt, or render him an image of me being too desperate.

He sighs. "I— I couldn't help it."

I fall silent. Biting my lips, I continue to ask, "So, we're... all good now?"

"Yes. We should... get going?" He sounds hesitant.

My eyebrows slightly crinkle together as my mind reels. That's it? Is he not going to talk about what we're now? What we will be?

With a blink of an eye, Noah starts heading back to the car. I'm startled, and after a moment of confusion, I grab his wrist to stop him from talking. "Wait!"

He stops, turning around to face me. Gazing down at our hands, I hastily let go of my hand. How did we go from kissing to this?

"Riley, I— let's get inside first." Noah tilts his head toward his car.

I deflate. Getting back to the car, I slump into the passenger seat, letting out a heavy breath. When Noah closes the car door as he gets in as well, I look out of the window.

"Riley," he calls, his voice soft, filling the stillness here.

I slowly turn back to him, not sure how I should face him. Our eyes meet again, our breaths are the only thing that I can hear now.

You never know what comes after something, but tonight is mine. I left my mother for my own good, and I'm going to make a choice tonight.

"Noah, I don't have to leave tomorrow," I say,

He widens his eyes. I can feel my heartbeats echo in my temples.

"You don't?" he whispers.

I nod, swallowing a lump. "I— you know, I still have a week until school starts."

A light realization dawns on his face. Glancing up, he breathes in deeply and closes his eyes.

"Riley." My name rolls over on his tongue like silk. "I'll drive you back to the airport tomorrow morning."

My head pulls back in confusion, and a ball of frustration starts welling up in my chest. Did he just ignore my question and... say that he'll just let me go like that?

"You... don't want me to stay?" My voice is weak.

He rubs his face with his hands. "It's over," he says as he sighs into his palms.

I'm stunned to silence by his words. He's just going to let that kiss go when I just had the courage to make my own choice?

"What the hell do you mean by it's over? What even does that kiss mean to you?" I raise my voice, it slices through the silence. I need an explanation.

"Look, Riley, it means a lot to me. It's the best kiss I've ever had—"

"Okay! And? You're just gonna let me go like that?" I can't refrain from making an outburst.

Noah stares into my eyes, his breath shaky as he knits his eyebrows together. "It's not like that, Riley, it's just—"

"What?"

He sighs. "I don't want anyone to be heartbroken because of me."

I widen my eyes. I can't believe it, and I don't understand too. "What do you mean? You think I'll be heartbroken because of you?"

"I told you," he says, staring intensely at me, "I'm dangerous, no one knows what will happen to me."

"Do you think I mind?"

My words hang in the air, they make him pause.

I continue, "You're not supposed to just kiss me and tell me that we can't do anything about it." I don't even want to talk about the dangerous topic now. All I want is him.

Another pause.

"I'm sorry," Noah simply says.

This night sure takes a turn for the worst fast. My stomach twists and turns. I prop my elbow onto the side as I look outside.

"You know what?" I say after God knows how long after, waving my hand in the air. "It's my fault, okay? I shouldn't have agreed to come with you, and nothing would've happened. No kiss, no having—" I almost say "having feeling for you", but I stop before it happens.

"Riley, no, listen—"

"I knew it, I knew you're just a freaking passenger in my life. And hell! I'm just any other girl you meet! Also, I don't know you, man, how could I even assume that there's something between us, right? We just met." I'm practically yelling, my voice becomes strained as hot tears start to block my vision.

Noah is clearly stunned, but I don't care. I can't care about him now.

"I told you everything about me, Noah, I told you about my mom! Urgh, I've never told anyone about that. If you're just going to walk out of my life like that, go ahead!"

When I finish my sentence, I turn and yank open the car door, walking out of the suffocating car. It's mid-August, the summer night breeze is supposed to be cool, but it cuts on my cheek now, the pain mingling with the tears that flow out of my eyes.

a/n
i might update 2 chapters at one time in the next update, and that'll be the end of this book! thank you so much for sticking around, it really means a lot to me. i love you all! <3