Nothing is good about the human world. Wants, needs, the desire of it all, it's just pointless. The world just slowly repeats, and repeats, and repeats, and repeats all over again. It's boring and tiring. I'm tired, tired of it all! Being tired is boring and painful.

Looking for validation in people who could give two shits about you, having friends who'll end up stabbing you in the back, lovers cheating because you're not good enough, and what is called your supposed "family" disown through the whole process. What good is there to life itself?

I don't want to be here anymore. I'm all alone with nobody, I never had any friends, my family is dead, and of course I never had a lover. Who would want someone as useless as me? That's why my family had left before they all died.

All I have left is a bunch of money. I'm surprised that I was even on the will to begin with. What's the point of having all of this money when I have no one to share it with? Money is pointless without the need of it, so I might as well donate it to charity. The money will help people in need, so that's good.

Now, what am I going to do? I already established I don't want to be here, living and breathing, but how am I going to end it? There is that mountain that everyone talks about. Apparently some people went missing every time they went up there.

What if I were to go missing? Would the people down here actually care? Who cares about them, the mountain isn't that far and the view is pretty. So will the fall... shut up voice.

Mountain...here I come. Maybe you'll give me a reason to live or die.

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The mountain really is pretty, well the view from the mountain is. I haven't gone all the way to the top yet, I want to enjoy my last moments here. While people here are ugly, the scenery is always beautiful, such a sight to see.

The sun is setting, sunsets are always pretty. For me, they symbolize the falling of a person. The sun rises, sets, then night comes. Just like a celebrity, they rise, stay, and then fall, meaning death or they died.

That sounds pretty bad and it is. Well that isn't my fault it's true. I'm... rambling, stalling for the painful death that awaits me. I want the pain to end, but I'm still clinging on to that bit of hope.

Hope. That word that's always stuck with me. Even if life had got the best of me, I always had hope. The feeling that I clinged onto, it was always with me. I'm sorry hope, I failed you just like you failed me. Thanks for being like a friend to me, after all I never had any.

Maybe in the next life, you won't fail me. Although, I don't think you failed me, maybe it was my luck that interfered with your work. The luck I have has taken away everything from me. I'm tired of being alone.

Twenty-two years I've been here and I spent sixteen alone. Sixteen years of isolation, no human contact, interaction, no nothing. I can't stand it anymore, so I will climb the rest of this mountain. Nobody will care anyways, plus this mountain is very high up.

.

.

.

Should I be concerned for myself?

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Why the hell did I think it would be a good idea to climb this mountain, knowing I don't like heights?! I'm so fucking stupid! This hole is huge! What if I accidentally slip in there, that's instant death. Well, I did come here for a reason, but I can die a different way.

The air up here is salty, just like my life. For some reason I just want to jump off this mountain and into the hole. Nobody will ever find me, it's not like they'll throw a funeral for me anyways.

I don't think I can do this anymore. I can't do it like this, as much as falling is an easy death, I can't stand heights. Heights killed my parents, well the plane did, but the plane was in the air so it still counts. I'm stalling again, but this time I'm contemplating.

I want to live but I want to die. Should I waste these twenty-two years I spent breathing to stop it, or keep going? Keep being alone or end it all? I hate being alone but dying alone is worse. Fuck it, I'll kill myself another day.

This mountain has too many vines and the fall looks deep. I should be careful, if I trip over one of these I will fall. I mean, I don't really have a problem with it. Death is death, and I had it coming.

What makes a death better? By using the person's fear. Wouldn't that be satisfying to the killer, using your own fear against you? In this case, if I were to trip over a vine, my killer, my luck, would use the fear of heights to get me. Isn't that clever!?

Once again I'm rambling in my own thoughts, no wonder I'm not likeable. I should just leave, yeah i'll just leave. Goodbye mountain, you have a pretty sight but it's a shame I couldn't die today.

I began to walk away, unfortunately I truly did trip over a vine. "Awe shit". As long as I don't fall backwards, I should be good. Hopefully. I struggled to get the vine off my ankle. Inside, I was panicking just slightly as I was very close to the edge.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck" I muttered. The vine wouldn't untangle. My foot is so close to the edge— I slipped. The air got even saltier as I was falling. I didn't scream, there was no point, but I couldn't breathe. It felt like a panic attack, maybe it was.

Even so, it doesn't matter. I'll spend my last moments falling into a dark abyss. Falling wasn't so bad, though I'm not sure how long I'll be falling for. So I'll just keep falling, it's not like I can do anything else but fall.

In the end, I ended up dying alone. Wow, pretty fucking ironic. I'm throwing away the twenty-two years I spent here away. I wonder what my parents would think, if they knew their child committed suicide. Hey mom, dad, I'm sorry that I failed you. I hope we'll be together in the next life. So now I die with my final breath and words. "I'm sorry". 

Finished on: 05/05/21
Published on: 12/25/21