Fear.

I figured I'd soon feel it inside me. Brewing, waiting for the right time to appear and wreck my whole life.

Pathetic.

How did things turn for the worst? All I ever wanted was simple. Everything was because I wanted to feel loved. But why, why, why why why do I feel the opposite instead?

I never wanted this. But I am a very unstable person. Funny how nice and good the feeling gets but sours when it's done. I feel empty. It's a complicated feeling. I knew better. God I knew better than give in to such things, but I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm guilty of something I can't even share.

I don't know what I should do.

I want to turn back time. That was a mistake. I'm sorry.

I really wanted to end this suffering. Please let me end this.

But why why why is it resurfacing again?

I only ever wanted to disappear.