I think about friends and how the anime movie AnoHana portrayed the meaning of it. They were meant to be open with each other, or were they not?

I do not know what I wanted to write but something inside me just felt so right about writing this whole stuff down in the middle of an early morning. My heart is aching and it's not about those wretched heart-love sort of thing, it was about a friend of mine who I had no idea I would be very close with since grade 6. Everything just clicked into place when we ended up with the same high school and with the same class.

The thing about that isn't because of us being close, but because I never really considered the possibility of us being labeled as best friends unknowingly to us until this ungodly hour.

So I had this best friend way back elementary days, and I am very surprised I still label her as my best friend when we clearly never hang out with each other anymore, much less contact each other through social media. I don't know the issue about this strange predicament I'm hell-bent on resolving within my mind and conviction, but the thing is that, I am very sad at the moment.

I miss her, she was the kindest and most genuine friend I ever had since I existed in this world. Most of the friends I've had were a blur compared to her. But why the hell am I regretting not talking to her about this whole best friend thing when clearly it never did mattered (the whole labels and stuff).

Maybe it's because I might have been having this little episode of jealousy over her and her new found 'barkada' in her new school life and well, maybe it's because of the realization that she, too, was now drifting farther away from me like what the others ended up doing in my life.

Come and go.

I hate that cycle. She's finally having a new circle of friends, and this time, I am not included. Maybe she felt that way too, with our mindsets exchanged, and I would really want to tell her I never really did find it fitting for me to 'fit' in with the others in this new place.

If I were asked who I'd pick to be my bestest girl buddy forever, then I will never doubt myself and pick her.

I miss my real best friend so much I want to cry myself out, if only for "them" to show up and be mean to me and we'll bully each other especially Kai-kun and

Oh God, I miss them so much I want things to go back and stay that way, over and over again, except that would've been wishful thinking.

Everything's changed and I find it harder to keep up with the flow and am likely drowning in all the sad memory in my mind.

I'm sad.