I'm now hanging on a thread.

Every bit of myself is in agony. The kind of agony that doesn't want to go nicely. I am in a stupor of sadness without even an actual cause. My spirit is in a haze, wanting to turn into fire and just burn everything down. I do not have the knowledge of breathing, barely able to breathe for some time, but today, it's gone livid. Happiness is beyond me. I always thought I could smile every anger off, every sadness in me is nothing if I could just smile my way over. Every mask I've put in my face was a version of a dose of happiness in me but now I'm finding all these masks in a grave and terrible reality. I've spoken enough odes and melodies to take this terrible emotion away, to keep it at bay, or even just a shoulder away from me. I've tried everything, even silence was a remedy for the shouts of sadness.

My soul is in a terrifying shift. It's agonizing. It's beginning to spin to me a war I would never get fond of fighting over. To kill is a reprieve of some sort of an ideal freedom. I am beginning to lose the battle over sanity. I don't want to get my hopes wandering out of me. I don't want to feel useless again. I do not want to balk in fear of others stepping over my unguarded heart. I do not want to kneel down on the grass of death and decay. I can't barely stomach the stench of sadness, but I'm also afraid that things would even go uncontrollable any more than it is now.

Please help me. It's like I'm lying on crossroads waiting for a car to swerve ang drive me over, repeatedly. Every death wish is now a step away, embracing me as if I was it's long lost friend. It seems to me death is and will always be my companion. Pity those who balked at his existence. This new profound feeling is too sweet and I am beginning to be intoxicated with its taste. I can't back down now. It's too late for help. I could only wish for time to not take me so lightly. I could only wish for more time to make amends with my enemies and to make promises to all who loved me and me to them that whatever happens to me, I still wished them longer life that I was not able to enjoy much longer. "Olvídame," I say. "Forget me," and they'll remember nothing but that.