Why are brothers so overrated?

I mean, I get it. I do get why having an older brother is considered 'cool' enough, but that's because the people who said that never really experienced having an older brother for real, or they've read too many stories that basically worship big brothers, or they're still stuck in their prepubescent mindset.

No, they're not the kind of people in your fantasies who would treat you like their princess nor pamper you with absolutely anything nicer than what they generally give to their girlfriends. No, they're not some silly big brother princes who would gladly provide their sister a knight in shining armor (does that even makes sense?).

They're barbarians. Total losers. And I actually adored and gratified my brother way too much when I was still a kid. Turns out I'm boasting someone who's too inconsiderate enough to not think about his wallflower sister's feelings.

Why, you ask, am I thinking about them like they're the least group of people I'd wholly keep for myself, ever?

You see, I once looked up to him so much when I was a kid. Growing up, I used to tell my friends how awesome my brother is, how nice it feels to have someone call you "little sis", how amazing my life is because someone treats me like I'm the only baby girl that matters. I used to boast his cool personality, how he excelled in his class, how popular he was in the university, how he's so respectable towards ladies, how family-oriented he was, and how he treats everyone with absolute kindness other girls with big brothers would certainly get jealous. He was so kind. He was very well-mannered and was good tempered person.

In short, the perfect bro I could ever ask for.

Growing up, I knew he thought I was the perfect sister ever too. I always wanted to be like him (the girl version kind of him). I did my best to be excellent enough in my classes. To be responsible enough that he and my parents would be very proud of my achievements. He was my role model. The perfect sibling unlike my big sister who treated me like an enemy. Being the eldest, he was also very protective with us.

How I wish things stayed the way they did back then.

He graduated, got a job that required him to travel the world, said his good-byes, lived his life independently for nine months and then travelled home to stay for awhile and give his regards. His new cycle became his new reality. He was moving further away I can't dare reach him anymore.

At first, I was mortified with the idea of him going away. I was a kid for goodness's sake. No one could blame me for wanting to grow up with a family still intact. 'It's too soon,' I thought.

I sometimes blame myself for being the youngest child. Life is too unfair. So, so unfair.

I then realized why my family babied me so much. Because in the end, I'll be the only one left. In the end, I'll be the only child who never did have a long time to enjoy with her family. I'll be the kid who'll experience people coming and going earlier than the others.

It's like somebody robbed me the chance of enjoying life of being loved by a family.

Too soon.

Anyway, my brother slowly changed into someone I can never recognize. The end. - I'm ending it because I can't bear to type this anger anymore. It's too painful. It's eating what little happiness I had left. Speculate whatever you want. Opinions about brothers do not matter to me anymore. My heart will forever be frozen from this discussion.

Reality might just have been playing a very mean game with me, and I'm fcking losing.