I was sitting alone, the sudden surge of sadness overwhelming me.

Every so often, I used to get this.

Recently these days, I feel like I'm falling back into that depression-like state.

A brutal phase where I either don't eat as much or overeat, commit sins more than ever, and social distance myself from humans and the world.

The only "connection" I have being my phone, honestly.

Of course, I don't see it as a type of actual connection, but a coping mechanism.

I haven't been truly genuine with how I've been feeling these days, not to myself, not to the Lord, not to anyone.

It's a bad habit I would like to desperately fix.

It's not entirely impossible, but it sure is difficult as hell.

I came back to this uncomfortable, icky feeling.

Somehow yet strangely, I feel a sense of comfort and peace in the midst of it all.

Oh, how I would do anything for myself to not fully get back into this phase, but although, I do think it might be too late for me to even hope for that.

Because that's how it is and starts, by denying it and trying to let it leave.

I don't want to hide myself, my authentic, happy-go-lucky self who brightens my loved ones' moods.

The one who makes them shine and put a gigantic smile on their faces.

I don't want her to go away, so I let her stay.