(Part - III)

********

"Can I talk to you for a bit?" I said, interrupting the group discussing my best friend.

"Sure" Aishwarya replied with a smile; following me into the foyer.

"What's the problem?" she said gently, not at all looking like the girl who hurled one insult after another at my best friend, few minutes ago.

"You" I said, diving straight to the point.

"Excuse me?"

"I don't know what you think of yourself but don't you dare speak against my best friend again" I said seriously.

She chuckled humourlessly "She can't fight her own battles she sent you now?"

"I am afraid that's all me. I am worried she'll chop you into pieces, mince, chew and spit you out so bad you won't be able to differentiate your front from your back"

"Are you threatening me Vamsi?"

"Just giving you a headsup. You don't want to lock horns with Anjali, trust me. I am surprised she didn't push you off the terrace, already"

"Is that supposed to scare me?" she said with a sneer.

"You do know what happened to our senior Ashok, right?" I said, folding my arms against my chest "In case you don't remember, I can freshen up your memory"

She gulped heavily.

"Don't think I will stay calm while you hurt my best friend. The only reason you got away last time was because you are Nisha's friend. Repeat this again and I will forget that you are a girl and respond in kind"

With those parting words, I left her alone and ran into Nisha, standing by the end of the foyer.

"Follow me" she said with a look of glum determination.

"What's this?" I said when she locked us inside one of the rooms our college booked for refreshment purpose.

"We need to talk"

"I am not saying sorry to your friend" I declared angrily.

I have never seen Anju's eyes so hurt and girl or not, I couldn't control myself this time.

"I am not asking you to" she answered calmly.

"As long as we're clear on that"

"Are you in love with Anju?" she asked directly.

Of all the questions I expected from her, that one never crossed my mind.

"What?"

"You heard me. Are you in love with Anju?"

"No.. Why are you even asking me that?"

"Because it seems to me you are" she said gently, a look of worry and sadness on her beautiful face.

"Anju is my bestfriend!" I deadpanned.

She paused "That doesn't explain my question"

"I care about her. A lot"

I wanted to add that I love her but Nisha wouldn't understand that. Nobody would. 

"That still doesn't explain anything Vamsi"

"Why are you even asking me this?"

"I don't know" she said looking disappointed and a tad bit insecure "That moment I witnessed in the corridor. And ton of others I notice every single day between you two"

Her statement is open to lot of questions but the one that needs the answer the most is what triggered this whole situation. So I said "What moment?"

She looked at me like I am a fool; that I couldn't understand something so simple.

I have no idea though what she's thinking.

"That whole moment where you were consoling her and then teasing her"

"That's no moment. We are best friends" I explained.

"Anyone who saw you both would agree with me. What happened there is no friendship, Vamsi. That's intimacy. Companionship. It sucks more because it looked like you two belong to each other"

I exhaled heavily "You don't understand it. We are fr----"

"Don't" she said, her voice breaking a little "Don't repeat it. The more you repeat, the more it makes me want to believe you. Even when my brain totally disagrees"

I have no idea how to convince her but I can't just do nothing. So I simply said "There's nothing between me and Anju, I swear"

"Tell me this" she said in all seriousness "All this time, all these years you've known her, you were never attracted to her? Not once?"

Inside, I stiffened.

Anju has been THE GIRL of my life; in every sense. She's my only friend, my first crush and the girl I wanted in my future.

For a large part of my life, I entertained the thoughts of her being my wife; in childish innocence and teenage fantasies.

But with adolescence and it's infatuations also came the understanding that she's too precious for me to lose.

The need to confess my feelings was high but so was the risk factor. I couldn't decide between all or nothing when I knew I could be complacent with the middle; with just her presence as a friend.

And so, I stepped back; chose her friendship above all.

It had been a long time since that; that it almost feels it happened in another lifetime.

I cannot confess that to Nisha but I don't want to lie to her either. So, I chose the safest option "She's important to me but I am not in love with her"

If she realized that I purposefully omitted her question, she didn't say a word. Instead, she said calmly "What if you haven't realized it yet?"

I graoned.

"What if I came between you two? What if I'm stopping you both from learning what you are eventually going to figure out? In time" she continued.

"Which is?" I prodded, confused by her questions.

She gaped at me with tears in her eyes "That you are in love with each other!"

"We are not in love with each other"

Looking troubled, she said "Why do I feel that's a lie?"

"I don't know how to make you believe this. What do you want me to do?"

"I don't know. I really don't know" she cried out in disappointment.

"What's bringing this, Nisha? I know we haven't been on many dates and are almost always with our team but that's only because we didn't have time"

Final semester turned out to be harder than I ever imagined. We spent almost every weekend working on the project and with distractions like cricket match and dance practise, we barely had time to do anything else.

In fact, apart from a couple of dinners and our dance practise, Nisha and I rarely spent time together; just the two of us.

"I know that" she began calmly "But I wished you at least dropped and picked me to and from college"

In almost a whisper, she added "Like how all boyfriends do; how Sree and Pallavi's boyfriends do"

Before I can explain myself, she continued "I understand why you don't. I do. Anjali and you have been doing it for years and it's only logical that you take her"

"Which is also why I never voiced my concerns. But knowing it won't stop me from wishing for it" She ended dully.

"I am sorry that I hurt you" I said wholeheartedly.

I can't apologize for choosing my best friend over her but this, I had to. I had no idea she felt like that. If she didn't ask me today, I would have come with Anju as usual.

These things must mean a lot to girls if she's upset over it.

"We are free. We have all the time now, Nishu. I promise I will make it up to you"

"It still doesn't solve the problem or answer my doubts" She said with a sad smile.

I sighed. This is going to take a lot of time and I am worried about Anju. She should have been home by now but didn't text me when I clearly told her to do so.

She can't be left alone; not tonight. I have to be with her. As quickly as possible. But first, I have to convince Nisha.

"What do you want to know?"

She gaped at me with indecisiveness but said boldly "Why is it that I call you up at night and you are in her room? Sleeping on her bed?"

She was casual and didn't question furthermore when I told her the one time she called me at night that I was in Anju's room. It seems the question is in her mind for a while now.

"I told you I have insomnia" I repeated my old answer.

"And her bed is your medicine?" There's a slightest snarky tone in her question; unlike her usual sweet voice.

"It helps"

She doesn't look convinced but continued to proceed with a thoughtful nod "Why were you jealous when Shaan hugged Anjali?"

"I wasn't!"

She shook her head "You didn't like it"

"I don't trust that boy" I said irately.

"It doesn't concern you" she stressed with an annoyed look.

"It does when Anju is involved. She can't be with someone like him. She deserves more. It will also hurt Neha"

"Let's not pretend your concern is for Neha"

I shut my mouth but seethed inside. It's true I didn't like seeing them together in the lab. I was happy for her and proud; so proud even if she felt thankful that I didn't make it.

Just as she didn't want to see me perform with Nisha, I didn't want to see her with Shaan. It was hard for me. But, I did it anyway because she is my best friend and I needed to be there for her.

Not only did she not do the same for me, she was glad I lost.

That hurt more than I let on. How did we go from rooting for each other to that?

"Are you not going to add anything?" She prodded.

I shook my head. There's nothing more left to say.

She took a deep breath and continued "How would you explain you searching for her face every few minutes when you're in the same room?"

I stared at her in surprise.

"You thought I don't notice?" she said gloomily.

"I have gotten used to keeping an eye on her but it's not for the reason you think. She's always in trouble and I have to look out for her"

"Why do you have to look out for her? She's an adult!" Nisha yelled with a look of frustration.

"You don't know her like I do" I explained. The last time I left her alone, she got into a fight with our senior and injured herself.

She jumped on Johnny and hurt herself worse than ever when I was just a few feet away. The image of her with a black eye, bleeding lips and bruises all over her face will haunt me all my life.

I couldn't stop her even when I was so close.

"You have an explanation for everything, don't you?"

"Depends on what you are asking" I answered with a shrug.

"Do you also have the super power of knowing when she's hungry?"

"What?"

"That day in dominos, for example. You knew she was hungry and made sure she had something in her stomach before the order arrived"

"How the hell do you know that?"

She looked shocked at my outburst "So, you did know. I was not wrong in my assumption"

"She gets twitchy when she's hungry"

Ignoring my words, she continued, "I really hoped I read the look on your face wrong. Or that she mentioned to you before hand but guess not"

"She's my best friend" I said helplessly, feeling silly at having to explain the same thing over and over again.

"You know what makes her angry and you try to avoid it. You know when she's hungry and you ask her to go eat something in the middle of project work. You stare at her when you think nobody's watching. You are miserable when you've had a fight with her"

"You are taking everything out of -----"

"You don't like when she's with another boy. Everything you do, you do keeping her in your mind"

"I didn't date you like that. Did I?"

"May be I am the exception"

"Are you kidding me?" I shouted, appalled with her statements.

"I wish" she said, her tone going dangerously low; like she's about to start crying.

Her shoulders hunched with defeat and she looked lost. Her eyes stared lifelessly at the couch and I have no idea what to say to make her feel alright again.

"All these years and I'm still stuck at the same place. Aren't I?" she whispered slowly.

I have no idea what she's speaking, so I simply said "What?"

"I have liked you since the day I saw you at the freshers' party" she mumbled softly "I hoped like other boys asked me out , one day you'd come too. But you never did"

This is a surprise to me. But like her, I liked her the same day too. I saw her with her girl friends at the foyer of Green Park hotel where our freshers party was conducted.

Leaving Anju's side, I followed her into the corridor to know if she's from our college. But she disappeared into the elevator and by the time I went back to the front desk, Anju is nowhere to be found.

When she returned twenty minutes later, she looked dreadful with bruises all over her face.

For a long time, I couldn't forgive myself for leaving her alone. I let her out of my sight for two minutes and she hurt herself.

I have long ago accepted that she's capable of fighting her own battles and doesn't need me; but that doesn't mean I can stand by and watch her injure herself with helplessness.

"Why didn't you?" Her question knocked me out of my reverie "Why didn't you ever come up to me?"

My infatuation with her was what brought Ashok onto Anju that day. My silly and instant attraction to a girl gave those injuries to my best friend.

I couldn't allow myself to do that again; couldn't afford the distraction again.

It was a silly infatuation after all; one, that I thought would go away easily.

Only, it didn't.

Hearing good things about Nisha in college over the last few years only strengthened my feelings. Having her in the same project as mine seemed like an intervention from fate and I grabbed the opportunity right away.

I stared at her in silence; unable to confess my real reasons. It will only make the argument in her head seem more real.

When she realized that I'm not going to answer her, she continued "For a long time I thought that you and Anjali are secretly a couple; even if every time we ran into each other, you looked at me like you liked me"

"I didn't want to come in between you" she added, looking away "Or to make a fool of myself"

"And now, I feel like I'm being a hindrance to what you both are eventually going to figure out"

"Anju and I are not in love with each other" I announced loudly.

"That's what I have been hoping, all this time. That all that I'm seeing is my own imagination because you guys are best friends. But after what I saw today" she said shaking her head in disappointment "I can't say the same"

"You saw nothing. That was nothing!"

She shook her head sadly "I will always think that I have come between you both and I will always have the fear of losing you. To her."

"No"

"This won't work, Vamsi" she whispered, her tears flowing down to her cheeks.

"You don't mean that"

"I like you. I like what we have. But I can't live with the thought that one day you'll realize your feelings for her and leave me. That you will choose her over me"

I wanted to argue that it won't happen. But I'd be lying to myself because I already chose Anju over her. I was prepared to break up with Nisha if not for Anju's intervention.

Feelings or not, I will always choose Anju over anybody.

But this can't be said to Nisha. It will only hurt her more and break her heart. I can't do that to her.

"Relationships mean a lot to me, Vamsi. I don't do it for time pass like most people do these days"

"I am not doing that to----"

"I am not saying you are in for timepass or to show off you have a girlfriend too; like most guys do. But I am also not someone like Sree who has a boyfriend just for the sake of it"

"I understand" I said with a nod.

"I want something real. And we can't have that if I'm forever going to doubt myself or your relationship with Anju"

"I don't know what to do about it" I confessed honestly.

She perched on the bed with a defeated sigh "I don't want to lose you. But I don't want to worry about losing you to her either"

"Anju will always be an integral part of my life, Nisha. If you can't accept that----" I paused, unable to continue my statement.

"I know" she nodded her head unconsciously.

"I don't know what you want me to do" I said, collapsing on the seat beside her "She is my best friend. I don't know how to----"

"Prove it to me" she said and gasped at her own statement.

"What?"

She looked at me thoughtfully before adding "Prove it to me. Prove that you don't have any feelings for her"

"How can I prove something that doesn't exist?" I said flatly.

She dropped her head, staring at the floor, lost in thoughts. A minute later, she mumbled "Time and distance"

"What?"

"Distance yourself from Anju" she mumbled, looking scared all of a sudden "For the time being"

For a whole minute, I gaped at her in stunned silence. She doesn't mean that!

"You are kidding, right?" I said, when I found my voice.

She shook her head slowly.

The silent determination on her face made me realize that she's serious.

"You can't ask that of me" I said furiously.

"Why not?"

"She's my best friend"

"And I'm nothing?"

"I didn't say that"

"You should have no problem doing that if she is just a friend. Besides, I'm not suggesting you stay away forever"

"You don't understand. I can't be away from her"

"You stay away from your mother, father and brother. How tough is it to be away from a friend?" she said firmly.

"They are different. I'm used to living away from them. I can't live without----"

I stopped myself from doing further damage. But the look on Nisha's face makes it clear that she understood my intentions.

"Why don't you complete the sentence, Vamsi? You were about to say you can't live without her. Weren't you?"

Unable to lie, I nodded helplessly.

She chuckled humourlessly "And yet, you argue you have no feelings for her?"

"It's just that---- It's--- err--- very hard. I have never been away from her"

The longest I haven't seen her is eight and half days when she went to her Pedananna's house and stayed more than she intended to.

It was the longest 203 hours I have ever lived.

"That's exactly why it's a good idea" she said confidently "Staying away from her will make you realize your feelings; if there are any. And if there are none, I'll have nothing to worry about "

I shook my head "It will ruin our friendship; devastate her" And me.

"Your friendship is stronger than that, Vamsi. Didn't you tell me during that stupid competition that nothing can break you two apart?"

But this is different. If she's asking what I think she's asking, it has the strength to rip our friendship apart.

"If, I have to do this" I mumbled indefinitely "I have to tell her about it"

"And what will you say exactly?" she asked softly.   

Oh My God. She is right. What will I tell her?

Nisha doubts our friendship? She think I'm love with you? She's making me choosing between you both?

I already know what Anju's answer will be.

Choose her, her words echoed in my mind. This probably may be the hardest decision of my life.

"We have been together for more than a decade, Nisha. I have never----- I don't know if I can-----She's like my fam----- Oh God!"

"I'm not forcing you into this, Vamsi" she said slowly "I'd rue the day I hurt someone on purpose. But I can't just------ I'm sorry"

I have the choice to end things right away. It'd hurt a lot but I can get through it.

Anju will stay by my side and help me through the process. But she will be miserable and will hold herself accountable when she knows the reason.

I can't let that happen.

Everything you do, you do keeping her in your mind. Nisha's words from earlier repeated in my mind.

No, no no no.. That can't be true. I do think how my doings affect her but I don't decide everything solely on that reason.

But what if Nisha is right?

The thought itself is scary I reverted back quickly. Because once I go down that road, there's no coming back.

It has the power to ruin my friendship with Anju, for real.

I can't let that happen either.

Besides, if I don't try to salvage this, it will only mean that Nisha's assertion is true. And my mind is not ready to accept that.

I know what I have to do but I don't have the courage to say it out loud. I don't know how I can survive this; if I can survive this.

More than anything, I hate doing this to Anju; even if she has always been stronger than me.

"How long?" I said finally.

"What?" she murmured, raising her head to face me.

"How long do you want me to?" I said dully.

"You will do it?"

"If that's the only way"

"I have been thinking about it and I don't have any other ideas"

"How long?" I repeated again.

She stared at me indecisively "I don't know. Until one of us gets a clear idea, I guess"

Until you realize you're in love with her or I'm sure there's nothing between you, is what she meant.

"I'm sorry. I can understand how you feel"

"You have no idea" I replied numbly.

She took my hand into hers, rubbing her thumb against my knuckles "I will help you through this. I can be a friend"

"I don't want a replacement"

She looked hurt making me amend quickly "Anju will always be my friend"

She nodded in understanding "I get that. I meant, we can be friends during this. We can take a break from um----"

Our relationship, her unsaid words made sense.

I nodded, standing up to leave the room. We have a farewell party to attend and I have to make myself ready for miserable times ahead.

Amidst all of this, my mad friend still hasn't texted me.

The next few weeks turned out to be worse than my expectations. Not only did I miss Anju very much, her devastated face at Spencers haunted me night and day for the following weeks.

My insomnia is now a constant companion and phone calls with Nisha, my only coping mechanism.

There were a million times I picked up the phone to text her back but I have given my word to Nisha and I can't go back on that; even if I didn't promise.

Adding to my own worries, Nannamma would keep asking me of Anju's whereabouts and threatens to call her mother.

I know she won't because she thinks we had a fight and elders shouldn't get into the middle of that.

Staying at home has been a burden and visiting my friend is no longer an option. Meeting Nisha for movies & dinner helped for a while; to get my mind off everything.

I also learnt a lot about her. Her parents, past education, future aspirations and most importantly how can she be friends with someone as mean as Aishwarya.

Our fathers are members of the same golf club, she admitted with a look of embarrassment.

Every day made me question and reiterate my argument with Nisha. It also made me remember the times I had feelings for my best friend and wonder if it is any different now.

Many times, I wanted to go to her house, give her a tight hard hug and say everything will be alright.

But I never did that. I have to prove myself; or rather our friendship.

As weeks rolled by, even I knew that's a losing battle.

Like Nisha said, it started to feel as if I'm prolonging something that's bound to happen eventually. But it's sheer stubborness that made me continue.

That, and the prospect of what accepting my feelings could do to our friendship. The idea of losing her forever is terrifying.

Her constant good morning messages breathed hope into me every day. It reiterated the fact that our bond is made of tough stuff.

But one day, they stopped coming.

By day thirty two, I am annoyed and beyond pissed. I can't go through this torment any longer. I can't eat, I can't sleep and I can't help but worry how she is doing.

When I arrived at Nisha's usual favorite spot Laddu Gopal, she looked very upset and worried. .

"What's wrong?" I said, taking the seat beside her.

"Do you---- do you know what happened to Anjali?"

I sat straight "What happened to Anju?"

She looked conflicted and that only made me raise my voice in anger "What happened to her?"

"She left for the states"

My heart dropped into my stomach. No way. She can't go. She won't go.

But even as I denied it out loud, I knew it's true "What? No. That can't happen. She'd never leave me"

"I'm 99% sure, Vamsi" she said, looking worried "One of my classmates saw her at the airport, day before yesterday"

Immediately, I took out my cell phone and dialed her number.

Not available.

Next, I called Neha.

"Why did you call me, jackass?" Her loud shriek confirmed my doubts, if there's any left.

"Tell me it's not true" I said in urgency "Please"

"Yes, she did. Congratulations. You got what you wanted" With that she disconnected the call.

Then I went to her parents house. With my spare key, I tried to unlock the door but it didn't take me long to figure out they changed locks.

On the third day of my trails, my visits yielded result and I found Anju's parents returning home with luggage.

They didn't look happy to see me making my heart clench in pain "How is she?"

"She's fine" Auntie replied earning a glare from uncle.

"Get in, Anitha" he said, unlocking the door before turning to face me "Don't come back here again, Vamsi"

Saying that, he closed the door on my face.

If I thought my life took a miserable turn, then I'm in for surprise. The moment I confessed Anju's departure to Nannamma, swear words I never heard and didn't know existed are swirled at my face.

Then came the calls from my parents.

My only bonus is knowing Anju did it on purpose. At least, she thought throwing me to the wolves would be funny.

My worst fear has indeed come true. I lost Anju. It serves me right for believing she'd scrap the idea of going to US just because I asked her to.

I feel so lost and torn inside that for the first time in my life, I have no idea what to do moving forward.

I did everything I can to find a way. From apologizing to Neha to following around Anju's mom, nothing I did yielded any fruitful result.

A month later, I accepted the inevitable that I lost my best friend.

By then, I received the formal call letter from TCS and I did what's believed to be my only choice. Join the company.

A week into my training, I received a message from Nisha one Sunday to meet her at the food court.

She ordered coffee while I ordered Vanilla milkshake; Anju's favorite.

"I am planning to leave the company" she said directly.

"Why?"

Her sad smile made me understand why. ME!

"I can't see you like this and know that I am responsible" she said, looking miserable.

"You are not responsible. I am" I said frankly "If anyone should leave, it should be me. Not you"

"But I did this!" she cried out.

I shook my head "No, you didn't. You tried to tell me. You tried to make me see when I was clearly flying blind. You were right. About everything!"

"But I didn't want to be right! For once, I hoped I was wrong"

"I am sorry. For what I have put through. Before and after. I swear it was not my intention"

"I know" she said.

"I liked you. I really did" I said, taking her hand into mine and kissed the back of her palm "I am so sorry I hurt you"

She nodded.

We stayed in silence until our respective drinks arrived.

Taking a sip from her cup, she said "We have 4 months of training until we are posted in different locations. Do you think we can get through that?"

Knowing what she's offering, I smiled "Thank you"

Upon emptying her cup, she laid back in her chair and gazed at me with interest "When did you realize your feelings?"

I hesitated. Is it ok to talk about my feelings when I reiterated innumerable times that she's just a friend?

"It doesn't have to be awkward, Vamsi. You can talk about it"

"But you were hurt in the process"

"It's liberating, actually; even if it's disappointing"

"I am sorry. You didn't deserve that"

She nodded sadly "Thank you. Now!"

I sighed, settling back on the chair. How do I say this!

"I have no idea exactly when. It's a process, I guess. Over the last few weeks"

"Took you a long while" she commented.

"I was attracted to her in the past. I am sorry I lied to you"

"If I remember correctly, you maneuvered the question cleverly" she teased.

I couldn't help but smile. She didn't miss that.

"But I didn't lie to you when I said I wasn't in love with her. I wasn't; or at least, I thought I wasn't"

"My guess was right" she observed.

I nodded "I was scared of losing her in the past. Because of my feelings. So I crushed and locked them away. I thought they were long buried. Gone. But....."

"they were always there; under the surface. And you didn't know it"

"I guess" I agreed with her observation "I believed my own lies. Because the only other option means losing her"

"What are you going to do now? With Anjali, I mean" 

"I have no idea. I will have to wait, I guess. I don't have a choice"

"And when you find her?"

"I have to make her see things; like you did. It's going to be the hardest thing I ever did. She's stubborn and holds a mean grudge. But first, I have one hell of an apology to make"

"All the best" she gave me a kiss on the cheek and walked away with a parting smile on her beautiful sad face.

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Thank you for reading. Vote, Comment and Share if you like this chapter.

Bet that surprised you. There were 2 comments in the previous chapters whose tiny guesses turned out to be true. I couldn't reply you guys then because I didn't want to ruin it.

The train scene where Anjali parts away while Rahul stares at her in the film implies that he loves her; that there was a possibility of more. I always thought why Tina never said anything to him though she saw the truth. Clearly.

I know there will still be doubts about Vamsi which will be cleared as chapters go by. I rewrote this whole chap again because in my early version, I didn't elaborate everything. My plan was to reveal it one by one.

As to why Vamsi couldn't realize his own feelings, remember Anju didn't either. Until it was too late.

Sindhu from HILWHE once said "Just like love can be mistaken as friendship, friendship can also be mistaken as love". Or something like that.

When you think of things he said in anger, remember the same is case with Anju. And whatever he said after a while, (after thinking & still hurt her) doesn't totally mean he's speaking the truth.

What I mean is that you don't know what's going on, in his head. You only know what he said and believe it to be true.

Anyway, coming to the main point, I have an announcement to make and you are not going to like it.

This book is not the work of my sweat, blood or tears. It's my sleep. Almost every chapter I wrote, I did during nights because my days had been busy.

As a result, I have been getting head aches. Frequently.

Ever since I published the 1st chap, I didn't even have time to write any new chapters. I'd try to come home early, edit for a couple of hours and post it by midnight. On the days of update.

It's stressful to keep up with the schedule and it's become more difficult because I'm coming home by 9- 9.30. The only thing I do is check my social media, have dinner and go to sleep. I can't do anything else.

Unlike before, I can't give up sleep because all it takes is one night of sleeplessness to have my head pounding.

I published when I already wrote two thirds of the book and thought I can do it. But the last few weeks have made me busier. I wanted to make things easy for my dad and I'm working long hours.

I'm running out of chapters and I have no idea what to do. The last two days was the only free time I had this whole month (which I spent re-writing this whole chap) and even then I had to go out to manage some things.

I realized I have 3 choices.

1. Take a break right away and update when I complete the book.

2. Update the next chap and then take a break (So you will know what Anju will be like when she returns).

3. Update until all my chapters are over. And then return when I write more chapters.

I know it's hard to choose but I have no other options. I don't have weekends or free time because I work in our own business and my responsibilities only seem to grow more.

I know it's disappointing. I do. But trust me I have no option.

The more I'm working at office, my mom is also disappointed that I am not helping her enough in the kitchen.

If I do the cooking and go late to office, my dad is disappointed that work's not getting done.

I feel so helpless. I also love my job. My problem is that I can't write for few minutes and come back. I need long hours like a night out.

I'm so sorry for asking this of you but what do you want me to do? Can you make the choice for me? 1, 2 or 3?

- JANAKI