The summers of Vizag have been cruel for as long as I can remember; only this time, the temperature and humidity are least of my worries.

With back to back exams and doing finishing touches to the project, I haven't yet told my parents about Vamsi's change of plans.

If not for him, they wouldn't have agreed for me to go for M.S in the first place.

I am their only daughter and I am all they have.

The final semester exam preparations became our prime importance and Vamsi hasn't talked about it again. Then, the Networks lab exam followed by external Project review kept us busy for the next few days.

Neha's silence amidst my own tragedy worsened my already foul mood. Gone is the bright cheerful girl who's always yapping; now replaced with one who looked ready to cry any moment.

There may not be one thing common between us but the pain of tragic one-sided love is something we both share now.

Farewell party is the one thing left before leaving college forever. The idea of attending isn't in my mind until Neha pointed out that I still left out one thing in her list.

Dressing up.

Except there's a problem.

The concept of dressing up is different for both of us.

To me, it means ironed cotton shirt and trousers paired with trendy loafers. To her, it is a long anarkali dress with big jhumkas, straightened hair and her regular no-make up, make up look but with a dark lipstick.

But that didn't matter to Neha and trying to convince her is harder than making pigs fly.

After arguing over our respective preferences for a long time we reached to a middle ground where I relented to her idea of wearing a casual kurti and legging.

Only, I don't own a single pair. I have never worn anything but shirts and pants that wearing 'feminine' clothes like Neha so graciously pointed out is giving me nightmares.

We had to go shopping the next day where she selected my clothes and sandals that go with them.

"You need lingerie" she announced after we paid and left Reliance footwear.

"I have it"

"No, not those boring cotton things you wear" she said in an exaggerated tone "We need beauties that pop"

Denying was my first thought. Then, I realized how comfortable she looked doing this stuff. Her mind will be off Shaan for a while and that's the least I can do for my best friend.

So again, I relented.

"What the hell is this!" I exclaimed stunned by the one she selected.

"Push up bra. It makes your----"

"I am aware of it's wonderful strengths but I don't want it"

"Hun, selecting a good dress isn't everything. Knowing what to wear underneath is equally important"

I scowled "Are you making fun of my small breasts?"

She swore "I am not doing that. Go on inside. Check how it is"

As much as I hate to admit it; it isn't bad. It fit me perfectly and more than emphasized my chest. But it most certainly felt like cheating.

Later, I followed her to the counter after selecting some panties where the girl standing before us in the line blushed profusely as the guys at the counter scanned and billed her items.

When it's my turn, I am shocked to find the bill amount but paid up before making a fool of myself.

How can my kurti cost 650 bucks and that tiny piece of padded scrap cost 1200? That's 1.5 times the price of both my top and legging combined.

"Did you see that woman?" Neha chuckled, as we descended the stairs "Blushing like a tomato"

"Yeah. Stupid girl" I said dully, worrying if that scrap is worth so much money.

"She's embarrassed the guys know what she's buying"

"Half of the population have breasts. It's not like men are not aware that we wear bras" I snorted.

"You are right but not everyone thinks like you. Come to think of it, I have never seen you blush"

I scoffed "Why would I blush?"

"The same reason we all do" she rolled her eyes but said nothing else, thankfully.

On the eve of farewell day, I felt more nervous than I ever did, all my life. 

First, it felt ridiculous going this far with the list, second because I already bought the clothes and can't go back, third cause I have to go all the way to Daspalla; alone.

Nisha wanted Vamsi to take her and Neha's dad is taking her as there's no way she can drive her scooty, wearing her long Anarkali.

So, I asked Nanna and he agreed to take me.

"How do I look?" I said, doing a stupid twirl like Neha asked me to do while shopping.

"Are you wearing a lipstick?" he said, looking horrified.

Ok. Cool, Anju. He's only reacting like that because he has never seen you like this!

"I did wipe away most of it" I said as an explanation.

"Do I look that bad?" I spoke again, hearing no reply. His silence did nothing to alleviate my already up there insecurities.

But it's Amma who answered cheerfully "No, you look good. I didn't know you can look pretty"

"Thanks Amma" I said sarcastically.

"So, this is what you have been doing with Neha all these days"

Mothers! You can never get away with anything.

Half an hour later, Nanna dropped me at the entrance of Daspalla "Be careful. Call me when you are done. Don't come out until you see me"

"Where will you stay til then?"

"I'll see a movie or go to a restaurant"

"Bye, Nanna" I said, walking away.

Here, I come. I can totally do this. Nothing can go wrong.

I repeated the mantra over and over again until I reached the hall where our farewell party is scheduled to start in a few minutes.

Standing in front of the door made me realize that I have never done this. This will be my first time with Section B students as the only other time we had a party together was the freshers' and I was absent then.

I have no idea what to expect.

Dancing is the only time I have no trouble minding the crowd. It's exhilarating; taking energy from nameless people while you dance.

But meetings and parties like these makes me feel awkward. More so now, because of what I am dressed in.

Making sure my short hair's in place, I took a deep breath and entered.

For a couple of seconds, no body noticed me. Then began the murmurs. The ones that start slow and soon spread like a wildfire and bam, suddenly you have everyone's attention.

There are some gasps of surprise and then pin drop silence, for a moment. I don't know who did it first but somebody laughed and then everyone joined in.

And just like that, my confidence took the hardest hit I will never recover from.

"Look who's gotten uglier" Anila said grinning at my embarrassment "I didn't think it's possible but meh, guess it is"

Though I haven't seen anyone move, Neha stood by my side the next moment.

"Aww.. The cross dresser has her loyal sidekick's allegiance" Aishwarya, one of Nisha's friends from Dominos cooed sweetly.

"Sidekick? More like girlfriend" Anila said, snickering at her own comment.

"I'd rather be the loyal sidekick than be a whore that spreads her legs to every tom, dick and harry" Neha commented snidely, unbothered by the shocked gasps from our class mates.

"If I were you, I'd step away from that nutcase before she comes and takes a bite off my ass" Aishwarya said, looking scornful.

"If I were you------ hell, why would I want to be a heartless mean bitch that wants a sugar daddy" Neha countered, looking complacent.

They went back and forth until I no longer heard their voices.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I heard insults and jeers from the past; about not being good enough and not being a 'girl'.

Over the years, a lot of people spoke a lot about what's wrong with me. But everything up until then was on one side and what happened today with my whole class, laughing at my appearance is on the other.

It is a slap in the face and in short, a mass humiliation.

Not one thing in my life could prepare me for this. Not one thing can make me stay and hear more disparaging comments.

I turned my back on the argument, walking out of the hall; barely hearing Neha's voice to hold on.

Seeing the ladies' room, I went in and came face to face with my reflection in the mirror.

Every time I saw myself, I thought I'm a plain girl with almond shaped eyes, average nose and full lips. Now when I see my reflection, I don't know what the good and bad features are. I only know I am ugly.

Why do people have to pick apart all that you are, give unasked suggestions and make derogatory comments over something that you have no control over.

I was successful in not letting those scornful remarks touch me before.

I was happy living in my own bubble.

But now, thanks to them, I will forever keep questioning and doubting myself. I can only hope this phase will pass. Eventually.

"You can get through this" I said to my reflection with a determined face.

Taking a deep sigh, I washed my face and wiped the remnants of the lipstick off my lips.

When I went out, I expected to find Neha waiting for me but bumped into Vamsi at the corridor.

"Hey" he said, looking worried and also relieved to see me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked casually

"You don't have to do that"

"What?"

"Pretend that you are not hurt"

"Look who's talking! So, you do know when I am hurt" I said sarcastically.

"Stop that!" he ordered, looking annoyed.

"What?"

"Trying to be a bitch on purpose"

Dammit. If he's going to be compassionate and understanding, I might start crying. Something I have never done before; unless you count crying over Thatthayya's death.

"What they said is not true, Anju" he began quietly "Don't believe them"

"Alright" I said flatly.

He sighed but wrapped his arms around me "You are pretty"

I snorted. If he's going to lie, then he better make up something believable.

"You are!" he repeated, rubbing my back up and down affectionately "You are the prettiest girl I have ever seen. If you don't believe me, ask nannamma"

Again, I snorted "She will say I am the prettiest girl in the whole galaxy"

He chuckled "You should trust her word then"

"We all lie for people we love" I mumbled into his shoulder.

"No" he said, pulling back to face me but not letting go "I am not lying, Anju. Everything about you is so freaking precious. Don't ever let anybody tell you otherwise"

The warmth and tenderness in his voice burned my eyes and brought out a burning need to kiss him. Quickly, I wrapped my arms around him unable to let him witness the effect his words have on me.

I have been thinking of kissing him way too much these days and wondering what it'd be like!

Will it be as good as the dream or better?

One feet. That's the only distance between our lips. Never have I ever wanted to cross that, as much as I do now. Knowing that once we get past that, there's no going back, made me pause.

I can't make things awkward between us.

Then, there's also the fact that he has a girlfriend.

"Anju"

"Hmm" I said, appreciating the way his hands moved up and down my back.

"Since when did you start wearing such thick bras?"

Saying that, he burst into laughter.

Pulling away, I turned to glare at him "Don't laugh"

"No, seriously" he said, chuckling.

"It's all cause of Neha. She made me wear this stupid dress too" I complained childishly.

"Thanks for throwing me under the bus, hun" Neha commented coolly, ten feet away from us with her hands folded against her chest.

Oops.

"Let's go inside" Vamsi said, biting his lip in amusement.

"You go on. I want to go back home" I said blankly.

"Anju, it's---"

"Please" I mumbled stonily.

He stared into my eyes for a second and nodded "Fine. But I'll drop you"

"Not necessary. Nanna is nearby. I will go with him"

He hugged me again but kissed my forehead this time "Take care, Anju. Text me after reaching home"

I nodded "You go on too Neha. I will see myself out"

Neha looked glum "You are not angry with me, are you? For making you----"

"You are not the one who laughed at my face. Or mocked me. I have no reason to be angry, babe"

She nodded sadly and gave me a hug before leaving with Vamsi.

Nanna's already waiting at the gate when I went down. Neither did he ask me why I am back early nor did I tell him.

Vamsi may or may not have said what happened when he called him to pick me up.

The next morning I woke up in the usual time but with absolutely nothing to do. Exams are over. Lab is over. Project external is over. The only thing to do is wait for the results and meanwhile decide about the future.

Vamsi and I need to have a discussion about M.S. If his reasons are valid and he's still not interested, then I just have to tell my parents I am not going anywhere.

They will be thrilled; I have no doubt in that.

When I didn't get his reply to my usual good morning text, I called him but he didn't answer.

I spent the whole day watching English movies, checking my facebook and twitter feed and chatting with Neha who wants to commemorate the end of B.Tech days with more shopping tomorrow.

Because I have nothing else to do, I agreed.

Vamsi did not reply to my text or my call even the next day. If Neha didn't come early to pick me up, I would have gone to his house to check up on him.

He may have a problem with his mobile. That one's as old as him.

We went to our usual spots CMR Central, Shoppers Stop, Vizag Central before finally stopping at Spencers because Neha wanted to buy different kinds of cheese which are only available here.

I tagged along with her, like I did the whole day before checking my phone to see if I received any message from Vamsi.

Seeing nothing, I sighed and almost stowed my phone away in my pocket when I found Vamsi almost twenty yards away from me; with Nisha's hand wrapped around his elbow.

Where are you? I quickly typed a message and watched him take his cell out of his pocket, notice his screen and keep it back where it belonged.

My heart stilled. He's avoiding me on purpose.

I stared at him in silence unable to understand why he's ignoring my messages.

There was no fight. No argument. We parted on good terms, two nights ago and haven't spoken since then.

Like a flash, my words from a few weeks ago echoed in my mind.

Choose her.

That's the right thing to do.

Promise me, Vamsi!

I stayed rooted to my spot watching Nisha leave his side to go to the billing counter when he turned around and came face to face with me.

Something happened. Something big.

The good twenty yards between us did nothing to hide his surprise or his angst. For a full minute, we gazed at each other without saying a word or breaking the stare; every passing second of silence breaking my heart bit by bit.

Can you promise that our friendship will always be the same?

His words played in my head.

I agreed to him then but now I know it's not possible. I can't keep my promise.

I can't see him with another woman for the rest of my life.

When he walked away, my heart broke into million little pieces.

I have no idea how I found Neha amidst the emotional chaos, how I convinced her to take me away or how I made my way back home.

My vision blurred by the time I collapsed on the sofa in our living room. The pain in my chest is too much to bear and I have no idea how to put a leash on the onslaught of emotions.

Tears, lots of them started pouring out of my eyes.

Dimly, I am aware of Neha's panicked shouts calling my parents followed by Nanna's words trying to reach me while Amma's sobbing somewhere.

I feel lost. Broken. Like my insides are being ripped apart while my world's crumbling down all around me.

"What happened Anju?"

Hearing Nanna's voice over and over again helped. The fact that he furiously shook my shoulders to gain my attention also did.

When I finally looked at his blurred image with glazed eyes, he repeated "What happened Anju?"

I gulped "I--I h--have to g-go"

"Where?" he asked softly.

"US" Before he can say another word, I added "A--Alone" 

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Thank you for reading. Vote, comment and share if you like this chap.

In case you didn't already figure out, Anjali being laughed at while she dresses up like Tina in KKHH is the inspiration behind this.

Kajol looked pretty even in that ridiculous dress but people laugh at her; having not used to seeing her like that. They were so mean to her and seeing her tears breaks my heart every time.

I know there will be comments on why Vamsi didn't say anything and I can answer that by saying you don't know if he did because you only saw what Anju did but you may have already decided he didn't, so I'm not going to explain that :p

It's tragic how we don't want women to be judged for not fitting societal paradigm but we can't extend the same logic to men. We expect them to 'man up'; whatever that means.

Anyway, two more chaps to go! Part I will be over this time next week. Have a happy weekend :)

- JANAKI