"Where's Staley? Has anyone seen him?"

"Yo, where's Layne...?"

"Jerry! You seen Layne?"

"No!"

"If you see 'im, tell 'im Dave and the guys are lookin' for 'im!"

"Sure, man."

"Any luck--where is he?"

The show had just ended and Layne knew exactly why Dave and the guys were looking for him. They always got together after shows to drink and smoke and all that other stuff, but it was getting old. He didn't want to make an actual habit of it, especially as he knew how much it upset Charlie...

"Layne, there you are! Come on man, we've been looking for you!"

"Aw, sorry, I just...I gotta..."

"What's wrong? Hurry up, before Dave finishes all the stuff off by himself."

"I--alright, let's go."

He let himself be led up and down several backstage corridors, feeling like his boots were filled with concrete. His heart seemed to speed up with every step and his palms felt clammy. He really didn't fucking feel like doing this anymore.

"Took you long enough to get here," Dave greeted him. "Come on, there's plenty left."

Layne shrugged and was starting to walk toward them when suddenly Charlie's eyes appeared before his, red and full of tears. He hesitated. "You know, I don't think I should..."

One of the roadies the bands were especially chummy with lifted his head after snorting a line and wiped his nose. "Don't be a pussy, man. Here. Have some."

"Thanks and everything, but I don't really feel like it. My girlfriend--"

"She's not your wife though, is she? And even if she was, would you let her tell you what to do?"

"Hey, don't be a dick," Dave interjected. "Let him go."

The guy shrugged and went back to his coke.

"See ya, Layne. Tell the missus I said hi."

Layne nodded and gave a single wave to everyone in the room before turning on his heel and walking away, his feet feeling lighter with every step he took in the opposite direction.

✩✩✩

"California Girls or Back In The U.S.S.R.?"

"Why would you even ask that? You know she's gonna say Back In The U.S.S.R."

"How do you know? I might surprise you."

"Oh, really? Which one, then?"

"Uh...Back In The U.S.S.R. But shut up. Would you choose California Girls?"

"I--this discussion is over."

Alex and Stone rarely played the this-or-that game with music as the subject because they always ended up arguing. On this particular mid-July Monday, she was playing that game with Eddie, but Stone's (unwelcome) commentary turned it into but another argument. Something none of them had the energy to entertain, because they were on their way to the airport and an Alex-Stone argument could last the entire trip if it wasn't killed in its early stages.

"I wonder if they'll even remember me," Alex dramatically sighed, staring out the window at the sky. "My cousin has probably completely forgotten my existence."

"Wow, I'm jealous of him," Stone said under his breath.

Alex turned to him with a blank expression. "You better hope you remember to lock your door tonight."

"His door doesn't have a lock," Eddie chimed in. "Unless you mean the front door. But I can unlock that for you..."

"You guys are creepy as hell," Stone said. "I'm reporting you both to the cops."

"The cops can kiss my--hey, we missed the exit," Alex said, helplessly staring at the sign as they flew past it.

"Great, thanks for letting me know a million years too late," Stone huffed.

"At least I told you."

"I would've noticed sooner or later."

"It was sooner thanks to me."

"Not really. You noticed too late. Now we have to wait for the next exit."

"Okay, but what if I hadn't noticed?"

"Eddie or me would've noticed at some point."

"Yeah, who knows when? We're only off by one exit because I saw we'd passed it."

"Eh, I probably would've noticed before the next one."

"Key word: probably. Just because--"

"Oh my God, I'm gonna jump out the window," Eddie groaned. "I should've gone with Ben and Charlie."

"They're not as much fun as us," Alex replied with narrowed eyes. "Well, Charlie is. But Ben has this weird kind of presence. He's not as easygoing."

"Correction," Stone sighed, "Ben's not as annoying as us."

"You...you think I'm annoying?"

"I--no, wait, I didn't mean..."

"It looks like Eddie won't be the one jumping out of the car. Fuck this. I didn't come along to be disrespected like--"

"Hey Alex, do you want some pop rocks?" Eddie interrupted, holding out a packet of the mentioned candy.

"Ooh." Alex immediately dropped the 'offended' bit and took the candy. "Are these actually worse with soda? Chris told me they were but I haven't tried it."

"Here, give it a shot." Eddie passed her his cup of Coke.

"Ah, McDonald's Coke. Lovely." Alex poured way too many pop rocks into her mouth, then took a big sip of soda. "AHH--"

✩✩✩

"We've been here for hours! I wanna go home!"

Stone looked down at his watch. "It's been twenty-six minutes."

"Do you know how many things I could get done in twenty-six minutes, Stone? Huh, Rock? Pebble? Boulder? Gem?"

"Gem..."

"I take that one back."

"Fine then, uh...your name isn't fun at all."

"You could call her by her middle name," Eddie suggested.

"Oh, right. Fine then, Rayne."

Alex looked up at Stone from her seat in one of the airport wheelchairs. "Don't do that."

"Or what?"

"I'll...I'm...I don't even care. Call me by any of my names. Except Brandt."

"Which one of your names is Brandt?" Eddie asked.

Alex turned the wheelchair to face him. "It's my dad's last name. Kinney's my legal last name now, but I was stuck with Brandt for a while there."

"Oh, hey, we both go by our mother's last names," Eddie said, putting his hand up for a high five.

"To trauma," Alex joked as she lazily tossed her own hand up to hit his.

"Hey, there are Ben and Charlie," Stone said, pointing up at the mentioned pair walking toward them with several cups of ice cream from the airport café.

"Finally," Alex said, putting her hands on her chair's wheels and moving toward Charlie. "What took you so long?"

Charlie passed Stone and Eddie their ice creams and took her own from Ben before taking a seat on the bench next to Eddie. "I couldn't choose a flavor for you. I knew you wouldn't be able to make up your mind and then I couldn't make a decision. So I let Ben choose, but he took even longer than I would have. We ended up settling on chocolate."

"Perfect." Alex put both hands out and her cup of ice cream was placed in them. "Are you excited to see Layne?"

"Yeah. I hope he's not...you know...high, or whatever."

"I'm sure he won't be. That would be a whole other level of low."

"Well--"

"Guys, I think that's them," Stone said, pointing up at the sign full of flight numbers. "They're almost here."

Charlie turned to Alex. "How's my hair? And does this outfit make me look stupid? Do I sound weird? I feel like my voice sounds weird."

"It looks great, of course it doesn't, and it only sounds weird because you're talking really fast and high-pitched. Calm down."

"Okay, I know. I just...it's been forever!"

"I know. Eat your ice cream."

"Right, right." Charlie took a deep breath and turned her spoon over twice before scooping out a bit of ice cream.

A short while later, the people who'd been on that flight started appearing, and that time Alex totally failed at calming Charlie down. Stone was the first in their group to spot the guys, but that was because one of them was running across the walkway with his arms wide open. It was Layne, looking bright and happy and like a dream come true as he hurried toward Charlie. When he reached her, he didn't hesitate even for a second; he wrapped his arms around her and even lifted her off the ground, hiding his face in her shoulder for a second before putting her down and kissing her like a sailor who'd been out on the sea for months finally coming home to the only thing that had kept him pushing through.

The rest of the guys sped up when they caught sight of their welcome group, though no one else dramatically ran over to scoop their love into their arms. Alex greeted Sean first, then Jerry, trying not to be awkward or obvious about how much she had missed him or how happy she was to see him. But her efforts went to nothing; the stiff hug she gave him and his weird "hey" were more awkward than she imagined any other greeting would have been.

No matter; they had places to be (meaning no one was feeling the need to sit around at the airport for much longer). They piled into the cars and set off for home, heading to the AIC house for the surprise party waiting for the guys.

✩✩✩

"So how was it without us here? Peaceful, right?" Mike asked Alex. The place was packed and music was playing so loudly they had to yell just to hear each other.

"Very. I'm gonna miss the serenity of knowing you're hundreds of miles away."

"Yeah, same here. No more peace of mind for us." Mike eyed the cup in Alex's hand. "Is that just soda?"

"Yeah, for once. I might end up getting bored and adding something else to it later, but for now, this is good." She looked down at her cup of soda and shrugged. "Anyway, how was the tour? What is it they say--sex, drugs, and rock n' roll, right? Just please tell me you guys weren't doing drugs."

Mike laughed. "Nah, not really. But you're right about the other stuff."

"Sounds like fun," Alex said, taking a sip of her drink. "But it's great to have you back. I missed you idiots."

"Aw, I missed you too, fellow idiot," he replied, patting her shoulder. "Oh, I gotta go talk to that guy over there. I'll see you later, yeah?"

Alex nodded and jokingly made a shooing motion with her hand at which Mike laughed again before heading off. Feeling hot to an almost uncomfortable degree, Alex took a sip of her drink, but it didn't help. So she decided to head outside, hoping that wouldn't be as pointless as that soda was.

It certainly wasn't; it was much colder outside. There were a few other people outside, the only one Alex recognized being Jerry. She'd almost immediately spied him sitting in one of the lawn chairs at the far end of the yard and wandered over to say hello.

"Hey," she said as she approached. Jerry looked up and silently held out a rather large bottle. Alex didn't even check to see what it was before taking it. "Oh, thank God. Fuck this stupid soda." She took a long drink from the bottle, bearing a surprised look when she lowered it. "Vodka? You going through something?"

Jerry laughed. "Nah, I'm just thinking. So what's up? What are you doing out here?"

"Nothing, I was just bored of being inside. Oh, uh, there was something I needed to tell you," she handed the bottle back to him, "but...I forgot what it was."

"Hm. I'm not sure how to help you remember, but if you wanna stick around until you do, I'll bring you the other chair."

And so they sat out there together, passing the bottle of vodka back and forth, talking and laughing and trying not to make too many sudden or exaggerated movements; the chairs were already cracked enough. At points other people stumbled outside, but not many stuck around.

"I bet it's because of the cold. What a bunch of quitters," Alex said, taking another sip from the bottle and appreciating the warmth she felt as the liquid burned everything in its path to her stomach.

"You're just saying that because the vodka's keeping you warm. If it weren't for that you would probably be heading back in too."

"You may have a point, but that doesn't mean anything. What counts is the fact that I'm out here."

"Yeah, that's true. Thanks for staying out here."

"Huh? Oh, sure. I mean, I'm having fun. I always have a good time with you."

"Aw, I'm gonna cry," Jerry said, jokingly rubbing his right eye. "Seriously though, same with you. I'm freezing my ass off right now but I'm still having a pretty good night."

"Why didn't you say you were cold? Come on, let's go back in."

They immediately found a downside to the warmth the inside of the house offered--the noise. It was louder now, and neither of them really felt like holding the type of conversation that consisted of hardly audible shouting. And so Alex found herself standing in Jerry's room, hoping her stance didn't look as awkward as it felt.

"Open or closed?" Jerry asked with one hand on the doorknob, sounding just the slightest bit embarrassed.

"Closed. It's still really loud if it's open."

He nodded and closed the door, keeping his hand on the knob for a moment before dropping it. "Yeah, that's better. Um...you can sit wherever you want."

"In a second," Alex said, looking around. "I like this room. Mhm. It's nice."

"Ah, the Alex stamp of approval." Jerry nodded to himself and sat down at the edge of his bed. "Thanks." He turned to her and gestured with his hands as if to ask whether or not she'd ever take a seat. She looked around again, then moved to sit next to him, unsure of how close she should be. The only thing that was for sure was that the vodka wasn't helping with her decision-making skills at all.

"I feel like this is something I would've experienced in college," Alex said, narrowing her eyes and tilting her head as she studied Jerry's face. "I don't know why. But this feels like something out of a movie."

"Yeah, I know. It's like one of those frat parties with the shitty drinks and games and stuff."

"Exactly. This movie would be a total hit." Interested in their movie's soundtrack, Alex listened to hear what song was playing. It was something she'd never heard before, but she liked it. "Whose song is that?"

"I don't know, but it's catchy. I kinda dig it."

"Same here. I almost think I could dance to it if I had my balance. Here's to not having my balance. If I did I might actually consider going out there and God, that would be embarrassing."

"I bet you could do it anyway. But I'll still drink to that." He tilted his head back and finished off the last of the vodka. "Damn, now we're all out."

Alex shrugged. "That's probably for the best. I mean, I'm down to drink another, but it's probably for the best that I don't."

"Uh-huh. Yeah. It's probably for the best."

They exchanged a look and Alex slowly raised and lowered one shoulder. And so even though it was probably for the best that they didn't, they went to get another bottle. This time, it was Jim Beam.

"This isn't for the best," Alex said, taking a drink from the bottle as they sat back down on Jerry's bed. It's worth mentioning that they were now sitting mere inches apart.

"Definitely not," Jerry agreed, holding his hand out. Alex put the bottle in it and he took a long drink, making a face when he lowered it. "Damn, I feel like my insides are about to start glowing."

"Or melting."

"That too."

That bottle ended up emptied a lot faster than the first one, and its effects were more obvious. They somehow ended up sitting on the floor without noticing the transition, and their speech started to sound like something from an alternate reality.

"I should call my mom and tell her I'm not going to work tomorrow," Alex said out of nowhere.

"Why her?"

"I think she would wanna know." She reached out for the bottle, realized it was empty, put it down, and picked it back up about ten seconds later. "We're all out of this."

"Yeah, that sucks. Not like, literally, you know, you know that I'm saying?"

"I do, man. You should write poetry."

"I should..."

"We could probably make it as poets."

"We definitely could. Socrates has nothing on us. Wait, no. No, yeah. Wait. Was Socrates a singer?"

"What? No, Socrates is what you get when you wanted to make sock-mousies but ya made them too big."

"What?"

"Sock-ratties..."

"Wow. Holy shit. My mind is blown."

"Mine too."

It took a while, but they eventually managed to get back to coherent conversation. Alex made a mental note to call Rhea, not her mom, and Jerry remembered who Socrates actually was. Around that time, the music lowered in volume. Jerry turned to Alex and said, "we can go back out there if you want."

Alex didn't even consider it. "I don't. Unless you want to."

"Not at all, to be honest," Jerry replied.

"Aw, look at us, being on the same page and shit."

Jerry laughed. "And shit."

"Yup. Can't forget the shit."

"Nope. Never."

They moved to sit with their backs against the bed, each looking up at the celling instead of at the other.

"Hey, seriously, this has been really fun. Thanks for being...like that."

Jerry laughed. "Whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. You're welcome. Thank you for being you."

"Now I'm the one that's gonna cry."

Alex ended up deciding she should go home before the party really ended. Of course, Jerry offered to walk her there, and Alex gladly took him up on that. They went along at a pace that was neither slow nor fast--mostly due to the fact that their balance was still off, but also because they weren't quite ready for the night to end. The apartment coming into view felt like the definition of disappointment.

"Well, this is it," Jerry said when they reached the stairs. "Wow, that party was so crazy I can't tell you a single thing that happened at it."

Alex laughed. "Very funny. Yeah, me neither. All I remember is the beginning, and the rest is kinda muffled."

"Muffled?"

"Because of the door."

"Right, right. Nice one."

"Thanks." Alex moved to stand on the first step. "Hey, I'm almost as tall as you now."

"And there I thought I'd never see that happen. Congratulations. You must be very proud."

"I am, yes. This is my most important achievement up to now. I don't think I'll ever surpass it."

"You could if you go up to the next step."

Alex shrugged. "That's too far. Anyway, you probably wanna go now--maybe I'll see you later?"

"I mean I guess it's getting kind of...early. And yeah, for sure. See you." He waved and put his hands in his pockets, turning to go.

Alex stayed on that step for a second, looking around for a second and deciding that she didn't like the view from that height. Then she sighed and turned around to carefully make her way up the steps and to her front door. She put her key in the lock and took one last look at the sky before she turned it and something occurred to her. Something about the feeling lighting her heart up. Something about its familiarity and something about how she hadn't felt it in a while.

Isn't this...love?

And then she stumbled inside, closed the door behind her, flopped onto the couch, and passed out.

✩✩✩

no sign-off just yet, i'm planning on updating again later :)