Drunken Words Are Sober Thoughts
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A l l - M i g h t :

This was hell. There really isn't any other way to describe this fiasco. Toshinori thought his new colleagues would've been a bit more perceptive but no, very obviously not. Were they blind to this man covered in severed hAnDs? Was the number one hero finally losing the plot? Why was he even here? What is the meaning of life? Typical existential crisis stuff.

So if we were to set aside the blaring red flags from the hands what do we have. A random raspy, crusty man who needs chapstick and his mist friend. Mist man is a bit suspicious but hell, Cementoss is a literal sentient block of cement.

'I guess there isn't anything too suspicious other than the hands.' All Might thought begrudgingly, however he promised himself to keep one eye out for any other red flags. Oh boy would there be many of them.

Shigaraki quickly brought the alcoholic drinks to the table of heroes, he wore a very disgusted face the whole time he was in a 1 meter radius of the teachers. Maybe he was a germaphobe? Yeah we'll go with that.

* * * *

Call it deja vu but there isn't a word in the English language that could properly explain how much of an awful time All Might was having. It took all of 45 minutes for his fellow heros to become completely intoxicated, their incoherent drunken ramblings drilling into Toshinori's head. He had a killer migraine that left him wearing a permanent scowl.

To make thing one billion times worse, the hand man handed (im so funny) Toshinori a bowl of fries, simply muttering the word "eat" as he placed them on the varnished table.

If only it was that fucking easy siR.

So here was the all mighty number one hero, the symbol of peace and pillar of justice. What was he doing? Picking fussily at his bowl of lightly salted fries like a bratty young child who wanted pizza instead. Was that too specific? Probably but i digress. The point here is, he wanted to be anywhere that wasn't this bar, even the void would suffice.

Lets analyze for a hot second, shall we make it a game?

~☆*What Type of Drunks are the Staff*☆~

1. Aizawa Shota aka Eraserhead

With this logic based man there isn't much of a difference when he's drunk. He's a bit more aggressive than usual but he won't beat someone up for blinking at them. He's more prone to starting full on debates, once he and his son ;) had a 2 hour long debate over why cats are superior.

Toshinori prefers rabbits but he'll never say it out loud.

2. Yamada Hizashi aka Present Mic

This loud blonde becomes 100% more clingy especially to Aizawa. If by any chance he were to be separated from the tired man, he would either: commit a heinous crime; cry an absurd amount; or the worst of them all, scream.

Toshinori fears one man aside from Torino and that man is Drunken Hizashi Yamada.

3. Kayama Nemuri aka Midnight

Lustful × 1000. Nobody is safe not even you, the person reading this.

4. Hirooki Anakuro aka Thirteen

They turn really mean. Your hair will be bullied; your personality trashed; and your bloodline dissed. To make it even worse, they have no filter like they ever had one to begin with but whatever. Just know they are MEAN.

It was already starting, in the past 15 minutes Thirteen had called out Toshinori's fringe for being 'disgustingly disgruntled.' What a poet they are-

Of course there were others like Snipe who only talked in a Southern American accent the whole time he was drunk. But they weren't that important since they weren't acting like toddlers high on laughing gas.

This would be a long ass night.

* * * *

S h i g a r a k i :

Why the fuck won't this stupid skeleton eat? Is he allergic to food, is that even a thing? Not only that but his face was starting to annoy the villian, the longer he stared at the blonde man the more he could see All Might in him. That could only mean one thing..

He was all mights secret love child. Wait, this isn't Todoroki back track. This never happened.

He was an All Might fanboy, a pretty extreme one to be precise. How unsightly, maybe Shigaraki should tear off his eyelashes as revenge for existing. But no, he had to restrain himself out of respect for this farce of a truce.

It was starting to become difficult to drown his homicidal tendencies, so far the villian had decayed a strand of Midnights hair before catching himself and abruptly stopping. How did normal people deal with murderous behavior.

Surely, you the person reading this villians inner most thoughts, have wanted to kill someone. Maybe they ate your food or insulted you as a person. Don't worry! It happens to the best of us.

Anyway, he needed to either: Leave, die or get drunk as well. Shigaraki didn't fancy dying at this current moment and he didn't want the heroes to stumble upon something incriminating if he left.

Alcohol it is. Come here my sweet darling whiskey!

* * * *

A l l - M i g h t :

Im sure we've established All Might was in hell numerous times but i feel the need to reiterate it. All Might Was In Hell. Not only did the hero have a pounding migraine from his colleagues blackout drunk thoughts but this handy man had joined them.

Thats fine, All Might was never one to discriminate against people solely based on their clothing preference. The blonde watched despairingly as this bar keep fell  further and further into intoxication.

At first this guy was quiet, thank the Lord but then literally out of noWheRe he said:

"Im going to stab All Might in the abdomen with a sewing needle and watch him bleed out slowly"

Oh.

oH

OH

'Thats me, what the hell.' Thought All Might in alarm, his grip tightened around the fork he was given with his chips. What a fucking night this was. The hero frantically looked at his fellow heros for comfort, they all had frozen, serious expressions painted on their faces.

Thank God they weren't a complete lost cause, maybe they'd talk to this hand guy and–

"HAHAH. You're pretty funny mister hand fetish." Midnight cackled, setting off the other teachers.

"Don't call me that."

"Sure whatever."

All Might didn't even sigh, honestly he wasn't sure what he was expecting. Instead the symbol of peace aggressively planting his face against to hard wood table, consequently sending his fries flying across the room and onto the floor.

Luckily Kurogiri caught them using his quirk to send the golden wedges onto the bar top. "Are you okay sir?" The purple man asked with genuine concern.

"Peachy. Thanks for asking." Toshinori grumbled back. I think its very obvious he wasn't fine. In fact he worsened his headache when he slammed his skull into the tabletop.

P e A c H y ~

* * * *

N o b o d y :

It was starting to get late, the suns warm glow no longer peeked through the bared up windows of the building. The moon had been completely covered by murky grey clouds that idly floated by. Still the obnoxious buzz coming from the table of heroes + unknown villain, interrupted any feelings of tranquility in the area.

"All right time to leave." All Might declared standing up abruptly. Since his head injury he had been extremely drowsy, he probably had a concussion.

"Aww but All mig-" Mic began in a very slurred manner, his hand wrapped around Aizawa's. All Might interrupted the loud blonde by smothering his mouth with his own big hands. He didn't fancy letting his secret out to a potential villain.

"No buts. Its already going to take an hour minimum to deliver you insufferable drunkards home." The hero sighed rubbing his temples rhythmically in attempt to sooth the construction site that was his head.

With a couples of tsks, the skeletal man made his way over to Kurogiri his hand full of money. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Midnight fall over while heading towards the door. The man mustered up a smile towards the purple bartender, he was the only other sane one here.

"Thank you for the drinks." The hero said with a bow before he and his merry band of drunks walked out onto the dark streets of Musutafu. They made it approximately 30cm out of the door before Midnight turned around shouting loudly as the bar door closed.

"See you next Friday!" And with that the heros disappeared into the deep dark night, weaving behind the tall modern buildings.

It seemed as if Midnights final exclamation snapped Shigaraki out of his drunken stupor, the villians crimson eyes widened with horror as he fully processed the womans words.

"Wait wHAT?"

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This was so fun to write, my hobby is bullying All Might.

I hope my writing style isn't too annoying lmao. I like to talk to you directly-

13th August: OBVIOUSLY I DIDN'T PROOFREAD THIS

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