Your eyes do not deceive you.

There isn't a single excuse for this. Hi again :,)

If you enjoy reading this how would you feel about another chatfic – not related to this one but with plenty of chaos surrounding Nemuri becoming principal of UA after verbally assaulting Nezu. Midoriya gets adopted and school has never been so strange. Apparently I'm funny so you might enjoy it.

Just spitballing ✋ Enjoy and thiS is dEfiNiTeLy tHe LAsT oNE

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Also known as:
• Nemuri Kayama's Family
• Or Families...
• Vehicular Manslaughter is always the answer
• Apologies and France
• Your Secrets aren't safe with Hizashi

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~~A wild name guide~~

• Oboro Shirakumo - Loud Cloud
• Nemuri Kayama - Midnight
• Tensei Iida - Ingenium
• Mirai Sasaki - Sir Nighteye
• Tsunagu Hakamata - Best Jeanist
• Shota Aizawa - Eraserhead
• Emi Fukukado - Ms Joke
• Anakuro Hirooki - Thirteen
• Ryuko Tatsumi - Ryukyu
• Tashiro Toyomitsu - FatGum
• Hizashi Yamada - Present mic
• Yagi Toshinori - All might
• Enji Todoroki - Endeavour
• Rumi Usagiyama - Miruko
• Keigo Takami - Hawks
• Yu Takeyama - Mt Lady
• Kan Sekijiro - Vlad King
• Tomoko Shiretoko - Ragdoll
• Kazumi Tsuchinoko - Uwabami
• Shinya Kamihara - Edgeshot

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Saturday 27th June 2101
Kidz Bop and Cocaine
~[02 : 21]~

Nemuri Kayama:
Hypothetically. If i got another car. Would i be allowed to drive it.

Toshinori Yagi:
No because i would break your arms before you could even think of gripping the steering wheel.

Anakuro Hirooki:
Then let me drive because I've been told driving is my special talent among other things such as: Kidnapping, Theft, Arson, Tax Fraud and Evasion, Murder if you squint–

Kan Sekijiro:
Bip bup time to shut up!

Shinya Kamihara:
What do you mean by muRder if yOu sQuiNT? How does squinting help

Tomoko Shiretoko:
Damn, 911? I'm living with a murderer send a swat team 📞😩

Rumi Usagiyama:
Tomoko bby thats the number for America and if you haven't noticed we live in Japan <3

Oboro Shirakumo:
Kuro i know for a fact you haven't even been within 2ft of a car.

Anakuro Hirooki:
Then tell me this, Oboro Shirakumo, how did i commit vehicular manslaughter last Tuesday?

Tashiro Toyomitsu:
IF YOU SQUINT, THEY SAID, I DON'T NEED TO SQUINT TO SEE THATS MURDER.

Tsunagu Hakamata:
The point is that nobody saw it because all witnesses were dealt with before they could tattle. Duh.

Yu Takeyama:
Nah what in castration happened last Tuesday?

Enji Todoroki:
Nothing. Move on.

Nemuri Kayama:
Nah because ya'll have gone wildly off topic here. Frankly, i don't give a shit about Anakuro's 12 murders.

Emi Fukukado:
TWELVE? PLEASE I'M NOT EMOTIONALLY STABLE ENOUGH FOR THESE SECRETS AT 2AM 😭

Shota Aizawa:
Then ignore it through the wonder of sleep. A free trial of death if you will.

Keigo Takami:
Damn that's sad.

Shota Aizawa:
Don't speak ill of the dead. Keigo.

Nemuri Kayama:
Because right now, my crime family have dropped off a few cars outside the gates for us. So right now we either buckle up or fuckle up.

Kazumi Tsuchinoko:
HOLD THE MF PHONE FOR A HOT MINUTE

Tensei Iida:
🖐📞 Got it bestie!

Kazumi Tsuchinoko:
Thanks Tensei. NEMURI, GIRL, WOMAN, FRIEND. I GET YOU HAVE A CRIME FAMILY AND ALL BUT THAT ISN'T AN EXPLANATION FOR A COUPLE OF CARS.

Tsunagu Hakamata:
I thought you got adopted out of the crime family like last year lmao.

Nemuri Kayama:
You're all focusing on the wrong things fucking hell. Ive been adopted by seven families and not one of them have any clue about eachother.

Oboro Shirakumo:
Its true. We hang out at a different house every week. I personally like the Yaoyorozu's because of the mansion but that might be my need for money in these trying times.

Hizashi Yamada:
But the OG Shigaraki's are nice despite the whole crime ring and human trafficking 😬. I'll never forget when her dad almost shipped me off to Peru for the small price of 100¥

Tensei Iida:
Shota was halfway across the Pacific and he cost a singular button apparently. Can't believe we had to row after him in a canoe.

Toshinori Yagi:
I think the best family is the friendship we made along the way.

Emi Fukukado:
YA'LL WHAT? THATS IT. I CAN'T. I'M KILLING MYSELF.

Shota Aizawa:
You weren't there. If anyone gets death privileges it should be me.

Anakuro Hirooki:
Yawn. Death is boring. Why die when there are people to annoy with my presence. Also these cars are fancy, do you reckon the crime family would adopt me?

Tensei Iida:
Honestly they're so deadbeat they'd think you were Nemuri if you said you were.

Ryuko Tatsuma:
When did you even leave? I didn't hear the door open and oh you broke a window. Fun.

Oboro Shirakumo:
WAIT I WANT TO GET IN A FANCY CAR.

Tsunagu Hakamata:
Ooo let's race the fancy cars around the city

Enji Todoroki:
Pedestrians. They exist.

Yu Takeyama:
I know the walking talking act of arson isn't talking. You have the highest kill count out of all of us smh.

Tashiro Toyomitsu:
WE SHOULDN'T HAVE A KILL COUNT AT ALL?

Keigo Takami:
No I've seen you flatten someone at least three times. Granted its partially Yu's fault for throwing you so hard but still.

Mirai Sasaki:
I do not have a kill count.

Rumi Usagiyama:
BITCH. THAT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU LOST COUNT ✋ YOU'RE LITERALLY ON THE JAPANS MOST WANTED STEP BACK.

Anakuro Hirooki:
Plus if people are out walking at 2am they deserve to be ran over and steamrolled into a fine paste on the road.

Emi Fukukado:
WHAHAHAT. AM I AT UA ANYMORE? OZ? IS THIS SOME TYPE OF TWISTED OZ?

Tomoko Shiretoko:
Why are you surprised? We literally just established Anakuro has no qualms with vehicular manslaughter.

Nemuri Kayama:
EVERYONE JUST GET IN A FUCKING CAR BECAUSE IM PRETTY SURE THEY'RE STOLEN AND THE POLICE ARE LOOKING FOR THEM 👍

Kan Sekijiro:
WHY WOULD WE GET INTO THE CARS THEN? SURELY, SURELY WE'D LEAVE IT BE

Rumi Usagiyama:
Where's the fun in that?!

Nemuri Kayama:
GET IN THE FUCKING CARS OR I'LL PUT UR BONES IN A MAGIC BREW AND DRINK IT IN ORDER TO GAIN MYSTICAL POWERS AND STEAL UR QUIRKS 👹👹👺👺

Enji Todoroki:
God fucking damn.

________________________

Keigo Takami:
I'm going to be honest. I thought you were joking about the police. But here we are. In a national police chase.

Enji Todoroki:
KEEP YOUR FUCKING EYES ON THE ROAD YOU LONELY SLAB OF SHIT.

Tsunagu Hakamata:
Why is Keigo the one driving? He's so short his ickle feet don't even reach the pedals owowowowowowo

Keigo Takami:
I'm going to swerve this fucking car into the creek.

Rumi Usagiyama:
You're literally wearing 5 inch platform shoes in order to reach the pedals. Down birdie.

Oboro Shirakumo:
Plus we drove the car into a ravine last week or something. Be original or I'll sue you in a court of law.

Tomoko Shiretoko:
Where evEn aRe yOU?

Anakuro Hirooki:
On a plane to France.

Emi Fukukado:
Lmaooo imagine.

Oboro Shirakumo:
No fr. We bought first class tickets and a villa by the ocean.

Tashiro Toyomitsu:
WITH WHAT MONEY?

Anakuro Hirooki:
Enji's duh.

Enji Todoroki:
Crash this fucking car right now.

Oboro Shirakumo:
It's poetic in a way. Whilst soaring high above the crystal tide of washing waves, amidst the birds and pearly clouds with the gentle humming of the planes engine buzzing in my ears. Anakuro and i have a strong bond, like a metal rope thats red in colour looped around our pinkies. It keeps us close. Yes, we have a strong bond. However somehow, Hizashi's mega fucking 10 billion decibel voice is stronger than all of that.

Ryuko Tatsuma:
I was wondering where you were going with that.

Hizashi Yamada:
IM SORRY IM RUINING YOUR PICTURE PERFECT HONEYMOON FLIGHT. DID MY VOICE BREAK YOUR FANCY WINE GLASSES? DID IT EXPLODE THE GRAPES SIRE? IM OH SO SORRY MY LIEGE. RESPECTFULLY CRY ABOUT IT.

Yu Takeyama:
...oh wow 🤧

Kan Sekijiro:
Dude he yelled that out loud too–

Anakuro Hirooki:
I KNOW WE HEARD IT FROM THE PLAN AHAHAHAH

Keigo Takami:
Hizashi machine 🅱️roke

Toshinori Yagi:
He's loud because Shota gave him a microphone and riled him up. Currently, i sit in the back seat of what i can only describe as a fucking bat mobile while writing an apology letter to the whole of Japan and three of the neighboring countries.

Tsunagu Hakamata:
Don't be shy, show us it.

Toshinori Yagi:
Dear Japan and possibly everywhere else including mars,
Today, i have made a severe, continuous lapse in my judgment and i don't expect to be forgiven. I’m simply here to apologize. This whole car chase is obviously unplanned. The reactions you're seeing on the 3am news are raw; they were unfiltered. None of us know how to react or how to feel about being pursued by armed police. I should have never gotten in this car, I should have realised nothing good ever comes of following my class. There's a lot of things I should have done differently but I didn't. And for that, from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry. I want to apologize to the internet. I want to apologize to anyone who has be woken up. I want to apologize to anyone who has been woken by my friends loud shouting, or police sirens, or vroom vroom sounds. But most importantly I want to apologize to my teacher Gran Torino. For my fans who are defending my actions, please don't. I don’t deserve to be defended. The goal with being a hero is always to save; to push the boundaries, to smile all the time. In the heroic world I live in, almost everything I do is shared with the world. Heroics is never to be heartless, cruel, or malicious. Like I said I made a huge mistake. I don’t expect to be forgiven, I’m just here to apologize. I'm ashamed of myself. I’m disappointed in myself. And I promise to be better. I will be better. Thank you.

Rumi Usagiyama:
WHAT IN THE LOGAN PAUL IS THIS TOSHINORI ⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

Emi Fukukado:
IM LITERALLY PEEING. DID YOU USE A TEMPLATE FOR THAT. BYEBSBSHAAU

Enji Todoroki:
You are a fucking idiot and i hate you so much i could punch a puppy.

Nemuri Kayama:
Toshinori Yagi maverick confirmed? 😍😮🙈💞

Toshinori Yagi:
I thought it was a respectable apology so i took some inspiration from it.

Tomoko Shiretoko:
SOME INSPIRATION? YOU PLAGIARIZED THE WHOLE THING – AND IT WAS NEVER RESPECTABLE OR GOOD

Hizashi Yamada:
🔊YOU🔊ARE🔊AN🔊EMBARRASSMENT🔊YO🔊

Toshinori Yagi:
I already streamed it so..-

Mirai Sasaki:
Pipe down Hizashi. You're literally spilling both state secrets and personal secrets to the citizens of Japan. It's embarrassing for you.

Tensei Iida:
SIMP ALERT. SIMP ALERT. HIDE THE CHILDREN. HIZASHI ANNOUNCE IT TO THE PUBLIC – A MAN BUILT LIKE A SPAGHETTI NOODLE IS THIRSTING OVER THE RESIDENT SUNSHINE BECAUSE THEY KISSED ONCE WHEN THEY THOUGHT NOBODY SAW IN THE LOCKER ROOM AFTER SCHOOL BUT IN ACTUALITY ENJI STUFFED ME IN MY OWN LOCKER SO I SAW IT ALL!

Kazumi Tsuchinoko:
No way 😳😳

Nemuri Kayama:
WHY WOULDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS TENSEI

Hizashi Yamada:
I'll just start airing everyones dirty laundry, no sweat!

Shota Aizawa:
Keep going i love you with my whole soul. Expose everyone. Ruin their reputation. Make it so the public won't be able to bare looking any of us in the eyes as heroes.

Oboro Shirakumo:
And do it on speech to text because i think the plane is finally out of Hizashi hearing distance. Also i forgive you for being mean to me because i have a hunch it was actually Shota and his never ending chronicles of bullying me.

Kan Sekijiro:
He bullies everyone, you ain't special.

Hizashi Yamada:
WHEN ENJI TODOROKI SITS DOWN YOU CAN SOMETIMES SEE HIS CRACK. SOMEONE THREW A COIN DOWN THERE AND I EXPECTED BUBBLEGUM TO BE DISPENSED HOWEVER SAID COIN WAS LOST TO THE ABYSS

Ryuko Tatsuma:
He ain't coming back from that one yikes 💀

Enji Todoroki:
I am leaving this world of mortal pain and taking my place in the heavens amongst the deities who warned me of this awful world yet promised to watch over me. Although they failed, i will be happy to join them once again 🤰

Emi Fukukado:
WHY THE PREGNANCY EMOJI LMAOOSKSK

Keigo Takami:
Now thats embarrassing. He didn't even swear. A broken man he is

Hizashi Yamada:
ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL TASHIRO TOYOMITSU BROUGHT IN WHAT WAS BASICALLY A SUITCASE AS HIS BACKPACK THAT HELD A BIG ASS BOTTLE – A GALLON – OF WATER

Shinya Kamihara:
Ah simpler times when we weren't being chased by police.

Tashiro Toyomitsu:
Don't forget to mention the way everyone bullied me until i stopped using bags cor school all together. I'm a dehydrated boy and its everyones fault.

Hizashi Yamada:
NEMURI KAYAMA MOANED AT THE BACK OF THE CLASSROOM AND HAS YET TO GROW OUT OF IT. SHE TOLD ME SHE'S PRACTICING.

Yu Takeyama:
Ohhh i see~ naughty are we nem?

Tsunagu Hakamata:
Girl thats actually so sad. You are in my prayers amen 🤧🙏

Nemuri Kayama:
IT WAS ONLY FUNNY WHEN IT WASN'T ME. SOMEONE BURN THE CAR WITH HIZASHI AND SHOTA INSIDE. THEY KNOW TOO MUCH

Rumi Usagiyama:
I kicked Keigo out the drivers seat and left him on the side of the road – I'm armed with live grenades and reckless abandon. These guys won't be spilling anything else.

Anakuro Hirooki:
Noooo I'm enjoying this.

Hizashi Yamada:
RUMI USAGIYAMA USED TO TAKE MIRROR SELFIES WITH AN IPAD

Hizashi Yamada:
DESPITE WHAT YOU MAY BELIEVE, TSUNAGU HAKAMATA DROWNS HIMSELF IN AXE BODY SPRAY.

Hizashi Yamada:
ANAKURO PLAYS ROBLOX – EXCLUSIVELY ROYALE HIGH AND HAS A CHARACTER CALLED TWILIGHT WHO IS A QUARTER DEMON, VAMPIRE, WOLF AND DEPRESSED.

Rumi Usagiyama:
Kaboom.

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________________________

Japan Daily
________________________

Just last night the whole country was awoken at ungodly hours in the morning by what sounded like an intense police chase. The infamous crime ring appropriately named The Sonambulists, had reportedly stolen six expensive cars and sped through the city taking hostages in the form of UA's hero course, Class 3-A.

Nemuri Kayama, one of the hostages, described the experience to be "Beyond traumatizing for a sweer innocent girl like me." Our thoughts and prayers are with all 20 victims in these hard times. This would make it the 13th time this group of villains has targeted this class. What could they want?

Also occurring last night aside from the car chase was an embarrassing public apology one of the villains used in hopes of embarrassing the upcoming hero Toshinori Yagi. Don't worry kid, we know you wouldn't shame yourself in such a way! The apology in question landed 38 people in hospital though the true extent is unclear. Keep your head up, its not your fault.

There was also a hijacking of a plane during these events resulting in a crash landing on a field outside of UA. The fatalities outweigh the survivors though I'm happy to report that two other kidnapped students who were being shipped off to France made it out alive with next to no injuries. Our thoughts are with everyones families.

The night ended in flames when an explosion of one of the stolen cars caused a chain reaction throughout the country, destroying homes, small businesses and animal shelters. When will these villains stop and when will they leave class 3-A alone?

Written by Junko Ito
27.06.01 ©️Japan Daily

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Thanks for reading this self indulgent chapter. I wanted to have a throwback since its summer again. Also I'm literally so bored and at this point i feel like committing crime is the only way to quench my thirst for chaos.

Also pls do not attempt anything in this fic. I feel like thats obvious but you never know.