caluminthehood: please Ashton
caluminthehood: it's not like ur ugly
caluminthehood: and you have such a pretty name
caluminthehood: PLEASE

ashtonirwin: no

caluminthehood: why not

ashtonirwin: because i'm hideous

caluminthehood: let
caluminthehood: me
caluminthehood: see

ashtonirwin: no

caluminthehood: i'll cry

ashtonirwin: you do that

caluminthehood: aaaAAaassSssSssshhttToOooonnNNnN
caluminthehood:

ashtonirwin: you're acting like a child

caluminthehood: no
caluminthehood: this is sleep deprived
caluminthehood: not childlike
caluminthehood: do you want to s e e childlike
caluminthehood: because i can do
caluminthehood: """childlike"""

ashtonirwin: calm down

caluminthehood: calm
caluminthehood: d o w n ? ?

ashtonirwin: go to bed, Cal
ashtonirwin: you need to sleep
ashtonirwin: i'll talk to you in the morning

[ ashtonirwin is offline ]

caluminthehood: fine
caluminthehood: i'll go to bed

[ caluminthehood is offline ]

-

ashtonirwin: are you okay?

caluminthehood: ugh
caluminthehood: was i drunk
caluminthehood: my god
caluminthehood: i certainly feel like i was
caluminthehood: i'm doing better

ashtonirwin: that's good

caluminthehood: seriously
caluminthehood: the fuck was wrong with me

ashtonirwin: i don't know
ashtonirwin: but it was amusing nonetheless
ashtonirwin: so thank you for that

caluminthehood: you're welcome

ashtonirwin: so what are you doing

caluminthehood: it's like
caluminthehood: 8 in the morning dude
caluminthehood: i WAS sleeping

ashtonirwin: sorry
ashtonirwin: had to get up early for work
ashtonirwin: thought i'd text you while i had time

caluminthehood: how sweet

ashtonirwin: are you being sincere

caluminthehood: 100%

ashtonirwin: you're lying

caluminthehood: of course i am
caluminthehood: i need my motherfucking beauty rest god damnit

ashtonirwin: my apologies your highness

caluminthehood: go to work
caluminthehood: leave me alone

ashtonirwin: someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed

caluminthehood: i woke up on the floor actually

ashtonirwin: how the hell

caluminthehood: not a fucking clue
caluminthehood: whatever
caluminthehood: stupid ass floor
caluminthehood: makin my back hurt

ashtonirwin: ya know what else can make your back hurt

caluminthehood: sTO P IT RIGHT NOW
caluminthehood: it's too early to be this dumb
caluminthehood:

ashtonirwin: why would you do that
ashtonirwin: if it's too early for my sex jokes
ashtonirwin: it's too early for your memes

caluminthehood:

ashtonirwin: i will smack it out of you

caluminthehood: k i n k y

ashtonirwin: oh fuck
ashtonirwin: busted

caluminthehood: a nut

ashtonirwin: Jesus
ashtonirwin: i'm done

caluminthehood: hehe
caluminthehood: bye bye Ashhh

ashtonirwin: goodbye Calum

-

caluminthehood: so how was """work"""

ashtonirwin: boring
ashtonirwin: but that's okay
ashtonirwin: what did you do today

caluminthehood: that almost rhymed
caluminthehood: how fun
caluminthehood: what did i do today?
caluminthehood: lil ol me
caluminthehood: i cried

ashtonirwin: awwh why

caluminthehood: i stepped on duke's paw
caluminthehood: for like .0001 seconds
caluminthehood: so i spent the rest of the day treating him like a king

ashtonirwin: aww
ashtonirwin: is he okay
ashtonirwin: are YOU okay
ashtonirwin: because crying is very emotionally draining

caluminthehood: yeah he's okay

ashtonirwin: good

caluminthehood: and of course i'm okay
caluminthehood: i am a strong, capable person

ashtonirwin: that cried when his dog got """hurt"""

caluminthehood: are you trying to make my babies injury seem less important
caluminthehood: because i might have to kill you if you are

ashtonirwin: no no no
ashtonirwin: i'm not

caluminthehood: great
caluminthehood: because i don't want to kill you
caluminthehood:

ashtonirwin: are you ready

caluminthehood: for what
caluminthehood: fuck
caluminthehood: for what ASHTON

ashtonirwin: nothing

caluminthehood: damn you
caluminthehood: i thought i was getting a picture

ashtonirwin: you were going to

caluminthehood: well
caluminthehood: why the fuck nOT

ashtonirwin: because of THAT
ashtonirwin: you're all sweet and innocent
ashtonirwin: you can't swear

caluminthehood: i will do whatever the hell i please

ashtonirwin: then i guess you aren't getting a picture
ashtonirwin: sorry

caluminthehood:

caluminthehood: i will cry again

ashtonirwin: please don't

caluminthehood: why the hell not

ashtonirwin: i don't want you to cry
ashtonirwin: i just want you to be patient

caluminthehood: patient?
caluminthehood: reeeeaallyyy
caluminthehood: me?
caluminthehood: that just doesn't work

ashtonirwin: be patient

caluminthehood: sí papi

ashtonirwin: fuckk
ashtonirwin: i know what that means calum
ashtonirwin: thanks a lot
ashtonirwin: damnit

caluminthehood: well
caluminthehood: that's what i'm calling you from now on
caluminthehood: such a fun reaction

ashtonirwin: please don't

caluminthehood: sorry
caluminthehood: i can't hear you over the sounds of my victory music
caluminthehood: *we are the champions by queen blasts out of no where*

ashtonirwin: why is it 'we'
ashtonirwin: last i checked
ashtonirwin: you are one person

caluminthehood: duke came up with the idea
caluminthehood: i just employed it
caluminthehood: gotta give him credit
caluminthehood: he's the evil mastermind
caluminthehood: i'm just pretty

ashtonirwin: i
ashtonirwin: wouldn't
ashtonirwin: k N O W

caluminthehood: that's too bad

ashtonirwin: UgHhGhh

caluminthehood: someone getting upset over there?

ashtonirwin: no
ashtonirwin: i'm fine
ashtonirwin: just experiencing some technical difficulties

caluminthehood: in your pants
caluminthehood: right, papi?

ashtonirwin: fuck
ashtonirwin: i'm leaving

caluminthehood: goodbye :-)

ashtonirwin: bye

-

(A/N: sí papi means 'yes daddy' in Spanish lmao)

-