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hi, hi guys!  so incredibly sorry for the very late update.  I promise I have not forgotten this book.  honestly, just was feeling unmotivated to write it for a while.  But I'm back now - just not sure on the updates yet because I now work a full time job as an MA at a dermatology clinic and I moved to the beach.  ˖°𓇼🌊⋆🐚 

It's so much fun and I'm learning a lot but I also get tired so easily because I am full time now.  So please forgive the sporadic updates but hopefully someday after I feel more comfortable at my job, I can get on a schedule.  Maybe for the later chapters I won't follow the episodes word for word either.  Vote in the comments what you prefer - how it is now or if you prefer all new content that doesn't exactly follow the episode but would still follow the cases in the episode?

Without further ado sit back and relax.  Grab your favorite drink and snack and read a new chapter of your favorite Grey's couple.  Love you guys!  Don't forget to like by clicking the star in the right hand corner and spam comments please!  It really helps motivate me 🌻💛🌙🪞✨🌼

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[season 5 episode 16]

Alison was tired. 

Alison went in line to get a coffee from the Roasterie Cafe that was in their hospital.  It had been a while since she had coffee and one shot of espresso in her latte couldn't hurt...right?  She needed her caramel latte if she were going to get through the day.  

As she was getting more into this pregnancy it was kicking her ass and she was just ready for him to get here.  To hold him.

"I know you aren't really doing surgeries right now but want to scrub in with me for this surgery?" Addison asked her former student.

"Hell yeah," she grinned.  She had missed the OR.  The feeling of anxiousness before scrubbing in for a surgery and then the feeling after being able to save someone's life.

"Good to have the dream team back again," Addison grinned.

"Agreed," Alison let out a breath before smiling.  "Thanks for thinking of me."

"I wouldn't want anyone else by my side.  Well, except for Karev with us," she teased.

Addison would be lying if she weren't nervous about this patient with Derek. 

All they could do was let the husband work through his process of grieving and say whatever he wanted to Derek.  Part of Alison felt like the husband was right.  The person Alison saw in that OR room was not the Derek she knew.  He transformed into something different with that maniac look in his eye.  It was scary.  

She just hoped Mark wouldn't be mad at her for agreeing to this surgery with how close she was to her due date.

💗

"52 year-old male fell down a flight of stairs.  He's five days post op from a cholycystectomy which looks to have caused the fall," Callie told Owen and Cristina as she checked out their patient.

"Why would having your gallbladder removed cause a fall?" Cristina asked confused.

"Well," Callie said as she began to remove the patient's bandage from the surgery and they took a look at the area.  

"A non-microscopic choly?" Owen asked in shock.  "Sir, what hospital did you have your operation at?"

"Here," the patient said.  "My surgeon was Doctor Campbell."

"That explains it," Cristina said under her breath but just enough for Owen and Callie to hear.  

"Excuse us for one moment," Owen told him and he nodded his head as they left to the side to talk about what they just saw.  "Someone care to fill me in?"

"Campbell was Seattle Grace's first female surgeon.  Pioneers as it gets," Callie tells him.  "Mostly she just gets in her office and spreads procedure," she lets out a laugh.  "But she still does routine surgery now and then."

"Botches routine surgeries is what you mean," Cristina corrects her.  "I'll page the chief."

"No," Owen stops her.  "You page Campbell its her patient."

"And let her mame the guy again?  How about we page someone who actually knows how to operate," she started out and Callie laughed in agreement with her.  "Instead of some dinosaur who refuses to retire her scalpel and go join her friends in Boca," Cristina said harshly.

"The dinosaur is here," Doctor Campbell spoke up and they turned to her in shock.  "No need to page me."

💗

"So did you scope out yet?" Callie asked Mark as they were at the nurses station.  

"Who?" Mark asked confused.

"Arizona."

"Oh yeah right.  No, I haven't gotten a chance to swing by Peds and ask the nurse if one of the attendings was the one who kissed my best friend in a dirty bar bathroom."

"Well, at least you're still good for coffee," Callie said assuming it was for her and started to reach for it but he slid it away from her as fast as he could.  

"Oh that's not for you," he told her.  

"Coffee?!" Addison exclaimed.  "Why thank you, Mark!"

"That's not for you either," Mark said and as soon as he spotted his fiancé he bolted but not before turning to Addison and saying, "I have a bone to pick with you after this."

"Morning fiancé," he greeted her with a sweet kiss and handed her favorite coffee from Starbucks to her.  It was fiancé in public for now and wife in private.

"Really?" Her eyes lit up with excitement as she took a sip of her iced white chocolate mocha and let out a sigh of contentment.  "What's this for?"

"If you don't do the surgery that I know Addison put you on, I'll let you have a whole cup of coffee," he tried to bargain with her.

"Honey," she let out a sigh and laced her fingers through his.  "I'll be fine and the baby will be fine.  If I start to feel lightheaded or anything I promise I'll step away.  I just - I need to do this for me.  Because after he's born, I won't be working for 8 weeks.  Please?" She lowered her bottom lip almost like a pout as Addison and Callie watched in amusement, seeing the inner torment in Mark's eyes as he weighed the pros and cons and finally he let out a defeated sigh.

"Okay sweetheart.  As long as you promise to tap out the minute you feel like something is wrong," Alison let out a squeal of excitement and placed multiple kisses to his lips.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," she smiled and took the cup of coffee with her.  "You're the best!"

Mark just smirked and shook his head.

"Wow, she's really changed him," Addison commented amazed at the person Mark was now.

"Right?  It's like he's putty in her hands.  They're probably my favorite couple," Callie commented.

💗

Arizona came rolling in on her skater shoes with an excited smile on her face.  It just warmed her heart that Bailey was wanting to switch to Peds as she always felt like Peds got the lowest number of doctors for residency.  She was hoping that would change because even though yes, Peds could be sad at times with little kids getting sick and not making it, it was also incredibly rewarding and challenging.  That was one of the many reasons why Alison loved it as well.  

"An application is the first step in a new life.  How are we feeling?" Arizona asked very excited and bubbly.  "Positive?  Confident?"

"I am good...great," Miranda exclaimed trying to sound as excited and energetic as Arizona was but it felt like a lie.  "Uh, you take care of your own feelings."

"Peds surgery is super competitive," Arizona said trying to hype her own speciality up, not that she needed to, of course.  

"That's why I come armed with letters of recommendations to put the competition to shame.  Look," she pointed as she pulled up Derek's letter first.  "Shepherd says I'm talented and resourceful.  Sloan finds it an honor to work with me every day.  Anderson says I have a way with my patients that goes above and beyond anything she has ever seen before..."

"And the Chief?  What about the Chief?" Arizona asks getting excited but knowing that the main one that will count would be the Chief's.  

"Still working on that," Miranda says stressed out a bit.  She had been putting off this conversation for as long as possible as she wasn't sure what to expect with him but she knew it would be like pulling teeth to get his letter of recommendation.

"Bailey!  The Cheif's is the only recommendation that matters.  Everyone else on the election comity works-"

"I know!  You calm down!  I got it under control," Miranda said, not needing this extra stress.  She didn't need blondie on her case.

"Good cause speaking on behalf of me, we couldn't be more excited to have you," she grinned.  "Yay," she exclaimed and left.

💗

Jen was trying to form words to her husband as they were wheeling her into the OR room for surgery.  Alison was going over the notes from her history just so that she could feel as prepared as she could for this surgery.

"You want him to do piano lessons, yes?" Her husband said understanding what she was trying to say.

She was so grateful for her husband and leaned into his touch with a content smile on her face.  She wasn't sure what she ever did to deserve a love like this but she didn't want it to end.  She could only hope that this surgery was it for her and they could go on living their lives with their baby boy.  

"Public school so he doesn't become a snob, I know," Rob told his wife as Alison had a sad smile on her face, listening to them.  "But I don't have to because you're gonna be there to make sure I don't turn him into a jerk," he told her as he held onto her hand and she let out a smile and tears in her eyes.

"We're here," Derek told the couple.  This was as far as Rob could go.

"I love just-" Jen started to say.

"I know.  You love me.  And I love you," he told his wife getting choked up with tears in his eyes as well.  Hoping this wasn't going to be the last time he saw her.  "I'll see you in a few," he promised her as he pressed his lips to hers in a long, sweet kiss that could last a lifetime.  He kissed her hand before she was off.

"Her blood pressure is a little higher than it was yesterday," Addison tells Derek a little concerned.  

"We can't wait," Derek says, dismissing what Addison tells him.

"Well I know, I just -"

"I'm aware and I understand.  You're a doctor and so am I.  Let's just do this together."

"Your guy and my guy work well together," Alex tells Meredith.  

"Well my guy works well with everyone," Meredith says.  

"Not everyone," Alison said over her shoulder as she walked ahead of them.  Hoping this surgery had a good outcome.  

💗

"Doctor Stevens?" Graciella asked Izzie getting her attention.

"Yes?"

"Do you think we will get to scrub in on a surgery today?" She asked with excitement but Izzie let out a scoff.

"You losers really think you're capable of holding someone's life in your hands when you can barely finish the intern bowl?  Really?  Come on," she let out a laugh of amusement as she left leaving the interns feeling defeated.

"Doctor Stevens, remember me?" A patient got her attention.  "I was here a couple days ago when you told me I might have cancer.  You sent me to an oncologist who sent me to an immunologist who then sent me to some other kind of ologist I had never even heard of.  And $80,000 in medical tests later the only thing wrong with me is that I'm anemic."

"Anemic-" Izzie said still trying to comprehend what she was being told.  

"My lawyer seems to think that someone here mislabeled the blood.  Switched it with someone else's and I was told not to come here.  But my conscious wanted to make sure you went through those files of everybody who was here at the clinic that day."

"Of course," Izzie agreed, nodding her head in agreement even though she knew it was her who had been diagnosed with cancer.  "We will.  I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize to me," the patient said.  "I'm just anemic.  You apologize to that dying person," the patient finished, not realizing that she was speaking to the said person.  

Right then though Izzie could barely hear what the patient was saying as she had a million thoughts running through her mind.  

Izzie, still shaken with dread from earlier was staring at the filing cabinet as if it were haunting her.  This was because of what she did to Callie.  What she did to Denny.  Alison.  She really was a bitch.  And she deserved whatever happened to her.

Slowly, she opened the cabinet and stared at her file before opening it.

Stevens, Isobel  - Anemia.

Shit.

💗

"Is that the middle of the cerebral artery?" Meredith asked as they were all currently in Jen's surgery.

"Yes, after I connect the STA, we will be able to close," Derek says.

"Baby's having spontaneous decels," Alex says.

"Mom is hypotensive," Alison tells Addison.

"Derek, I don't know how much we can handle," Addison tells Derek honestly in concern from the patient and her baby.  "Baby's going to need to come out."

"Almost done, Addison.  Just wait," Derek says as he looks up at her quickly.

"It's not me that can wait," Addison says with frustration.  

"The decels are getting more frequent," Alex comments.

"A 24-week old fetus can't handle this.  Three surgeries in four days.  We have to get the baby out, Derek!" Addison yells more anxious about the situation that Derek is putting them all in.

"The baby is too young to come out," Derek says as he continues working, oblivious to what is really happening.  Meanwhile Alison feels like her heart is racing out of anxiousness of the potential of what could happen to this patient and her baby.  

"Even if the baby is too young - they are in distress, Derek," Alison tells him but he tunes her out.

"Last decels lasted a full 30 seconds," Alex says.  

"Alright that's it," Addison makes a decision.  "I'm taking him out."  

"Can I have a suture?" Derek asks.

"Can I have a 10-blade?" Addison asks anyone who is listening as she hurries to get the baby out.

"Leave the baby in," Derek says harshly.

It was like Alison didn't recognize her best friend.  He was turning into this person who couldn't see the severity of the situation and was so laser focused on helping Jen with her brain aneurysm.  Normally, Alison would understand, but she also knew how important it was to save her baby even if Jen couldn't be saved.  It was a shame because she was such a sweet woman from the time that Alison had met her and she could see the love her husband Rob had for her.  It was the kind of love you prayed for would one day come to you.  That seemed so far out of reach.  Or that you weren't deserving of it.  It was true love.  She supposed only some were lucky enough of finding that.  

But even though they might not be able to save Jen they could save her baby.  

She started getting ready along with Addison to help deliver this baby.  

"Done," Derek says.  "I'm done.  I'm done."

Alison let out a shaky breath as they almost came severely close this time.  Addison just stared at him annoyed at the entire situation.  How could Derek be this careless?  He was running on not that much sleep and it was showing up in his work.  He was irate, careless and not giving a damn about the consequences of him continuing to do surgery on Jen without any sleep.  

But what about next time something like this happens?  You can never be too careful.  Patients literally put their lives in surgeons hands.  They expect greatness.  They expect perfection.  They expect there to be no fuck ups.  

💗

"What the hell was that in there?" Alison asked pissed off at Derek as they left the OR.  

"What was what?" Derek replied with furrowed eyebrows.

"Your behavior.  You weren't paying attention to Jen's or the baby's vital signs, zero self-awareness.  You could have easily fucked up in there, Derek!"

"Well I didn't...so..."

"That's all you have to say?" Alison scoffs in irritation.  "You better take a nap, Derek.  Because I swear to God if you mess up next time..."

"There won't have to be a next time," he replies back cooly.  "She's fixed now."

"You better hope she is," Alison shook her head and left.  Because if she isn't, Alison would do what she never thought she would have to do.  She would go to the Chief about Derek and his lack of awareness during surgery.  It was not a good look for him for someone like Jen and her husband who put so much trust in him.  Alison could only hope this surgery was a success.

For all of their sakes and Derek's.

💗

"You've got a minor fracture so you won't need surgery," Callie tells Doctor Campbell's patient.  "You should be on your feet within a few weeks."

"I don't know what I was thinking... the wound wasn't healing as fast as I had hoped," the patient replies.  

"Next time you call me, John," Dr. Campbell tells the patient as if it was the patient's fault.  "Dr. Yang, explain to my patient what you feel I should have done differently in order to avoid this complication," but she was quiet.  "Don't be shy, Dr. Yang."

"Okay," Cristina says feeling more confident now and wanting to call Dr. Campbell on the carpet.  "Patient's status post minimally invasive procedures have been shown to have decrease post surgical discomfort and recovery times."

"In human please, Dr. Yang," Dr. Campbell interrupts her.

"This surgery should have been done laparoscopically," she says in simple terms.  

"Doctor Hunt - perhaps you can explain to Doctor Yang why I chose to do the surgery this way."

"Although some doctors prefer to use the new technology there are others who believe it is actually more risky since we can't see or move around as much during the surgery.  It's half a dozen either way," he explains to everyone in the room.

"Bravo, Doctor Hunt," Doctor Campbell congratulates him.  "Do you understand John?" She asked the patient.

"Yes," he replies.  "I have no doubt you did the right thing by me, Doctor Campbell."

"Wonderful," she smiles big as everyone else is uncomfortable in the room.  "Now, Doctor Yang - please take our patient to CT.  Maybe you'll learn something in the process," she says while they all glance at each other wondering what the hell is going on.  "While I confirm with Doctor Hunt about our course of treatment," she tells her as she gives her a big fake smile.

💗

"I'm on a deadline, Stevens," Miranda tells Izzie who just walked into the same room as her.  

"Sadie Harris mislabeled a patient's blood sample and now the clinic is probably getting sued," Izzie said with frustration.

She seemed to have forgotten what she had done to the hospital and not to mention at the risk of getting her medical license terminated.  So Miranda decided to give her a refresher if she hadn't realized she needed one already.

"It's a good thing Sadie Harris no longer works here," Miranda says back.

"No," Izzie disagrees with her.  "It's not.  It's not a good thing because it isn't just her.  The interns all of them - they are capable of the same mistake.  They are dangerous!"

"Stevens-" Miranda tries to speak calmly but Izzie again interrupts her and raises her voice.

"Don't tell me I am overly emotional and it isn't personal.  Because it is!  Personal.  I have worked so hard to teach them and it is personal," she reiterates.

"Stevens - you don't think I thought the same thing about you people every day for the first three years you worked here?  You know what the chief told me when I did?  Get out!"

Izzie stared at her annoyed at the entire situation and then there was the fact that Miranda wasn't listening to her.  All of these interns were a liability to the hospital and she needed to talk to someone who would listen.

💗

Jen started waking up from her surgery which was a good sign because now they could see if the surgery worked.

"You don't get much rest, do you Doctor Shepherd?" She asked him with a smile on her face and her husband looked at Derek with a smile on his face and let out a happy laugh.

"Did you hear yourself just then?" Derek asked his favorite patient.

"Oh my God," she said in shock as she realized she was back to talking normal again and had a big smile on her face this time.  "Oh my God, I can talk!"

"I know!" Rob exclaimed happily as they kissed.

Alison smiled at the couple as it was so sweet and innocent to get to see their love in person.  Alison didn't see it but Derek let out a sigh of relief as he really wasn't sure how the surgery would play out.  Sure, he's always hopeful but this is neuro - it isn't rocket science.  The brain was a fragile part of the human body and any little misstep could create a big complication.

"The baby?  How is the baby?" Jen asked concerned as Addison came in and the red head let Alison answer.

"Yeah, the baby's stable.  However, your new labs show your preeclamptic," Alison told her the unfortunate news that no new mom wanted to hear.  "We had hoped to keep it from progressing to this stage but the stress of the surgery was a lot on your body," she delivers the bad news.  

"So do we need to be worried?" Rob asked as they were all quiet.  "Come on, Doctor Shepherd, please tell me we're done being worried.  You're about to be a mom," Rob said to Alison as he glanced at her pregnant belly.  "Would you still be worried or are we out of the woods now?"

Since Derek wasn't going to speak up, she felt like she needed to.

"Unfortunately being preeclamptic is not the best of news.  But that doesn't mean that something bad is going to happen either way.  Unfortunately though, if I told you we were out of the woods now that would be a lie.  I think we can be cautiously optimistic as Jen obviously did great during this surgery but we also need to monitor her and the baby more closely now."

"This is the first time they have had hope in a week," Derek reprimands Alison and Addison outside of the patient's room for what Alison said to the patient.

"And you want me to lie through my teeth just to save your ass when it could mean that my license is on the line due to giving them false information?  Preeclampsia is a serious condition that cannot only affect the baby but the mother as well, Derek!" Alison says standing her ground and Alex smirks at Meredith.

"My girls are better than your guy," he tells her.

"You are too close to this patient," Addison buts in.

"Stop fighting me on this, both of you," Derek looks at the two women.  "We had a victory in there now let's stay focused on that."

"You should remember that we don't just focus on that!  We give the family all of the information so that they can be informed.  That's our job, Derek," Alison tells him and he just doesn't want to hear it.

"Looks like my guy won that round," Alex said cockily to Meredith.

"Meredith, Karev, can you go get Jen's blood test results?" Addison asks him and he does as told leaving them with the blonde resident.  "Give me one reason why I shouldn't go to the chief."

"Why?  The surgery was a success," Meredith says as she was also confused why these two women were being so hard on Derek right now.

"He made a mistake on her first surgery.  He caused a series of complications.  He feels responsible," Addison tells her.  "So tell me why I should wait.  Tell me why I shouldn't go to the chief."

"During the clinical trial he lost a lot of patients," Meredith explains to them both.  "And it affected him for the better I think.  He cares more if that's possible.  You just have to trust him."

"Okay," Addison said nodding her head and giving in.

💗

"You look like you're about ready to pop," Lexie tells Alison as she hands her a snack for the day.  Obviously, cheez-its since she was craving something salty.  And Alison had in turn given her raspberry filled jelly donuts.  Lately, Lexie had become very stressed and when that happens - she stress eats.  So while Alison eats due to pregnancy cravings, Lexie eats due to stress.  

"I feel like I am," Alison says as she sits down next to her at the lunch table.

Lexie wasn't about to tell her of the surprise baby shower she was going to throw her this weekend.  Since Alison's mom was here, now was the perfect time to have one!  She just hoped Alison was happy with it.  

"So, tell me everything.  How was your date with the Hinge guy?"

"It actually went really well," Lexie gushed.  "But I'm trying not to get ahead of myself because I do that a lot and it leads to nowhere."

"He was the firefighter guy right?"

"Yes and Ali - I'm telling you he's so hot.  Like way out of my league hot.  He's a little bit older butttt I like older men, obviously and -"

"Lex, you're rambling," Alison let out a cute giggle as she happily munched on her Cheez-its.  "How much older is he?"

"12 years older," she mumbled under her breath.

Alison moved her head side to side as she thought about it and nodded her head.

"I can work with that.  I gotta see a picture though," she said as Lexie pulled up a picture of them on their date and handed her the phone and Alison let out a gasp.  "Damn Lex.  I definitely don't blame you then.  He is hot.  I mean if he worked here he could be part of the Derek and Mark trio and his nickname would be McYummy," she told her best friend as Lexie let out a laugh.

"Right?  And the thing is he's so sweet too.  He's not just mister tough guy.  We've only been on a few dates so far but I really like him."

"Aww," Alison gushes as she hands Lexie back her phone.  "I'm really happy for you and I hope it works out this time.  If anyone deserves love - it's you."

"Thanks Ali," she gives her a shy smile that has her cheeks blushing

"Of course!  What's his name again?"

"Chris," she says in a dreamlike state as she had gone on only three dates with the man but still.  Just then Izzie walks up to them with her arms crossed and a frown on her face - not caring if she ruined the moment.

"I need to talk to you.  Alone.  Meaning without your intern friend," Izzie said with frustration, hoping that someone would just listen to her already.

"No, she's my friend and she can stay," Alison tells Izzie wondering who the hell this woman thinks she is getting to boss everyone around?  

"Fine," Izzie snarks back.  "These interns are a walking liability around this hospital!" She flails her arms around and Alison was beginning to wonder if she was going crazy.  

"Excuse me?" Lexie let out an unbelief laugh.  She had heard some wild stories about Izzie and the rest of the residents so she wasn't really sure why she was one to talk.  "Sure I messed up during the appendix surgery but its called were learning!  We're going to make mistakes but hopefully we can learn from them and never make the same mistake again," she told her and then proceeded to finish eating her raspberry filled jelly donut and she let out an exhausted sigh as she left.  

"What do you want Stevens?  I don't have time for bullshit.  I'm thirty-eight weeks pregnant..."

"Sadie Harris switched my lab results with a patient who we told them had metastatic cancer but really they had anemia and-" she looked around.  "I'm the one who has the metastatic cancer," she whispered quietly but Alison was able to hear it and she let out a gasp and brought her hand up to mouth.

"Oh Izzie," she said in shock.  

How could they have missed it?  How the hell could they have missed one of their own having the worst kind of cancer?  It made Alison sick to her stomach.  

"Oh shit Izzie," Alison empathized with her fellow coworker never in a million years expecting Izzie Stevens to get metastatic cancer.

💗

Callie tried to play it cool almost disinterested as she walked the halls of pediatrics and straight to the blonde herself.

"Hey," she greeted her.

"Calliope," the bubbly blonde smiled brightly up at the Latina.  "I haven't seen you around."

"I've been avoiding you," Callie smiles through her teeth as she tries to play it off and Arizona is shocked by her honest answer.  "I know.  It's so weird.  You uh, share a kiss with a woman you've never seen before.  Honestly, this is a new adventure when I'm so ready to take for the second time.  Anyway, um, you want to go on a date with me?"

"Wait, uh, Erica and you..." she started off wanting to make sure she understood right.  "She was your first?" She asks a little surprised.

"Yeah," Callie answers as she awkwardly looks around making sure no one is listening to their conversation.

"Oh," is all Arizona says at first.  "Okay so then I guess my answer is no," she shakes her head.  "I'm sorry," she tells her as she begins to turn away leaving Callie in shock.  

"W-wait wait," Callie tries to get her attention by grabbing her arm lightly.  "What?!  Um, you kissed me... out of nowhere in a bathroom?"

"Okay see this is what I try to avoid.  You're all exploring and experimenting and yay!" She starts off awkwardly.  "This is a really exciting time for you.  But I work in Peds.  I spend my entire day around newborns so I try not to in my personal life.  Thanks for asking though.  I'm super flattered," Arizona tells Callie.  "Super," and then leaves.

💗

"So wait... let me get this straight.  You turned her down?!" Alison asks Arizona as she is now eating some sour gummy worms.  She definitely wasn't eating the healthiest today but she didn't care.  at the blue and red ones were her favorite.

"You don't understand, Alison.  I am very much a lesbian who knows what she wants.  I can't waste my time with a woman who is still out there exploring and testing the waters.  Besides, I've never been with a bisexual person.  Only lesbians."

"I get that.  I do.  But here's what you need to know about me.  My cousin is married to a bisexual and my cousin is as lesbian as it gets.  So why can't you date her?  Just because she's still testing the waters doesn't mean anything.  Who knows, you just might help her find her true self."

"Well since you put it that way I guess it doesn't sound so bad.  I'll think about it," Arizona tells her.

Arizona had just never dated anyone who wasn't a lesbian before, so it worried her that Callie was still unsure but she promised Alison that she would think about it.  In Arizona's thinking - you're born this way.  You just know that you're a lesbian, gay or not.  It's not a choice.  But if Callie wanted to explore her sexuality who was she to tell her that was wrong or that she couldn't do that?  

💗

Richard finally gives Miranda her recommendation letter and she thanks him but then stops as she reads his letter more carefully and then her happiness goes from confusion to annoyance.

"Newborn," Callie comments as she walks up to Miranda.  "I'm not a newborn.  I'm a senior resident.  I'm a great surgeon.  I'm a divorcee for God's sake, right?  I'm uh, looking for you to agree with me, Bailey," Callie asks Miranda.  "Bailey?" She questioned when she saw her facial expression.

"The chief - he wrote me a form letter of recommendation," she told the orthopedic surgeon in disbelief and Callie took the letter from her.

"What?!" She replied in shock.  "That's insane.  He's the chief and your Bailey.

"Pleasant in the OR and enjoyed by the nurses.  She has completed a serviceable amount of research," her voice got flat and annoyed for Bailey too.  She didn't deserve this.  She had gone above and beyond and showed time and time again how patient focused she was and how she was really good at her skill.  Not to mention the amount of work she had done for the chief specifically.  All of it now felt all for nothing.  "A fine edition for any program."

"Fine," Miranda spoke with anger laced in her voice.  "He used the word fine!"

Callie got it because she would be pissed too.  

"A blank page would be more.  I pulled off a twelve person domino surgery.  I took out and put back six of a dying girls organs.  I am Doctor Bailey!  I am more than fine," she says more fired up to Callie and gathers her things before she leaves.

"Well at least he didn't call you a baby," Callie says to herself as she pouts.

💗

"Just a minute more, Mister Terzian," Cristina tells the patient on the intercom in the MRI room when she sees Owen walking in.  "Oh, done tending to her Highness?" She asks sarcastically as she goes back to the patient which makes him laugh slightly.

"You know your tough on people," he comments to her.  "It's good to hold such high standards but this is med stuff.  No one's perfect," he has a different way of looking at it.  

"She's stubborn and out of touch."

"So her forty years of experience means nothing?" He asks.

"Well no, not if you don't use them correctly.  No, she wants to be old and keep operating fine.  Just keep up with the medicine," she says to him as she doesn't get his point of view.  

"Cristina, this is one case.  You can't judge someone based on one case."

"That patient deserves to know who is doctor is no matter whose feelings it happens to hurt," Cristina says in shock that Owen is saying this and not agreeing with her as the scan came up on the screen.  "Laparoscopic or not none of us should have made that mistake," she tells Owen as she points to the computer screen.

Izzie closes the blinds in the room she's in.  She couldn't believe she just told Alison what has been going on.  Especially when she's told no one else.  How could she not have known?  All of these thoughts were running through her mind as she then decided to feel the areas for lymph nodes starting with her neck, then armpits, checking her arms for any suspicious moles (finding nothing for that matter), her stomach, and then her back and that's when she finally sees it.  Right there.  Of fucking course.  How could she have missed that?

Devastation is all she can think of right now.

💗

Cristina and Owen were in Richard's office now as Owen finally agreed with Cristina after looking at the scans on the patient.  It was not a good look for Doctor Campbell, the patient or this hospital to have a surgeon mess up this badly.

"Doctor Yang, you realize that you're charging with one of our most respected surgeons with negligence?" Richard asked wanting her to realize the seriousness of the situation but she was already one step ahead of him.  Of course she knew.  It was her job to know the different laws in medicine.  She wasn't doing this because she didn't like Doctor Campbell.  She was doing this because it was the right thing to do.  

"Yes sir."

He nodded his head thoughtfully.

"Doctor Hunt," He brought him to his attention.  "Do you agree with Doctor Yang's assessment?"

"This is Doctor Yang's call," Owen replied not wanting to give his own opinion to the matter on hand.

"I'm asking you, Doctor Hunt."

"Campbell outranks me.  I think it would be best for you to discuss it with her directly," he tells Richard to which Cristina can't help but be disappointed in his answer.  She didn't like that he couldn't be honest and stand up for what's right.

"Very well.  Doctor Yang page Doctor Campbell.  Tell her I want to speak to that patient before that surgery," Richard tells Cristina. 

"Yes sir," she tells him in understanding and taking the MRI scans with her before walking away and turns to Owen.  "Way to take a stand."

Could you really blame him though?  He was also new to the hospital and didn't want to create drama with his coworkers if he could help it.  He thought by sticking to his work that it would help but obviously that backfired.

💗

"There he is," Mark says as he sees Derek in his room.  "The legend himself.  How are you legend?"

"Are you drunk?" Derek smirks as he still looks at his computer.  "Should I be worried about ya?  Tell Alison to get you into AA meetings..."

"And I see he's got his sense of humor back," he said as he tried to let that go.  But that stung regardless of what he was showing on the outside.  Because he wasn't an alcoholic and he knew how serious that was to even joke about that.  It could mean his job would be on the line not to mention the amount of people who are and that's not right to make light of something so serious.

"How's your patient?" Mark asked.

"She's good.  Stable.  And today's the first time in a long time that I remember what it feels like to be good at my job."

"You?" Mark asks shocked. 

"Mhmmm."

"Come on.  Your like the Dalai Lama of surgery.  People from all over the world come here to let you cut into them.  And you know what else?  You look good doing it."

"Uh huh," Derek smiles showing his pearly whites.

"I like the facial hair like that.  No more no less."

"Okay nice," Derek waves a hand as if he believes him.  Come on - it's Mark.  When has Mark ever been serious about anything other than being a doctor?  "Stop," Derek tells him.

"Derek, there's something we need to discuss," Mark says feeling guilty for some reason for not having invited him to the courthouse.  

"Go and have sex with Addison," Derek tells him not caring that he was insulting his so called best friend Alison and Mark's relationship.

"Addison?  I don't want to have sex with Addison.  I've been over her since before I started dating Alison."

"Really?  Because you just so happen to have sex with two women in my life that meant the most to me?  Addison being my wife and then my best friend.  My best friend who still to this day has no idea what the hell kind of man you really are.  Well, what did you want to discuss?"

"Nothing," Mark says as he sat in quiet for a moment all of sudden realizing that Derek hadn't really changed.  And that hit him like a ton of bricks.  For a guy who was very confident in his own skin to the point some would either call him a douche bag or hate him for being so confident and good looking, one thing to know about Mark Sloan was that he hated confrontation.  And fighting.  Especially with his best friend.  His person.  Someone he looked up to.  And when confrontations happened with Derek he felt like a crab who peeks out of his shell a little bit but then goes back in as fast as he came out.  

Derek Shepherd was probably the only person who could make Mark Sloan feel this way.

"Okay," Derek says as he gets up and leaves.

💗

Cristina was now at lunch eating her salad and reading Meredith's mom's diary.  This was like her Bible.  

Ellis Gray might have been a lot of things but she was like a God in the medical world.  And she hung onto every word she read like it was gold.

"How's my mother?" Meredith asked as she opened her drink and sat down next to her person.

"Bitter.  Angry.  Genius.  You know what's so wrong?  Is how much the chief and your mother fought.  Sex must have been great!" Cristina tells Meredith, not caring that she was talking to Meredith and she might not want to hear that about her mom.

"Okay, you saying that is wrong," Meredith tells her as Cristina flips a page.

"What's wrong?" Izzie asks as she sits down.  "Our entire healthcare system?  Because I agree."

They just ignored Izzie like they always do.  Because if they were to speak they would say something along the lines like why was she allowed back after she killed a patient by cutting his LVAD wires?  Ironically, they could have been the modern day Romeo and Juliet.  

"Oh hear this," Cristina says not caring what Izzie has to say.  "March 3, 1979.  Assistant Margaret Campbell on a splenectomy.  Impressive resume  - adequate technique," she grins as if she just found out the numbers for the lottery.  "See?!  Ha!  Even then," she says not really surprised.

"You're working with Margaret Campbell?" Meredith asks knowing the name.  How could you not?

"Yeah, the oldy timey thinks she's still sane enough to keep doing surgeries.  See that's what I like about your mom.  She wasn't all alhzeimery and still operating.  Do me a favor and shoot me if I start making mistakes on patients.  I still think it's crazy to let her keep cutting."

"Sounds like Shepherd," Alex muttered in-between bites.

"Alex," Meredith chastised him as Cristina looked intrigued.  

"Please, my guys are right," Alex says again.  "Your guy nicked an aneurysm and now he's trying like hell to cover his ass.  You know as well as I do that Alison wouldn't go against him if she didn't think she was right in this."

"Your guy needs to shut up," was all Meredith said in reply because she knew he was right and just then her pager beeped and so did Alex's.  

They were making their way to Jen's room when they heard loud sobbing.  And so they did a fast paced walk to get to her as fast as they could.  

"What happened?" Meredith asked. 

"Patch must have blown.  Page Addison and Alison," he says rushed as he hands her Jen's chart as he started wheeling Jen in for surgery when her husband yelled at him.

"Hey, Doctor Shepherd!" But Derek ignored him to tend to his patient.  "I don't understand he said the surgery was a success," Rob says to Meredith.

"Okay, I'm going to come out and give you an update as soon as we can, okay?" Meredith tells him hoping it will calm him down but all he could feel was frustration and confusion.

💗

"Swelling's not going down," Derek comments to Meredith in the OR room.

"Maybe the ventriculostomy is plugged," Meredith suggested.

"No, damnit."

"Derek-" She tries to calm him down but no words come out as he's heavily breathing now.  

"I have to take out the temporal lobe," he comments.

"Won't that kill her?" Alex asks in shock.

"No, but she could lose some of her speech," Addison spoke slowly as she couldn't believe what she was hearing.  "And memory."

Alison was about to say something when Derek spoke up again.

"The brain can rewire.  Done it before to stop seizures," he tells the group.

"But she won't be herself," Alison said what everyone was thinking as they all knew and loved this patient.  

"Have you done it before for this?" Meredith asked her boyfriend.

"Doing it now," he answered.  

All Alison was feeling now was frustration.  This wasn't just the type of surgery to try something "new" on a patient who was pregnant.  Everyone knew that.  Including Derek.  He knew better.  Alison felt like she had the angel on one side of her shoulder and the devil on the other babbling back and forth saying:

speak up

don't speak up

"He's got decels again," Alex speaks up before she can.

"What are we doing here, Derek?" Addison asks.  

Instead of answering her, he keeps operating.  

"What are we supposed to say to this guy?" Alex asks Meredith as they walk through the halls to Jen's husband.  "This guy is cutting out parts of your wife's brain but we're hopeful she'll pull through?" He asks sarcastically.

"No, we're gonna tell him the truth.  We're gonna say that Doctor Shepherd is doing everything he can to save your wife and child," she says as if she really believes that.  

"This guys life ended as he knew it.  Let's tell him that."

"Alex, just be -" she was about to say as they were now face-to-face with Rob.

"The baby's having some heart fluctuations but Doctor's Montgomery and Anderson are taking every precaution to avoid an early delivery," Alex tells the husband as that part wasn't hard to tell.  That was the truth.  They were one-hundred percent doing the right thing.  It was Meredith's guy who was standing in the way.

"And my wife?" Rob questioned.  

"Doctor Shepherd is trying to get the bleeding under control," Meredith reassures him.  "But we really won't know more until the surgery's finished."

"But she won't die?" Rob asked as Alex stayed quiet, not wanting to answer his question as he didn't want to tell him a lie.  "Please tell me she won't die," he said calmly but choked up and heartfelt that even as Meredith tried to speak nothing could come out.

"Doctor Shepherd is trying everything he can to make sure your wife lives," Alex finally speaks up.  

"To live," Rob reiterates.

"Doctor Shepherd is doing absolutely everything he can," he reassures him.  And that wasn't a lie.  But he also just wasn't sure how far Derek would go to make sure she lives and in what state she would be in after the surgery.  Alex had to even admit he liked the blonde.  And he hoped that she would pull through but this was a tricky surgery.  "We should get back," Alex tells Rob.

"Right, of course, yeah," Rob comments discouraged from this news.  He was wishing it would be more hopeful.  "Uh, thanks."

"Thank you," Meredith murmurs to Alex as they head back.

"Your guy sucks," he mutters back, still not happy about the situation.

💗

"Mister Terzian, your scans show a change from Doctor Campbell's original assessment," Richard explains to the patient.  "There was a complication from the surgery.  The lacerated bile duct and artery.  You'll need another surgery to repair it."

"Is that all?" John asks not realizing the severity of this mistake.

"Yes, that's all."

"Oh my God," John starts to laugh from relief.  "I thought when they told me chief of surgery was coming in I was a goner for sure," he says as Doctor Campbell gives a smile and Cristina and Owen share a look.

"We simply wanted to make you aware that it's within your rights to request a change of surgeon."

"Doctor Campbell's not available?" He asks confused.

"She's available," she speaks up for herself.  

"Oh thank you.  I just trust Doctor Campbell."

"Very well," Richard says as it is that patient's right to stick with the same surgeon no matter what mistake she caused.  "Doctor Campbell," he looks at her then leaves.

"Richard," she comments upset by the whole thing but gives a small smile to the patient.

"Sir," Cristina calls out to him.  "With all due respect, I don't think the patient's entirely clear on what happened."

"You heard the patient, Doctor Yang," Richard tells her.  "He wants his doctor."

"But sir-"

"Back down, Yang," Richard says more firm this time as she's not giving up.  

💗

"Come on," George tells Izzie as they are walking the hallways and he's showing her his letter he typed up for Bailey.  "Can you just read it to see if it's worthy of Doctor Bailey?"

"Doctor Bailey is an ass," Izzie tells him, still upset from earlier even though she had no right to be.  "Say that.  Say she doesn't listen to the residents when they have important information about the interns."

"I think you're missing the point," George comments.  "This is supposed to say nice and impressive things," he says as they sit in the waiting room of dermatology.  "You still hang out here?" He asked confused when he realized they were in dermatology.

"George just say she's dependable.  Say she's selfless.  Everything that she was until she wasn't.  Just you should probably go," Izzie tells him.

He touches her arm as if he got it now.

"Dependably selfless," he says as if he just thought of the best thing ever.  She gives him a small smile.  "Thank you," he tells her honestly and then leaves.

"Isobel Stevens," Daisy called Izzie's name and she followed after her.

Doctor Campbell was now in surgery when Richard decided to join them all.

"It's been years since I've had you in my OR, Chief," Doctor Campbell looked up for a few minutes from what she was doing.  "I seem to remember an incident with a clamp being dropped in a body cavity."

"You're never going to let me live that one down," Richard commented as he smiled through his mask.

"A teacher never lets up on her students," she comments back as she goes back to work.  "Although, I often wondered how the upcoming classes learn anything with the way they teach these days," she says in reference to Cristina.  "Attending's seem to use more encouragement, validation and so forth to teach instead of instilling residents with fear and shame that causes one to remember in the first place.  Doctor Hunt, you come from the military.  Would you say that the rigid aspects of your training helped you become the doctor you are today?" She asked trying to make a point.

"Yes ma'am.  Very much so."

"Doctor Yang on the other hand, well something tells me fear is not something you often faced in the OR."

"I'd appreciate any opportunity to learn," Cristina says proving her wrong.  It wasn't her fault that she was a strong independent woman who didn't let those who belittle others get to her or make her feel self-conscious.  She was confident in her craft - that didn't make her a bad learner.  

"Wonderful," Doctor Campbell looks surprised.  "Let us begin then.  Tell me how you do a pulmonary embolectomy."

"I'd insert a steerable catheter and position the fluoroscope adjacent to the embelis."

"What would you do if the power should suddenly go out?" She questioned.  It was a reasonable question because something like this could happen.  Because Cristina had such a modernize technique to the medical field, she wasn't like Owen who could just think of anything to use in place of something else if something bad happened.  Cristina was quiet because she didn't know.  "Or you had to operate in a hospital that couldn't afford a fluoroscope?  Look, it's like a calculator.  Just because there's a machine to do it for them children shouldn't have to learn simple arithmetic."

"If it would help them avoid mistakes like this one," Cristina said not being able to take it anymore which got Doctor Campbell to stop laughing.

"Out," Doctor Campbell ordered as everyone looked up at Cristina.  "Of my OR.  I said get out," she said losing her control.  This is still my OR!!"

💗

Meanwhile, Derek's team was in his OR trying to help stabilize the bleeding with Jen.  He thought they were done and the surgery was successful.  How did everything go bad so quickly?

"She's bleeding into the fontal lobe now," Derek explains quietly.  "If I could just stop the bleeding - I can give her a chance."

"Decels are getting longer," Alex comments as Addison and Alison look at the baby's heart monitor in concern.  

"Derek, I have to deliver the baby," Addison says as she realizes the seriousness of the situation.  Problem is Derek doesn't.

"Wait," he starts stuttering.  "Just she's lost too much blood.  You cut her now she'll bleed out.  I can save her."

"How?" Alison asked.  "Derek we're losing her," she said with more empathy.

Derek didn't have anxiety but Alison could see that he was beginning to as he was breathing heavily.  His chest rising and falling at rapid pace and he was stuttering.  

"Derek," she spoke softly but firm as his eyes finally snapped to look at her hazel green eyes.  "Breathe and focus.  I know this is brutal.  You care - that's why it's hard.  But right now, your patient needs your focus, not your fear.  We need to get the baby out now.  This isn't about the mistake - it's about what we can still do.  We don't have time.  You can fall apart later - not now."

"I can cut out the frontal lobe," he says disregarding what Alison is saying.  

"What?!" Addison and Alison both say in shock.

"Derek, that's not what I saying-"

"Derek no stop!" Addison raises her voice to keep him from cutting because Meredith sure as hell wasn't doing anything.  Pussy.  "Derek, you've done enough."

"Frontal lobe?  Can she live without a frontal lobe and her temporal lobe?" Meredith questions and Alison rolls her eyes.

"Yes," Derek says.

"No, Derek she can't!  Listen to me...this baby is not getting any oxygen now.  I know that you want to save Jen and I know that you feel like you have to but not this way," Addison says.

"I can do this," he still insists.  "I can save them both.  She will live."

"Not as the person that her husband and child need her to be.  She'll lose everything about her that makes her human.  Meredith-"

"Are you sure you can do this?" Is all she asks.

"I have no choice."

"Baby's heart rate is bombing," Alex announces.

"Derek, stop.  That is not an option.  Step back - I'm taking over now.  You're panicking.  You are not thinking clearly.  If you trust me, step back - her baby is still alive.  We can still help her, but not if you cut her frontal lobe.  Do you hear me?" Alison says firmly making eye contact with him and speaking slowly so that he understands how serious this is.

"Damnit, Derek," Addison says as she is getting heated.  "This has gone too far.  Taking the frontal lobe out.  Even if she does live, you are creating a monster!!  You don't get to play God here, Derek.  Jen is gone but this baby has a chance to live.  You need to let her go," Addison says to him but he's not looking at her and instead focusing back on Jen.  "Let it go.  Please."

"I need you to stabilize her vitals and step aside from the field.  I need full access to the abdomen," she tells him more firmly but he stays put.  

"Put down that scalpel, Alison," he yells and she almost jumped from the tone in his voice.  This wasn't the Derek she knew that was her best friend.  Not at all.

"You put down that scalpel," she says, not giving in even if it means she loses her friendship with Derek over this.  

"Alison, put the scalpel down!" He yells again as the residents just watch them.

"You put the scalpel down!" She says again.  

"Take it off," he yells at the scrub nurse getting the iodine ready to scrub Jen's belly and she does as told cautiously.

"Meredith go get the chief," Alison orders the blonde but instead of doing what she is told - she looks to Derek.  

"Do not go anywhere.  You aren't her resident.  She doesn't take orders from you," he snarks back.

"Damnit Derek, you're a pain in my ass.  We do not have time for games.  We lost Jen but we can still save her baby boy.  Her sweet innocent baby boy who unfortunately has to come into the world a little bit early than expected and unfortunately has to live with the fact that he won't grow up without his mom.  Karev, go!" she tells their resident and he does as told and runs as fast as he can.  

"Derek don't do this," Addison tells him.

"Do not touch my patient," he says in a voice that doesn't sound like him at all.

"Meredith," Alison pleaded with her as Derek continued working on Jen even though she was gone.  

"Derek look at me.  You don't have to do this.  Jen's gone.  It's too late.  You can't save her, she's gone.  We can save the baby.  Derek, look at me!" She pleads and he finally does.  

💗

"Certain surgeries get the best in all of us.  I made a mistake.  A careless mistake.  And for that, I am sorry.  But I am only human as human as any of us.  And for that I do not apologize for," Margaret tells Richard as Owen is in the cleaning room as well.

"Margaret you don't have to -" Richard began.

"No need to discuss it further, Richard," she reassures him.  "No need at all," she finishes just as the door bursts open and Karev comes in view.

"Chief, we need you in OR 1," he says rushed and out of breath.

"Karev-" Richard begins but was cut off by Alex's yelling.

"Right now, sir!" He yells as he follows after him with a sigh.

Just as Richard and Alex enter the OR room, Derek had placed the frontal lobe into the sterile bowl.  

"The baby is still in distress, I need to take it out," Alison explains to the chief.

"Wait, just wait," Derek says again.  "The bleeding could stop.  We can stabilize her."

It was like he was in an alternate reality where he thought Jen was still alive but she wasn't unfortunately.  They all only got a few days to meet the wonderful Jen but her husband had spent years getting to love her and worship the ground she walked on.  They seemed like they had it all, until they didn't.  And unfortunately this little boy will never get to meet his amazing mother.  Only hearing stories which everyone knew was never the same as the real thing.

"We do a C-Section now, she'll lose too much blood and she'll die," Derek says frustrated.

"She is dead, Derek," Alison says softly.  

"Please just wait-" he says more forceful.

"Most of her brain is gone.  For all intents and purposes she is dead," Alison says more forceful this time also.

The fact that he was still operating on a dead person who had created Frankenstein.  He was a monster right now and she wanted nothing to do with this person.  And if she was being honest, she was almost rethinking naming Liam with the same middle name as Derek.  But she knew she would have to talk to Mark about that.

Richard gives her the look with his eyes which was the signal she needed to move forward.

"Karev," she says as she gets his attention.  "Page Peds team over there and let them know I have a preemie on the way."

He nods his head and moves as fast as he can knowing every second counted.  She took her scalpel and began to cut Jen's stomach to get the baby out.  

"Stop cutting," Derek threatens her.  She looks up at him then continues her job.  "You are dead to me.  You hear me?" He shouts at her.  "You are a killer.  You killed my patient!"

Alison could feel her heart breaking into little tiny pieces and she wanted to break out into a sob but she sucked in a breath and continued on, even if she was breaking apart on the inside.  After this she was done with Derek.  She needed peace for not only herself but her little family that was growing.  Seeing what Jen went through made her a little edgy on her birth with Liam but she also knew that every birth was different.  She was glad that after this surgery, her PTO was starting.  This day was emotionally taxing on her and she was afraid that might have lost a best friend.  For good this time.  She continued cutting and doing her job as Derek was saying the worst kind of stuff to her.

I hate you

You killed my patient

You should be fired after this

I will make sure to write every negative bad review about you so that no one comes to you and your career is ruined 

In all the years that Richard had been a surgeon and chief here he was rarely surprised at some of the stuff that went on in his hospital.  But if he was being honest, he has never been more disappointed in Derek than in this moment.  

1. For how he treated his patient 

2. For the hateful things he was saying to Alison Anderson - one of the most respected Peds surgeons he has ever had the pleasure of working with.  

Richard was sure Derek was only saying these things because he was upset with himself for allowing himself to make these mistakes.  

"Why are you still cutting?  Meredith get some more blood," Derek instructs her.  "She needs more blood."

Instead of doing what was told, she looks to her boss and he gives her the same look he gave Alison and she leaves as Richard takes her spot.  

"No more blood, Derek," Richard told Derek.  "No more blood."

Alison got the baby out.

"He looks strong.  Like his momma," Alison commented as she cut the umbilical cord and Arizona showed up just in time.  "She would be proud."

"He definitely has a chance," Arizona comments as she takes his tiny body in her arms.  "Let's get him intubated.  Get the placenta."

Just then Jen flatlined.

Derek looked at the heart monitor as he saw the flatline and he closed his eyes.  This was the one patient he absolutely wanted to save.  He felt like a failure as he looked down at Jen's lifeless body and took his headset off and left the OR room.

"The steroids we gave your wife allowed your baby's lungs to mature," Alex told Rob as Derek just sat there.  Not saying anything.  Feeling terrible.

"That combined with the three extra days that Doctor Shepherd to do the surgery makes us very hopeful that he'll survive," Addison tells him with empathy as Rob just stares into space.  This was not the kind of news he was expecting.  

"I don't understand," Rob finally spoke up.  "She just died?"

"I'm sorry," Derek finally looks him in the eye but looks completely and utterly devastated.

"Yeah, I know.  You said that.  I'm asking how she died," he replied wanting more information.

But Derek couldn't speak so Meredith did.

"We believe your wife's high blood pressure is what caused the bypass to fail.  That caused the bleeding and swelling in the brain.  Doctor Shepherd did everything he could to save but there was too much damage to her brain," she tells Rob as Richard watches from a distance.  "That's when Doctor Anderson and Montgomery stepped in to deliver the baby," she finishes as he begins to tear up for his wife's passing.

"You said it was a routine procedure but that she would be fine.  And then there was a complication and you said you fixed that.  But then the baby got sick and that made Jen sick," he said as he got choked up and started crying.  "But then you said that you fixed that too.  And now she's dead?"

"I'm sorry," is all Derek can say.

"Stop saying you're sorry!  You killed her!  You're a murderer!  A murderer!  Where's my wife?  I want my wife!" He cries out in pure shock that he now has to do life without her.  "Give me back my wife!"

Even Alex felt bad for the man. 

All any of them could do was just stand there in agony and quiet.  Mourning the loss of their patient.

💗

Richard didn't have time for Bailey's shenanigans of her not liking the letter of recommendation he wrote for her.  

"O'Malley?  You want me to take pointers from O'Malley?" He asked as he took a look at her letter.

"You'd be hard to find a better person to take pointers from," she sassed back.

He handed the letter back to her and walked off as she called after him.

"Chief!  Chieffff," she says as they go into his office.

"Exactly," he says harshly.  "I am the chief of surgery!  And I don't have time to write letters to pump your ego!  My head of neuro is being called a murderer.  I have to fire my longest standing general surgeon because she won't retire.  Interns are mixing up blood samples in your clinic and you want me to spend my time writing a recommendation so you can leave me?!"

"Leave you?" Miranda asks confused.  "Sir, I'm applying to a fellowship in pediatric surgery."

"That's not what we had discussed!" He says taking his anger out on her.  "Do you know how much of my time you wasted?  Do you know the amount of work it takes to groom someone?!  You were supposed to become the next me!"

"You wanted me to become the next you," Miranda emphasizes.  "I'm not your son or daughter.  You don't get to pent all your hopes and dreams on sir," she finishes.  

Derek's leaning against the railing of the hallways, going over and over what went wrong so fast.  He lost possibly one of the best people he was able to meet as his patient's.  And Alison?!  He couldn't believe that she killed her and he was getting the blame for it and just as these thoughts were swirling through his head, Mark of all people came up to him.

"I don't understand why you have to constantly belittle me and treat me like I'm less than you," Mark started off to Derek unaware of what had happened in the OR earlier as he hadn't talked with Alison or anyone else who was with him.  "Or constantly question my love that I have for Alison.  It's honestly starting to piss me off.  I get it - I slept with your ex-wife but you gotta get over that now.  We've all moved on.  But you-" before he could get another word in Derek swung the first punch throwing him off as his head went backwards and the sound of Derek's fist crunched his jaw.  The sound didn't sound pretty and he felt like the wind was taken out from under him.  He felt pressure and a throbbing sensation in his jaw but all he could focus on was getting Derek back.  

But he wasn't about to give Derek the satisfaction of winning.  So he threw his first punch and he knew he got Derek right in the nose as blood was gushing and it almost made him give a smirk until Derek fought back again and then at one point Mark could remember that he was on top of Derek and winning.  

Just then Alison and Owen walk together and they see the two men fighting, watching in shock.

"Oh my God, Mark!" Alison exclaimed as she rushed to him but stopped once she realized something could happen to her baby so she let Owen help out and stand there helpless.

"You're worried about your legacy but I am not your legacy!" Miranda tells Richard.  "And me applying to Peds - you are not listening," she says as Richard turned around and watched the fight.  Just then Miranda stopped talking and watched in shock too.

"What the-" he begins and goes to run to them and Miranda follows.

"You wait here," Owen tells Alison before he grabs Mark and Richard grabs Derek.  

"Come on," Owen tries to get coax Mark into getting off of Derek.  

She had no idea that something like this would transpire from her talking to Mark earlier.  She felt like her heart dropped to her stomach as she watched the love of her life and her best friend beat each other up.  Alison just looked disappointed in them and she couldn't help but be disappointed in herself, feeling like it was all her fault.  

Just then Meredith and Addison rush over.  

"Are you okay?" Alison asks her husband in concern as she holds his face in her hands, checking him over.

💗

"God, I'm so sorry," Alison let out a breath as she cleaned his wounds which thankfully weren't terrible.  "I should have told you not to say anything to Derek right then.  He had just lost a patient.  A patient that he really cared about."

Mark's face changed into an expression of understanding.

"I can understand that," Mark chose his words carefully.  "I know what it's like to lose patients.  Rarely - but I understand.  However, I do not regret standing up for us to Derek.  The way he has treated us, specifically you, during our relationship does not go unnoticed.  And honestly, I'm sick of being treated like I have to suck up to him because of mistakes I made in the past.  You sure as hell don't deserve to be treated anything less than the Queen you are."

"God I love you," Alison let out a teary laugh as she wiped the tears under her eyes and pressed her lips to his in a heated kiss like she was claiming him but he was already hers.  She rested her forehead against his after they made out for a while.  "I'm just so sorry you got hurt because of me."

"Totally," kiss "worth" kiss "it," he murmured in-between kisses.  "Besides, you should see the other guy.  I think he got the worst of it," he said making them both laugh a little.

"Just promise me you won't do anything like that again," Alison held up her pinky finger.  "No matter how hot it was."

"Promise," he smirked and locked his pinky with hers and leans in and presses his lips to hers sealing it off with a sweet kiss.  He didn't turn it into a makeout session as he didn't feel like the situation called for it.  But more so a promise.  He was done fighting with Derek now.  If Derek wanted to be his friend, then okay.  But he was done trying to make something happen that wasn't meant to be, especially since he had been treating them so shitty lately.  

"Love you," she murmured against his lips as she had a big smile on her face.

"Love you more," he murmured back before kissing her again.

💗

Lexie knew that Mark and Alison weren't getting along with Derek at the moment but she had already sent the invite to him well before their fight.  That didn't mean that she had to disinvite him though, right?  Ugh, she just couldn't relax and was stress easting as she took a pixy stick and opened it up as she tilted her head back and ate the sweet powdery treat.  Purple was her favorite flavor.  

Derek knew he was probably not welcome anymore, but he also knew how upset Alison would be if he just blew off this shower and if she knew he was invited.  So he decided to come with Meredith.  It took everything in Meredith to drag Derek off the couch and come to this party.  He was depressed about losing Jen - one of his favorite patients he's ever had.  It really did make him wonder if he was a surgeon or a murderer like her husband called him.  Unlike Alison, he lost more patients than those that survived.  Did that make him a surgeon?  He didn't feel like one right now.

"All I'm saying is you need to apologize to both of them if you don't want to be kicked out of their lives and this baby's life," Meredith said annoyed.  They had been arguing the whole time on the way over as Derek was of course defending his actions but he was definitely in the wrong.  There was no defending him.

"I get what your saying but I'm sick of feeling like I constantly have to apologize to them," he argued back - still not willing to back down just yet.

"Then say goodbye to them as your friends," Meredith shot back, annoyed as she held the baby's gift and the couple was in front of the door to Callie's place which was right across from Mark and Alison's.  Lexie didn't want it at Mark and Alison's since this was a surprise shower.

Meredith knocked on the door and it opened a few minutes after with Lexie opening the door.

"Hi!" Lexie greeted the couple.  "You guys came..."

"Was I not supposed to?" Derek questioned.

"No!" Lexie rushes out as she panics.  "I just meant with what happened yesterday..."

"Well if I didn't show up Alison would never speak to me again.  I couldn't do that to her.  Maybe Mark.  But not Alison."

Lexie wanted to say but by hurting Mark he was hurting Alison but instead she put a fake smile on her face and perked up.

"Come on in," Lexie opened the door up more and with hopefully what seemed like more excitement.

Meredith wasn't sure what to expect at this baby shower especially since she hadn't been to many of them, but this was amazing!  Meredith obviously wasn't super close to Alison as she was mainly invited because of Derek but she knew that Alison would love this.  In the entrance was a balloon arch with Neverland in the center.  There was also a giant clock blowup and a Peter Pan shadow on the wall with Tinker Bell and sparkles.  

"You did all this, Lexie?" Meredith asked shocked.

"Well, technically I had to hire someone you know because of our work schedule but it was all my ideas.  She just brought them to life," Lexie explained with a smile on her face.

There was a long table full of snacks and desserts for everyone to indulge in so that they didn't become hungry.  And of course drinks.  She had a cooler with ice and a sign that read SKULL ROCK with beer and soda in there since Alison couldn't drink.  There was finger food with a sandwich that had a long stick in it if guests didn't want to hold the sandwich.  Along with a globe that read "our greatest adventure" with Peter Pan and his hat on it but it was a baby size for when their little one came along and a small ship similar to the one in the movie and baby's breath.  Mason jars were littered around with Tinker Bell inside and fairy lights with a little bit of fake moss.  They also had water with cucumber cut up.  Cookies that were done amazingly well by a small business which she knew that Alison would love especially.  Not to mention they were mouth watering good.  

Lexie just hoped that Alison loved this.  Because if she didn't she would probably cry.  

Mark had given her his credit card and told to have at it as he wanted to contribute also.  

"Gifts can be set up over here," Lexie pointed to the area where there was a chair Alison would sit later on and Meredith went to put hers over.

💗

Alison had decided to wear a blue summer floral midi bodycon dress that had short puff sleeves and a square neckline and a ruffle hem.  It literally fit like a glove and looked so good on her.  For her shoes she decided to keep it simple with her Tory Burch white sandals as they seemed to be the only thing that was comfortable for her.  Especially because she had a hard time putting on socks and don't get her started on heels.

"You look beautiful," Mark said as he wrapped his strong arms around his wife and rested his chin on her shoulder after placing a sweet kiss on her neck and she let out a sigh.

"Thanks," she frowned slightly.  "But I don't feel really beautiful lately.  I look like a whale."

"Would it help if I said a very cute whale?" Mark asked gently but then winced when Alison turned around and slapped his arm.  "Ow woman!  Careful, I need these arms to carry your son."

"You're not supposed to agree with me!" She said annoyed but she was joking all in good playfulness.  

"Oh whaleee," Mark replied instead of oh well which earned him another playful slap as he tried to shield his face.  

"You said we're going out to lunch with my mom?" Alison asked after joking around with her husband.

"Yeah," he nodded his head.  "Thought we could break the news to her then that were married now... Think she'll be mad and hate me forever?"

"Not mad," Alison bit down on her bottom lip.  "Maybe a little hurt that she wasn't there for the first wedding but then we will tell her that we're having a ceremony that everyone can be apart of.  But we just wanted this to be for us," she gave him that smile that made him want her in every possible way.  If only they didn't have the baby shower to get to first.  

"I can live with that," Marks nods his head as he understands what his wife is saying.  

"Me too," Alison smiles and gives him a small peck to his lips.  "I'm so glad I get to do forever with you."

"Same here," he pecks her lips multiple times.

"So where are we going?" Alison asked.

"We're meeting up with Lexie and Callie for lunch," he shrugs his shoulders casually.

"Will Lexie's new guy be coming also?" Alison asked hopeful.

"She wasn't sure when I asked her last.  But who knows."

"Okay," Alison nods her head and laces her fingers with Mark as they walk over to Callie's place first to see if she wanted to join them.

💗

"Okay you guys they're almost here," Lexie tells the group of their friends/coworkers.  "Mark texted saying they are walking up."

"He knows how to text?" Meredith cracked a joke making Derek smirk slightly, despite how terrible he looked.

"Okay you two," Lexie warns them.  "No drama at this party.  We don't want Alison having any problems.  Got it?" She gives them but especially Derek a pointed look.  She looks towards her half-sister because she knows she always defends Derek's behavior even when she shouldn't.  Like how she did in the OR with Jen.

Everyone else was already here and Lexie wasn't worried about them, it was just Derek.  He looked terrible.  

They heard a knock on the door before hearing Alison's voice.

"That's weird," Alison said 

"Why don't you just open the door?" Mark asked.

"You sure?" She asked hesitant since it wasn't her house, it was Callie's.

"Babe," he let out a laugh and opened the door.

"SURPRISE!!!" Everyone shouted.  

"Oh my God," Alison brought her hands up to her mouth is surprise as all of her nearest and dearest were surrounded by her.  Tears escaping her eyes.  

"She's been crying a lot lately," Mark murmured with a small smile.

"Yeah and no one can blame me.  I'm thirty-eight weeks pregnant and I just want him out already," she pouted.

"I know babe," Mark tells her in understanding.

Even though he would never say it out loud, he was ready for his son to come out too.  All these mood swings were too much for him to keep up.  It was like an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians - it's too hard to keep up.  Alison was a big fan of reality tv - anything Real Housewives and the Kardashians.  And of course, Sex and the City, which if Mark were being honest even he enjoyed.  Samantha was still his favorite character on there.  She kind of reminded him of the girl version of him.  

So far the party had gone off with no problems which everyone was thankful for.  Granted, Alison was avoiding Derek like the plague.  She didn't want anything to ruin her day.

"Aliiii," Lexie says in a sing song voice as she holds hands with an extremely handsome guy.  Like wow.  His blue eyes were as blue as the ocean and he had brown hair.  "I have someone special I want you to meet.  Chris this is Alison.  Alison this is Chris."

Alison was actually kind of surprised Lexie's new guy that she was currently seeing at her baby shower.  She had been wanting to meet him as she knew he made Lexie happy so far and that was all she wanted for her best friend. 

"It's really nice to meet you," Chris speaks first as he holds his hand out to shake which she does.  "I've heard a lot of great things about you."

"Likewise, Chris.  Thank you for coming," Alison tells him with a soft smile.  

"Thanks for having me.  I know this isn't necessarily a place to meet someone new," he says awkwardly after they shook hands and he ran a hand behind his neck.

"Well it's a good thing we aren't that traditional then.  Make yourself at home and don't let these people intimidate you.  They only act tough...especially this one," she smiles at him as she points to her husband.  

There weren't the normal games because Lexie didn't want it to be lame so instead she had blocks that people could decorate and them with markers so they could be in his nursery.  She also had pages for baby's first ABC book and they could color them in and do whatever they wanted to do with it and then she would laminate it and turn it into a book.  Lastly, was late night diapers where everyone could write a note on the but of the diapers.  They could make them as funny as they want or something sweet.  

Alison goes up to her best friend and gives her a side hug.

"Thank you so much for throwing this baby shower for me," Alison tells her.  "I couldn't ask for a better best friend."

"Aww well I couldn't not do something for you and my soon-to-be nephew.  I'm just glad you are enjoying yourself before he arrives," Lexie gives her a big smile.  

"Are you kidding?  I mean you had my friends fly in from South Dakota and my family came too.  Thank you.  Really."

"Of course," Lexie was just glad that everything was going smoothly despite the awkwardness in the air whenever Derek and Alison ran into each other.  

Alison was looking at some of the diapers that had her laughing.

Someone wrote:

Make me dirty

and 

Sorry for crying but look how cute I am

or Mark's favorite:

I think I shit my pants

Of course she had Chipotle catered because you can't go wrong with them and it was what Alison was craving currently.  She got her go-to bowl full of white rice, chicken, shredded cheese, corn and of course quac and chips on the side.  This was her favorite hands down as she began to eat once she found a chair.  

"Did you like what I wrote on the diaper?" James asked as he sat down next to his younger sister.  

"What did you write?" She asked in-between bites.

He pulled his up and it read:

"Remember I'm the cool uncle.  Not Adam.

If you need anything you know who to come to.

Love, Uncle James."

"Oh my God," Alison busted out laughing and James smiled proudly at his accomplishment.  "I love it.  I can't!"

"But really though sis, I'm happy for you.  And I can't wait to meet my nephew," James tells his sister.

"Don't jinx it," she points a finger at him and looks serious at first but then smiles.  "But thank you.  Can you believe I'm about to become a mom?"

"Yeah," James nods his head thoughtfully.  "I could always see you being one."

Alison's eyes started to tear up out of happiness.

"That's the nicest thing you have ever said to me," Alison joked as she leaned her head on his shoulder and what she didn't realize was that their mom took a picture of the sweet sibling moment as she wanted to remember moments like this forever.

💗

"So mom and dad, Mark and I have something we wanted to tell you," Alison said as they were all at Lola - a nice Mediterranean restaurant.  They weren't initially going to tell her parents but seeing her mom in person she couldn't help but want to tell her everything.

It was nighttime now and the baby shower went great (surprisingly even with Derek there).  He had promised not to cause any drama and he actually followed through with it.  They didn't open the presents at the shower as Lexie wanted them to open them up at their own home as she knew Alison already didn't like being the center of attention.  

"You're pregnant with twins," Madelyn teased but then stopped laughing as soon as Mark's eyes grew wide.  "Just kidding."

"Can that actually happen?" He asked as his throat got dry and he tried to clear his throat as suddenly his hands felt all clammy.

"Mark honey, breathe," Alison said gently as she rubbed her hand soothingly up and down his arm.  "She was just joking.  But actually, Mark and I got married.  We eloped at the courthouse."

"Well it's about damn time," Madelyn said as she smiled at her favorite couple.

"Your not mad?" Alison asked with her jaw dropped.

"Ali, sweetie.  All your dad and I want for you is happiness.  And Mark makes you happy.  Anyone can clearly see that.  I'm just so glad you both finally did it already," Madelyn said with tears in her eyes as she wiped them away and stood up, going over to Mark and hugging him.  "Welcome to the family, Mark."

"Thanks Madelyn," he smiled, happy to finally feel wanted in a family.  Like he belonged.  It had been so long since he had an actual family that he almost forgot what it felt like.  Sure, Derek's family had brought him in but it wasn't the same.  Because after all that was his family.  Not Mark's.  Madelyn went on to side hug her daughter as she showed her mom their wedding rings which weren't anything special but when they weren't in surgery - they were going to get some real rings for them to wear outside of work.  "I feel bad because we didn't include you guys but we're going to have a big official ceremony after he comes," she said as spoke of her unborn son.

"I get it.  So many of my military friends did the same thing so I can't say I don't blame you both.  And don't feel bad but I do expect to see some pictures," Madelyn told them both.

"I brought them," Alison smiles as she gets her Louis Vuitton bag out and gets the pictures that were taken as well as some polaroids as well.  And of course Madelyn gushed and said how gorgeous Alison's dress was.  They looked so in love as Madelyn laid a hand on her chest.

"I'm good with this but just be prepared that your father might have a heart attack at first," Madelyn prepared them both.  

"It's fine mom," Alison smiled as she squeezed her husband's hand reassuringly.  "He'll be okay when he remembers how much Mark loves me."

And with that, they all enjoyed the rest of their dinner with endless laughter and a great time together.  She couldn't believe she was thirty-one and about to be a mom any day now!

--

Sorry if I just randomly made up an age at the end for Alison but I could not remember how old she was.  If you do you're the real OG and even better than me lol.  I hope that this chapter was well worth the wait and I promise I'm not waiting almost a year again to update.  Below are pics from Alison's baby shower so enjoy!  14,637 words done.