Realization Part Two
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MENTAL HEALTH was not something Blaze knew a lot about. He understood what it was, and that millions of people deal with it around the world, but he never truly understood mental health. He barely knew anything about it, what types of mental health there were, how it affected the human body, or why it happened.

Depression was a common thing among people, but why did it happen? Is it something to do with your brain that affects your well-being? Is it just random or a silent protest to protect yourself by forcing you to withdraw from everyone and shut everyone out? A mental way to protect yourself from harm before it ever happens.

He has learned that social withdrawals are a common factor of depression. A need to pull away from everyone else and be alone. Something he was starting to get used to but now it wasn't the need to be alone, he truly was starting to feel more alone than ever. He liked to be alone, but he didn't like to feel it. And being in his best friend's home because he no longer had one, getting ready for his first love's funeral made him feel more alone than ever.

"Are you ready?" Lydia knocked softly on the door wearing a small smile to try and provide him some comfort, but it did little to nothing to ease the void in his heart. He didn't feel okay at all; he felt seconds away from fainting and had the urge to sleep and never wake up again. His mind felt hollow, but his body felt heavy.

"Let's just get this over with," Baze stated fixing his tie one last time before he walked past Lydia who sighed wishing she could do more to help. It had only been a few days since everyone happened with Gerald and his parents dying and he had barely spoken or eaten, and it was starting to scare her more than it did before.

⸻

Women in dresses and men in suits walked into the church, smiling with pity and hugging Emily and Cassie who tried to look stronger than they felt. Blaze stepped out of the car with Lydia on his arm and walked up the steps with her parents. His face was emotionless until he put on the best fake smile someone could create as he approached Emily and Cassie.

"Blaze. I'm glad you could make it." Emily smiled softly at the younger boy, who almost sighed in relief. He has yet to speak with her and he still feared she would hate him, but she seemed to be okay with him, unless she was faking it out of respect because it was her son's funeral -- this is what overthinking must feel like.

"Of course." Blaze hugged her softly before glancing at Cassie who seemed to be holding herself better than he was.

"Hi, Blaze." Cassie greeted them with a sweet smile that made him automatically smile back at her.

"Hey, Cas. How are you?" He asked her.

"I'm fine." Cassie shrugged. not knowing what else to say.

"Baze, I don't think you've met Sam and Linda yet," Emily said, nodding at the older man walking towards them with a blonde who looked way younger than he did. Ahh, Ryle's father and the younger woman he was dating. Blaze thought, having seen pictures of him.

"Sam Thorn and this is Linda." The man greeted, shaking hands with Blaze who didn't care for either of them but decided to be extra nice on a day like today.

"Blaze Anderson. It's nice to meet you." Blaze smiled tightly.

"Blaze, we should head inside," Lydia said as Blaze nodded and parted ways from the Thorns to head inside the church.

Students from school were in seats, the entire lacrosse them, and surprisingly Coach was there plus random people he didn't know, and he doubted Ryle knew them either. He saw Allison sitting with her father but had yet to see Stiles or Scott.

Looking at the front of the church, his world seemed to slow down around them as he saw the closed casket and the picture that stood next to it. His favorite picture. The one he took. Ryle holding a small dog while being taken by surprise when Blaze took the photo, but he could see how happy he was. His throat felt tight as he stared at the photo wishing so badly that he wasn't about to bury him.

Lydia grabbed his hand, snapping him out of his thoughts as he walked towards the front where he saw Stiles, his dad, Scott and his mom already sitting. They all gave Baze and Lydia smiles as they sat down. Blaze said between Scott and Lydia, and some of him wished he hadn't. He felt even worse than he did earlier, and he felt hot and claustrophobic sitting in between them.

It felt like hours as the funeral proceeded. Music played, speeches were made, tears had been shed but Blaze barely remembered any of it. It all felt like a blur, and he couldn't concentrate on anything anyone was saying. He had been asked to make a speech, but he had completely forgotten all about it with everything that was going on. He wouldn't know what to say. Talk about Ryle in sweet words as if everyone else wasn't already doing that. What could he possibly say or want to say? He wanted to talk to Ryle, not about him.

"Blaze." Scott nudged him in the side, but he was ignored. Scott could hear how fast his heartbeat was racing, his leg was bouncing continuously, hitting Scott's leg every once and a while and he was starting to get concerned. Blaze hadn't looked well since the moment he walked into the church.

"I think he might be having a panic attack," Stiles whispered to Scott, seeing how Blaze's hands trembled slightly and the short breaths that were coming from him.

"Hey, Blaze," Scott muttered to him softly, placing his hand on Blaze's arm as he tried to get his attention on anything other than the funeral. Which was sort of hard as they sat through it.

Blaze's breathing was getting too quick and too short, his hands wouldn't stop moving and he was sweating under the suit that he dreaded putting on, which is why he did the one thing he swore he wouldn't do -- he got up and walked out.

Lydia grabbed Scott's hand who tried to get up and follow after him, "Don't. Let him be."

"We shouldn't leave him alone," Scott whispered to her.

"He needs a few minutes alone. None of us could help him because none of us understand what he's going through." Lydia whispered back to him.

Scott looked hesitant about leaving Blaze alone when Stiles glanced over at him, "She's right. He'll come back; if not, we will find him." 

⸻

After the funeral service, Scott and Stiles left to look for Blaze but he was nowhere to be fine. Blaze had come with the Martins, but their car was still there, making everyone assume he had walked back to Lydia's house, which is where Lydia left to look at while Scott used his werewolf senses to follow Blaze's scent, leading them back to his old house.

"This place looks terrible." Stiles grimaced as he walked up the steps to the burnt-down home. 

"Well, it did burn down Mr. Stilinski." They jumped when they heard the voice making them spin around to see a blonde woman who had arrived shortly after them, "Charlotte Pierce, Blaze's-"

"His therapist." Scott cut her off, "He told us about you."

"All good things I hope." Charlotte smiled at the younger boys.

"He called you a cunt... I mean yes good things, only. Helping him very much." Stiles chuckled awkwardly as the women chuckled.

"What are you doing here?" Scott asked her curiously.

"Blaze had called me. Told me he had left the funeral, didn't seem okay. Hysterical really and sounded on the verge of a break. He hung up on me, so I came to check on him. I assume you're here to do the same." Dr. Pierce explained making Scott more worried as he nodded.

The three of them walked into the house, cringing at the sight of the house, "Isn't this heartbreaking?" Charlotte muttered seeing not an ounce of belongings were okay. Everything was burnt and gone.

"Blaze! Are you here?" Scott called out, walking upstairs as he followed the scent of the boy. They carefully stepped over anything on the ground, despite it all being destroyed they still wanted to be respectful.

"Blaze! Darling." Charlotte called out as they approached his room where the door was cracked open. Scott opened the door and his heart dropped as he witnessed the sight beforehand. Blaze was lying on the ground, eyes closed and chest still. His cheeks were red and looked as if he had tried to take his jacket off but was struggling with it, so he gave up.

"Blaze." Charlotte gasped as he ran over to him and crouched beside him, shaking him but he remained unstill, "Blaze! Cmon."

"Scott." Stiles' quiet voice made Scott feel physically ill as he looked to see that Stiles had grabbed an empty pill bottle that was knocked over on the floor, "These are new."

Charlotte looked at him in disbelief before looking back down at the boy she grew to care about as realization hit her, "Call 9-1-1. Now!"

⸻

It was silent. The room was silent except for the constant beeping noise that was connected to the machine, the beeping being a reminder that they had gotten to him just in time. They had saved him, and he was going to be okay. Maybe not mentally but physically he was okay. He was alive.

Scott and Lydia sat on each side of him, Stiles leaned against the window, Chalotte and Melissa had taken a walk to make time go by faster and Allison was standing beside Lydia who was sniffling now and then.

Lydia was in disbelief. She was the one who told Scott not to go after him. She was the one who said he needed to be alone and in return, her best friend tried to take his own life. She felt awful and all she wanted was for Blaze to wake up so she could hug him and apologize like tomorrow wasn't going to happen.

"Do you think this was an accident, you know Charlotte said he was having a nervous breakdown and that can make you do crazy things. Ma- Maybe he was just trying to stop it and took too many by accident." Lydia spit out faster than she'd ever spoken as her eyes filled with tears once more making Allison wrap her arms around her.

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that he is okay. Stiles tried to tell her.

"That's the problem. He's not okay and he hasn't been for a long time. He pretends he's fine and uses other problems to hide his own, which adds to his problems. Blaze knew what he was doing, and I don't entirely blame him. His entire life has fallen apart in more ways than one." Scott spoke for the first time since they arrived at the hospital.

"How do we help him? He's tried meds and therapists." Allison asked, staring at her friend in sadness.

"I don't know," Scott muttered feeling completely helpless.

"I think we should leave. Waking up to all of us just standing here is probably going to make him overwhelmed and uncomfortable."  Stiles walked away from the window to stand beside Scott.

"He doesn't exactly have a family to stand by his side," Allison said quietly, feeling bad for her words but she knew it was the truth.

"Not like they'd stand here anyways." Lydia scoffed. She could care less if Amelia and Ian were dead, she's never liked them, and she knows they are a part of the reason Blaze is here in this hospital right now.

"He does have a family. The family he needs right now more than ever." Scott said looking at Lydia, knowing she was the only one Blaze truly needed.

"Are you sure?" Lydia asked him, knowing how much Scott cared for him and wanted to stay with him.

"Yeah. He needs you, Lydia." Scott nodded before he left the room with Stiles and Allison, leaving the strawberry blonde alone to wait for her best friend to wake up.

Lydia sat there for another 20 minutes, holding Blaze's hand until she felt it twitch making her perk up, "Blaze?"

His eyes fluttered open as he turned his head the slightly best, "Fuck this feels like Deja ve."

A slap on his arm made him groan, "You, freaking idiot. You scared the hell out of me Blaze." Lydia scolded but her voice breaking gave her real feelings away and made Blaze feel worse than he already did.

"I'm sorry." Blaze hugged her tightly as he tried to keep his tears at bay, "I'm okay, I'm fine."

Lydia cried more at his words as they both knew he didn't mean those words. She wanted to help so bad, but she didn't know how, and he wanted to mean those words but every ounce in his body and mind was saying otherwise.

⸻

Blaze didn't know why he did it but when his problems came too much for him to handle, he ran. He left and he'd disappeared for a bit until he had to go back and deal with them. The moment Lydia had left to tell the others he was awake, he grabbed his clothes and snuck out of the hospital. He wanted to be alone, and he wasn't ready to see everyone yet.

Lydia had said that Charlotte, Stiles, and Scott had found him and those are the three people he decided he wanted to avoid. He needed to comprehend the events today before he decided to talk about them. He didn't exactly remember what happened, but he did remember what he felt and that all he wanted was for it to stop.

Blaze always talked about his mind going in circles and it wouldn't stop but he found a way to make it stop so he went for it. He was still unsure if he regretted it or not. A memory he can resurfaces is moments before he fell into blackness, his mind felt hazy, and his body felt as light as a feather. One minute he was having a nervous or mental breakdown whatever Lydia called it and the next it was gone. All his problems, every thought that had haunted him, all the self-guilt was gone... he felt free.

Looking out Lydia's car window, Blaze looked at all the graves around the field. He had taken Lydia's car keys after she left and decided to drive to the graveyard. He hated that he walked out of the funeral but there was nothing he could do about it now. The sun was starting to go down, so he got out and walked towards the freshly dug grave that had white roses sitting on top -- his favorite. He said they symbolized love and innocence.

Ryle Thorn

May 30, 1994 - February 18, 2011

Loving Son and Brother

"There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart."

The words sat on the upfront grave that had an imprint of a tree across one edge with an extra-long branch falling across the other side by the leaves. An owl sat in the middle of the leaves while a hummingbird was near the bottom where a patch of grass lay with flowers. It was beautiful.

Blaze sighed as he stood in front of the grave. He didn't know why people talked to graves as if the other person could hear them but the thought that maybe he could make him sit down. Knowing werewolves exist made his mind more open to the fact that maybe an afterlife exists.

"I've never been to a funeral before. Never lost anyone. That is until now. I don't want to do this. I guess this is how you felt when you broke up with me. Knowing that once you had that conversation, that that'd be it and we'd be over. Everything we had would be nothing but a memory." Blaze took a deep breath before he kept going, "But you did it. You spoke what needed to be said so that you could move on, and I guess I have to do the same. No matter how much I don't want to."

"I hate you and I wish I never met you. Despite all the werewolves and hunters, I've had to deal with, you were by far the most complicated thing I've had to deal with and no matter what happy you made me, I regret it. From the day that I spoke to you freshman year, I have regretted all of two and if I could redo it again, I'd make sure I never looked your way. And I know most people wouldn't say that, but I truly mean that because if I never would have gotten involved with you, you would still be here." Blaze was crying by the end of his words.

He tilted his head up as his eyes filled with tears and the lump in his throat grew. His leg bounced as he tried to keep control of his feelings, but it did little to nothing.

"I always told myself I would never fall in love. For reasons like this. I didn't want to handle the pain if I ever lost you. Fuck I miss you. I miss you more than I miss my parents who are also dead now. I have been left with nothing. I've lost everything and all I want is for you to be here right now. To tell me everything would be fine, that I'd be okay even if I wouldn't have believed it, but you did and that was enough for me. Every day I wish to wake up and this all be a dream. That I don't have such a fucked up past and that I'd still see your beautiful smile at school every day." Blaze's voice sounded weak as he spoke, tears falling no matter how hard he tried to stop them.

"I want to move on. I want to go back to being my normal self, but I don't know how. I don't know how to accept the fact that you're gone and I'm never going to see you again. I don't want to live like that. In a world where you're not here." Blaze cried until his throat hurt and he didn't want to cry anymore.

He didn't know much time had passed but the sunset hitting his face was enough to know that at least an hour had gone by. He didn't say anything as he leaned his head against his knees and allowed the person beside him to sit down beside him.

"I hate you; you know that?" Blaze muttered knowing the person beside him could hear him.

"I figured." Scott nodded.

"I didn't mean to do it. " Blaze said, making Scott glance over at him but stay quiet, "I didn't think I had so many in my hands, but I hate that you showed you."

"I don't regret showing up," Scott told him. When Blaze didn't respond, Scott looked at the grave, "You know my mom used to tell me that grief is just loved with no place to go."

"Where do you put it?" Blaze muttered.

"In someone else." Scott shrugged not exactly knowing the answer to that.

Blaze glanced over at Scott for a moment, "I don't have anyone else to put it in. I don't want to."

"Someday you might. It will get better." Scott assured him.

"You keep saying that, but you don't know that. How could you? You've never lost anyone like this. How are you so sure that it gets better?" Blaze asked him.

Scott was quiet for a minute which made Blaze go back to staring at the grave and playing with his fingers, "People do it every day. They wake up with grief and they deal with it until one day they wake up with it no longer there. Let me fix that. They wake up with it still there, but it doesn't hurt any longer because they've gotten used to it. You just have to keep going, Blaze."

"Why?" Blaze asked him with new tears in his eyes, "Why? What's the point? I don't exactly have anyone to keep going for and I don't want to get used to it. Him being gone."

Scott stayed quiet as he watched the tears fall down Blaze's face and heard him talk down about himself. He sounded so broken and tired, and he didn't know how to help him.

"It's my fault he's gone. If he was never at the hospital to break up with me then he'd--" Blaze's voice cracked as a sob escaped his lips.

"Blaze." Scott's eyes glossed over as he watched the boy beside him completely fall apart, "It is not your fault, Blaze. It was never your fault, and he would not want you to be blaming yourself."

"He wanted to live too but he isn't all that lucky." Blaze scoffed, "He said I didn't love him. One of the last things he ever told me was that he was in love with me, but I wasn't in love with him, and he was wrong. He was so wrong, and he is never going to know that."

"He does know that," Scott said softly but Blaze didn't believe him, "I saw him. That day at the hospital. One of the last things he ever said was that he knew you loved him."

"What?" Blaze looked at him in confusion.

"After he broke up with you. I ran into him in the hallway. He knew that you loved him, Blaze." Scott told the boy who looked back at the grave.

"If he knew that, then why did he leave me? Why did he say that I didn't?" Blaze sniffled.

"I think he was trying to convince himself so that it would be easier to break up with you. And that's because of me.  So, if you want to blame anyone, you blame me." Scott stated.

"I've tried that, but it all leads back to me. He was there for me, because of me. He was leaving the hospital because of me." Blaze shook his head.

"You're right. Ryle was leaving the hospital because he came to see you. To make sure you were okay and to tell you that he loved you and because he loved you, he was letting you go because he wanted you to be happy. So now it's your turn, Blaze. It's your turn to let him go and be happy or else his death was for nothing."  Scott told him sternly.

It may have been harsh, but he needed to hear it. Blaze knew that and it's why his eyes turned tearful, and he started to cry again, "I don't know how." He shook his head.

"Start by living," Scott muttered to him as Blaze continued to cry which made Scott wrap an arm around him and hold him close. Blaze leaned his head against Scott's shoulder until he stopped crying, and they sat there watching the sunset go down.

They heard a car pulling up, but they ignored it already sensing who it was, and the way Stiles stumbled out of the car, "How'd you find us?" Blaze asked them as they sat down around them.

"I have a GPS in my car, which I should kill you for stealing but I figured we all need this more," Lydia said taking the bottle of tequila out of her purse and making them all chuckle.

"That won't do anything to us," Scott said having moved his arm away from Blaze to let him sit up.

"It'll burn though." Blaze reached over grabbed the bottle and pried it open, "Fuck I wish I could get drunk."

"Your therapist is looking for you by the way," Stiles stated making Blaze groan as he took a swing from the bottle before passing it around. 

"She's quite nice." Allison shrugged as the rest of them agreed.

"Shut up." Blaze frowned. It was true. The woman was great especially to talk to, but he didn't want to admit that "Ugh, I have another funeral to go to."

"Me too." Allison grimaced making everyone pause as they all shared a look before they all chuckled.

As they all sat around drinking and laughing, Blaze watched them with a small smile. This is what normal felt like. Laughing, drinking, and having a good time with your friends no matter what life throws at them. For the first time in months, he had the smallest bit of hope that he'd be okay. It would be a while until he truly felt okay again but what better day to start than today?

Blaze looked over at Scott who was laughing at something Stiles had said and felt a small smile form on his face. He could accept the fact that Scott had feelings for him and yet here he was still helping him grieve the loss of his first love. The thought of it made Blaze sort of... happy.

"Oh, my god," Blaze stated with wide eyes, making the group confused but Blaze ignored them as he continued to rethink everything through his mind. It couldn't be possible, could it? Not even five minutes ago he was crying over Ryle and not wanting to move on from him.

He couldn't feel something for Scott, could he?

⸻

Authors Note:

A day I never thought would happen. The last chapter of this book!! But not Scott and Blaze's story, if anything it's just the beginning!!!!!

Thank you so much for sticking through this book and following Slaze story and I hope to have the second book up soon!! (Season 3+4). I love you all and sorry for this last ounce of pain of this book.