━chapter 3
Chapter 3
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REMUS COULDN'T SAY THAT HE WAS HAPPY WITH THE REASSEMBLY OF THE ORDER PHOENIX. And he didn't suppose that Sirius was very pleased, either. It wasn't because the meetings were held in his childhood home – though that did affect him if the sudden bouts of silence, or if the general fidgeting was anything to say by — but because he knew what this new era of the Order would hold.
He saw new faces in the meeting — Tonks, Bill, Charlie — looking brave, and eager, and firm yet hopeful. Remus remembered seeing those same expressions on his friends, once. He remembered how that optimism had slowly turned to grief and betrayal. He remembered how it felt, how although they thought Voldemort was gone, it still didn't feel like a win because they had lost too much, too many along the way.
He saw older faces, faces who knew what exactly this reunion meant, what exactly the war had in store. Faces who knew that war brought out the worst in people, how it can quickly turn savage and tear apart the bestest of friends.
Sirius and he lost two friends because of the war. James was the obvious one, who's death still weighed heavily on them both. Sirius, convinced that he was at fault, for suggesting the switch. Remus, for falling into the trap of feeling indebted to Dumbledore, and forgoing his friends in their time of need.
But there was also Peter, of whom they don't speak about anymore. The one who betrayed them, the one who chose his own safety at the cost of his friends'. But he was also the one who went through seven years of Hogwarts with them, the one who snuck away with Remus when they both needed a break from Sirius and James' unruliness. He was still Peter, the one who went through the ordeal of becoming an animagus for Remus, Peter who never made feel like a monster for being a werewolf. Remus still couldn't believe that this Peter, and the Peter who betrayed Lily and James, were the same.
And yet, they were.
Dumbledore, Alastor, Molly, Arthur, McGonagall, Sirius, and he knew better. They simply hoped and this time, it truly was the end.
━━━━
Sirius listened, fists clenched, mouth snapped shut. For once, he was grateful for how his mother had taught him to stay quiet. He never really simply listened. Sirius was the type to lash out. He most probably won't remain quiet until the end of the meeting. But for now, he listened.
He listened to Dumbledore heed warnings about Voldemort, about Harry; give suggestions the man wrote to Remus and him about multiples times by now, and even showed to Grimmauld (late at night, after the kids were in bed) several times to make them think it over.
"Harry would be much safer somewhere where Voldemort cannot touch him."
And the Dursleys? Precautions will be taken, the man had answered.
Yeah, right. Over my dead body.
"Harry should not be told everything."
Why? Only Dumbledore knew.
When someone voiced the question — Tonks — and said how it would be smarter if they all knew the answer to the question — obviously raised by Andy, that one — Dumbledore surreptitiously glanced at the door, and cast a privacy ward.
Which fell only seconds after putting it up.
"My apologies. The house doesn't listen to outsiders," explained Sirius.
Dumbledore didn't react to that. But if Sirius had learned anything with having Regulus as a brother and Adhara a niece, it was that, sometimes, a non-reaction revealed more than a reaction.
"I see."
"Just a minute."
The ward settled in, and this time, it remained.
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he looked around the room. "Strange thing, blood magic. Very ancient, very powerful."
"Quite."
"Lily put up blood magic, you know? There is a ward around her sister's house that would protect Ha—"
"I think that's enough. You already know my opinion on the matter, Albus, so I suggest you drop it all together. Everyone, out of my house!"
━━━━
The meeting adjourned. The door opened, and people left, one by one. Harry waited by the stairs, Hermione and Ron right behind him, and when he saw Dumbledore step out, he ran.
His friends followed, albeit reluctantly, if the groaning meant anything. But Harry didn't care. He had some words he wanted to share with the Headmaster, questions he wanted to ask. He couldn't help but notice how the man had been evading him, after the third task, and ever since these Order meetings began.
And no one was telling him anything.
Harry had things to say, though. About Cedric, about the tournament. About what he saw at the graveyard, who was there and who wasn't. He wanted to tell him, tell someone about the nightmares. About how Cedric's dead eyes haunted him at night, about how he couldn't forget Bertha Jorkins green eyes that turned red. About how he could see things, hear things, hear him and Harry couldn't take it anymore.
"Professor—"
The man walked past him, as though he hadn't heard him.
And that wouldn't do.
He ran past the adults, briskly, ignored Mrs Weasley's stern voice, ducked underneath Sirius' worried gaze and made his way toward the den when the floo was.
Only to meet with the sound of a shrinking green fire. Harry stilled, eyes wide, words at the tip of his tongue. His hands found the hem of his t-shirt, scrunching it, bundling it up because he needed something to hold.
He — he didn't understand. Has Harry done something wrong? Sure, he'd been more disappointed by Dumbledore last year, but that didn't mean that — surely the man wouldn't simply abandon him at this point, right?
He left you at the Dursleys, Adhara's voice resonated in his head, was he ever with you?
Harry pulled on his shirt, stretching it out as much as possible, though that was easier to do with his older shirts. His older, frayed-at-the-edge, too-big, never-his-to-begin-with shirts that Sirius had quickly replaced when Harry moved in with him. His shirt, that fit him perfectly, that was clean and nice and new and not a hand-me-down.
The man looked away as the Ministry tossed Sirius in jail without even a trial, Harry's own voice reminded him, why would you be any different?
And just like that, the emptiness in his chest was filled up with anger.
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Adhara didn't particularly like Molly Weasley, and that was fine because she didn't think the woman liked her back. Whether it was because she was Adhara Black, or because she was a Slytherin, Adhara didn't know. She didn't think it mattered anyway, because people didn't really differentiate the two.
There were some things about her that Adhara could appreciate, however. Molly Weasley was fierce, she was ruthless especially when it came to her children. She was ruthless when it came to protecting them, and also ruthless when it came to keeping them in line.
Mrs Weasley placed the plates down in front of twins, with a loud smack. Both of them cowered underneath the woman's hard glare, and Adhara decided right then if someone was able to make those fearless twins tremble, then that someone must be ruthless.
But that ruthlessness came with a price, and that was self-righteousness. And it was one of the reasons why Adhara could never bring herself to like the woman.
Dinner was terrible, to say the least. Mrs Weasley was already angry to begin with because the twins had tried to eavesdrop on the meeting using one of their contraptions. And then she said some things, and didn't say some other things, and of course, they were all Gryffindors — Adhara was starting to feel bad about dragging Millie into this mess, but hey, at least there was also Tonks (and Roisin) who wasn't a Gryffindor either and seemed somewhat sensible even though their first encounter with each was bad — and then Mrs Weasley and Sirius started fighting.
As per usual.
And as per usual, their fight had been about—
"Harry has every right to know what is happening!"
—Harry.
Adhara really did appreciate Molly Weasley for her fierceness. The way she was so ruthlessly protective of her children, all children, even Adhara despite the fact that she was so clearly apprehensive about her. The women didn't want them involved in the war, and Adhara couldn't find herself to disagree with her on the matter. Not because Adhara thought they were too young — Salazar knew they've seen enough of the world already to understand its ugliness — but because this wasn't her mess. She didn't start the war, why should she be involved in finishing it?
Adhara didn't agree with Voldemort, obviously she didn't. But she saw how the war had affected people, how it affected their children, how many ended up in Aleyne because of it, and she didn't want anything to do with it. Voldemort was after Harry. Alright, keep him hidden, then. At Grimmauld, at Hogwarts, outside the country, far, far away from this mess where he can be safe and not dead.
Why go head first into battle? It made no sense.
So yes, Adhara appreciated Molly Weasley for that. But again, her self-righteousness came and ruined it all.
"It's not down to you to decide what's good for Harry!..."
Because how dare she? It was up to Sirius to decide what was good for Harry, who was Molly Weasley to insinuate that he wasn't?
Adhara didn't particularly trust her uncle. Not yet, anyway. Because although she knew that all that crap about him not wanting her was all Matron's doing, lies that she fed Adhara for years in order to keep her compliant, it was still a difficult notion to sink in that perhaps someone did want her, they just couldn't get to her on time.
But despite it all, Adhara understood that Sirius Black was safe. That he was leagues better than Matron, than Petunia Dursleys, that Harry trusted him, Remus trusted him so the man must be trustworthy even though Adhara couldn't trust him yet.
So, yes. How fucking dare Molly Weasley?
Not to mention, the other thing about her that Adhara disliked.
"...You haven't forgotten what Dumbledore has said, I suppose?"
The woman practically worshipped the ground Albus Dumbledore walked on. It was annoying.
Sirius scoffed. "Dumbledore had said a lot, didn't he? You haven't forgotten what I said to him, I suppose?"
Mr. Weasley and Remus sat next to each other. Occasionally, Mr. Weasley would whisper something to Remus, probably to lighten the mood if his awkward smile meant anything. But this time, Mr. Weasley muttered without a smile, and Remus must have answered something unexpected because Mr. Weasley whipped his head back to him.
Remus didn't even glance at the man.
Mrs. Weasley's mouth thinned into a single line. "I haven't and I won't. And I don't understand. If Professor Dumbledore believes it's safer for Harry, then it must be."
Beside her, Adhara saw Harry tense up. Hermione, Millie and Ron glanced at him.
"Harry is much better off with me than that Petunia."
From the corner of her eye, Adhara thought perhaps she saw Severus Snape react to the name. When she peaked at him, though, the man showed no indication of being affected.
Brows furrowed, Adhara turned back towards the bickering duo.
"Is he? Sirius, you must know, that after Azkaban—"
"I'm fine with Sirius!" cut in Harry. "He takes care of me fine!"
Mrs Weasley looked at Harry sadly. "I know you think he does, Harry. But your Godfather has — well —"
"Oh, out with it! Tell them just how insane you think our lot really is!"
Adhara dug her nails into her arms.
"You would be much better off with your Aunt, or—" She ignored Sirius' outbreak, but Remus, finally, cut her off.
"Molly," said Remus calmly, "I suggest you don't further comment about things you're clearly so ignorant about."
"Ignorant?" Molly Weasley bristled. "I'll have you know, Remus Lupin, that I have raised seven children and—"
"That isn't what he meant, Mum!"
Heads snapped towards the new voice.
"Ron Weasley," warned Mr Weasley.
But the boy didn't listen. "You don't know anything about Harry's relatives — they —" Ron took a deep breath before continuing. "Just don't say anything."
He looked at mother with determination. And perhaps at being told off by her own son, perhaps it was because the sting of another son doing the same just days ago was still fresh, but Molly Weasley got up and left.
"Mol — Molly!"
Arthur Weasley has stood up from his spot. He looked at everyone at the table. "I'll go talk with her. Ron, you should come and apologise."
The boy glared. "No. I want to hear about the meeting."
Mr. Weasley should be angry, but he must've seen something in his son's expression, because he simply nodded.
"Afterwards, then."
Ron agreed.
Perhaps bravery wasn't all bogus, after all.
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Once the room cleared out, once he threw a reassuring smile to Harry and Adhara as he watched them both leave for their rooms, Sirius sank to his feet.
Remus was with him in an instance, holding his hands and counting beats until Sirius regained a proper breathing pattern.
It didn't need to be said what had triggered him. Molly's words, the world being after Harry, the bloody House, Dumbledore's presence, James' absence — it was all too much.
When he finally calmed down, when Remus could finally hold him without having Sirius hyperventilate at his mere touch, Remus hugged him close and talked to him in an hesitant voice.
"Sirius."
Sirius didn't say anything back, he was too tired.
"I think you should see someone."
"Hmm?"
"A thera — a mind healer."
Sirius scoffed. "You think I should see a shrink? Think I'm going crazy, too, do you?"
Sirius wanted to push him away, but Remus didn't let go.
"Not crazy. Sad, anxious," Depressed. "A healer might help."
"I'm not going let some stranger dissect—"
"It might help."
"Sure, it will."
"My mum saw one, after...after I got bit. It helped her."
"... there is nothing wrong with you. Why would she need to see a shrink for—"
"It's an awful feeling, being unable to protect your kid. I think you're starting to understand it."
Sirius paused, words stuck in his throat. And didn't Remus? Sirius wanted to ask.
And this was all bold, coming from Remus. Because if there was anyone between the two of them who was depressed, it wasn't Sirius. Sirius was...he was, has something else. He didn't think he was depressed, but he wasn't daft enough to not have noticed what James' death, and perhaps even Regulus' death had done to him.
But the war had affected Remus, too. Heck, his life has affected him.
"It helped her. Sometimes I wish my da saw one, too...just...just think about it?"
"We'll see."
"You owe it to them, at least. To Harry and Adhara. To get better."
And fuck, Remus always knew exactly what to say, didn't he?
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Stumbling into his bedroom (Sirius' old bedroom, that is), Harry threw his wand at the wall in frustration. As he heard the door click shut behind him, Harry swerved around.
"How much more fucking daft can the Ministry get?"
Adhara regarded him calmly, her arms crossed. She wasn't wearing her gloves. She rarely did at home, preferring to wrap them in bandages instead.
"Yet, they still insist it's better to hide things from me!"
"They did tell you tonight."
"Nothing we haven't figured out ourselves." Sirius and Remus had already informed them about Voldemort's desire to keep low. And it was quite obvious he would want to rebuild his army.
"They didn't tell us anything important," Harry scoffed. He was angry, he was guilty. Ron fought with his mum, all because of him. Cedric died because of him, Voldemort was back because of him. Harry was practically drowning in guilt, and that conveyed in the only way that felt like a shield, anger. Harry pointed a finger towards the door. "And Remus doesn't want me to fight!"
Adhara shrugged. "So? Why do you want to fight anyway?"
"What?"
"I mean. This isn't your mess, so why do you want to be involved?"
For a second, Harry's gut went cold. "What do you mean?"
"You shouldn't have to fight."
"The man is after me. I haven't exactly got a choice!"
One thing about Adhara was that she never shied away from Harry's anger. Harry didn't think she ever understood why he was always so angry. She definitely believed it to be a waste of energy, and yet she always knew how to push him back.
"Run then," Adhara answered, as though it was obvious. "Hide. Why would you go after him if he wants you dead?"
Harry clenched his jaw. "And what? Let everyone else take the fall?"
"I don't care about everyone else. I only care about you. So yes, Harry. I don't want you to die."
Though, perhaps even unbeknownst to herself, Adhara did have anger in her. It was rare, it was quiet, but Harry knew just how much the girl lied to herself. Especially about caring about people, about how much she cared.
Harry knew this. But as always, things tended to get a bit fuzzy when he got angry.
"What am I supposed to do then? Sit tight and watch people die?!"
"There are other ways to fight—"
"This is my way!" Harry shouted. "I'm sick of people dying for me!"
Adhara huffed, not getting it. "They're grown ass wizards, Harry. I'm sure they know how to fight. I don't understand why you're so insistent on invol—"
Harry groaned, cutting her off. What did she mean by involving himself? Harry was involved, he had been involved since that day his parents died to protect him. Since everyone who had died for him ever since.
Adhara didn't seem to understand. He didn't think she ever would.
"You don't get it. You just don't."
"Harr—"
Harry shook his head. He pushed past her, towards the door.
Adhara wanted Harry to simply flee? To run, to hide? It wasn't as though he could do that even if he wanted to. How could he when Voldemort was already inside his head—
"Harry!"
"Leave me alone!"
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"Harry, Adhara, what happened—"
Adhara clenched her fists. She hadn't moved from her spot when Harry left, back to the door and facing the bed. She didn't care to make a move when Sirius came in.
"Where's Harry?"
"Left," she announced. Simple.
Sirius kept looking at her with a frown, unsure. "I heard shouting."
Adhara wanted to scoff. She dug her nails into her palms. "Did. Did Harry say anything to you?"
"About what?"
"The war. The tournament. Voldemort."
Sirius snorted. "He's always asking about the bastard."
Harry was acting strange, that much she could tell. But she didn't know what it was. And it seemed like Sirius didn't know either. Harry hadn't told him and that meant Adhara couldn't find out what it was through the man.
"Is he upset?"
Adhara rolled her eyes. "He'll get over it."
Sirius hummed.
It was safe to say it was still quite awkward between the two of them. Even with the truth, Adhara still couldn't shake away the sharpness of the betrayal she carried with her for years when she believed that the only family she had left didn't want her. The whole story turned out to be a lie spun by Matron herself, and Adhara hated herself because of the effect the woman still had on her.
"Listen, Adz. I'm glad I caught you. We need to talk."
Adhara lifted her eyes from the ground to stare him down.
"It's about the trial."
Oh, for fuck's—
"I don't care."
Sirius blinked. "I haven't said anything."
"I don't want to be involved."
"Don't want to be—" Sirius scowled. "You don't want to see the woman who's been abusing you all these years get what she deserves? I know I would've done anything to see Walburga—"
"I'm not you!" said Adhara firmly. "I don't care! I left Aleyne, I'm safe now. I didn't ask you to start the trials!"
A few months ago, when Adhara read Roisin letters, informing her about the trials, Adhara felt relief wash over her. It felt like someone snapped off shackles that she didn't even know she was hauling around.
All of that was forgotten now. Adhara didn't care. She didn't want to be involved. Talking about Matron, thinking about her made it feel like the shackles were back, and Adhara didn't want that.
Why couldn't they just leave it all in the past?
"I wasn't going to just let her get away with everything she did to you, Adhara."
Frustration was radiating from her uncle, she could practically see it. She didn't care
"Why did you let the Dursleys get away with what they did to Harry, then?"
Sirius sighed. "Is this what this is about? You and your brother are exactly the—"
"No. It isn't." Because it really wasn't.
A pause. Sirius was searching her face, probably checking to see if she was lying or not. Adhara didn't know how anyone could tell, but Sirius seemed to have found what he was looking for. He still looked unhappy, though.
"Harry still insists nothing was happening."
Adhara scoffed.
"And I can't force him to talk if he doesn't want to."
"You can. And you definitely should. It's the only way to get him to tell the truth."
"And you?" asked Sirius. "How do I get you to tell me the truth—"
"I said I didn't care!—"
"What about everyone who's still there? What about Yaritza, and Roisin, and—"
"Roisin lives with the Weasleys, now. She's safe."
"And Yaritza? Thomas?"
Adhara's mouth snapped shut.
"They're still at Aleyne. They'll need all the help they can get."
It wasn't fair. It shouldn't be their job to save the world. Adhara wanted nothing to do with this anymore. She wanted to leave it all behind, to forget it all.
"I'm not asking you to speak in front of the Wizengamot. You never have to see that woman ever again if you don't want to. But a written testimony will help. It's what Roisin is doing."
Adhara didn't reply. She kept her eyes on the man's shoes, refusing to make eye contact. Refusing to see his face.
Sirius sighed, and it sounded too much like disappointment to Adhara ears. She didn't budge, though, simply digging her nails in deeper to stop herself from reacting.
She didn't care. She couldn't care.
"I'll let you think it through."
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A/N To anyone wondering what the conversation between Arthur and Remus was in the scene in Adhara's POV, Arthur was trying to dilute the tension and Remus was playing along with him, but then when things got a bit too serious:
Arthur: I think it's time we break them off.
Remus, starting to get angry at the comments Molly was making: Or you could tell your wife to mind her own business.
Arthur: surprised
Rest assured, there is character development on the way for Molly. Though, to be honest, I never held it against her for not wanting children to fight in a war, especially in one in which she lost two of her brothers. I feel like that is common sense. Her attitude (rude and stubborn) and behaviour (Dumbledore worshipping, refusal to listen, and control-freakishness) was annoying though.
Also, did anyone notice Snape realising that Harry lived with Petunia?
Last point, if you're thinking that Sirius is forcing Adhara to fight Matron...he's not? He says that Adhara doesn't ever need to see Matron ever again if she doesn't want to, and even in Year 4, he mentions how he doesn't want to involve her if he can help it. But at this point in the case, a written testimony from Adhara would really help, especially since a lot of Ancient Families (whether Dark or Light) don't want Aleyne to disappear. However, Sirius does compare Harry and Adhara to James and Regulus often, and that is something that will be addressed and fixed throughout the story.
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