James walked along the parking lot as he pushed the sunglasses over his eyes. "Dad, do we really need to bring... her with us? Can't she go with the students on that bus?". James smiled weakly "Daisy is just gonna be with us for a little bit, she's meeting with some friends and I'm dropping her off. So just behave and pretend to be nice when she gets here".

Andrew huffed as he climbed into the back of the car "she can't have any of my snacks". James chuckled slightly as he pushed the back door shut and walked towards the driver's seat "James can we talk?".

He grew tense as he turned around and looked at Ruby, she fixed her uniform slightly. "I sorta gotta get going, I don't have time to talk Ruby". Ruby looked at him "it won't take long, just a few seconds".

He sighed "alright fine, I gotta grab the last of the bags anyways". He walked inside his trailer as Ruby followed after him "look about yesterday, that kiss". James leaned into the kitchen counter "it doesn't have to mean anything, if that's what you're gonna say".

"No, it meant something to me, I was awake all night just thinking about it and I couldn't sleep which is really rare for me. I was up all night just crying and thinking about all the things I've done over the last year and I regret all of it".

"That's not my problem" he walked towards the couch grabbing Andrew's bags off of it. Ruby grabbed his arm and turned him so he was facing her "I know I messed up, everything I did was my own fault, can you just look at me and have an actual conversation".

"I have to go Ruby" she pushed the glasses off his eyes and he looked away from her as he walked towards the door. "You used again, your eyes are all bloodshot and red, James when did you…".

"Last night, but I'm trying to quit. It was just a vulnerable moment and I wanted everything to stop even if it was for a few minutes. It was the last of what I had anyways, I'm trying to distract myself with this trip, Andrew's been so excited for it all week".

"Then let me help you, I can just go with you and Andrew and we can talk about what's going on" James sighed deeply "just go with everyone else on the bus, you already paid for it. It's just gonna be me and Andrew until we drop Daisy off".

"Daisy, you're seriously gonna take her, she's the one who got herself suspended from school". James huffed "yeah we both got suspended together, so it's only fair I drop her off and then she goes with her friends to France. She can't drive that well".

"Neither can you, I mean you always used to get a ride to school with me and before that you would show up with that bike of yours".

"Look, just go, I don't have time for this Ruby. I'm sure you'll see me in France, even if I don't want that. I'm going and you can't stop me". Ruby grabbed his arm again "no! I'm not letting you go, not when you're still out of it. I won't let you".

He turned angrily "stop pestering me, I'm fine and I don't want your help, so just leave me alone". He opened the door "you know I'm right, stop denying it James, for once I'm actually right about this".

He huffed as he opened the trunk of his car and put the bags inside before he walked towards the driver's seat. Ruby was staring at him "fine, just get in the bloody car before I change my mine".

She smirked as she walked towards him and grabbed the keys out of his hand "see, I'm always right". He mocked her under his breath as he climbed into the passenger seat "I thought Daisy was coming with us dad?" Andrew looked up from his bowl of crisps.

"Change of plans, Daisy is hitching a ride with someone else. Ruby was kind enough to drive us since I'm feeling a bit under the weather". Andrew kicked his feet at the back of Andrew's seat as he smiled "I've brought snacks if you want any Ruby, I wasn't gonna share but you're way cooler than Daisy. She smells weird, I think she doesn't wash her hands".

James sighed deeply "Andrew those are inside thoughts, don't be mean, Daisy just uses a lot of perfume, which I've told you before". Andrew huffed "but she smells really weird dad, I'm glad she's not coming with us, I would've thrown up".

Ruby laughed as she drove off down the road James sighed as he turned the radio on. "Are you and Ruby back together? Is that why she's coming with us?" James looked at Ruby slightly then at Andrew "no we're not back together, she's just driving us is all".

"you broke my dads heart, you're a real bitch" James turned quickly "hey! Don't say that! Ruby's not a bitch, that's not a nice word". Andrew shrugged "it's true though, Maeve said so the other day".

James groaned as he looked outside the window "look let's just pretend for a second that Ruby isn't a bitch, of course she isn't but still. It's a road trip, remember? So let's just have some fun for once".

—

"Maeve, you came after all then?" James walked out of the bathroom. The girl smiled "yeah, I see you've brought Ruby with you, how's that going?" James shrugged "it was awkward at first, but then Andrew suggested we play yellow car. So he's been smacking me every time he sees a yellow car, Ruby gets a kick out of it, claims it's funny".

He sighed softly and Maeve could sense the unease in his voice "how are you doing? I know the last few days have been pretty rough for you". James shrugged as he tugged on his jacket strings "been struggling, but I can't let Andrew see me like this".

He looked towards Andrew, he sat on the hood of the car while he chatted with Ruby. He was eating a sandwich while his other hand held tightly onto a juice box "he really wants me and Ruby to get back together, that's a disaster waiting to happen".

He let out a weak chuckle as he looked away from Andrew and towards Maeve "do you think you'll get back with her? Or are you still confused". James signed in annoyance "I just feel confused all the time whenever I think about it. Things were fine before and then we broke up and summer was tough, Andrew kept pulling me out of the slumps but I'm going back into them. It's worse with her being around, just the thought of seeing her and talking to her makes me wanna throw up and just die. Old habits are resurfacing and I fucking hate myself for it".

The strong urge to scream entered James' body as he scratched at his neck slightly. He could feel the warmth of the sun sinking into his flesh making him sweat as he pushed his jacket away from his skin. He was getting annoyed with himself, the rage deep inside was suffering and he needed a release desperately. He dug his fingernails into his palm, feeling the sting of it made him relax.

He blinked, kept his head clear as he tried to focus on Maeve, her words were mumbled and merging into an endless stream of confusion. She smiled, almost as if she was so lost in the moment and James smiled, maybe it was the way he felt sane for once or the shaking of his hands. He couldn't tell, not when Maeve was hugging him before she walked off towards the bathroom. "I'm happy for you..."

She said those words, he picked up those four stupid words long before anything else. Maeve was a good person, someone who knew what he was going through. They were practically neighbors for years and he'd sleep outside her bedroom window until she'd let him inside. She was changing, growing up and he was turning into a mess.

Habits never change, no amount of money or time will make someone a good person. James became a shitty person the second he let those needles stick into his arms, the coldness of it made his mind explode every single time. The warmth brought him comfort when his body would grow still and the world would stop spinning, he got sober, better.

Now the cycle of destruction was returning and he wanted to cry as he walked into the bathroom and pushed the door shut. He leaned into the sink desperately as sweat coated his forehead, he sunk his teeth deeply into his lips until he tasted blood.

His vision was blurry and he couldn't focus on anything except the constant knocking on the door. The muffled voices, the spinning, the parallel lines. All of it was fighting, going into an infinite rage as James splashed cold water onto his face.

"James, it's time to get going. The bus just left!" Ruby's voice was so clear. Despite the ache James felt in his chest, he couldn't bring himself to open the door. To let her see him like this, that door opening would be a mistake. He'd face the world, spinning would only increase and he'd wanna scream.

He inhaled sharply when the door opened, Ruby pushed her bobby-pin back into her hair as she walked inside. "You've been in here for the last thirty minutes, I had to tell Andrew you got sick".

James could tell by the way her eyes softened that he didn't look so good. His hair was a tangled mess and his shirt was on the verge of falling off from him clawing at it in hopes it'd help ease his mind. Ruby walked towards him quickly as she touched his forehead "you're burning up".

He sighed deeply "you shouldn't be here" she sighed "would you rather I leave you here alone? You'd be stuck inside this disgusting bathroom for hours. Andrew's out there waiting for you, you can't just stay in here wallowing away into nothing".

He leaned back slightly as Ruby ran her fingers through his hair to fix it. "It's just a few hours, you'll feel pretty shitty but you'll feel better once everything is out of your system. You'll start over again for Andrew, just keep telling yourself that".

"I can't do this shit. Just get me out of here" he moved away from Ruby as he stood up weakly "you just need some water and to rest, you can sleep in the car and pretend like you got food poisoning or something".

He chuckled weakly and despite him looking like utter death Ruby couldn't help but find it attractive the way he looked at her. That same tint in his eyes from before everything was present and while he could barely stand he was still hovering over her.

He always had such a way of making her feel so small, she could gaze into his eyes forever and get lost. James inhaled sharply as he pressed his hands against his head "I got a headache, I just need everything to stop spinning, I want it to stop".

"You just need to distract yourself James, I'm sure Andrew can help with all those car games he's keen on doing for the trip. He chats for hours and never even fails to get bored, he gets that from you I think".

James gripped Ruby's shoulder slightly as he leaned into her for support. She kept talking and going on about all the ways he could feel better, her voice sounded almost angelic or maybe it was angry?

He couldn't tell and his head kept spinning as he clinged onto her like a lost puppy. He never noticed how beautiful she looked in the sunlight, her hair was almost perfect and her eyes were full of such beauty. Confusion, shame or maybe guilt? He couldn't process what he was feeling as he kissed her.

He needed to breathe, to feel anything except the ache that tugged away at his chest. Maybe that feeling was her, or the loneliness he had experienced for months. He remembered summer, the way he'd sink into his bed as he watched the days pass. The laughter of the world around him went onward while he cried into nothingness, maybe he was always going to feel like this. James was always cursed to fall ever since he was born into this world, he knew he'd never make it far into anything good. Ruby was good, she was always good and maybe it all came crashing down because of him. His absence, his addiction, it was all his fault and he wanted to sob it all away.

His heart was broken, and yet it still kept beating for Ruby. He held onto her as he tried to piece together back what was left of before, he needed to be perfect. He grasped the back of her head as he leaned more into her, he could feel the warmth of her lips coating his as he closed his eyes. The world stopped spinning and all he could feel was her, the feeling he had ached for ever since she left him all alone.

He moved back as he let out heavy breaths, he pushed his forehead against Ruby's as she held onto his shirt. "Don't go, just stay Ruby" he could sense the way she was hesitant as her hands let go of him. He gritted his teeth in agony as he felt her pulling away from him.

"I need you Ruby, why can't you just see that. Why can't you just actually see that I love you, you're just scared it'll be ruined again, but it won't. I never give anyone second chances, but you're different. You ripped my heart out and you saw everything that was me, I'm vulnerable because of you Ruby. So don't you dare walk away from me, not when you lost me once before. You don't get to do this again, not when I just started forgiving you for what you did".

Ruby went to speak but the sound of a car horn going off made her look away from James. He didn't say anything else, he sighed deeply as he walked away from her as he approached the car.

—
authors notes:
gosh writing this story makes me realize how toxic Ruby and James are to each other in terms of just how they're feeling overall. They talk and then just go straight back to square one and it ends in utter disaster every single time. Part of me wants them to get back together but it wouldn't make sense, at least yet of course. I feel like they're both still just confused overall with things. I mean I feel like a part of Ruby is still hurt over Otis while James is still feeling guilty because he thinks he'll only break Ruby's heart. We're getting closer to the end of this act, and trust me when I tell you it only gets more intense from here.