Months had passed and everything still felt slower than before. James barely remembered what he had for breakfast, let alone waking up after weeks of being stuck inside a hospital, he was alone in the middle of the night when his eyes opened. Then the world around him began spinning as he tried to piece together what had happened to him.

That was ages ago and he still felt confused and lost with everything, he could barely function without the urge of shutting down into nothing. He didn't feel slightly good about anything he did, he smiled and put on this picture perfect mask in front of everyone.

Deep down inside behind those eyes was a broken boy who desperately wanted the world to stop spinning. It never did and with the start of yet another school year he can't decide if he's even remotely ready to face the world again. With the judgmental stares and low whispers he'd hear every time he walked outside.

James' life had taken a rather harsh turn and it was all because of a stupid overdose he couldn't even remember. Sometimes he'd see Ruby looking at him with such a gaze he couldn't quite understand. Maybe it was guilt? Or perhaps utter disappointment and shame. He was ashamed of himself regardless.

When his eyes opened he was greeted by silence, he let out a light breath as he shifted his weight and turned to his side. He could hear the soft hum of the coffee machine brewing his morning coffee and the light taps of his clock ticking away.

He sat up as he rubbed his eyes, the sunlight was brighter than most days and he could feel the warmth of it as he climbed out of bed. He sighed in annoyance as he grabbed his clothes and made his way into the bathroom. The place was a wreck, he didn't have the energy these days to clean, he could barely leave his bed without wanting to lay back down.

The loudness of Ruby honking her horn made him get dressed quickly before he ran out of the bathroom and grabbed his bag from his desk. He walked down the hallway, his gaze looking at the bright blue bedroom door that was shut, the colorful letters on the center made his heart ache.

Andrew

He looked away from the door before he quickly ran down the stairs and made his way outside. Ruby sat inside her car fixing her hair as she looked in her mirror, James got into the passenger seat.

"You're early" he looked at the girl as she started the car and drove down the road "I'm actually on time, did you sleep through your alarm I set for you again? That's the sixth time this week". The boy shrugged as he leaned back in the seat "I must've missed it or something, regardless I'm awake for the first day, hopefully the place isn't awful".

Ruby smiled softly "a fresh start, and a proper school where everyone doesn't have to wear hideous uniforms. I burned the old one the second I could". She kept driving and when the school was in their sights James looked at it with a deep frown "this place looks like an episode of SpongeBob's inner thoughts".

The boy turned his eyes widening at the sight of a girl walking in front of the car "Ruby watch out!". Ruby hit the brakes as she glared at the girl who had been moved out of the way by Eric. The girl let out a light laugh of shock as she looked at Ruby "this is a no-car zone" Ruby sighed in annoyance.

"Where am I supposed to park, then?" James looked around at all the bikes and students as they walked around with bright smiles on their faces. He wanted to throw up at the thought of all these happy people surrounding him, it made him dread being here.

"There's a car park across the road" Ruby grumbled before she turned around and drove off. James reached into his pocket grabbing a cigarette "do not light that in my car". James huffed as he climbed out of the car when she parked "the roof is down, it would've gone along with the wind".

He lit it the second they began to walk towards the campus. Despite it being a long walk, James found it comforting "I should've worn better shoes, all this walking is making my feet hurt". James put the cigarette at the corner of his mouth as he looked at Ruby "don't worry, I'll rub them for you later".

He winked at her before he walked ahead of her and made his way inside the school. The place was massive and he could see a few familiar faces along the crowd as he took a drag of his cigarette.

"Can I have all the Moordale students over here, please?" James moved forward nodding weakly at Eric as the boy looked at him. "Okay. Hello, everyone" Ruby interrupted by walking forward "car parks miles away. I can't do that every day. Not in heels". James chuckled under his breath but it faded away when the three people in front of him looked at him. "Smoking is not allowed in here, so I'd suggest you'd take it elsewhere and dispose of it".

James grumbled as he pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and threw it onto the ground before he stomped on it. "I wouldn't do that if I were you, that's not very...." James shrugged weakly "feel free to continue your welcome speech. I'm all ears".

Ruby looked at James and the boy didn't say anything as he made his way towards the back of the group. "Right, hello and welcome to Cavendish College. My name is Abbi. This is Aisha and my boyfriend, Roman. And we're your sixth form reps".

Everyone smiled and clapped while James thought of all the possible excuses he could make to leave early. "We have got some tablets to hand out to you all" James grabbed the orange tablet and sighed as he let it rest in his hand as it lowered to his side.

His head was killing him and he was exhausted "you will find your schedule, uh, on our social media platform, Dolly". James looked down at the screen and despite his lack of attention to the conversation in front of him, he briefly heard Ruby make a comment about how the tablet didn't match her purse.

"Anyway, grab your Cavendish tote bags and your reusable water bottles. Then I'll take you on a little tour, once you're all ready". James didn't grab a tote bag nor the water bottle, he made his way away from the group when they all began to walk off.

He sighed as he walked outside and sat down on a small patch of grass beside a row of bikes. He could see a few students walking around as he grabbed another cigarette out of his pocket and put it into his mouth. His phone began to ring as he lit the end of it, he grabbed it and looked down at the contact.

After letting it ring for a few more seconds he picked up and put it against his ear "hey, how goes America? Is it treating you good?" he smiled weakly as he kicked at the ground with his shoe.

"I hope I'm not intruding on your first day, I just wanted to call and see how you're feeling. Getting those headaches still?". James groaned slightly "unfortunately, nothing really helps since I'm taking pretty weak medication the doctor prescribed. They won't give me the strong shit, could get addicted to it".

"How's Andrew? You haven't really told me about your visits with him. Is Janet treating him well?". James hadn't seen Andrew in exactly seven days, and despite the boy being in a foster home with a wonderful woman named Janet. He didn't seem all that happy to see James much anymore these days, the visits grew shorter and less frequent.

"Oh yeah he's doing pretty good, his first day of school is today as well. I called and wished him luck, he's really liking it at Janet's. He loves her dogs and the other kids, she messages me any updates, I just have a few more months until I can get Andrew back, if the court decides I'm stable enough".

"That's good then, if anything I know for a fact you'll get him back. I know you moved recently so it can be a fresh start for the both of you when he's home. I'll call you again later, I want all the details about your first day, and remember it's okay to feel nervous".

James smiled as he pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and let it rest in between the cracks of his fingers. "Be sure to give me all the gossip about America, I'm sure that place is lovely" he ended the call and put his phone into his pocket.

Everything turned silent as he looked at the cigarette in his hand. He hated himself, the way his mind worked these days made him wanna throw up. All he could think about twenty four seven, was the world spinning and it made his head hurt.

The strong urge to stick a needle into his arm and forget about everything even if just for a single minute was tempting. The urges got stronger each day and he fought the best he could by smoking cigarettes until the boxes were empty. He tried chewing gum and eating candy but it wasn't the same as smoking.

He'd rather kill his lungs than himself, each day passed and the number of days he was sober grew higher. He lost count ages ago but he knew it would be a year soon, Ruby would probably wanna celebrate. Everyone was always so cautious around him and it was annoying, especially Ruby and Maeve.

Eric and Otis weren't as bad but they still had moments where he could see the worry in their eyes. James wanted to scream, that's all he's craved these days. To scream until his throat burned and his eyes watered and he felt his heart beat until it hurt.

He pushed the end of the cigarette into his arm, the sting of the burn made him let out a breath as he blinked slowly. He stood up and threw the cigarette onto the ground before he stomped on it. He looked down at the orange tablet when it chimed and notified him of his class starting. A few hours, that's all he needed to survive before he could go home.

—

James looked so beautiful, his head was resting on his desk as his eyes were shut. Despite the paleness of his skin and the dark bags hidden under his eyes, Ruby still found him a sight for sore eyes. The girl had noticed him dozing off twelve minutes into the lesson. All he ever did these days was sleep, it was clear he was depressed and struggling with everything.

Despite Ruby trying to brush his hair out in the car it was still frizzy and messy. He had let it grow the last few months and he refused to cut it whenever Ruby would suggest it. Time passed rather quickly and when the bell went off signaling lunch Ruby stood up and same her way towards a sleeping James.

Light breaths escaped his lips as his head rested on his arm "James?". She whispered as she kneeled down in front of his desk, he didn't move to signal he heard her. "It's time for lunch, I brought you that sandwich you claim it's the best out of everything else".

The classroom was empty and it was slightly creepy being in a room that was silent. The hallways were even quiet as everyone made their way towards the cafeteria to eat and chat with everyone. Ruby ran her fingers along James' hair making the boy murmur as he opened his eyes slowly. She could see the light smile that rose on his lips as he lifted his head.

"Morning sleepyhead, it's time for lunch. You can't sleep your way through that" he let out a slight sigh as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "We could just stay here, no one can annoy us with all their positivity and excitement for this place".

"Or we could go and eat, you need something in your system so you don't take your medication on an empty stomach. Last time you did that you were sick for hours before you felt better". James groaned as he pushed his face into Ruby's neck as he stood up, she held onto him as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"I don't want to be here" her hold on him tightened slightly "I know, but you can't leave until the day is over. Just a few more hours and you'll be alright". He huffed as he kissed her neck softly before he let go of her and walked towards the door.

"I suppose we can go and eat lunch, with our luck we'll sit alone and that's fine with me". He pushed his backpack over his shoulders as he walked down the corridor and entered the cafeteria. Ruby chuckled softly as they sat down at an empty table.

James grumbled when she handed him a sandwich "it's good for you, and I made sure it had extra tomatoes on it just for you". The boy ripped the plastic wrap off the sandwich before taking a bite.

He grew tense at the sound of laughter approaching the table "this is a bit... awkward, but this is Abbi's favorite seat. She loves the view". Ruby smiled weakly "oh, well, I'm fine here, thanks".

James huffed as he set his sandwich down onto the table and reached into his pocket for another cigarette. "Don't be silly. It's fine. We'll sit somewhere else today, you two seem fine here anyways".

"I mean, I could move. Or we could just stay sitting here and hang out with you guys" Ruby smiled as she held onto her sandwich with a tight grasp.

"Hey, you're the girl with the car. Have you considered getting a bike? It's so much greener and the walk isn't as tiring for you". Ruby smiled "I'll think about it" James ignored the looks he got as he took a drag of the cigarette.

"This is a smoke free zone, this is the second time today I've seen you lit one of those things, they're pretty deadly and not safe for the environment". James shrugged slightly "I don't care about the environment, it never did me any good so why should I return the favor by not smoking. You know this place sure does judge a lot for being gossip and judgment free. Reminds me of someone I know".

"We are a judgment free society, we have no need to judge you for your actions. It's your choice what you do here, if you want to smoke at least do it outside". James stood up angrily "this place sure is rubbish, can't even eat lunch without being disturbed".

His footing wavered as his head began to ache "come on Rubes, we can eat outside". He rubbed at his head as he walked off towards the exit, he sighed as he sat down on the steps and pushed the cigarette into the cement harshly. "Is your medication wavering off? I can get some water and you can...".

"I don't want it, makes me feel shitty" he kicked at the ground as he took a bite out of his sandwich. "The doctor said you have to take it everyday at least three times or you'll just feel worse than before".

"I'll take them later" he leaned back in the stairs as he looked at the sandwich in his hands with disgust. He was fading away, turning into his person Ruby couldn't even recognize and it was breaking her heart. She didn't make any comments when he set the half eaten sandwich in his lap and his eyes closed.

Ruby set her water bottle down beside her as she turned at the sound of someone calling her name. She frowned deeply until she spotted Eric and Otis who were doing an awful job at hiding behind a tree. She sighed "I'll be right back, I forgot my tablet in the cafeteria, those things are expensive. There's no way I'm getting in trouble for losing it".

James nodded and Ruby stood up as she made her way towards Eric and Otis. "What are you two idiots doing? If this is your idea of blending in, it's not very good, I could literally see you both".

Eric smirked "that was the point, we got your attention didn't we?". She glared at Otis and the boy shrugged "so what's so important you both have to get my attention? You could've texted at this rate".

"It's about James. I got a text from Maeve who practically told me he lied to her earlier. It was about Andrew". Ruby looked at James who was still lying on the stairs "so? Maybe he doesn't want her worrying about him while she's away".

"I mean it just felt odd, he hasn't seen Andrew in months and he claims he spoke with him this morning. He never answers the call when Andrew calls, he's too busy sleeping half the time. He seriously needs to get out more".

"Clearly that doesn't work, he's here and already sleeping in half of his classes. I'm pretty sure he's fallen asleep right now on the stairs, it doesn't even look comfortable". They all looked at James whose head was slumped forward, he held onto himself as his hood rested on top of his head.

"Rehab didn't help, the hospital also didn't work, they just gave him a shit ton of medication and called it good. He spent months stuck inside and now he's finally able to do whatever he wants, he's just staying inside still. His house is a mess and he never answers the phone when I call him. He barely even gets out of bed, I practically forced him by showing up early this morning so he wouldn't be late".

"Maybe he's just sad?" Eric glared at Otis "of course he's sad Otis, his life isn't exactly going to good terms since last form. He's almost a completely different person, what do we even do?".

Ruby rolled her eyes "you two aren't capable of even tying your shoes properly. I can handle this, it's my responsibility as his girlfriend to make sure he's happy and comfortable. This place of course he hates and he hasn't eaten anything in days, his shoes are mismatched and he wore the same shirt three times. If we're going to help him, we need to stop babying him. It's been long enough, just act normal".

"I'm good at doing normal" Ruby looked Otis up and down while Eric held in his laugh "what? I am". Ruby patted his shoulder slightly "whatever helps you sleep at night O.T. I better get back, lunch is almost over and I'm pretty sure James is sleeping".

She looked at the boys one last time before she walked off towards James. He was letting out light breaths and when Ruby touched his forehead to check his temperature he opened his eyes.

"You're not getting sick on me are you?" he chuckled weakly "it's just warm out here is all, probably not smart of me to wear a thick jumper". He pushed his hood off his head as he looked down at his sandwich "do I really have to finish this whole thing?".

Ruby sat down beside him "of course you do, you'll feel crappy if you don't eat anything". She handed him her water bottle and he smiled as he grabbed it "hydration is also another good thing, you can't just run off of coffee and tea". James took a bite out of his sandwich as he looked at the sky.

"It's good fuel for the day and I've got loads of it in my house so figured why not. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day if I have coffee before we leave". He looked at the ground "I love you Rubes, I'm sorry I'm such a mess right now, I'll get better".

"You don't have to get better for me, I like you just the way you are James. And I'll love you regardless of how you're feeling or coping with what happened, I know you can't remember much but I promise I'm right here with you the entire time. We'll find Daisy soon enough and she'll pay for what she did to you".

"I just want it to all be over with, she's left this giant hole in my life and I can't fix it. And you're the one who claimed she drugged me and caused my overdose, but knowing my history,… I probably put that needle in my own arm because I'm an idiot".

Ruby grabbed a hold of James hand as she looked at him "you didn't do anything James, because you're a good person despite what you tell yourself happened. Daisy is a psycho who wanted to ruin your life, she probably was hoping you'd die but you fought every single day in that hospital. You just have to start appreciating yourself and heal slowly".

"Even if I didn't do it, maybe I deserved it because of all the people I've hurt. Maybe part of me was glad when that needle went into my arm, I knew what it meant despite how it happened. It's a good feeling, until the waves hit like crazy and you start drowning in your own vomit. I've had my fair share of bad experiences and I always picked myself back up afterwards but this time it's not catching, maybe I'm broken or something".

"You're not broken, and I know it's not easy recovering and staying sober. You've come this far, you can keep doing it and you'll feel so much better when you realize how easy it was. You're almost at a year mark, that's a great accomplishment".

"I've never really made it this long before, most I did was a week. This time is different because you're here keeping me sane enough to not latch out. I know I'll crack one day and you'll stop me". Ruby chuckled slightly "I'll do whatever it takes to stop you from ever using again, that's a promise".

"It won't be a pretty experience, I'll only get more aggressive and agitated but I know it'll pass if I'm patient enough with myself. The urge is always there, the cigarettes help and you help".

"I'll always help you James, we're like Bonnie and Clyde" James chuckled. "That's an awful example. But I totally agree with anything you say Rubes". She smiled "okay, what about Daphne and Fred. That's the perfect example, and you love Scooby doo".

"Andrew does and he used to force me to watch it on the weekends. I think I'd make a good Fred, but he's definitely gay or something, that outfit he wears literally isn't something a straight man would wear. If he showed up right now, he'd totally hit on me".

"I could see that happening, but I wouldn't even let him flirt with you without telling him off. You're my Fred, he can't have you as his Daphne". James chuckled as he stood up off the steps "we should get back in, I'm pretty sure lunch is almost done".

"No sleeping in class this time" James nodded as he walked inside "I'll do my best, just for your sake. Although I gotta admit, the desks here are pretty comfortable to lay on. You should try it".

Ruby smiled at his comment as they walked along the corridor toward their next class "you're a dork".

—
authors notes:
sorry for the little wait on this chapter. (Ya girl had work and didn't have time to write). Luckily I have the next few days off so I'm definitely gonna be making it my mission to complete this story! I also got a bit carried away and made this chapter extra long, I had to stop myself from writing more. I totally would've but it's almost 6AM, my phones almost dead and I'm low key tired. Anyways enjoy the first chapter of act four aka season four. I'm not gonna lie I hated this season a lot, they took a bunch of characters out, ruined character development and not to mention they didn't even really give it a proper ending. It just felt rushed and boring since they kept focusing on all the new characters, like it's the last season of the show maybe finish with old characters stories first. I'll likely do my own thing overall for this season, I'll still follow the episodes but for the most part I'll make it slightly less boring. Anyways bye...