⟡ ݁₊ . 💒. 𝓛ET 𝓣HE 𝓛IGHT 𝓘N. . . ୨ৎ .ᐟ
( 006. ) ━━ ❛ still look friendly to you? ❜

now let's keep it awkward
i think we're ready for it
💌
𝓐WKWARD, sza.

mattybdoesntrap has posted to their story!

picklerickirl has posted to their story!

"𝓘 𝓒AN'T believe you got the fucking pancakes."

"and no sippy cup, i'm disappointed."

viola shakes her head at matt, turning her head away to purposely hide the smile that she can't stop from forming on her lips. they've been at mickey's for about thirty minutes now, and she is genuinely struggling to understand how she's having a good time. she's having a good time... with matt.

he leans back in his seat then, chewing the last few bites of his pancake before swallowing. viola notices the way he's looking at her intently, blue eyes narrowed ever so slightly. she's not sure why she always seems to notice the color of his eyes, though admittedly she finds them quite encapsulating — especially compared to her own. when she looks in the mirror, the chocolate brown shade of her irises comes across as bland and plain. in comparison, all of the different hues in matt's eyes speak to her somehow, and she feels like she could get lost in them a little if she looks for too long.

which is exactly why she averts her gaze, opting instead to glance down at her cup of sparkling water as if it's the most fascinating thing she's ever encountered. meanwhile, matt chews on the inside of his cheek, his expression remaining the same as he continues to look at her, his gaze never once faltering.

"so, are you going to college in the fall?"

it's not so much his question, but the fact that he's taking an interest in her life that surprises viola, causing her eyes to widen at the sudden inquiry. this whole time, they've just been talking about mindless things, like what teachers they hated in school and gossip related to their old classmates. occasionally, they discussed their rivalry as kids (pointedly not mentioning how it followed them into adulthood), but they've yet to talk about anything that's actually meaningful. she would've never expected matt of all people — especially now that she knows about the whole drama with his parents regarding his gap year — to ask her about college.

viola shrugs. "i got into NYU. psych major," she says casually, and matt's both stunned and somewhat happy expression indicates that she's making less of a big deal about this as she should be. it's the same way her parents looked at her when she told them.

"NYU?" matt asks, and she nods. "damn, nebraska... that's impressive. i never knew you were such a nerd."

viola forces out a short laugh, shrugging once again. she wouldn't call herself a nerd, but she's lucky enough to be naturally gifted in academics, which allowed her to score high in her final exams and get into all of her top choices for college.

there's a beat of silence which matt fills by clearing his throat awkwardly, crossing his arms as he sinks down further into the diner chair. "you don't seem all that excited about it," he points out.

viola's eyebrows raise to the top of her forehead. honestly, she's a little stunned by his observation... which is surprisingly correct. she isn't all that excited about college, though nobody else in her life has seemed to notice that. they hear NYU and immediately assume she's absolutely ecstatic about it, since it's known to be a great school. and it is a great school, obviously, but viola's just not sure if it's the right fit for her.

she's settled on it though, because every single other school she applied for seems like an even worse option. she swears they seemed right when she was filling out her applications — viola distinctly remembers the excitement and nerves she felt when writing her application essays, praying she would get into the programs she wanted.

"i guess not," she admits, and it feels like a massive weight off of her shoulders. for months, she's been keeping the feelings of dread and disappointment hidden from everybody close to her. she didn't want to appear ungrateful, since she knows she's been given a great opportunity. it's just not... what she wants.

the issue is though, viola has absolutely no idea what she wants in life. all she knows is that she really doesn't see the point of being in debt for years on end for a degree that'll probably send her down a career path that she doesn't care for.

"so you're not excited about NYU?" matt asks curiously, raising an eyebrow.

"not really," she goes on, and with every small thing she admits, it's like a breath of fresh air. it's as if she's been underwater all this time and has finally reached the surface. "i mean, new york is cool and all, but i don't really know if i'm passionate about psych."

"why'd you apply for a psych course then?" he asks, and viola presses her lips together. it's a perfectly reasonable question, but she finds it a little annoying nonetheless — simply because she doesn't really know how to respond.

"i dunno, it seemed like the thing that would make me the least braindead," she jokes, but matt doesn't laugh. he doesn't even smile, just gives her a look that tells her that he's not at all convinced. his ability to read her is concerningly impressive, and she hates it.

noticing her discomfort, matt sits up straighter in his seat. he ruffles his hair and shrugs, "you don't have to be ashamed of not wanting to go to college," he tells her. "it's me you're talking to, remember?"

she nods, a hint of a smile creeping onto her lips. viola takes a sip of her water, the cool sensation of the liquid combined with matt's reassurance putting her at ease.

she takes a deep breath. "there's just so many other things i'd rather be doing than sitting in a lecture hall listening to some old guy drone on about shit that i don't care about," viola says with a roll of her eyes.

matt grins, folding his arms over his chest. "like what?"

"travel," viola responds immediately. it's the easiest question ever, something she's been dreaming about since she was little. "there's so many places i want to go."

"like where?"

"thailand, australia, tanzania, south africa, italy," viola lists off the top of her head. she pauses, seeing if she can think of any more. "japan, germany... hawaii..."

the last place makes matt laugh, and viola rolls her eyes. "i wanted to go there before you."

"i'm sure you did," matt replies. "so, why not just take a gap year? and don't hit me with the i'm broke bullshit, because if you can afford NYU then i'm pretty sure you can afford anything."

viola kisses her teeth, frustrated by the fact that she can't argue, since he's right again. instead, she just sighs. "i'm scared that if i don't go to college, i'll never go," she tells matt, who furrows his eyebrows.

"so?" he says.

"so?" viola repeats. "so... i won't get a degree, and then i won't get a good job?"

matt blows out a huff of air, frustration evidently etched into his features. "so you'd rather be rich and miserable than... a little less fortunate and happy?"

viola falls silent, contemplating how to respond. in all honestly, she's never really thought of that before. since freshman year, teachers have practically been shoving college down her throat. since she was fourteen, it's basically been insinuating that it's her only option in life. the thought of graduating and not immediately going to college creates a pit of dread in her stomach because, well, what else would she do?

"i'd rather just stay in somerville and fix cars for the rest of my life than go to college," matt continues, probably having noticed her confused silence. "i won't be the richest guy in the world, but at least i'll be content knowing i didn't waste four years of my life and a hundred grand on something i didn't care about."

viola nods slowly, taking in everything he just said. she had no idea he fixed cars, but besides that, she can't help but think about how much she agrees with his point. she's never been passionate about psychology, or business, or economics, or all of the other shit she considered majoring in at college.

she'd rather travel the world and volunteer with children or animals, like she told matt's parents when she met them at the barbecue. would she really care about how much money she had if she was happy doing a more 'menial' job?

"unfortunately, i'll never get to do that, since my parents will literally disown me if i don't get a degree like nick and chris," matt jokes, breaking the tense silence once more. viola can't find it in herself to laugh at his misfortune, so instead she gives him an apologetic smile.

"you're right," she says finally. matt just grins.

"i know," he replies smugly. "i've had a year to think about all this shit, remember?"

"true," viola chuckles. matt shrugs.

"so... when are we going to hawaii?" he asks. violas eye widen.

"what?" she questions, and matt rolls his eyes.

"you wanna go to hawaii, i wanna go to hawaii," he reminds her. "why don't we just go together? seems more fun than solo traveling." he pulls his phone out of his pocket then, unlocking it and beginning to scroll rapidly on the screen. "i even found one of those dumb volunteer programs you told my parents about," he explains, getting up from his seat and sliding next to her on her side of the booth. on his phone screen is a cartoonish website with smiling turtles on it. it reads VOLUNTEERS WANTED; SAVE THE TURTLES! in big green bubble letters, and viola can't help the smile on her face as her gaze drifts over it. she's smiling because not only does this look like something she'd actually enjoy, but she's also kind of happy that matt took what she said into consideration. it fills her with a sense of joy that she can't explain.

before viola gets the chance to respond to matt's proposition, she's interrupted by the appearance of none other than kirby bryan walking into mickey's. she feels herself freeze as the redhead's gaze drifts over the diner and eventually lands on the booth viola and matt are sitting at. her face breaks out into a smile when she sees them, and no matter how much viola silently prays that she won't walk over, she does exactly that.

kirby them both a small wave, stopping before their table. "hi guys!" she exclaims, a little too happy for viola's liking. there is literally no reason for her to be this cheerful from seeing them here.

"hey kirby," matt replies coolly, shutting off his phone and sliding it back into the pocket of his jeans. "what're you doing here?"

kirby shrugs. "my dad ordered us breakfast so i'm just here to pick it up," she replies. her eyes move over to viola then, and she swears kirby's gaze is burning into her soul. "are you guys like, on a date?"

"uhh, yeah," viola answers shyly. "mickey's is my favorite, so..." she trails off, cheeks burning with embarrassment. she's so awkward, and embarrassed at what a bad impression she's making in front of both matt and her ex boyfriend's new girl.

"that's sweet," kirby says, though viola can't help but notice a slight spark of curiosity hidden behind the cheerfulness in her eyes. there's a pause, during which the three of them just seem to share awkward glances, before the redhead speaks again. "how long have you guys been going out again?"

viola's heart drops as she realizes that she and matt have never discussed this. she has no idea what to say... imagine she and matt answer at the same time and say something different? their cover would be blown, and viola would become the laughing stock of somerville again. at least then there would actually be a good reason for her moving to new york. at least in a big city like that, not everybody knows your business.

"a week or two," matt answers with a shrug. "but we'd been talking for a while before that."

kirby raises an eyebrow, and viola instantly realizes matt's mistake.

"not while i was taken, obviously," she explains quickly, the shakiness in her voice much more clear than she would've liked it to be.

"no, of course not," kirby answers with an approving nod. "it makes sense though — julian said you guys had both emotionally checked out of the relationship weeks before it ended, anyway."

viola furrows her eyebrows in confusion, because that is most definitely not what happened. she has no idea if julian actually felt that way, or if he's lying to make himself look better for moving on so quickly, but it hits viola in the heart either way. she doesn't let this show, though, pressing her lips together tightly and just nodding in agreement.

"you must've liked viola for a while then, matt, if you managed to lock it down with her so quickly," kirby observes then, and viola turns to matt to see his reaction. he seems to have frozen, mouth parted slightly. viola can see in his eyes that he's thinking deeply, probably wondering how best to lie his way out of this.

"yeah," he admits sheepishly then, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "i didn't wanna make a move too fast, but she'd been taken for so long, so..."

viola knits her eyebrows, meanwhile kirby giggles and nods along to his words.

"no, i feel exactly the same," she says, kind of bashfully. "it sucks to see your crush finally single but you can't make a move, which is why i was so happy when julian told me you guys discussed moving on when you broke up," she says then, directing her words at viola this time. "so i'm glad there's no bad blood between all of us."

she and julian had not discussed that, nor had they agreed on anything, but viola nods all the same. she can't even find the words to respond, she's that angry. she feels betrayed and lied to and hurt, honestly still in denial at the fact that julian has managed to move on and find this perfect new girlfriend while she was in a fake relationship to cover up the fact that she was too hopeless to get over him.

"you guys are so confusing, though," kirby sighs then, leaning back against the booth.

"what do you mean?" matt replies, his tone now more serious, much to viola's surprise.

"i dunno... you guys just kinda give me friend vibes, y'know?" kirby says. "i heard about you guys at the carnival, but right now you guys just seem too casual to be on a date."

if viola had the option to disappear forever right now, she would immediately take it because she doesn't think she has ever been this fucking embarrassed. the fact that kirby of all people is judging her relationship — which is technically fake, though that isn't the point — is honestly baffling, considering everything.

"you want us to make out in front of you or what?" matt asks, tilting his head to the side. kirby doesn't seem to notice, but viola can tell it's in a mocking way. his tone and body language are clearly signifying annoyance, though the girl opposite them seems completely oblivious to it.

"no, i just mean th—"

kirby's words disappear as her mouth falls open, probably at the sight of matt turning his head to the side, cupping viola's jaw, and pressing his lips to hers.

it's not like they haven't kissed before, but it feels like the first time viola's ever kissed anyone as his lips move rhythmically against hers. it's gentle, and she melts into it, reveling in the warmth of his hand cupping her face.

the feeling of his lips detaching from her is almost like whiplash when matt pulls away suddenly, and viola can't help but feel... disappointed? she's disgusted by that, but she can't really deny it to herself anymore. now that it's happened twice, she realizes that kissing matt is, well, different.

it's the kind of different that makes her never want to kiss anybody else ever again — which is completely and utterly fucked up. viola's sure that this feeling will disappear again soon... she's just heartbroken and missing the touch of a relationship.

"damn, okay!" kirby laughs, shaking her head in disbelief. "you guys are gonna be known for making out in public, you know that?"

matt completely ignores her, instead asking, "still look friendly to you?"

kirby shakes her head, having now fallen silent. feeling more awkward then ever, viola reaches to toy with her necklace, once again hit with a wave of emotion when she notices its absence. it's a habit she's not sure she'll ever grow out of, and the feeling of the necklace no longer around her neck is something she's never encountered before. it feels like a piece of her has been ripped away.

"order for kira bryan?"

the sound of a waiter calling her name sparks kirby's attention, and she begins standing up from the booth. "i'll see you guys around?" she says, her sentence more of a question than a simple goodbye.

"definitely," viola lies, knowing that she will never willingly spend time with the girl, since julian seems to cling to her constantly, and she just can't face that inevitable interaction with him just yet.

kirby smiles, waving goodbye before walking off to collect her order. matt takes a deep breath then, running his fingers through his hair.

"well, that was awkward," viola shrugs, picking up her cup, but putting it back down when she notices it's empty. too embarrassed to look at matt, she searches for anything else to focus on, but fails to find something.

"yeah... awkward," matt mumbles in agreement, also pointedly not making eye contact with her. "sorry about kissing you, by the way. i just—"

"it's fine," viola interjects, not wanting to talk about it. matt can read her way too well, and she can't have him finding out how much she enjoyed kissing him. matt looks surprised for a second, before shrugging and thankfully, dropping the subject.

💌 ⋆✴︎˚。⋆ ━━ ava speaks !

guys chocolate chip pancakes are actually one of my all time fav foods i'm just referencing the waffles pancakes french toast video bc I MISS THAT STURN ERA. BRING IT BACK.

fuck LA for ruining the triplets there i said it

btw mickey's is named after mickey milkovich from shameless bc he's my BABY 😭 i luv him so much u don't get it