S C I E N T E R
noun [sahy-en-ter]

A mental state in which one has knowledge that one's action, statement, etc., is wrong, deceptive, or illegal: often used as a standard of guilt.

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You stood up and buttoned your blouse with a flat expression on your face, like something sucked the life out of you. You took a deep breath then tied your hair into a ponytail, before slipping your feet into your heels.

You grabbed your purse off the bedside table and looked through it to see that you had everything you came with. You stood up then glanced to the party sleeping on the bed... unclothed under the covers.

You walked towards the bedroom door and wrapped your hand around the door handle-

"Wh-Where... What time is it?" You heard a hoarse voice ask and you sighed.

"10:43 AM."

"Why are you l-leaving so... early?" Keith asked and ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry, I need to go," You snapped, "If I stay here another moment I'm going to blow my brains out."

He raised a brow then breathed out, "You know you agreed to this... You wanted this."

"Please stop-"

"Just forget about him. He isn't the right guy for you!"

"SHUT UP Keith!" You glared at him, "You know nothing about me." You stormed out of the room then the apartment and raced for the elevator. You wanted to get as far away from him as possible.

After exiting the building lobby and walking onto the street, you looked through your phone's notifications. There were three missed calls from James, you felt your heart stop beating.

You held from walking, your thumb hovering over his contact name to call him back. You clenched your jaw then shut your phone screen off. You might as well just meet him at home.

Twenty minutes later, you stood outside your building looking to the top with despair consuming your contentment. You shook your head, self-loathing started to become a regular routine for you. You entered inside then took the elevator up to the 8th floor.

You took your keys out of your purse and unlocked the door to apartment 811. You stepped inside then shut the door behind you. Moments later you heard a voice call out your name and say, "Where have you been?"

You felt a rush of anxiety move through you as you put your purse down. "H-Hi baby, I told you I was out with friends while you were out with yours," You answered and watched your husband walk over to you with a wide smile on your face.

You felt happiness when you saw him... he seemed surprisingly positive, compared to his stressed out attitude most of the time for these last few months.

He walked right up to you and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him. "Did you have fun?" James asked.

"Y-Yeah."

He moved closer to your lips and kissed you roughly, with as much forece and passion as he could put in. You kissed him back equally, suddenly feeling a wave of arousal inside you. Kissing him... being with him... no one could compete with it.

He started to grind his hips into yours and you moaned. You pulled away suddenly then watched him breathlessly.

"Jamie stop..."

He laughed slightly, "Wh-Why?"

"B-Because... It's day time."

"So?" He shrugged his shoulders and his grip on your loosened up a bit, "We haven't slept in months, come on."

You shoved past him then headed for the kitchen to fetch a glass of water. You felt your hands start to shake, you body felt numb. You wanted to sleep with him again so bad but you still felt the after effects from your night yesterday.

"Are you alright love? Did I do something wrong?" He approached you and slid his hand on top of yours. You looked at him sadly then shook your head, "I'm fine sweetheart, I just... I'm tired. I'm going to have a shower then have a nap. Is that okay?"

"Of course, you don't have to ask me about it," He kissed your cheek then walked to the refrigerator, "I'm going to make something exquisite for dinner today!"

"Th-That's great um, looking forward to it," You sulked then moped towards your bedroom and shut the door.

You stripped out of your clothes after filling the bathtub with hot water. You decided to have a relaxing soak instead.

*****

You lay down on bed staring at the room door endlessly, while hugging your knees and crying quietly. You felt guilty and disgusting... you committed such a regretful action and it wasn't just one time... you've been sleeping with someone else, Keith, for the past three weeks, after actually sparking up some romantic interest with him.

Why did you do it? Now the reason seems illogical and selfish. Clearly, James wanted you just as bad as you wanted him but you didn't have the patience to wait for an opportunity to be with him again.

You ruined your life and his... and there's no going back.

You stood up from the bed slowly and walked towards the door with your shoulders slumped. You didn't get a wink of sleep.

You looked at the clock hanging on the corridor wall, reading '5:03 PM'. You approached the living room slowly and spotted your husband clearing up some liquid with a towel.

"Hey look who's risen from sleep!" He greeted, "Just spilled my cup of coffee all over the floor and table. Broke my favourite mug too."

You rubbed your arms, feeling sick all of a sudden. You pressed your forehead then walked over to James and pulled him away from cleaning the mess.

"You had good sleep?" He asked and you shook your head. He frowned then examined your face, "What, are you sick? Do you want some pills?"

"N-No I'm just..." You looked away then buried your face in your hands and started to cry. James furrowed his eyebrows in concern and pulled you in for a hug.

"Are you alright sweetheart?"

"James I-I'm a horrible person, don't beat me-"

"Why the hell would I do that? I would NEVER do that," He interrupted with anger then held the sides of your arms, "Tell me what's wrong?"

"I c-can't, you'll-"

"Just tell me [y/n/n]."

"I don't know-"

"Love I want to help-"

"I slept with another man James! I cheated on you OKAY?!" You yelled in his face and You a watched his expressions morph into confusion and rage from concern for your health.

"What..."

"I slept with him on three occasions and I'm a bitch for doing that James, I'M SO SORRY," You cried out and he snatched his hands away from holding you. He stepped away slowly and looked to the floor.

"Wh-Why would you... Why? How could you?!" He shouted.

"James please don't-"

"WHAT? 'Don't be angry'?! Of course I'm angry [y/n], I'm furious!" He exclaimed so loud you instantly thought the neighbours would come banging on your door, "Y-You went to a man's house and took your clothes off for him. YOU'RE MARRIED TO ME! How am I supposed to feel?!"

"You don't love me anymore James, not like before! All you do is spend your time doing all your other shit and you don't keep anytime for me. How do you think that makes me feel HUH?! I'M SECONDARY NOW-"

"That doesn't mean you bang any bloke in the street! I WAITED TILL I GOT BACK, I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH ANYONE... I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING," He grabbed your arms and pushes you forcefully back to the wall behind. He pinned you to it and glared at you, "Even though I've known you for seven years I didn't realise you could get this horny-"

"SHUT UP JAMES!" You kicked his knee then pushed him away from you, "I know you'll never forgive me and I won't forgive myself for sleeping with another man but GODDAMNIT here what I have to say!"

You took a deep breath then ran a hand through your hair. "I felt rejected and alone, you were gone for months and I didn't get to be around you and hold you close to me. You barely called, you barely texted me and I thought we were a team James! I thought we'd be in touch no matter what, you even committed to that!"

"But I had work..."

"WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT WORK IF YOU CAN'T HAVE A LIFE WITH IT?! I don't!" You screamed but that didn't change the anger on his face.

"Now you'll probably not want to see me again and we'll have to explain this to-"

"What's his name?" He crossed his arms.

"What? Um, Keith..." You replied and he suddenly grabbed the car keys and his jacket then rushed to the door. You shook your head and pulled him back with his arms.

"No no no, don't do ANYTHING to him James," You said fearfully.

"Are you f!@#ing with me? You're defendinf HIM?" He looked to you with disbelief, "Get off of me [y/n]." He snatched his hands from you then unlocked the door.

You grasped his shirt and tugged it till it was close to tearing. "I SWEAR if you don't let go of me, I'll make sure you will NEVER see me again in your f!@#ing life," He scolded and raised a finger as he breathed heavily.

You gulped then stepped away from him. He sighed loudly then looked to his fists, "Second name."

"B-Boston I think... or Boulton," You mumbled and he rolled his eyes.

"You've got to be kidding, THAT asshole Keith?!" He looked at you with disgust then swung the door open and slammed it shut after stepping out.

You stood there, stunned by everything that just happened. Out of the blue, a thought clicked in your mind and you grabbed your phone and ran out of the house. You locked the door then raced for the parking lot.

"JAMES WAIT-"

You watched your car drive off then you groaned in frustration. You hailed a taxi then gave the driver the address to Keith's house.

Throughout the whole ride, you prayed that you would reach in time... And that James would not end up killing someone today.