It destroys me, this unknown force
Crawling down from my brain into my body
Making my hands tremble and my heart beat
My poor heart is beating so fast I wonder
Will it just stop one day with no warning
My trembling hands hold my phone
Looking at the faces of the beautiful ones
The perfect ones, those superior to me
So easily they grace my screen with smiles
Smiles that show me they've never faced pain

Due to their lack of trembling and fear
Their bodies are perfect, their eyes clear
Clear as the unclouded skies with no pain
My eyes are darkened by tears, made ugly
By all the dark thoughts that hide in my mind
My body is not proportional in many ways
My stomach bulges like that of a bear
My breasts pop out like two beach balls
My thighs could be used as a table; so thick
I'm so ugly it makes me feel uncomfortable

My anxiety once again whispers to my body
Summoning an unsightly attack of nerves
Making the monster that is me cry once again
While those who are superior to me
Stare at me with their beautiful eyes
How long have they been so foolish
So ignorant they do not understand
Or rather choose not to accept other's issues
Have they been blinded by their beauty
Do they not understand that other people can
Seriously go through pain and other issues

Just because they don't suffer they refuse
They just refuse everything they don't have
Ugliness and anxiety is a sin to them
If my natural self is a sin then my life is useless
However, I already knew there was no purpose
No purpose in this life of endless suffering
Brought up occasionally is the question I hate
"How are you doing today?"
And that question is one I always lie to
The biggest lie on this earth is one I say a lot
"I'm fine today, thank you."

I hope some day I can be as good as the others
And by good I mean as beautiful
I know it'll never happen, I'll be ugly forever
But even the Beast got his lover
I don't believe I ever will though
My body has been crushed by this unwelcome thing
Crawls in and makes itself comfortable under my skin
This damned invader that I'm sick of keeps on screaming
I've been cursed by the common but unspoken suffering
Anxiety