47. INSINCERE APOLOGIES

note: cant stop posting guys its genuinely an addiction. the comments i get are too entertaining and silly i actually love them all 

i seriously encourage you all to comment because it literally makes me giggle out loud. esp the ones that feel my inflated ego like okkk i see u heart eye emoji

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WAKING 

up to Shidou's face isn't how you wanted to enter the next day—but it's whatever. Not much you can really do now, anyway—not with how he clings to your side (he's supposed to be in the bed on the other side of the room?) and pokes at the fat of your hips. You blink. Once, then twice.

Then, you shove him away with all the force you can muster, kicking him off the bed and watching him tumble to the floor with a blank look. His body colliding with the floor creates a loud thud—and he groans, mumbling curses in your name. You stare up at the ceiling with a blank look, not even giving Shidou the time of day.

You're too tired to deal with this—but you're tongue-tied. You can't just not deal with him. You have a good two days until you go back to Blue Lock, so you've decided you're going to make the most of it. 

"Bitch..." Shidou mumbles, hand resting on his pained back as he sits up, face scrunched.

"What did you just say?" You sit up from your lying position and shoot him a sharp glare. He scoffs and turns his head away so you can't see his face.

"I have an itch."

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Walking down the hallway, Shidou at your side picking at his ears, you raise your voice.

"Right, and what did we practice?" You repeat yourself once more—maybe with the hope of that 1% chance of your words sticking into Shidou Ryusei's head. However, with the dumb, unfocused expression he has on his face right now, it isn't looking too good for you.

He hums—a song you don't recognise—and doesn't even glance at you as he speaks, "Ehhh... a buncha stuff. Probably."

You swiftly slap your palm onto your forehead and think to yourself, I'm seriously going to lose a job.

You look up, eyes narrowed at the tall man—and you have half a mind to tug on his ears like he's a child if he doesn't start listening to you right this moment. A rant is bubbling from your lips, and it all spills out before you can stop yourself, "I'm serious, Shidou. I don't care how you act with other people—but it's gonna come back and bite not just you, but me in the ass. You need to start thinking about how your actions can affect other people."

You didn't expect your tone to grow so shaky, but you were seriously pissed—you'd think he'd learnt his lesson by now, after countless shocks, but it proves to be useless. You don't know why you're even trying with him.

You look away from him, with downcast eyes and press your notebook closer to your chest like it's a source of comfort, "Just... please... don't mess this up for me. I have a good thing going on. I don't want it all to be over."

Shidou is uncharacteristically silent. He's no longer idly picking at his ear, nose, or whatever other gross thing—his hands are stuffed in his pockets and he looks strangely conflicted. If you squinted—he almost looked remorseful. Huh. You didn't think he experienced emotions like that.

He looks a lot more human like this.

Shidou glances your way when you stare for a moment too long. He grits his teeth hard, one hand coming up and placed on the back of his neck—he looks awkward when he speaks like this is a foreign concept to him, "My bad. I..." He pauses, like the next words he says physically pains him to mumble, "didn't want for ya to get so upset about it. Sorry."

He spits the word out like it's poison, and it doesn't feel the least bit genuine—but you take what you can get. You let out a heavy breath you weren't aware you were holding in, shoulders relaxing as you look at his uncomfortable expression, "It's not like you can change it now. Just... try and make amends... Smooth everything over, got it?"

You feel like asking him to collect the sun and moon for you would be easier, but you have no choice now. Before, you could at least ask him to ignore them, but now, that would prove to not work either—because the animosity had already arisen. 

It was too late, and now, you're resorting to drastic measures—asking Shidou to apologise. 

Shocking, I know.

Shidou grunts, wordless, and rolls his head back. You narrow your eyes at him, "Shidou."

"Fine," he relents, and a tired smile quirks onto your lips.

Well, it's progress.

You and he finally find yourselves in front of the conference room from yesterday—notebook pressed tight against your chest and a knowing expression on your face. "Don't be brash."

He presses his lips in a fine line, sharp pink gaze directed down at you—before he looks away, scoffing, "Can't promise anythin'."

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Shidou stands in front of the room—you right beside him—and shuffles his feet on the ground, eyes staring up at a blank space on the cracked ceiling, "Name's Shidou Ryusei... uh... I'm 18. Came from Blue Lock, I guess." 

You could nearly die on the spot from his evident lack of effort for this introduction. The burning stares from the other players—including a particularly fiery one with a big fat bruise in the middle of his forehead—glare into him, and his lack of acknowledgement towards it makes it worse. 

The only one not trying to shoot Shidou in the head with their stare is Aiku, who's smiling at you—almost encouragingly so.

Shidou hums—trying to think of something else to say about himself in his pathetic excuse of an introduction, until you nudge him—harder than you needed, but he deserved it—"Say something about Sae," you lowly whisper. 

"Oh yea. Got picked from uh... bigger Itoshi 'ere. So, like, now I gotta play with you guys, so... we should probably get along... or sumthin' like that."

He sounds so calm that it makes the players look even angrier. Okay, not a good move. Noted.

You swallow thickly. Your mouth almost feels glued shut and completely dry, but you still force it open, and words somehow come out, "I know Shidou may not be the easiest to get along with... but I hope we can push past issues aside, and start anew, from today."

You had practiced that in front of the mirror at least seventeen times this morning—and it looks like your words paid off, because even if just the slightest, the players looked a little less eager to dropkick Shidou. Thank god.

You meet Shidou's annoyed expression, glaring at him hard. That was the signal. You knew it, Shidou knew it, and he rolls his eyes. He lets out an unnecessarily long sigh, then looks at the redhead who's still silently fuming at the front of the room, "Uh—hey, so like, I was thinkin' back on what happened yesterday, and I think we got off on the wrong foot and all that. My bad, bro. No hard feelings though, yeah?"

The clearly unapologetic smile that Shidou forces on his face almost makes Sendou burst a blood vessel. He snarls, lip curling up and moving forward. He's only stopped when Aiku places a hand on his shoulder and sends him a look—you aren't too sure what that look means, but it seems to placate the berry head, and he sits back down, though begrudgingly.

"It's.." Sendou's tone is strained and he seems to swallow down unpleasant words, glaring at a spot on the table like it had personally attacked him. "No big... deal."

You clap your hands together and smile brightly, "Great! Now we can all get along and everything will be fine, right, Shidou?" And I don't have to do any extra paperwork to save Shidou from going to jail—actual jail this time.

The way you say his name—like it's a warning—doesn't fly past him, but he chooses to not acknowledge it when he says, in a drifty tone, "Yeah... whatever."

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Overseeing training here with actual, professional(ish) U-20 players is much different compared to the Blue Lockers, you've deduced.

First, there aren't whiny teenage boys vying for your attention. That's a plus—it makes everything easier, but a little lonelier, which you guess is a con. 

Second, there aren't other girls around, also making things a little lonelier. You enjoy talking with the other managers—no matter how strange some of them are—it's a nice feeling to know a girl has your back, but everything is so different here. You almost feel bad for the next manager who has to stay here, but it gets outweighed by the happiness that comes with the thought of returning to Blue Lock.

And third, you don't really have to do much. It's like this is your team—the only one you really have to pay attention to is Shidou, and occasionally, you watch Sae's movements and are impressed. The coach doesn't talk to you, so you don't bother to acknowledge him, and you do your own thing so you guess you're fine.

You feel bad saying it, but Sae was right. The U-20 players really aren't all that impressive.  It's not like they're trash—like what he was saying—but they're certainly a little less... imposing than you had expected from a title like the U-20.

You wondered why Sae was so hard on them—but then you thought about it a little more. A player for a club that is given the title of best in the world, scouted when he was just fourteen. He must've played against incredible players all his life, and now, being with good, but painfully average players now must feel like playing with toddlers.

You can't imagine what his life must've been like.

You don't realise when your eyes have unconsciously fallen on the football prodigy himself, kicking the ball over in a perfect arch that seemed far too incredible to be real.

Training is over before you know it, and the windows to the outside world have grown dark and dreary once more. It's strange, seeing the day turn to night after a month of being stuck underground, but you don't think you dislike it. It almost feels nostalgic.

Somewhere during this, Shidou and Sendou had gotten into another tussle—much to your displeasure—and this time, you didn't give Aiku the chance to break it up before you shocked Shidou into unconsciousness. After so much coaching, he still resorted back to his usual habits. You weren't even mad now. You were just disappointed.

I guess you really can't teach an old dog new tricks.

You barely remember it, after catching the suntanned man in your arms, but somehow, Sae Itoshi had been the one who was tasked with carrying the big man back, since you really weren't feeling it today (and he was probably far too heavy for you, anyway).

It's awkward, to say the least. How could it not be? Your moment with Rin was still fresh in your mind and seeing Rin within Sae (they looked eerily similar—they could've passed as twins if they had the same hair colour) didn't make it any easier for you—or any less uncomfortable.

You might've judged Sae too quickly as socially oblivious because even he seems to notice how tense you look. 

With Shidou slumped over his shoulder, he doesn't even glance at you when he shatters the silence with a few, careless-sounding words, "How is he?"

"Who? Shidou?" You respond a little quicker than you should've—you sound desperate to make this all less awkward. Sae shakes his head, gaze lowered through his long lashes to the ground.

"No. My... brother. Rin."

Well, speak of the devil.

You swallow thickly, mind frazzled. Out of everything you had expected him to say—that certainly wasn't on your list of conversation starters. But, you think that maybe you had misjudged their relationship—Sae wouldn't have asked about Rin if he wasn't worried, surely?

Maybe Rin was just holding a petty grudge. You aren't too sure anymore. It's not like you really know Rin, anyway.

You realise you've been silent for too long when Sae sends you a raised brow and confused look. You cough into your hand and grip the straps of your bag nervously. You don't know why you're so nervous around him. Surely, it was because of Rin. Right. Rin. 

"Rin... is incredible. He's a highly analytical player, and can score goals easily, no matter who he's facing against or who his teammates are." You pause, glancing over at Sae, and his fair-skinned face. "You should be proud of him. I know I would be. He's a star."

The air had somehow grown even more tense. You can't decipher the look on Sae's face when you speak those words—but if you had to describe it in one way, it would surely be conflicted. Conflicted between what, you aren't sure, but you can tell that you've given him something to think about.

It is silent until the moment you and Sae reach your room. He walks inside after you crack open the door and places the unconscious Shidou on his own bed, on the other side of yours. Sae turns to you after, dim light painting his face a yellowish colour.

Sae doesn't look like he's planning on saying anything any time soon, so you take the initiative and start the conversation for him, "I hope carrying him wasn't too much trouble for you."

The older Itoshi shakes his head. "No. It was fine. It's late now, and you're leaving tomorrow, yes?" You nod, and he continues, "Then you should get some rest. My manager will see you off in the morning, at 9."

Organised, you think, but you don't voice your thoughts. "Right. Thank you, for this, Itoshi. I hope you don't regret choosing Ryusei."

That's the first time you've used his first name, Sae notes, pursing his lips. You almost have a smile on your lips as you talk, "I don't think Shidou is a bad person. I think... he just needs somebody who can understand him, and accept him for who he is."

You pause, eyes flitting down to the sleeping Shidou. Your hand finds its way atop his spiky head of hair—and to Sae's shock, your hand falls right through his blonde locks. "...Maybe you'll be that person."

Sae swallows thickly. His fingers dig into the material of his slacks, and the words sound so strange, especially coming from you. A sense of fondness—that's all he can pick up.

You shake your head, chest falling with a heavy breath, "Sorry, I've been speaking for too long. You're right, I should get some rest. You should too. Goodnight, Itoshi Sae. It was nice meeting you. I'll see you soon, at the game."

Sae's already turned his back to you once you've spoken those words, but still, he glances over his shoulder, and you can see the sharp teal of his eyes when he says, "Goodnight, [name]. I hope to see you at the game, too."

Then, he walks out, closing the door behind him and leaving the dimly lit room silent and cold.

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note: sae may not appear again (after the u-20) for a good uhhh

hundred chapters. um. not my fault the author hasn't put him in the manga for like 2 years sorry guys

n e ways can you guys tell i love shiodu and name. can you. hehe. i love them. so much. ehehhehe

also sae and names interactions are very awkward (on purpose lol) but i still think its cute. wish he appeared more i could totally make him a natural-feeling love interest but sigh. i cant justify it without more meaningful interactions, sigh. sorry sae fans. starved for sae moments.