A sudden stirring broke the silence of the night. Immediately, I lifted my gaze, now creeping towards my tent's flap as I heard footsteps from the outside. A ray of light shone through as I slightly lifted the flap. 

Captain Eli occupied my vision, his eyes alight with rage. I watched in silence as he walked past my tent. What had happened? He walked further away, disappearing in darkness as he advanced towards the meadow behind the thick canopy of trees.

I lowered my gaze in thought. It's hard to decipher his intentions towards Sherah. I couldn't tell if he simply wanted to make her pay for wounding him, as what the others had recanted, or he did want something else. One apparent thing however is he gazed at her ... differently.  He has never looked at any woman like that. It's amazing how, for years, only he hadn't partaken with what the other men did with us women here. I almost came to believe he wasn't interested with women at all. I never saw him look with any desire – not until now.

What of Sherah? I bit my lip in apprehension. Perhaps something had already happened, but... why do I feel otherwise? Somehow, there was peace in my being I couldn't explain. I reached inside my pocket, the silver cross now glimmering in the moon's light as I slid it out. The Lord preserved her. Yes. There would be no reason for this peace had something evil took place tonight in that tent. 

I released a sigh of relief, closing the flap as I withdrew backwards. I slid the cross back to my pocket, shutting my eyes as I lay back down. The night is cold. It's gonna be a while before dawn breaks. I hope Sherah regains strength enough to face the coming days. I whispered a prayer, interceding for her with each breath.

My lids unclasped, wonder filling my mind as I stared into the darkness. Why though? Why does he seem to have a regard her above all the women? Even over Nerissa who's been very vocal of her feelings for him. Was it simply physical attraction? Or was there something more to those longing gazes? I shifted, laying to my side as I resumed my thoughts. Either way, I pray the Lord restrains him of any evil intention. He's remained abstinent for years – not seeming to care about anything of that matter. Surely he wouldn't do such a thing to a woman now ... would he?

Wind swept through the blanket of grass before me – chilly. It was a very cold night, and yet, I felt nothing - nothing more gripping than the words I just heard.

Jesus.

I felt my chest tighten, both from the pain and confusion writhing in my mind. Why did I stop? What was that gripping I felt as soon as she spoke those words? Her tear lined face flashed before my eyes. Helpless. Weak. The very embodiment of fear as she glanced my way. It's amazing how years of distance could erase one's memory. Am I so different now from when we first met?

Indeed. Perhaps I am. I'm not the same man. I'm not the same naïve boy who listened as she spoke of Bible stories about her mighty God. I'm not that boy who dared believe hope was possible through a man – that Jesus who she obsessively spoke about.

I soft scoff escaped my lips. Nonsense. That man sure made his way to people's minds haven't he? People think that his name can get them out of everything, they think that this name held power of some sort. I felt once again a wave of shivers down my spine. It did have some power on me perhaps - the power to remind me of that tragedy which unfolded before my eyes fifteen years ago. What power indeed. It brought all the pain back.

She should be thankful any harm hadn't happened to her when she spoke that name, unlike another woman who I've heard say even in her dying moments. Where was this Jesus? Where was that power when a heartless man put a bullet through my mother's head?

None.

The only answer is none. There is no Jesus, no power.

---

"Please!" I heard a scream from the other room. Immediately I stood, running towards the door as I heard loud bangs through the wooden wall.

"Aye, panga-asi yo!" The door swung open, revealing mama as she lay sprawled on the floor, cheeks wet from tears as she begged. Her eyes shifted, now widening as she saw me.

"Elijah!" She waved her hand away, "Get back! Get back inside!"

I couldn't move. Fear abated my every breath. Why. What is going on?

"You brainless fool!" The man before her spewed, brows knit as he reached inside his leather jacket. "We told you to cooperate! This land-" He stretched his arms, the other now gripping a gun. My eyes widened. No. "This land will be used for the greater good of your rotting community!"

"Please!" My mother continued to sob, "This land is all we have. It was passed down to us for many generations by our ancestors," She looked up towards the man, now with clasped palms as she begged.

"Even better!" The man exclaimed. "Don't you think your ancestors will be glad? That this land will be used for great advancements?"

My mother's sobbing intensified, making the man scoff in irritation. "Aye, pangaasim Sir! We have nothing! This land is all I have! Please! Plea-"

"Bullsh*t!"

A gunshot echoed in the air, piercing an obvious hole into our roof. In a snap I felt my feet move, running towards my mother who knelt on the floor. Tears lined my face, hands clenching as I saw her bloodied temples. What did they do to her?

"Ma," I whispered, "Ma, anya ikastak?" Confusion filled my mind. What do I do?

I heard no reply from her, instead I heard her continuous sobs. I leaned closer.

"Hesus, Hesus..." I heard her chant over and over. "Deliver us, oh Hesus..."

"M-mama-"

"One more time, lady!" I heard the man step forward, bending as he pulled me from my mother and into the side. "I need a decision, or I'll have no choice..."

The man lifted his arm, a gun in his hand towards my mother. I shook in fear. My mother pleaded and pleaded, yet to no avail. Once again I heard the man hiss a curse, his brows knit in ire as he aimed towards the woman before him. 

"I gave you an option," the man clicked the gun's hammer, "this is what you chose."

I clasped my eyes in shock, ears ringing as another shot was heard. No ...

"No!!!"

I sprinted towards my mother, eyes wide as I got nearer. I knelt beside her, tears flowing as I saw her eyes still open, a look of desperation tainting it.

"Padle!" I heard a voice from the outside, "Let's go! The people have been alarmed they might call the police!" 

"But this-" I saw the masked man hesitate, a gun towards me as he looked around. Suddenly, sirens were heard. "Sh*t!" He slipped the gun back to his jacket, sprinting to the door  in haste.

Slowly, I returned my gaze to my mother. Her eyes were still open, yet they seemed so void - void of the life that used to shine through. I bowed my head in tears.  "Ma," I held her close, "Ma... Ayeh!"

----

I swallowed the bitter lump in my throat. Hands clenched as I recanted the memory. I was but a child. It seemed too much for me to handle. But at least I came to realize earlier the reality of the world - suffering is no respecter of people, whether young or old.  

People will always be evil. It can never be eradicated from this world. I'm lucky to have escaped that day. At least now, now I am capable of restitution – and that I will.

I will never make your mistake, mother. You knew no better. You only had that dead man to depend on at that time. If only... if only I knew how the world really operated in those days, maybe you'd still be alive.

Guilt gripped my being like a thick cloud. If only ... The only thing I could do now is to make them pay. I will make them pay. No god will be able to stop me. I will make those bastards pay if that was the last thing I could do with my life.