I assure you
as I've been telling you this in retrospect

that after that day
I never harmed myself again

I suppose
My logic was that if it didn't hurt me once

it wouldn't hurt me twice

even now
looking at the fading marks

I ask myself
was I really that desperate?

I remember telling Jeongguk
about it later on in the school year

I could never
will never

forget the pain in his eyes
the anguish which had contorted his face

he made me promise to never hurt myself again
I agreed

I could tell that he was sceptical at first
but I also remember that he had put his hand on top of my head

stroked my hair
before his hand moved down to my back

eyes glossed over
lips fell into a deep frown

and he pulled me in for a hug
a hug that I didn't know I had needed.

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