3rd Person's POV

Later that day, Buffy and Laney are walking through the hallways looking for Xander.

"So..."

Laney looks over at Buffy in question, "So?"

"Sooooo you and Xander... what's that about?"

Laney frowns, "Me and Xander? Oh me and Xander aren't a we. He and I aren't... he and me... just no. I mean he's cute not my type but cute and a good kisser."

"You two the other night?"

Before Laney can answer they see Xander, in the best mood, strolling out of school, humming a little tune. They hurry and catch up to him.

"Hey."

Xander smiles at Laney, "Hey."

Buffy watches the small interaction and feels so confused.

"Sooooo how'd it go with Miss French after school?"

Xander looks over at Buffy and shrugs, "Well, it's a little demanding being her... absolute favorite guy in the universe, but I'll just have to muddle through."

"Xander, she's not what she seems."

"I know, she's so much more."

Laney crosses her arms against her chest and gives him a serious look, "Look Alex, we have to tell you some stuff about her and we really need you to listen, okay?"

Xander stops, listens respectfully, "Okay."

Buffy smirks then puts on her serious face, "I don't think she's human. She can do the twisty with her head-- ever see the Exorcist? Plus Blayne, who was last seen in her class yesterday afternoon, is now missing."

Xander nods slowly, "I see. So she's not human she's...?"

Laney sighs, "Technically I guess you'd have to call her a big old bug."

Xander smiles making Laney frown, "I know it sounds a little weird but-"

Xander laughs making Laney's frown deepen. She looks over at Buffy, "Okay now he's laughing. Why is he laughing?"

"Laney it's not weird, it's perfectly understandable. I've met someone, you're jealous."

Buffy makes an oh face and then takes two steps back ready for the "old couple" to start arguing.

Laney scoffs and then laughs to herself, "I-I um I-I'm not jealous. What... I'm literally so confused. What just happened?"

Xander shrugs, "Nothing I could do about it. There's just a certain chemical thing between Miss French and me."

"Yeah I know, Buffy just read about it, it's called, uh, a pheromone, this chemical attractant insects give off."

Xander sighs, "Laney, she's not an insect okay? She's a woman. Hard as it may be for you to conceive, a human woman finds me attractive."

Laney frowns, "I found you attractive... are you saying I'm not human?"

"No that's not what I meant Lane..."

"It must be! And it's not hard for me to conceive at all. Why would I care if you like her or not?!"

Xander frowns and rubs his hands down his face in frustration, "Obviously you do care! You're trying to break us up right now."

"Break you up? You guys aren't together! She's your teacher. Wait she's not even that. She's the substitute."

"Oh I can't believe you went there Laney Rosenberg. I realize she's no model, or mystery guy, or football player-"

"What does that have to do with anything?!"

"Nothing! It just bugs me. Ugh I gotta go."

"Alex!"

Laney watches as Xander disappears from her eyesight. Buffy steps up to stand beside her, "Don't worry we'll stop her."

"We better."

Giles paces around as he talks on the phone. You can hear the fury of the once great English Empire in his voice.

"Young lady, I don't care what time it is, unlock his cell, unstrap him and bring him to the phone this
instant. Lives are at stake!"

"Got it."

Buffy and Laney walk over to join Willow at the computer.

"Coroner's autopsy, complete with... yuck, color pictures."

Buffy studies the screen as Laney and Willow gag and look away.

"They are teeth marks," she holds up the book, "which match perfectly the one insect that nips off its prey's head."

Willow starts to feel sick, "Okay, this I do not like..."

"It's the way they feed: head first. And the way they mate... The female eats the male's head while they're... oh..."

"No, no, no we have to stop her." Willow freaks out.

Laney's eyes widen as she thinks about Natalie French having sex with Xander then chomping his head off his body.

"Oh hell no... Xander... I really like his head, that's where you find his eyes and hair, his adorable smile..."

Buffy smiles as Laney frowns finally realizing what she just said, "What is happening to me?"

"Take it easy, Lane. Xander's not in any immediate danger. We saw him leave school remember-- I'm sure he's safe and sound at home right now."

"I understand, Carlyle, I'll take every precaution... It sounds just like the creature you described. You were right all along, about everything. No you weren't right about your mother coming back as a Dachshund, but... Try to rest. Ta."

Giles finally hangs up and moves quickly over to the girls.

"Dr. Carlyle Ferris spent years transcribing a lost, pre-Germanic language-- what he discovered he
kept to himself, until several teenage boys were murdered in the Cotswalds. Then he went hunting for it."

"'It' being...?" Laney frowns.

"He calls her a She-Mantis. This type of creature, the Kleptes-Virgo or virgin-thief appears in many cultures: the Greek Sirens, the Celtic Sea-maidens who tore the living flesh from the bones of..."

Buffy stands up anxiously, "Giles, while we're young."

"The She-Mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman and lures innocent virgins back to her nest."

Willow makes a squeak sound and Buffy tries to comfort her with a smile, "Well, Xander's not a... I mean he's probably not..."

"Is he?" Willow asks.

The two look over at Laney who sits smiles sheepishly.

"Why are you guys looking at me?"

Buffy frowns, "Laney! We know you two went home together the other night..."

Giles frowns, "What? I'm not sure I need to hear this."

Willow nods ignoring Giles, "Yeah you were wearing his shirt when I got home."

"I-it's not what you think. We didn't sleep together. He's most definitely a virgin... I mean stuff happened but not that much stuff. Oh god he's dead."

Willow grabs a phone and dials in a number, as Buffy stretches out her fingers and arms, preparing for battle.

"This thing is breeding. We gotta find it and snuff it. Any tips on the snuffing part?"

"Carlyle recommends cleaving all body parts with a sharp blade."

"Slice and dice. Fun." Laney tried to smile but it turns into a grimace.

"Whatever you do it's got to be sudden and swift-- this beast is dangerous."

"Well, your buddy Carlyle faced it, he's still around."

"Yes... in a straight jacket howling his innards out day and night."

"That's true... Buffy I don't look good in stripes!"

Buffy rubs Laney's arm as she glares at Giles, "Okay Admiral, way to inspire the troops."

Willow slams down the phone, "Xander's not home-- he told his mom he had to go to his teacher's house and work on a science project. He didn't tell her where."

"See if you can get her address off the substitute rolls."

Willow bolts to the computer.

Buffy turns to Giles, "You gotta record some bat sonar, fast."

Giles nods then looks confused, "Bat sonar. Right. What?"

"Bats eat them-- a praying mantis hears sonar, its whole nervous system goes kaplooie."

"Where am I going to find--"

"--in the vid library. I know it's not books but it's still dark and musty, you'll be right at home."

She points him toward the back of the stacks and the door marked videos. Laney looks over at Buffy in awe.

"Wow you really did do your homework."

Buffy smiles, "And I'll handle the armory."