Time seemed to come to a stop as I heard the words. It took me seconds to comprehend it. A lump of bitterness rose to my throat.

"A-ano ho?"

Once more I heard my aunt sob, "Anak, wala na siya,"

"Anong sinasabi mo, Auntie?" My chest heaved in apprehension, "Anong wala na!? Kausap ko lang siya kanina Auntie! Hindi- hindi pwedeng-" I shut my eyes forcibly, a wave of emotions raging in my heart.

"Sinubukan namin siyang idala sa ospital anak," I heard travails from the other line, "Pero wala na siya nang makarating kami sa Lagawe. Nahulog siya do'n sa bato sa likod nga bahay kaninang umaga habang sinusubukang maghanap ng cignal..."

I felt a tear escape the confines of my eye. My knees trembled, and it wasn't long when I found myself upon the ground, knees against the grass as I struggled to take another breath. H-hindi. Hindi totoo 'yon. Hindi pwedeng-

Inangat ko ang tingin sa nagdidilim nang kalangitan. Sunod sunod na luha ang tumulo mula sa aking mga mata. Panginoon... hindi totoo 'yon, 'di ba? My hands curled to a fist. Hindi po totoong wala na siya ... 'di ba?

"Grace?" A man's voice was heard from behind, but my gaze remained forward. "Grace, anong problema?" I felt warm hands upon my shoulder, and with this I turned my head, wordless as I gazed into his raven orbs. "Bakit ka umiiyak, Grace?" Sunod-sunod na tanong ni Gabriel.

Another pair of tears escaped my eyes, now sobbing as I buried my face to his chest. I felt his hand upon my back, "Anong nangyari, Grace?"

I wanted to reply, but no words would form in my head. No this can't be. This can't be true.

Nanatiling diretso ang titig ko habang naghihintay sa terminal. Hanggang ngayon, tila hindi parin ako makapaniwala sa mga nangyayari. Sana, sana panaginip lang ang lahat ng ito. Muli kong naramdaman ang pagtulo ng luha sa aking pisngi. Hindi na akong nag-atubiling punasan pa ito. Naka-ilang luha na ba? Ilang luha pa ba ang tutulo bago maubos ang mga ito?

Huminga ako ng malalim at ibinaba ang tingin sa oras. May sampung minuto pa bago bumiyahe itong bus. Nasa'n na kaya si Gabriel? Inilibot ko ang tingin sa terminal. Pupunta kaya talaga siya? Ilang minuto pa ay narinig ko na rin ang pamilyar na ungol ng motor niya. Pagkaparada niya nito ay agad-agad siyang lumapit at tumabi saakin. Tinitigan ko siya.

"Sigurado ka, sasama ka talaga sa akin?"

Tumango siya, "Di'bale, graduation naman na natin next week, wala na tayong pasok. " He stood and stretched his arm towards me, "Tara na sa bus, bibiyahe na ito."

I released a breath and took his hand, standing to my feet at his word. Naglakad kami papunta sa entrance ng bus at pumasok na rin. As soon as I was able to settle, I kept my gaze towards the window. Angbigat. Angbigat ng pakiramdam. Hanggang kalian? Hanggang kalian ko ito bubuhatin?

Mariin kong ipinikit ang aking mga mata. Panginoon, hindi ko po naiintindihan. Hindi ko maunawaan kung bakit kailangan nitong mangyari. Alam kong kasama Mo na siya d'yan. Pero Panginoon, bakit? Bakit ngayon pa? Kailangan pa namin siya Panginoon. Bakit ganito?

Isa pang luha ang tumulo mula aking mata. I shut my eyes in surrender, clearing my mind in hopes of finding some rest. Nakakapagod. Nakakapagod nang mag-isip. Just as I was about to drift off to sleep, I felt a hand upon my cheek, pulling me sidewards gently. Bahagya kong iminulat ang aking mga mata.

"Itulog mo na muna," He placed his hand over my shoulder and allowed my head to rest on his. I felt my heart flutter, but I was too tired to think of it. Ipinikit kong muli ang aking mga mata at tuluyan nang natulog, a slight comfort to my nerves as I felt his warmth.

Rays of light from our wooden house filled my perception even as we were from afar. Mula dito, kitang-kita ang ilaw mula doon dahil nasa tuktok ito ng isang medyo mapunong bukid, lalo't madilim na. Sa bawat hakbang namin papalapit ay lalong bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko, lalo na nang makita ang kumpol ng tao sa labas ng bahay.

I felt my knees tremble once more, making me stop in my tracks with my gaze lowered. I gasped for breath, a stream of tears now lining my face. Agad naman akong sinuportahan ni Gabriel.

I gazed up at him, now overly thankful of his presence. Mabuti nalang at meron siya. I likely would have broken down repeatedly along the way had it not been for his steadying hand. For a moment I began to wonder. Was this guy really just twenty? Why, why is he this steadfast? Somehow, beginning the time he was changed, I always felt this feeling of security around him.

"Grace?" He smoothed my arm, "Tara na?"

With a deep breath I nodded, composing myself as I resumed to walk. Isa-isang naipako ang mata ng mga tao saamin nang makarating kami sa bahay. I shook in fear, shutting my eyes forcibly as I came to see our house's entrance. A group of people stood by the doorway, blocking any view from the outside.

"Haye," I turned to the man beside me, chest heaving as I wiped the tears from my cheeks, "Parang hindi ko kaya,"

"I understand Grace," He took hold of my shoulders, "Just breathe, okay?"

I took in a deep breath, doing it twice even, hoping that it would calm my nerves. Nagsimula akong maglakad, making my way through the crowd of people that filled our house, and as soon as I got through, the view of a coffin filled my gaze. My breathing hitched, a lump of pain rising to my throat as I advanced.

"M-ma?" Halos mawalan ako ng hininga nang masilayan ko siya. "Ma!" Naramdaman kong muli ang mainit na luha sa aking pisngi. I lowered my head, arms upon the coffin as I cried. I felt cold hands against my back as I sunk to my knees.

"Ay inoy, Aginaya," Narinig ko ang boses ni lola, equally sobbing as she smoothed my back. Hinarap ko siya at yumakap dito.

"Nape ngay, Apu?" I wailed, "Bakit? Bakit naman ganito?" All the more my sobs heightened, its sound now turning to a travail as I cried.

Panginoon. Panginoon, ang sakit. Hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kaya...

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang marinig ang sambit ng lola ni Grace. How did she address her? The name seemed to echo in my head, the memory of His still small voice sending a wave of warmth through my being. I still remember vividly, how my heart yearned for answers back then. At first I doubted, setting aside that experience as a fruit of my own mind, but in the months that I continued to serve, I began to become more familiar with His voice. I squeezed my eyes shut, mind in a panic as I tried to recollect the words.

Aginaya. Her name is Aginaya.

My eyes shot open, questions raged in my head.

Lord, it has always been You, isn't it?

I took in a breath, chest heaving as I lifted my gaze towards the group of people gathered in the house, Grace among them as she weeped. Hindi ko mapigilan ang masaktan habang nakikita ko siya sa ganoong kalagayan. Oh Lord, that You would bring her comfort.

Unti-unting tumayo si Grace at naglakad palabas, sobbing as she walked out of the dwelling. I ran after her, following her as she made her way to the far side of the clearing, crying all the more when she fell to her knees. Agad ko siyang nilapitan, kneeling before her as I held her up.

She leaned against my chest, catching her breath with each inhale she took. I wanted to comfort her, to speak words of encouragement, but wonder overtook my mind. I held her face up and looked at her, wiping the tears from her cheeks as she met my gaze.

"Grace," I breathed, "Please tell me. Ano 'yong ginamit nong lola mo kanina na itinawag sa'yo?"

"H-ha?" For a moment she began to calm down, eyes now filled with wonder, "Anong itinawag sa'kin?"

"'Yong pangalan na ginamit ng lola mo sa'yo kanina," I gazed at her intently, "Ano ulit 'yon?"

"Ah," She lowered her gaze in thought, "You mean, 'yong Aginaya?"

My gaze widened, "Oo! Oo 'yon nga,"

"Oh bakit 'yon?" Nangunot ang noo niya, "Native name ko ang Aginaya. My father named me such when I was born."