~My Baby~

August 1470....

Eleanor giggled as she bounced her daughter on her lap, watching her toothless grin with joy as her tiny hands fiddled with the jewels that were sewn to the front of her mother's gown.
"Now now, my darling" the Duchess said gently as she pried her daughter's fingers away, pushing her copper braid over her shoulder "we must not damage this, it is one of my favourites!"

Jacquetta merely stared up at her with her large blue eyes before she took to sucking on the sleeve of her own gown which made Eleanor laugh and hug the babe closer to her.

"She is behaving, I hope, votre grace?" Marie called from where she was arranging the Duchess's jewellery at the other end of the chamber.
"Of course!" Eleanor replied sunnily, standing and cradling her daughter in her arms, never tearing her eyes from her perfect features as she walked. "my daughter is always well behaved....well apart from when she screams for her nurse....but we needn't worry about that"

Jacquetta suddenly sneezed, shaking a little as she did so then looking to her mother in wonder and fear as she recovered, seemingly confused about what she had just done.
"Ah, ma petite rose" Eleanor murmured as she placed her daughter in her crib and gently placed the covers over her small body "I love you with all of my heart"

"All of it?" Marie repeated with a smile and Eleanor nodded, kissing Jacquetta's forehead.
"Oui, mon ami"

꧁꧂

"And so what was this news you called for me to hear about from your very lips?" The Duchess asked as she walked into the Queen's chambers the next day and quickly curtsied before rising with a smile.

Elizabeth took her hands and grinned, leaning her forehead against her sister's.
"It is nothing much!" She replied gleefully "I simply wanted to see you!"

"Did you now?" Eleanor exclaimed as she then watched Elizabeth almost skip around the room, throwing one of her windows open to let in more of the warm August sunlight that the courtiers all loved to bask in.

That summer had truly been a glorious one, no matter the threat of war from Warwick and Margaret of Anjou in France and Eleanor could remember many a time when she had sat in the gardens with her daughter, Lizzie, Mary and Cecily all crowding around her to see the baby.

"I do not want it to turn to winter" she remarked absentmindedly as she joined her sister by the window "I would rather it stay summer so that I can wake up to a blue sky as clear as the shallows of the ocean and a sun that smiles down upon us"

"Quite poetic of you, Eleanor" Elizabeth teased and the Duchess grinned at her, though it was only a few moments before her face fell.
"Bella loved summer" 
"She did....have you heard from her?"

Eleanor smiled a little and nodded.
"She thinks that she might be with child....is due to give birth in March...." The Queen nodded, though her mood seemed a little subdued, as it always was when she talked of Bella.

"That is good news" she said quietly "we must pray for a boy" she suddenly sighed and turned away from the window, placing a hand to her forehead "by God I hope she is content, Leena.... there is not a day goes by that I do not think of her, you know that don't you?"

"Of course!" Eleanor replied, placing a hand on her sister's arm "....but what of her other child? What of little Elizabeth? How does she fare?"
"Well....the nuns at the Covent send me a report of her each month....and she seems to be thriving....they call her Eliza there...."

Suddenly the door banged open to reveal a distressed Anais and the two women by the window spun around, wide-eyed as they took in her appearance. Her golden hair was free from its golden coif, her blue eyes filled with tears, some of which had already spilled down her pale cheeks that were drained of all her usual colour.

"Why, Anna, what is it, pray?" Eleanor asked as she approached her Lady, taking her shaking hands in her own.
"She was only on her own for a minute! She did not cry, your grace" Anais sobbed "she did not suffer, I swear it...."
"Whatever are you talking about?" The Duchess replied before her friend looked up to her and the truth appeared to dawn on her "Jacquetta!" She screamed and Anais dropped to her knees.

"Eleanor!" Elizabeth cried as she made to go after her sister, who had already begun to run through the hallways, her heart pounding.

Eleanor threw open the doors to her chamber only to find the wet nurse, Marie and the court physician gathered around Jacquetta's cradle, the two women weeping in each other's arms and the man with his head bowed.

"Get out" The Duchess hissed as they all looked up, registering her presence.
"My Lady...." the physician began only to be interrupted as soon as the words left his lips.

"Get out!" Eleanor yelled and the three were gone in a moment, leaving her alone.

Slowly she walked to the cradle, waiting to hear the soft sounds of her daughter's even breathing when she slept, or the happy gurgling noises she made. "Jacquetta?" She knelt down and slowly looked over the rim of the crib, tears filling her eyes as she saw the peaceful face of her two month old daughter before her "Jacquetta?" She repeated, her voice breaking a little as she reached out a quaking hand and brushed a finger against the baby's cheek. Her perfect skin was cold as ice.

"It's your mother" Eleanor whispered , trying to control the sobs that threatened to make her shoulders heave up and down uncontrollably "my darling....it's your mother....and I need you to wake up....please.... please, my darling"

She felt her mother slowly sit beside her and place an arm around her shoulders, drawing her close to her.
"She's gone, Leena...." she whispered while her daughter shook her head vehemently, began to sob.
"No!" She protested as if she were but a child again, her face contorting with pain "not my baby! No! No!" 

"She is gone, child" her mother repeated and suddenly a heart wrenching wail tore itself from Eleanor's throat as she picked up the body of her child and hugged it tightly to her chest as she covered the peaceful face with kisses.

"Perhaps this is my punishment!" She sobbed "I had Melusina take Isabel's babe so now God has taken mine....I cannot bear it" she began to tremble while her mother cradled her "not my baby! Not my Jacquetta! It's not possible, mother! It's not possible!"

"I know, my darling" Jacquetta replied, unable to contain her own tears "I know...."

꧁꧂

That night....

Eleanor tried to keep her eyes from closing as she sat by her child's cradle, where she had been since that afternoon. Now it was the dead of night and she did not look up as the door opened and quietly closed as a person entered the dark chamber with a candle in hand.

"Why did you not come sooner?" She asked, recognising the footsteps that approached her. They belonged to her husband.
"I tried" Richard whispered, placing down the candle, catching Eleanor's arm as she rose shakily, but she sharply pulled away as soon as she was on her feet "but I was at a council meeting"

"A meeting was more important than the death of your own child?"
"Of course not" Richard began tersely but his voice quickly softened as his wife looked at him with reddened eyes and tear stained cheeks "of course not.... but this is a time of war....there was nothing I could do!" She turned her face away, stared once more "but you must remember, as heartbreaking as this is....there will be others"

"Others?" Eleanor repeated, her voice cracking, tears flooding to her eyes again "others, my lord? And which of these others do you intend to replace the one I have lost with? Oh, but no.... there shall be no others...." he voice faded away into barely a whisper as she spoke and she bowed her head a little.

"We must produce a son, my Lady" Richard stated and the Duchess's head shot up "it is your duty as a wife"
"And your duty as a husband is to is to comfort me in my grief!" She cried "but no, all I receive is 'there will be others'! Besides, your mother told me that you already have a son, do you not? By your whore?"
"Do not call her that" the Duke sighed, clasping his hands behind his back but she refused to step down, made her way forward so that she could peer up accusingly into his face.

"And why? Why not?" She hissed "because it hurts you? Well let me tell you, my Lord Gloucester, you have hurt me beyond measure so go back to your whore and take your bastard son! Name him as your heir for you shall get no boys from me!"

"Stop" Richard murmured "stop this, please. You know what you must do" a harsh laugh left her throat and she dropped to her knees beside the cradle once more.

"Yes....I know what I must do and that is block you from my bed until your little slut is gone from your presence forever....but the only way to do that would be to kill her....but" she looked up, smiling sadly before her face contorted, full of agonising pain "but I know that you love her, desire her....and can't seem to stop fucking her even while I, your wife, though that title seems to matter little, am present at court! But, besides, even if you were to be rid of her, you would still get no heirs from my womb"

"You hate me" Richard murmured and Eleanor laughed again, shaking her head.

"No, my lord" she replied "do not flatter yourself with the thought that I would waste my animosity on you.... I don't hate you....not as I used to, I rather thought that we could grow to be friends at one point....but now....now I cannot bear to have you near my little girl....the daughter that you did not care weather she lived or died..."

"How can you say that?!" Richard cried, tears beginning to stream down his cheeks "she was my daughter....and I loved her!"

"And you were going to send her away!" Eleanor screamed "you were going to send her away to make room for your own bastards without a thought for me and her! Did you love her? Did you really or are you just saying that to soothe your conscious? Satisfy your guilt?....oh for God's sake....get out! Get out and leave me in peace!"

Richard hesitated only a moment before he fled the room, banging the door behind him.

꧁꧂

2 days later....

Eleanor dabbed at her eyes with the sleeve of her black gown, trying to stem the tide of tears that flooded down her face.

It seemed that she had not been able to stop weeping since her daughter had died and no matter who comforted her, her grief was not soothed. For the past nights, Marie had stayed with her in her chambers, helping her to bed and then sleeping by her side, holding her Lady close.

Now Eleanor lit a candle for the soul of her daughter before she knelt before the chapel altar, deep in the prayer that she used to try and distract herself. She jumped a little when she felt a woman's hand on her shoulder but payed no real attention and concentrated on her prayers.

"You must not worry" a gentle, yet unfamiliar voice said, making the Duchess look up as Margaret Beaufort knelt beside her at the altar, her expression rather gentle and sympathetic compared to the stern and cold facade that was seen upon the woman the few times Eleanor had seen her.

Margaret was older than the Duchess by nine years and was rather tall in stature with willowy limbs and jet black hair that was a stark contrast to her almost alabaster skin; was always tightly tied back into a bun. She was dressed in one of her usual dark gowns, a dark blue almost the same hue as her eyes and she kept a hand on Eleanor's shoulder.

"Your daughter is with God now, your grace" she said with a small nod "and He shall take care of her in paradise"
"But I don't want her to be in paradise, Lady Margaret" the Duchess whispered tearfully "I want her to be with me....her mother...."

"I understand your pain" Margaret said shuffling a little closer and clasping her hands as if she were about to pray herself "I too have had my only child, Henry, taken from me....in body, not in soul as your young daughter has been, but still, the pain of losing a child is something both of us shall be able to understand" Eleanor nodded and turned back to the altar once more.

"How old is your son?" She asked after a moment, finding herself intrigued by the woman knelt beside her.
"Thirteen" Margaret answered, a small smile appearing on her lips "thought I do not know how he is....for he has been taken from me once more...."

"W-why?" The Duchess murmured "why was your son taken from you...."
"York" the woman replied, a frown suddenly settling on her face, giving her her usual serious expression "The York King had him taken from me....and now he is in the care of Yorkists...." she sighed a little before placing her hands atop Eleanor's clasped ones, smiling slightly again at the younger woman "but today we must pray for the soul of your daughter....and we shall pray together, if you would like?"

Despite herself, Eleanor nodded and slowly closed her eyes as Margaret began to murder words of pray that comforted the Duchess, though she could not stop the questions that circled her mind and found herself suddenly standing, making the other woman jump a little.

"But what can I do?" She cried in despair "I feel so angry! God has taken my child from me! My baby! How can I forgive him?! How can I find peace?!"

"Hush, your grace" Lady Margaret soothed as she approached the Duchess, placing an arm around her shoulder and leading her to the seats that lined the chapel "you must know that this is God's will! It is said that the Lord calls the best of us to his side first and he has called your daughter to him"

"But I want her by my side!" Eleanor sobbed, bowing her head once more as anger left her and sadness filled her "she has to be with me!"
"And yet the Lord has called to her!" Margaret countered, gently putting a hand to the Duchess's cheek "and we must learn to forgive"

"Forgive? Oh I do not think I can forgive....not now....not ever....my sister taught me never to yield to anyone who ever did me wrong....so how can I forgive now?"
"Grieve" Lady Margaret replied "mourn your loss but once you have come to terms with it then you must forgive....forgive those who surround you now for their wrong doings....and make peace"

"Peace?" Eleanor replied softly, locking eyes with the woman opposite her "I can never make peace with those who killed my brother and my father....but I perhaps could make peace with.... oh it is not possible....I cannot"

"You can, your grace" Margaret replied, guiding her back to the altar once more and kneeling. "you must trust in God, and let him heal the wounds that life and others have inflicted"

"I must have faith" the Duchess whispered and Lady Margaret nodded.