TW: contains body-shaming kinda (sorry idk how to call it) so if you're not comfortable reading this don't xxx

Inspired by song above☝︎︎

Andy POV
"Look at you...I don't like what I see, do you?"
Silence.
"That's what I thought, obv you agree with me and I'm sorry I'm a bitch to you but I'm just telling the truth"
"I just want to help you cuz you need to be better, you need to be better for Rye"
This is what my voice always tells me and it might be true.

I'm fat, I look like a zombie and recently my voice sounds like shit. But my main insecurity is my body.
I've always been bullied for my look so I've never been able to love my body and be confident till I met Rye.
I know it sounds cliche but he brought a bit of happiness in my life when I needed it the most. He made me feel loved and sometimes the annoying voice in my brain disappears when I'm with him so he's the best thing that ever happened to me.
But as I said, the annoying voice in my mind still stays in my head and it's killing me cuz I don't know how to stop it, I just want to be able to love myself.

I looked at my reflection and I was only able to see my flaws, how am I supposed to do our photoshoot today?
I will definitely ruin it and to be honest, I don't want the boys or anyone to judge me or to think that I'm a freak.
We have always done those kinds of things but we have a new album coming so we need to take new photos and this time isn't only group pics, that's why I'm scared.
I've never done photos by myself and I don't know what to expect.

"Babe are you ready?" Rye interrupted my deep thoughts.
"Yeah, I was just...fixing my hair..." I came up with a lame excuse.
"You're literally perfect so let's go. But you look worried, is everything ok?" He looked at me but I couldn't tell him the truth so I lied.
"I'm fine. Let's go"
And then we left to go to the studio.

The place was amazing and for a second I felt confident, maybe it won't be as bad as I thought.
"Ok guys, we'll start with the band pics then we'll do the single ones" Blair said.
The first part went pretty easily cuz we have already done it a couple of times so it wasn't that hard but now here comes the nightmare.

Thank god I was the last one but when Rye posed for his photos, I was literally drooling over him.
He's the representation of perfection. He's handsome, tall, with perfect hair and angelic voice also don't let me even start about his body.
Sometimes I wonder why he's dating someone like me...

"Andy, it's your turn then you guys can go home"
I stepped in front of the camera and I was super nervous, I could barely move.
The photographer started but I knew that the photos were awful.
"Andy be natural. Do some natural movements, don't be frozen" he said and I started to feel uncomfortable.
I felt Blair's eyes on me, Rye's eyes on me, even my voice's eyes and I just wanted to disappear cuz it was getting too much.
"You're right, we are all watching you. This is embarrassing..."
Not again, please.
It kept on going in my head and I didn't know how to make it stop.
"Stop!" I yelled out of nowhere.
Everyone looked at me confused, then I ran away from the studio.

I got in the car and just drove home, while I was driving I felt like an idiot.
Why can I just love myself and stop being such a loser?

Once home, I ran straight to my room and broke all the mirrors, I can't look at myself right now.

I don't know how many hours I spent in my bedroom crying cuz for me it seemed like years. But somehow I managed to get out of bed and I looked at the broken pieces of the mirror on the floor.
I saw my red and puffy eyes in the reflection and I didn't like it.
"You're the most beautiful creature I've ever seen in my life but I don't get why you can't see it" Rye's voice filled the room.
I looked at him and noticed that he cried too.
"I don't see it cuz it's not true. I'm fat, ugly and a mess" I said looking back at my reflection.
Rye sat behind me on the floor and hugged me, resting his head in the crook of my neck.
"Why do you talk to yourself like that?" He asked.
"I don't know. The voice in my head tells me those things and it's right"
"It's only in your mind, it doesn't mean it's true. Let me show you why..." and then Rye kissed me.

It got heated pretty quickly but when he was about to take my shirt off, I stopped him.
We have never gone further and there's a reason but I feel bad.
"Sorry..." I scooted away from him.
"No, it's ok. I should have stopped before but I just want you to understand that you are pretty, attractive, cute and all you want to be. You could never be ugly even if you try" Rye said and I kinda blushed at his compliments.
"I just want to love my body as you love it. I want to be able to see what you see cuz I'm tired of feeling like this" I said tearing up a bit.
"Hey, it's ok. You will love yourself as I do and I'll do anything to help you" he got closer and engulfed me.
I broke down in his arms and we just stayed there for a while.

"I love you and thank you. I don't know what I would do without you" I said looking at his honey eyes.
"I love you too and you can do this. You are incredible and so strong" he said wiping away my tears.

I will love myself.

___________________________________

Note*
I disappeared for a whole week wow. But I didn't forget about you guys so here's a new story, a short one but still proud of it. I just want to remember you that you're beautiful the way you are and that self love is important. My dm are open for anything💕