JEALOUSY, JEALOUSY

☀︎

THE FREAK HUNT BEGAN IN HAWKINS, INDIANA. Jason and the rest of his goons packed up their car with everything they could that would take care of Eddie Munson once and for all. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Dustin called out orders of how they would tackle the plan to free Eddie from this chase. Rather than crowbars and bats, they packed up Steve's car with grocery bags full of goodies for Eddie to get some proper food in him.

Arriving back at Reefer Rick's, the group gathered up the groceries and headed straight for the boathouse. Taking lead, Dustin was overly eager to see if Eddie had made it through the night without any issues. Bursting through the door, Dustin gave Eddie the fright of his life as he raised his bags of food into the air. "Delivery service!"

Panting and panicked from the sudden scare, Eddie held onto the wall to catch his breath. Making themselves welcome as he recovered, the group followed in and gathered around the boat. Eddie gave unenthusiastic hello's as he climbed into the boat for center stage and prepared himself for the inevitable bad news they could bring him.

Dustin wasn't one to drop too many bombs on him, and instead was all smiles as he went over the food they brought him. While Dustin gave him the beers he was desperate for, Alex took the box of cereal from Robin's hands and tossed it straight to Eddie without a word. Startled, he caught it by the crook of his arm before setting down his beer and tearing straight into the box. Without a word, all those watched as he shoveled handfuls of Honey Comb cereal into his mouth. "Who picked these out?"

Slowly raising her hand, Alex felt nervous she screwed him over with bad cereal. Through their short conversations with one another, she was certain that he mentioned it was the only cereal he ate every morning. In fact, he would boast about it, as if he was proud that he could get by on that cereal alone if he had to.

"Alexandra Henderson, you do listen to me," he smirked. "I love you, seriously. You're great." Taking another fistful, he shoved more into his mouth. The others looked in disgust at his eating habits over to Alex next in uncertainty. She made no quick remake back as they expected and didn't seem to be flustered by his admission of love. The two developed a strange friendship that was often hard for any of those to understand. Even Dustin questioned how they could develop such an interesting dynamic when Alex had completely changed over the course of a few months. Perhaps it was the person she used to be coming out because he knew that was the kind of person that would get along greatly with Eddie.

The only one who seemed interested in discussing their short conversation further had been Steve Harrington. Adjusting himself against the wall, he crossed his arms as he looked at Eddie. "Alexandra?"

"It's her name, man," Eddie mumbled through a mouth full of cereal.

Rolling his eyes, Steve grew easily annoyed. There was one thing for certain, Alex never went by Alexandra. None of her friends or family referred to her as anything but Alex. For Eddie to do it so carelessly and receive no reaction from her, he was forced to bite back his jealousy. "I know, it's just..."

Holding up his hand, Dustin put a stop to the conversation before it could get out of hand and become too distracting. "She hates it, he doesn't care. Can we move on?" A silence filled the room as those looked around at one another, waiting to see if either Steve or Eddie had much more to say on the subject. However, Steve could only watch as Eddie turned his eyes to Alex, flashing her an amused grin and bright eyes. What Steve failed to take notice of was the obvious glare and shake of her head that Alex sent Eddie's way in return. Eddie was in need of entertainment and for Steve Harrington to become easily jealous due to his annoying actions had him itching to see more of it. The former King of Hawkins High had a weak spot and it so happened to be the very girl Eddie Munson enjoyed teasing. It was almost too easy.

Dustin, on the other hand, was over it. Clearing his throat, he gestured to Eddie for conversation. "So, we got, uh, some good news and some bad news. How do you prefer it?"

"Bad news first, always."

"Bad news," Dustin repeated with a sigh. "We tapped into the Hawkins PD dispatch with our Cerebro, and they're definitely looking for you. Also, they're, uh, pretty convinced you killed Chrissy."

"Like a hundred percent kind of convinced," Max added in. It was very unneeded for Eddie to hear her input on the matter. Whether it had been one percent or a hundred, someone out there still saw him as a killer. There was nothing in him that could've brought himself to ever hurt Chrissy or even anyone for that matter. As the Henderson's would say, he had a heart of gold, one that could never hurt a soul. He had to stay hopeful that the good news would be enough to shadow the bad. "And the good news?"

"Your name hasn't gone public yet," Robin said, but her good news immediately followed further into bad news. "But if we found out about you, it's a matter of time before others do too. And once that gets out, everyone and their shallow-minded mother are gonna be gunning for you."

"Hunt the freak, right?"

Dustin tried to stay positive, wishing nothing but the best for Eddie. He had a plan— he always did. No matter what it cost him, he was willing to go all out for the people he cared for. No matter how small and useless that plan seemed to be, he was willing to go in fighting. "So, before that happens, we need to find Vecna, kill him, and prove your innocence."

Eddie stared at him in utter disbelief. "That's all, Dustin? That's all?" It was the worst plan he had ever heard and yet he seemed to be the only one questioning it. The others all nodded in agreement, certain his plan was the very best they had. However, Eddie still wasn't entirely convinced that any of this could really be happening to him and then to add a new element where there was an alternate dimension with monsters running around only made things harder to wrap his brain around.

Seeing him lose his confidence in the group, Robin spoke up before he could come up with some plan to flee Hawkins. "Listen, Eddie, I know everything Dustin is saying sounds totally delusional, but we've actually been through this before. I mean, they have... a few times, and I have once. Mine was more human-flesh-based, and theirs was more smoke-related..." After saying it aloud, Robin couldn't help but laugh at how delusional it truly sounded. "I-I mean, Alex has dealt with far worse than what we have."

Alex turned over to her in disapproval. Placing a hand on her shoulder, Robin tried to keep pressing forward without falling off track or offending her in any way. Yet somehow, she failed miserably. "You probably won't believe it, but... but this thing, like, totally lived in her head. It was crazy. It would even talk to her and, um, he was insanely obsessed. It was totally trippy too because then it sort of exploded out of her when Dustin tried to set her on fire but turns out... yeah, he never left. He just pretended to leave. Total bat-shit crazy stuff. How she's here... it's just... it's bonkers, really."

Alex lowered her head as she nodded along to Robin's rambling. Despite it being the worst moment of her life, having Robin retell it with little detail despite talking quite a lot and adding in her own thoughts on the matter, it made her feel better. As if it was all a big joke and in a good way too. And for that moment, Robin's rambling brought back an Alex Henderson the group hadn't seen in a long time.

Alex brought her eyes back up to the group as Robin described Alex's bone-chilling story of how the shadow of a monster lurked above her, trying to keep her from all her friends so he could have her all alone. Through all of that, Alex smiled and gave a small shrug, "Got myself a crazy ex-boyfriend that melted people, totally normal."

There was a silence as all eyes turned over to her. Everyone felt that it was too much to be joking too soon with Alex. After shutting herself away, they were afraid any little comment would have her run off once again. However, Eddie Munson seemed to be the only one not afraid to poke at her. Holding his box of cereal to his chest, he extended a single finger out to her while his eyes traveled amongst the group in utter confusion. "Who the hell is this?"

Reaching out for Eddie, Dustin comforted him in a way he didn't truly need. "Eddie, that's Alex, my sister."

"This is insane," Eddie stated as he shoved Dustin's hand back. "That's it, isn't it? This is..." Unable to process his thoughts, he leaned forward in his seat for a better look at her. "Alexandra, you really are a freak, aren't you? I mean, you're worse than me and that's... that's saying a lot." Sitting back, he shook his head as a smile formed. "You're not boring after all. You are... you're incredible. This is who I've been trying to be friends with. I love a good freak."

Alex saluted him, accepting that a freak was exactly who she was. Being friends with Jonathan Byers— the camera creep-- was not what made her any different from those around her. All it took was a trip through an opening in a tree and everything changed for her. The thing was, people turned her away, calling her a freak without knowing the true horrors she went through. Now, Eddie Munson sat in front of her in awe, seeing that the freak she truly was, was outstanding. It just made sense.

Glowing, Robin was thrilled to see that Eddie was on board with all of this. It was truly difficult to have a grasp on the situation and she knew that from personal experience. Yet when Alex told her everything, she was willing to be on board and it was the best decision she ever made. It may have had her trapped underground and fleeing from Russians, but it was worth it all. Had Eddie trusted them, she was certain he would see it just as worth it. "Bottom line is, collectively, I really feel like we got this."

"We usually rely on this girl who has superpowers. But, uh, those went bye-bye." Steve said. He tried his best to jump in on the conversation, wanting to enlighten Eddie about their adventures because he started to feel left out. He hid it well, but he was growing green with jealousy. First, he heard all from Dustin about Eddie being this amazing friend, and now, he saw Alex being praised and loved by that very person. Once they had considered him an honorary Henderson, now he felt that role slipping away day after day.

"Well," Dustin squeaked out as he slowly turned over to his sister. "We might not have El, but I'm not entirely convinced Alex's powers only lasted a night."

"I don't have them," she called over to him, crossing her arms. It was a touchy subject for her as she felt she was completely useless with or without them. It hadn't mattered to her if powers were factored into it, to her, they never did help save anyone.

"Have you tried?"

"No, shut up," she whispered.

"Hold on, hold on," Eddie interrupted. "Do not make me ask such a ridiculously insane question. You're not seriously adding to your story..."

"She had powers, yeah," Dustin said with a small nod. He was confident that it wasn't just a temporary thing, but he never had that chance to push Alex to try and she never did so willingly on her own. It never made sense to him how something so dark and twisted could maneuver itself throughout her mind and create something new inside of her and the next second disappear.

Excited to tell another tale, Robin perked up and held her hands out. "No shit, she exploded that flesh monster, you know, her crazy ex? Yeah, he was going all nuts, trying to kill us all, and then... bam!" She created an exploding motion with her hands as he eyes grew wide. "It was... insane."

"Insane," Eddie repeated under his breath. "And you guys... you're brainstorming? Have any of your plans worked?"

"Oh, they worked in the end," Dustin said confidently, a bright smile glued to his face. Maybe they got off track or ran into certain obstacles, but they usually made it out okay. Sure, there was enough trauma in this room for a million people, but that never stopped them. It was always an adventure. "There's nothing to worry about," he chuckled.

"Trust me, we won't let you end up like me," Alex said with a small smile. All Eddie could do was look around, mouth hung open in bewilderment. The group was so confident, yet they sounded quite crazy in his eyes. People in high school called him plenty of names, ones he could brush off. But none of those names were as crazy as the five standing around him. All he had to do was trust these people.

His heart sank at the sounds of police sirens from the road nearby wailing in the distance. Reacting quickly, Robin and Alex grabbed the tarp and threw it over Eddie as he lay across the boat. Had the cops shown up, their brainstorming phase would be for nothing, and keeping Eddie out of trouble would be impossible.

Racing toward the window, the group huddled around for a clear view of the road. Several cop cars and an ambulance sped past. While the rest had watched, Steve grew breathless when Alex went under his arm to create a place for herself to see. Her touch brushed against him, only creating a desire to hold her even closer if she would let him. He felt himself lost in that moment near her before she stood up straight, causing his hand to fall off of Dustin's shoulder and his arm to hold against her back. She didn't notice with her mind distracted by the events around her. "That's back by the trailer park."

"We should check it out," Robin whispered excitedly. Creating only a start of the plan, the group left Eddie Munson in her fears of trusting the chaotic bunch. They all filed into Steve's car and followed the sounds of the sirens in search of more information.

All the way back to the trailer park, Steve pulled off to the side of the road. The police had sectioned off the rest of the road after Vecna's most recent victim had fallen under his curse. Caught in the middle of the nightmare had been none other than Nancy Wheeler. Out of the car, all of them looked at her and it was clear right then and there that they never reached the end back at Starcourt. Everyone was coming back together again slowly and not for the better.

『••☀︎••』

THE GROUP GATHERED BACK AT THE TRAILER PARK WHERE IT HAD BEEN HAUNTINGLY CLEARED OF ALL THOSE THAT NORMALLY SAT AROUND. Eddie Munson's trailer was taped up and sectioned off as a crime scene, adding to the fear of what more could happen to Hawkins with two now dead. Everyone filed out of the car and to the picnic table, Nancy led them over for discussion and to share their findings. Taking one side of the picnic table, Nancy took a seat, raising her hand up at Alex, hoping for her to take a seat alongside her.

Alex's focus attempted to stay at her feet as she approached but out of the corner of her eye, she couldn't help but look to Eddie's trailer. The light wind blew her hair gently against her face as she imagined the horror that happened just behind that door. Just inside Chrissy Cunningham had died and she was the one that led her there to her gruesome death. Had she not asked Eddie to do as she asked, Chrissy wouldn't have been there and Eddie wouldn't be forced to hide away from all those in Hawkins as a wanted man. So she failed to take notice of Nancy's attempts to bring her beside her and instead Robin and Max had filled the spots instead.

Dustin happily took the other side of the table, motioning for Steve to join him which he did with a smile. He was wanted by Dustin once again and he felt over the moon to not be left in the shadows. That was until Dustin cleared his throat loudly, quickly sliding down the bench and leaving him sitting all alone. However, Dustin had plans of his own, making enough room for Alex to take his old spot.

Alex hadn't taken much notice of her brother's attempt at reuniting the two as she took the middle spot between each of them. As she sat, her leg gently bumped against Steve's, leaving very little room between the two. Only Alex felt obligated to give him his space and scooted over. She hoped he didn't notice but he did and he took it to heart. His eyes met Robin's with a shake of his head, letting her know that she may have been wrong in her plans for him to win her back. Robin raised her brows back, signaling for him to scoot closer, but he ended up shaking his head in return.

Taking notice of the strange behavior between Steve and Robin, Nancy sat forward and rested her hands on the table to gather their attention. "You're saying that this thing that killed Fred and Chrissy, it's from the Upside Down?"

Taking their eyes off of one another, Robin and Steve tried to focus on the real matter at hand. Only Robin wasn't quite done yet. Under the table, she gave a hard kick to his shin for not listening to her causing him to flinch in response. Nancy turned over to Robin with a narrowed-eyed glare. It wasn't that she hated Robin, but the looks exchanged between her and Steve and the closeness the two found themselves in was strange. She never would say it out loud just yet, but she didn't like what she was seeing.

Dustin was oblivious to the entire thing as he carried on the conversation. "Our working theory is that he attacks with a spell or a curse. Now, whether or not he's doing the bidding for the Mind Flayer or just killing teens, we don't know."

"All we know is this is something different," Max added on. Looking up from her lap, she glanced around the table. Everyone had their eyes on her-- all but one. Keeping her eyes trained on Alex, she silently begged for her to just look her way. "Something new," she said softly. Not once did Alex look at her. It's all she needed, to be seen by her. To have that moment, would change everything and maybe it wouldn't have been so terrifying.

"It doesn't make sense," Nancy whispered. "Fred and Chrissy don't make sense. I mean, why them?"

"Maybe they were just in the wrong place," Dustin suggested. "They were both at the game."

"And near the trailer park," Max included.

Growing nervous, Steve looked at his surroundings. The trailer park seemed almost vacant after the murders. Everyone gone but them. "We're at the trailer park. Should we maybe not be here?" Everyone else had looked around at the trailer park. Something about it had been off-putting. To say it was Vecna's hunting ground could have made it feel as such. All they did was anticipate the absolute worst of it all.

Alex was the only one that didn't look. Her nails began to dig into the palm of her hand until specs of blood seeped through. "I talked to them both," she whispered through a struggled breath.

Turning back, Steve had been the only one to pay her attention. "You what?"

Alex pulled her eyes off her hands as she met his. "I talked to Chrissy and Fred before they died," she whispered. "Chrissy asked me if I ever thought I was losing my mind and Fred... he was waiting for Ms. Kelley and... and he asked if I was having a bad day too. Now they're dead." Two people she spoke to were gone. Each of them opened a part of themselves up to her in the smallest way possible, and Alex had brushed it off so easily. Now she wished she had taken the time to talk to them, comfort them in a way so they could avoid the pain and torture Vecna had put them through.

Laying his hand out on the table, Steve briefly shut his eyes as he thought it all over. For Alex to hurt anyone was highly unlikely. All those told her she was often too kind for her own good, even treating those who didn't deserve her time with respect and kindness, and now she saw herself as the killer and the one to blame. "No, no, this isn't you. You didn't do this." Moving his hand off of the table, he placed it on her leg, hoping she could feel him and know he could never blame her.

Alex's panicked eyes looked at him and to his surprise, she didn't move away. Instead, she placed her hand on top of his, needing him. She wished she could do it alone, never to put any of those in harms way, but the way he felt, reminded her of how much she missed being in love. Steve consistently took that pain away and now was no different.

Speaking up, Dustin leaned away from the two as he feared his next set of words would land him in trouble. "Well," he dragged out in a high-pitched tone. "Maybe? I'm not saying intentionally... but Alex is always dragged into these things whether or not she wants to. She did spy on us for the Mind Flayer before."

Alex closed her eyes as she turned away from Steve, her grip on his hand tightening. "I didn't want to kill either of them," she frowned. "No, I liked Chrissy. I barely knew Fred, but he... he was nice. I-I didn't. I wouldn't."

"Clearly this wasn't her," Steve snapped at Dustin with a look of warning. Pushing Alex away by blaming her was not going to help her. "This was that Vecna creep. It makes more sense that it's all about location. This trailer park gives me the creeps. Makes sense he'd attack here."

"There is something about this place," Nancy piped up. "Fred started acting weird the second we got here. He was scared... on edge, upset."

"Max said Chrissy was upset too," Dustin interrupted.

"Yeah, but not here. She was crying in the bathroom at school," Max commented.

"Serial killers stalk their prey before they strike, right? So, maybe Fred and Chrissy saw this Vecna..." Robin's voice trailed off in thought giving Steve an opening to share his own thoughts. "I don't know, man, but if I saw some freaky wizard monster, I would mention it to someone."

"Maybe they did," Max whispered. "I saw Chrissy leaving Ms. Kelley's office. If you saw a monster, you... you wouldn't go to the police. They'd never believe you. But you might go to your shrink."

"Fred goes to Ms. Kelley too," Alex spoke up, her eyes lifting to see the group. "I see him leave there before lunch. He could have told her something was wrong."

"Then let's go," Dustin stated as he rose from his seat. "We go find out exactly what they saw from Ms. Kelley."

As the group began to pick themselves up, Alex took her hand back from Steve's, accepting the emptiness she felt without him there. It was something she grew used to not having and to have it back again, it felt wrong as if she didn't deserve it. Getting up from the table, she kept her hands in her jacket pockets, not giving herself any room to give in and take his hand in hers again. Alex's head remained low, dreading the thought of finding any information from Ms. Kelley. Lying to her for answers was difficult given how much Ms. Kelley had done for her over the years.

No one noticed as they left the picnic table with other things hanging on their minds. There was, however, one person that was not so eager to find Ms. Kelley for answers and that was Nancy Wheeler. She was willing to tackle her potential leads on her own but there was one thing that bothered her.

Falling behind the group, her eyes traveled from Alex, who walked alone and further from the rest. She was quiet and unlike herself. What truly bothered her was the two that stuck together as they walked— Robin Buckley and Steve Harrington. Fighting back harsh words, Nancy was forced to watch as Robin gripped onto Steve's arm, hanging off of him with bright eyes and an even brighter smile. She couldn't stand to watch another second of it.

Nancy grabbed a hold of Alex, pulling her away from the group. This entire time she had been focused on her breaking relationship with Jonathan and her work on the newspaper, that she hadn't given Alex a second thought. They had made a promise to Jonathan before he left that they would be there for each other always and that promise couldn't even last more than a month. Alex may have pushed people away, but Nancy saw herself to blame. Fixing that was the only way to make it better.

"Hey, I sort of have this working theory. It might not even be anything at all. Come with? We can catch up." Nancy attempted a smile, but it faltered as she noticed Alex truly wasn't the same. Mike always mentioned that she was different, but it wasn't until today that Nancy noticed. It hurt her to realize she fell into old ways, putting her friends second in her mind when they needed her most. Alex was one that was always there and she left her behind to be forgotten about.

Alex attempted to return a half-halfhearted smile, but couldn't hold it long. "Sure, where to?"

"The library. I know you work there now so do you think you could get us the key to the basement archives?"

Alex turned away in disappointment. For that sliver of a moment, she believed Nancy was more interested in working together on a theory. Now it felt she only wanted her for a way into the basement without much hassle than for Alex herself. Despite telling herself she was a part of the team, another part of her said that the group wanted her around for information to better understand the Upside Down and its doings, knowing she would be involved and she could then provide them with all knowledge. Then someone would get hurt and she would blame herself for getting involved in the first place. But she felt there was no choice and gave a nod with a tight-lipped attempted smile. "Yeah, sure."

Smile growing, Nancy perked up and ushered her along towards her car. "Great! We can meet back up with them when we're done then, let them know if we find anything." Taking her arm, Nancy pulled her along but it didn't go unnoticed by the group.

Stopping in his tracks, Steve held onto his keys as he called their names. With two people fallen to Vecna's curse, it wasn't ideal to him that anyone venture off alone. And when it came to Alex, he always wanted her there. Calling out their names once more, he managed to force Nancy to have no choice but to explain their reasoning for running.

Keeping Alex behind her back, Nancy turned to him as she continued to walk backward. "Oh, there's just something we wanna check on first. Alex said she'd join me."

From Steve's car, Dustin raised his arms out in annoyance. "Something you two wanna share with the rest of us?"

Coming to a stop, she buried her hands into her pockets and gave a shrug. "I don't wanna waste your time. It's a real shot in the dark. Alex and I are completely fine checking it out on our own."

Scoffing, Steve couldn't understand the need to rush off. "Yeah, okay. Are you out of your mind? With this Vecna creep on the loose?" Shaking his head, he wouldn't allow it. "No, it's too dangerous. You need..." he paused as he looked at Alex. "You need someone to..." licking his lips, he made a final decision that didn't involve him explaining his need for Alex to be at his side. Telling her that being apart from her would create paranoia within him that would keep him restless wasn't ideal. He wasn't sure what page they were on, it was always mixed signals, but it never meant he was willing to give up and let her run off. Turning back, he tossed his keys at Robin who fumbled to catch it. "Here. I'll stick with Alex and Nance. You guys take the car, check out the shrink."

Before he could turn away, Robin spoke quickly and loud. "I don't think you want me driving your car."

"Why?"

"I don't have a license."

"Why don't you have a license?"

"I'm poor," she shrugged.

Raising a hand, Max made herself an offer. "I can drive."

Wide eyed, Steve felt instant panic at the thought. Never again would he allow Max Mayfield behind a wheel, even if she had a license of her own. Nothing would get him to climb into a car with her after he had woken up in a daze, bruised and bloody, only to find her at the wheel with the pedal pressed down and no use of the brakes. "No, never again. Please. Anybody but you, no." This caused Dustin to raise his brows, slowly bringing a finger to his chest until Steve shut him down next. "No chance."

Frustrated with all the bickering, Robin made a call on how this would all go down. "All right, this is stupid," she declared, pulling out Dustin's radio from his bag. Making her way over to Steve, she forced his keys back into his hands. "Us ladies will stick together. Unless you think we need you to protect us."

He shook his head but instead raised a hand to Alex in an attempt to get her on his side. "Alex, don't... uh, don't you wanna come check out Ms. Kelley? If you know her so well, maybe she'll listen to you..."

Alex gave a disappointed frown. "Sorry. I can't lie to Ms. Kelley, she's been there for me too much for me to do that. And I gotta get the basement key for Nance so I'm better off with them."

"Yeah, yeah, of course," he said softly. He tried to hide his disappointment but failed miserably until Alex gave him a small smile that gave him the reassurance he needed to let her go. "Just be safe. Take care of the kids," she said.

He could feel his heart swell in size to hear her so calm. "Be careful," he called to her. Robin and Nancy had already headed to the car, leaving Alex to give him a nod of understanding. She would try her hardest to be careful, she always did, but trouble had a way of finding her. Steve just stood there, watching as she walked off, wishing he could have been the one going alongside her.

Growing annoyed that they weren't already booking it to Ms. Kelley's, Dustin rolled his eyes. "Just gonna stand there and gawk, Harrington?"

Pulling out of his thoughts, Steve turned back over to his car and made his way back to them. "Shut up."

"Why don't we go, okay? My sister will be single when we meet up again, then you can make googly eyes at her all you want."

"Shut up and get in the car," he called loudly over Dustin's words. At his car, he swallowed hard, watching just in time to see Alex willingly take the backseat. He could tell it was her attempt to get Nancy and Robin to connect. They both meant so much to her that it would mean everything if they could at least find a reason to talk. Yet that never took away from the fact that he longed to be a part of the group. For now, he was willing to do as she asked and take care of the kids— always the babysitter.

As for Alex, she rested her head against the window of the car, listening as Robin eagerly questioned where they were off to and why. The emptiness she had grown used to over time continued to consume her and now alone in the backseat allowed her to fall back into that darkness. Whether or not she worked to dig herself out of that darkness, the cold hand of grief continued to dig its claws into her and drag her right back down.