❝harrowing grief❞
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

JULY 23, 2009

"YOU KNOW, SITTING IN SILENCE WON'T MAKE THIS GO BY ANY FASTER."

Dr. Mary Thomas sat straight, her slim legs crossed politely as she mindlessly tapped her pen against her pad of paper.

Across from the woman was a young girl, with curly brown hair and olive skin, and a painstakingly empty look in her eyes as she mindlessly scratched the bared skin her leg.

"Charlotte," The woman intoned, not scolding but slightly impatient. It had been a month of this now; still silence and a red welt on Charlotte's leg by the time the hour-long session was over. No matter how much Mary tried to get Charlotte to talk, even about things outside of the obvious, she didn't speak. Only a brisk goodbye when the clock finally ran out.

Sighing, the woman chucks the pad of paper and her pen onto her desk, her face falling flat. "You know, these sessions will only come to an end if I sign off on it, and right now I have no intention of doing so. The least you could do is lie to me."

"I don't know what you want me to say." The girl's voice finally came, low and gravelly from disuse. Mary quirked a brow at it. Charlotte doesn't stop digging her nail into her skin.

"Perhaps we can start with how your day has been."

Charlotte scoffs, the first outward emotion Mary had ever seen from her. "Today is the two month anniversary of my parents death. I woke up to my sister crying, and my brother yelling because he's too high on painkillers to realize what he's saying. My aunt got belligerently drunk last night, and she'll be asleep until dinner time. My day has been awful, Mary."

"What did you do?"

Charlotte frowns, looking at her. "What?"

"You said your sister was crying, your brother was yelling, and your aunt was hungover. What did you do?"

"I made breakfast. And then I watched the news, and then I watched an old rerun of Law and Order. After that, I showered and I came here."

Mary raised a curious brow. "Are you not sad? Angry? It's obviously a hard day for your family."

"Of course I am. But I can't be,"

"And why is that?"

"Because they need me to be normal again. I can't–" Charlotte stuttered, a suddenly lost gleam in her dark eyes. "I have to be there for all of them. I can't mess up again,"

Mary hums. "If you are there for all of them, taking on their emotional burdens, taking their pain for yourself and making sure they are happy, who will do all of that for you? Who's going to take care of you, Charlotte?"

"I– I don't know. I don't need to be taken care of."

"Everyone needs to be taken care of, Charlotte. Especially you, you're only seventeen."

Charlotte shook her head, curls shifting. "The only people that ever took care of me are gone. No one else will be able to take their spot."

Mary crossed her hands and rested them against her stomach, her lips pursing. "You're right, no one will ever replace your parents. But that doesn't mean that you can't seek comfort in other things, and other people."

Clearing her throat, the older woman shrugged. "Elena finds comfort in her diary, as you've told me. And despite it not being the healthiest option, Jeremy finds his comfort in the highs because they keep him from the lows. Jenna throws herself into school, and drinks because she has to keep herself busy or she'll become overwhelmed. They're all coping in different ways, Charlotte. But you are not."

"There's nothing to cope with. My parents are dead, I get that. I'm not in denial. It's been two months, I have to get back to normal so that my family can, too."

"Grief does not have a timeline, Charlotte. If you continue pushing the grief away, and don't allow yourself to feel these things, it will all come up one day and you'll be overwhelmed with emotion."

Charlotte gritted her teeth, her eyes darting to the clock hanging on the wall. She stood abruptly, grabbing her bag. "Our time is up. I'll see you next week."

The girl is gone before Mary can even uncross her legs, and the doctor pinches the bridge of her nose with a sigh. Her light eyes flicker to the leather chair Charlotte had been sitting in moments ago, and she tries to rid her mind of the image of Charlotte's nails breaking the skin on her thigh.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

PRESENT DAY

"Hey!" Charlotte's voice echoed into the kitchen and she gave Bonnie and Elena a slightly scolding look. "Stefan's gonna be here any minute, we need to set this stuff on the table."

The two girls shared a look, but they picked up their respective bowls, following after Charlotte as the girl directed them on where to set things. "The pasta should go here, and the salad can go there. That way it's even distribution."

Elena shook her head at her sister, leaning against one of the dining chairs. "Thanks for making dinner, Char, seriously. I was just gonna get some takeout and try to pass it off."

"I know, I know," Charlotte waved her sister off. "You'd be absolutely lost without my culinary skills, and probably have an attempted murder charge from your toxic cooking,"

"Hey, I try!"

Bonnie and Charlotte laughed, and a knock sounded on the door, making Elena tense worriedly.

"It's gonna be okay, Elena. All Stefan's gotta do is lay on some of that Salvatore charm he and Damon seem to have, and Bon-Bon won't even know what hit her,"

Bonnie rolled her eyes, but smiled as Charlotte hurried to the door, a grin on her face as she swung it open and stepped aside. "Please, come in Stefan."

Stefan nods in greeting, a small smile on his face. "Hey, Charlotte. How are you?"

"I'm great, Stefan. Sadly, I won't be joining you for dinner, but the meal is compliments of me because my sister cannot even look at a stove without it bursting into flames."

Elena sighed, smiling as she gave Stefan a kiss on the cheek. "It was definitely all Charlie. I have absolutely no talent in the kitchen besides making a mess."

"Oh, Stefan," Charlotte sighed, already retreating up the stairs. "There's so many embarrassing stories I could tell. But that can be saved for another night. Have fun!"

Disappearing up the stairs, Charlotte hurries to her bedroom, shutting the door firmly behind her.

"Finally," Cory groaned, rolling his eyes at the sight of his friend. "I was so bored, I almost read Elena's diary."

Charlotte laughed, shaking her head. "Where would you even find it? She keeps it hidden."

"I don't know," Cory shrugged. "I didn't think that far ahead. I'd just look through all of her stuff, I'm sure I could entertain myself somehow."

"Cory,"

"What? I get bored easily, it's not my fault."

Charlotte rolls her eyes, getting comfortable in the seat on her windowsill as she pulls a pillow into her lap and squeezes it into her chest.

"So, do you really approve of Stefan?"

Charlotte furrowed her brows, looking at Cory questioningly. "What do you mean?"

He frowned, not amused at her feigned obliviousness. "Come on, Char. You barely let Elena out of your sight these days, let alone with a boy you don't know. What do you really think of him?"

Heaving a sigh, Charlotte shook her head. "I don't not approve. Elena needs to get some normalcy back in her life, and Stefan will help her do that. I don't–" She stopped, letting out an irritated sigh. "It's nothing. Elena doesn't need my approval for her relationships, anyways."

Cory scoffed, leaning back on her bed. "Yeah, but she wants it. She wouldn't do anything without your approval first, you know that. You're like her idol."

Charlotte wouldn't admit that Cory was right out of fear of sounding narcissistic, but she knew deep down that he was. Growing up, Elena always looked up to whatever Charlotte was doing.

Being naturally close to begin with as twins, it was no surprise that Elena followed in her sister's footsteps every path they went down. But even Charlotte knew that one day, they'd have to grow up and get their own identities outside of their relationship as siblings.

She wasn't going to completely detach herself from Elena, the thought was merely impossible, but she couldn't just insert herself in all of Elena's relationships just because she was so overprotective of her sister. That meant that no matter who, or what her boyfriends may be, Charlotte had to let Elena live her own life. The only thing she could guarantee was being there to pick up the pieces if something went wrong.

Sighing, she looks at Cory. "It's always been Elena and Charlotte, you know that. But, I think it's time that we both started looking into different things, you know? There's no harm in letting her make her own decisions, even if they turn out bad. That's just life, Cory. I can't hold Elena back from living her life."

Cory opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off at the sound of the doorbell echoing up the stairs. Sharing a confused look with Charlotte, the two headed down the stairs, only to find Elena and Stefan already at the front door.

"Damon?"

All eyes shot to Charlotte on the staircase, and the girl shook her head as she processed the man's sudden appearance. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugged, smirking. "Well, I ran into Caroline in town and she mentioned dinner, so here we are. Hope you don't mind."

Charlotte shook her head, far too aware of the pleading look on Stefan's face. "No, it's no problem. Come on in, guys."

She watched as Damon glanced at the threshold of the front door, her hand clenching around the railing as he seemed to cross over whatever it was that had stopped him briefly.

Damon's eyes flickered up to Charlotte as he walked past the staircase, and she quirked a knowing brow at him. "You have a beautiful home, Charlotte."

Clenching her jaw, she walked down the rest of the stairs, Cory close behind her. "Thank you, Damon." Forcing a polite smile, she glanced at the rest of the group gathered in the foyer. "Does tea sound good?"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"I cannot believe that Mr. Tanner let you on the team." Caroline shook her head, a wide and devious grin on her face. "Oh, Tyler must be seething. But good for you, go for it."

Damon nodded, looking at his brother sarcastically. "That's what I always tell him. You have to engage. You can't just sit there and wait for life to come to you, you have to go get it,"

Charlotte snorted, earning a scolding look from Elena that she shrugged off.

"Yeah, Elena wasn't so lucky today." Caroline shrugged, oblivious to the tension in the room between the two brothers. "It's only because you missed summer camp. God, I don't know how you're ever going to learn the routines,"

"I'll work with her. She'll get it." Bonnie quickly jumped in at the defense of Elena, and Charlotte leaned forward, setting her mug of now-cold tea on the table.

"I guess we can put her in the back," Caroline muttered to herself.

Damon furrowed his brows, looking at Elena. "You don't seem like the cheerleader type, Elena."

Caroline shook her head, looking over at Damon with wide, attention-hungry eyes. "Oh, it's just cause her parents died. Yeah, I mean, she's just totally going through a blah phase. Charlotte too, you know? Before that whole thing in July, she used to be way more fun."

Charlotte glared at the blonde, who's grin slowly fell at the sight of Cory and Bonnie's appalled looks.

"And I say that with complete sensitivity."

Charlotte shakes her head, standing with a tight smile. "I'm going to start cleaning up."

She reaches over and grabs the empty mugs on the table, reaching for Damon's. The man meets her halfway, holding it out to her with a seemingly thankful smile on his face. With a sigh, she smiles softly at him, and silently prays he doesn't notice the way her hands tremble as she takes the mug from him.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"One more," Damon's jovial voice comes, and Charlotte turns, her eyes falling to the glass in his hand.

She turns, reaching for it with a soapy hand, her curly ponytail flicking off her shoulder as she moved. Her fingers wrap around it, but it slips from her grasp and she gasps as Damon catches it before she can even blink.

Charlotte takes the glass from him with a nod of gratitude, and she silently turns back to the sink, a billion questions running through her mind.

"You don't like me much, do you?"

The Gilbert girl raised a slightly startled brow, but she just turned her head slightly, meeting Damon's gaze as he leaned against the counter beside her. "I like you plenty, Damon. We just don't know each other yet."

"Well, it doesn't seem like those two lovebirds are going to be separating anytime soon, so for the sake of them, what do you say we get to know one another?"

Huffing a laugh, she concedes. "Okay. What do you want to know about me?"

"What was Caroline talking about earlier?"

Charlotte stops short, tensing halfway to the dishwasher with a plate in hand. Damon leans down, taking the plate from her and sliding it into the open slot in the dishwasher. "Charlotte?"

"Sorry. I, uh, I got hurt pretty bad in July. It was a close call, and it really scared us all, so," Charlotte shrugs, but Damon doesn't miss the bitter look in her eyes. "No big deal. Caroline just doesn't have a filter."

"Yeah, she does seem like a bit of a bitch."

Startled at his honesty, she lets out a sharp laugh, the last of the tenseness dropping from her shoulders. "You're– you're not wrong. But she's my friend. She has good intentions."

Damon doesn't seem to take her answer as truth, but he lets it slide and continues taking the dishes from her hand and loading them into the dishwasher. "Alright, your turn. Hit me."

"How did Katherine die?"

Damon seems to stop just as she had moments ago, and a short huff of laughter leaves his lips, a tone of disbelief laced in the noise. "Anybody ever tell you you're too smart for your own good?"

"Only everybody I've ever met. Answer the question,"

A solemn look comes over his face, and Charlotte drops the half-rinsed dish back into the sink, turning to give him her full attention.

"In a fire. Tragic fire."

"Recently?"

"Well, it seems like it was yesterday."

Charlotte nodded understandingly, though she narrowed her eyes suspiciously at the tone in his voice. "I get that. Time gets a little weird after a loss like that. What was she like?"

Something fond shines in his usually cold eyes and understanding dawns on Charlotte, though she keeps her shock to herself as Damon momentarily lets his defenses down. "She was beautiful. A lot like you in that department, actually. She was just very complicated, and selfish, and at times not very kind."

"So," Charlotte smiled softly. "Who dated her first?"

Brief shock passes over his face, but he just smiles and takes the plate from her. "There it is again. You'd have to ask Stefan, I'm sure his answer differs from mine."

"I'm not asking Stefan, I'm asking you." She raised a sharp brow as he shut the dishwasher, not letting him talk his way out of the conversation as she had moments ago. Turning to the island, she begins to fold the placemats she'd set out on the table for the dinner.

"Well, I'm not answering." His retort comes as he saddles up beside her, looking down at her with his usual smirk back in place. "And that's three questions that I answered, so I get three in return."

A laugh leaves her lips again and she smiles up at him, shaking her head. "I don't–"

"Charlie, can we go get milkshakes? I'm craving ice cream, and if I'm in a confined space with Caroline for another second I'm going to wring her tiny little neck."

Charlotte startles slightly at Cory's abrupt entrance but she quickly relaxes, heaving a sigh at his dramatics. "Yes, Cory. You're driving, though."

He shoots her a grin, making a small noise of victory under his breath as he grabs her car keys off the counter. "Great, let's go."

"Right behind you," She waves him off, sighing as she turns back to Damon. "Look, I'm sorry."

"I'm not that worried over a few questions,"

Shaking her head slightly, she frowns. "I wasn't talking about that, I was talking about Katherine. I'm sorry for your loss, Damon, I understand what it's like. And for what it's worth, I don't care which one of you dated her first because time doesn't really matter when it comes to love."

She rests her hand atop Damon's, dragging her thumb against the smooth skin before she pulls away from him with a smile. "I've got to go, but uh, raincheck on those questions? I promise I'll answer them better next time."

Damon watches her with something she can't quite place, but he quickly forces it away and waves her off nonchalantly. "I'll hold you to that, Charlotte."

"Charlie." She corrects him. "All my friends call me Charlie."

He winks, smirk back in place. "Goodnight, Charlotte."

Charlotte huffs a laugh as she walks out of the house, unable to keep the amused smile off her face when Cory starts to angrily rant about what Caroline had said earlier.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

author's note; this book has me foaming at the mouth asdfaf

published; 10.18.21.

- liz