Buck Begins.

CHAPTER SIXTY SEVEN , WE CAN'T BE FRIENDS

a/n: this is a longer chapter. I was going to spilt it, but I feel like reading it as a whole will be soooo worth it

HAPPY HALLOWEEN 🧡

━━━━━━━━━━

Then.

"Evan."

Buck softly smiles, "Hi, Mrs. Sharpe." He takes his hands from his jacket pockets. It took Buck at least 5 minutes to keep his emotions in control before he walked up to Amara's door. He knew he needed to get Amara to the hospital. And now just to say goodbye to her husband, but so her daughter wouldn't be alone in the grief process.

Amara shifts her eyes to look behind him. Buck slightly looks behind him and at his car. He softly huffs, understanding who she was checking for.

"Uh, Emery's not with me." Buck admits. "I'm just me here to—"

"I'm not going to the hospital." Amara says.

"Not even to say goodbye to the love of your life?" Buck asks. "I know that I would. 100%."

"Well, you don't need to." Amara says. "You already see her everyday."

Buck lets out a nervous chuckle. "Listen, Mrs. Shsrpe, Emery has been dealing with her father's rearrangements all by herself for a year." He shakes his head. "Not only that, but she's been dealing with so many other things and I know she's strong. She's one of the strongest people I know, but...I don't think she'll be able to get through this." He admits. "Not by herself."

Amara shifts, a weird feeling forming in her stomach. "She has you and everyone at work, right?"

"Yes and we love Elijah. But...Elijah wanted to see you and Emery before he's not able to talk anymore." Buck says. "He needs the both of you in order to be okay with leaving."

Amara's throat tightens. "Well, I don't want him to leave."

"I know that." Buck's eyes were soft. "And I'm sorry, Mrs. Sharpe but it's too late for that now. Mr. Sharpe is...going to die and he has wishes that involve you."

"The least you can do is help him achieve them." Buck shifts. "Help your daughter."

"Even if neither of you want to admit it. She needs you and you need her."

Amara's heart clenches and tears form in her eyes. "She'd never forgive me..."

"Maybe you're right." Buck admits. "And maybe this might be the start to gaining her forgiveness."

Now.

Emery couldn't comprehend any of the information Buck just told them. Well, she could comprehend it, but it all just seemed so...cruel. And even though Buck had a small smile across his face, she could see that he was in pain. Emery felt powerless. What could she do to help him?

"This explains so much about you."

Emery snaps out of her worried thoughts for the blonde and looks at Eddie.

Hen nods in agreement to Eddie's words. "It's a miracle that you even survived childhood."

Eddie chuckles, "It's a miracle he survived yesterday."

"It was the only way I could get their attention." Buck admits. "Guess now we know why. They never wanted another kid. They just had me for parts—defective parts, as it turned out."

Emery pulls her eyes away from Eddie and looks back at Buck with her eyes slightly wide. She hates that Buck felt that way. But there was a side of her that couldn't blame him. His parents made it very clear that's how they felt.

"Hey, that's not on you." Eddie assures him.

"Doubt they would agree." Buck clicks his tongue.

There was a heavy silence that settled in the dining area. Everyone could sense the feelings of betrayal and insignificance coming from Buck.

"Did you talk to them about it?" Bobby asks.

Buck looks to the side, "What am I gonna say? "Hey, I'm really sorry about your dead son, but can we just talk about me for a minute?"."

"Daniel wasn't their only son." Hen says. "You matter too, Buck."

"Sure. Just...just not to them." Buck brushes Hen's statement off.

Chimney walks over to the group of firefighters. "Sorry, I'm late, Cap." He then looks at Buck. "Hey, can we talk in private?"

"No need." Buck lets out a laugh that was obviously filled with pain. "Come on. They all heard the story."

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you." Chimney says. "Believe me, I wanted to—"

"I get it." Buck replies. "Maddie put you in a tough spot. She does that."

Buck walks away from the group but their eyes follow him. "You need to call her, Buck." Chimney calls out to him. "She really wants to talk to you."

Chimney huffs in defeat and looks back at everyone else. "You're quiet."

Emery blinks and looks at Eddie. She slightly opens her mouth. The entire time, she hadn't said one thing. Emery pulls her brows together. She felt so uncomfortable.

"I..." Emery sinks deeper into her seat. "I don't really know what to say." She softly lets out. "My mom was...is cruel, but this is..." she shakes her head. Emery looks at each person, their faces also filled with an unexplainable worry. "...is he gonna be okay? Are he and Maddie gonna be okay?"

"I think you're getting a little ahead of yourself, Em." Eddie softly assures her. Emery turns back to him. "Buck needs time to just take in everything before he even thinks about forgiving Maddie."

Emery bites the inside of her cheek. She knew Eddie was right. But Emery couldn't help but also think about Maddie's wellbeing.

This whole thing left a bad feeling in her stomach. Today felt like it was going to be a long day.

On the first floor of the firehouse, Buck was solely determined to clean the fire truck without any distractions. The cleaning was honestly kind of helping distracting him from anymore feelings from spewing out of him. He finally understood why Emery always cleaned.

Buck finishes cleaning the spot on the rig and moves to one of the mirrors. As he wipes it clean, Maddie comes up behind Buck in the mirror with a sorrowful expression across her face. Maddie could see Buck immediately tense from her presence. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay 'cause you're not answering my calls."

Buck drops the rag and turns his back to her. Maddie follows him, "Please just give me a chance to—"

"29 years." Buck turns back to her and Maddie stops in her tracks. "Why is it now suddenly such an emergency?"

"Because you won't talk to me." Maddie says. "And you're here, working and you probably shouldn't be."

Buck huffs, "No, you don't get to take that away from me too."

"I wasn't trying—"

"We were supposed to be a team." Buck snaps. "Us versus them, that's what we always said. But it turns out it was the three of you against me the whole time."

"And now...you're not here for me. You're here to make yourself feel better."

Maddie slightly shakes her head with tears in her eyes. The bell rings through the firehouse causing Maddie to look to the side. She sees Chimney glancing at them.

Maddie looks forward and sees Buck already getting into the fire engine without another word. She lets out a defeated breath and looks to the side again. Maddie sees Emery running down the stairs and her mouth opens. If anyone could talk to Buck—if anyone could help her little brother it would be Emery.

"Emerson!"

Emery stops and looks at the brunette. She tenses and looks back at the engine where the team already was. Emery walks over to Maddie, "Hey, what are you doing here?" She lightly grabs Maddie's hands.

Maddie lets out a small desperate cry and Emery slightly opens her mouth. "I just needed to talk to him."

Emery raises her brows, "Well, did you?"

"Yes and he hates me—"

"Stop. He does not hate you. He's just upset." Emery assures. "And he needs time."

Emery searches Maddie's eyes. "How are you doing?"

Maddie pulls her brows together. "What?"

"Maddie, you had another brother and he died. Then your parents told you to keep that brother a secret—never being able to talk about him again." Emery's shoulders sag. "How are you doing?"

Maddie opens and closes her mouth. She didn't expect anyone to ask her how she was. Maddie didn't know if she even deserved sympathy or anyone asking how her state of mind was.

"I'm...just worried about Buck." Maddie admits. She looks at the fire engine that Buck was in. Maddie then looks back at Emery. "Can you look after him?"

Emery slightly opens her mouth. "Oh, Maddie, I don't even know what to say to him—"

"You don't have to talk to him." Maddie assures him. "Just watch after him. He shouldn't even be at work today after what I told him and..." she inhales a shaky breath. "He'll listen to you. Just please take care of him."

Emery's eyes sadden. "Yeah..." she lightly squeezes her hand. "I'll look after him. I promise."

Maddie nods her head, "Thank you." She pulls Emery into a warm hug.

Emery hugs Maddie back and rubs her back as well. "I'm sorry, but I've got to go." She softly speaks.

Maddie nods her head, "I've kept you away too long anyway." She pulls away from the hug. "Go. And be safe."

Emery nods her head, "I will."

☆

The 118 had got a call not too long about a factory fire. Before Emery left she saw Buck and Maddie talking, but from the looks of it the conversation didn't end well.

Emery found herself looking at Buck every now and then on the way to the factory fire. She still had no idea what to say to him. "Sorry"? "Hey, I know what it's like to have shitty parents"?

Emery was clueless in this situation and she couldn't help him. Even after what Maddie told her, Emery felt like she wasn't needed in this situation. Buck didn't need her.

"Okay! Five alarm fire. We're third on the scene." Bobby informs his first responders. "Captain Mehta from the 133 is IC. It's his show. You guys know what to do. Gear up and stand by for a size up."

Emery goes back to the fire engine and grabs her extra gear. Beside her, Buck grabs his gear as well. Emery glances at Buck and she rolls her lips into her mouth. "I'm sorry."

Buck looks at Emery. He blinks, pulling himself from his heavy thoughts for a moment. "Uh, sorry for what?"

Emery shrugs, "I haven't been able to say anything this whole time." She admits. "I don't...know how to help you."

And for the first time since Maddie told him the truth, Buck's eyes soften. "I don't think anyone can help me right now, Em." He lets out a dry chuckle. "I don't even know what I need to help myself."

"Everything just feels so..." Buck trails off his words and looks back at the girl, who had eyes that were widened with fear. To Emery it sounded like Buck was going to say how meaningless everything felt. She was all too familiar with someone she cared about thinking that everything was meaningless. That's why that person isn't here today.

Buck tenses when he notices the tears in Emery's eyes. He closes the compartment on the rig and takes a small step towards Emery. His hand wraps around hers. "I'll be okay." His voice was soft.

Emery looks down at their hands and she inhales a breath. He obviously wasn't okay and there was no way by the end of this call he was going to okay either. But they were onsite at a fire, so Emery couldn't further this conversation. She needed to focus.

"Yeah, okay." Emery croaks. She closes the fire engine's door and gives him a small smile.

Bobby gathers the team back together to reiterate what the captain told him.

"All right 118, listen up! This is a hand sanitizer factory. There are 32 workers inside. They've accounted for 20 so far." Bobby informs. "The sprinkler system overtaxed and its nonfunctional. They've been trying to get the water flowing again.

There are hot zones that can change at any second inside. And as for accelerants...they're everywhere. They have no idea where they're stored."

"There was no certificate filed with the city recently." Bobby says. "The last time they filed was when they were a perfume factory. The place it packed with flammables. It's a minefield in there and a large one, so you stay with your teams. If you need to split off, you remember your hose like is your lifeline."

"You get lost, you find a wall. There are still 12 workers in there unaccounted for. Eddie, Emery, and I will be joining the 133 searching on the Charlie side."Bobby orders. Emery shifts her eyes to Buck before she pulls her mask over her face and walks with Eddie toward the building.

"You okay?" Eddie asks.

Emery looks at him and nods, "Yeah, my hand is just killing me—that's all."

Eddie feels his heart skip a beat. He turns to her with his hand finding her arm. "Your bad hand?"

Emery pulls her mask up, so Eddie for sure could see her deadpanned expression. "You know what? No, not my hand. I meant my boob."

Eddie rolls his eyes, "Okay, so your bad hand—"

"Yes, my bad hand." Emery scoffs. "Come on, dude."

"Well, are you sure you're good to be going in?"

Emery nods her head, "Yes, I promise. The pain just comes and goes when I'm under...stress."

"Buck?"

Emery sucks in a small breath, "That obvious?"

"You guys ready?" Bobby walks over to the two. Emery and Eddie look at Bobby. They look back at each other with the same expression. When did Bobby get there?

Emery looks at Bobby and nods. "Yes, sir. After you." She motions to the door. Emery pulls her mask back over her head with everyone else. Bobby grabs the saw and cuts the lock off the door. He pulls the door open and steps back, "Go!"

The two firefighters from firehouse 133 spray down the large inferno at the front doors. Once that fire was down, Bobby instructed Eddie and Emery into the building with him in the front.

As soon as she enters the building, Emery had already felt sweat form across her upper lip.

"Keep moving straight! Then move to the right!"

Emery continues through the building and pivots to the right. Her eyes shift around the narrow hall before walking through it. Emery catches a glimpse of a door behind a large shelf and she turns to her group. "Cap, there's a door behind here! There might be people."

"All right, Emery, Eddie. Let's get this shelf off the door!"

Emery grabs one side of the shelf while Eddie grabs the other. They lift and pull the shelf off the door. Emery opens the door and sees 7 people in the room.

"Hey, it's okay, you're safe now!" Emery looks at the members from the 133 and motions them into the room. The run into the room to help check the civilians' vitals.

Emery looks off to the area around the corner. "There's another part of the building that hasn't been checked."

"All right! 133, you think you can handle it?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Contact us when you find the other two! We'll get these seven out and get back to you!"

The two members of the 133 run into a separate hall. Emery crouches in front of one of the civilians and presses her stethoscope against their back.

From the side of the room, the hand sanitizer on the shelf caught fire, causing the flames to grow. Emery holds her arm up, covering her masked face. "Cap, the accelerants ignited!" She calls out. "We need the hose!"

"We're out!" Eddie announces.

Suddenly part of the ceiling falls and lands in front of the hall, separating the 3 firefighters from the 133 members.

Emery sucks in a sharp breath. She looks at Bobby, who already had the same thought she had. He grabs his radio and speaks into it. "All right, 133, if you can get out—get out now! The buildings becoming too unstable."

He then switched the channel to Mehta's. "IC, Captain Nash here. Be advised we have located seven victims. But we've had some accelerants ignite up here. We are separated from two of our team. Sending them back out."

"All teams, all teams, be advised!" Mehta says over the radio. "We are evacuating the structure. Repeats, full evacuation is in effect."

Emery exhales. "The exit should be down on the left." She looks at the 7 civilians. "Is everyone okay to walk?!"

Each person gives her a nod. Bobby was the first to leave, guiding everyone through the building. Emery and Eddie were in the back, making sure no one was left behind.

☆

"Where's Buck?"

Emery softly chuckles, "Isn't that a question for you guys?" She looks at Eddie and Bobby. "He was paired with you and Hen."

"He split off when you lost two of your guys." Hen informs them.

Emery's smile falls and her heart begins to quicken.

"IC, this is Buckley, 118."

At the same time, the team all turn to Mehta; their attention on the voice coming from the radio. Emery runs over to the Captain with everyone close behind her.

"Buckley, did you ignore my direct order to evacuate?"

"He does that sometime." Bobby quips.

"I got the last victim." Buck pronounces. "But this sanitizer has ignited all around me."

Emery sucks in a breath and holds it. Stay calm, stay calm...

"I wanna say I'm near the northeast corner Delta wall, but I'm not sure." Buck says. "Sure could use some sprinkler action. They online yet?"

"Negative. We got you." Mehta replies. "Hang tight. We're gonna get you both out."

"RIC team, RIC team, deploy!" Mehta orders. "Delta entrance, repeat, Delta entrance, northeast corner."

"Rescue team's coming to you, Buckley."

"Copy you. Not going anywhere—"

Another explosion sets off in the building. It was far larger than the one before and it caused Emery's entire body to shake. She runs a hand over her frizzy hair and she exhales her breath. "So, we just wait here?" Emery turns to everyone else, their faces also filled with worry. "We can't just—"

"We have to." Bobby says. "We have to wait until the Captain Mehta says anything different."

Emery keeps her hands on her head and turns away from the building for a moment before she places her hands on her hips. She felt like her heart had gotten ripped out of her chest. Emery's felt this pain before. With Helena. The woman she loved. Emery's eyes fill with tears of frustration. There's no way she realized her feelings for this blonde dumbass when she was worried about his life.

Out of the corner of his eye, Eddie saw Emery pull her mask back over her face. He already figured she was going to do this, which is why his mask was already on.

"Sharpe—"

"Screw this!" Emery turns to her family. "Buck is in there—Evan is in there."

"Sprinklers or not I'm going in there to get him—"

"Sprinklers are on."

Emery turns to Captain Mehta with wide eyes. He squints his eyes at the woman, "Why is your mask already on?"

"Uh...."

"You were gonna go in there against my orders, weren't you?" He folds his arms.

Emery swallows. "Dammit. I was on a roll with that speech too."

"Ah, you still killed it." Chimney shakes Emery's shoulder. "Now let's go get Buck, no wait—Evan."

The entire group begins to shake the girl and tease her.

Emery's face heats up, "Screw you—screw all of you." She points at each of them. "Can we go inside now?"

Eddie smiles, "Let's go save our boy."

Then.

"You talk to her."

"No, you."

Hen pulls her face back. "Why me?"

The two paramedics have been talking for almost 10 minutes about how to approach Emery. She's been working on her chore list for 30 minutes, giving everyone tasks they didn't have time for. And if it wasn't done her way she would end up doing it herself anyway. They didn't even know how Emery was still liking across this list. How many tasks did she put on that paper anyway?

"You know she's gonna open up to you." Chimney states. "I mean, sure I'm her favorite—"

"What?" Hen deadpans.

"—but that's more on a humor level. I make her laugh, she makes me laugh—we connect like that." Chimney snaps his fingers and points at Hen. "But you are her Guru. The one that can ask a question and she'll answer with ease."

Hen lets out a small breath and looks over at Emery. She had her eyes on her clipboard and she was pacing back and forth. After Helena, Emery solely focused on things being perfect. She wanted to be in control at all times. Even if that meant she would be seen as a compulsive obsessive control freak.

"Yeah okay." Hen looks at Chimney. "I'll talk to her."

Chimney grabs Hen's shoulders and shakes them. "That's my girl!"

Hen waves a hand, "Yeah, yeah..." she turns and walks towards Emery.

As she got closer, Hen could feel the tense energy around Emery and her clipboard. Hen could understand why everyone was avoiding her.

"Hey, Em..."

Emery softly murmurs, "Hey."

Hen stands there without saying one word for 2 minutes before Emery lifted her eyes from her clipboard. She focuses on the woman and raises her brows. "Hen, Hi!" Emery then pulls her brows together. "How long have you been standing there?"

"2 minutes. Uninterrupted." Hen sighs with her hands in her hips. "Em—"

"I know what you're going to say and I told you before, the clipboard is an organizing tool not a distraction tool." Emery tucks her clipboard under her arm. "Is Captain done with lunch?"

"No." Hen shakes her head. "That's not why I came over here. I just wanted to check on you."

Emery softly chuckles, "I'm good. Great actually." She then snorts. "As long as everyone gets the chore list done, I won't have any issues."

Hen glances to her side at Chimney, her eyes revealing a look that says "this is going to be harder than I thought". Hen looks back at Emery who was still talking about the checklist and everything being perfect.

"Em..." Hen grabs her hand. Emery silences her words and refocuses on Hen's soft expression. "...I was actually asking how you were doing outside of work. Like, grief wise?"

Emery slightly opens her mouth. "Oh." She purses her lips. "Well, my wife killed herself in our bathtub with our unborn child in her womb, Hen." She tilts her head. "How do you think I'm doing?"

Hen slowly nods her head. Emery turns away from Hen and inspects the ambulance. "Did you restock all the cleaning products in the aid car?"

"I did." Hen softly speaks.

Emery taps her finger against her thigh four times. "Would you be pissed if I checked?" She turns back to Hen. "Just to reassure myself?"

Hen softly smiles, "I don't mind at all, Em."

Emery presses her lips together. "I know you came over here to talk about how I'm coping and as you can see..." she motions to her clipboard. "My coping mechanism is a bit odd, but—"

"No." Hen instantly reassures her. "Everyone copes in different ways Em. This is normal."

Emery cracks a small smile. "Funny, it doesn't feel normal. And I know everyone else doesn't see it as normal."

"I just...need to do something that doesn't make me think about being alone forever."

"Em, come on, that's not true." Hen cautiously speaks. "It'll take time. And it might even seem impossible on some days. But who knows...maybe one day you'll find someone again."

Emery's chest tightens. She knows everyone was trying to help. But some of the things that were being said just made her sink further into her unresolved grief. She plasters on a smile and turns Hen. "Thank you, but that's not gonna happen."

Hen's shoulders sag, "Em—"

"It's not going to happen." Emery repeats. "And I'm okay with that. Helena was..." she trails off her words. "Helena was, all right? And I'm never gonna find anyone else."

Emery's eyes look back at her clipboard, ending the conversation. Hen lets out a small breath and gives Emery a comforting squeeze before walking away.

Chimney and Buck were talking when they noticed Hen walking over to them. Buck's eyes trail behind Hen. Then Buck sees her. His stomach twists and his body grows hot. His blue eyes never leave the productive girl and her clipboard.

"Who is that?"

Hen and Chimney follow his starstruck gaze. The two friends look at the curly-haired girl then they look back at each other; an incredulous expression across their faces.

"Not a chance."

Buck turns to them, "What?"

Hen shrugs her shoulders. "Whatever you're thinking...unthink it." She looks at the boy.

"Yeah, Em, isn't into...people like you."

"You mean white people?"

Hen and Chimney laugh while Buck stares at them blankly.

"No, I meant your maturity. Or lack there of..." Hen moves her head from side to side. "And we just heard you on the phone, telling a girl that she was the only one for you and that girl she saw you with last night meant nothing to you."

Buck winces, "You guys heard that?"

"Yes and dude..." Chimney clasps his shoulder. "What is your secret?"

"The point is..." Hen speaks again. "You're not her type."

Buck raises his brows, "I'm everyone's type."

Chimney and Hen look at each other. Those are the exact words that Emery hated. Buck makes his way over to Emery. Chimney opens his mouth but Hen grabs his arm.

"Sh! sh! sh! I wanna see how this ends."

Buck gets closer to the girl with the clipboard and for a moment, he could feel an eneh byg rgy shift and it wasn't for the better. "So, you come here often?"

A small breath leaves the girl's lips. "I mean, I would say so, since I work here." She doesn't bother to take her eyes off the clipboard.

"And you ever come across something...you like? Or someone?"

"What...?" She looks away from her clipboard and meets blue eyes. She lightly jumps, "Jeez. I forget that people have blue eyes."

Buck chuckles, "I'm Evan Buckley—"

"I know who you are, Probie." Emery tilts her head to the side. "Captain Nash showed me your file before hiring you."

"So, I have you to thank for this wonderful opportunity?" Buck takes a step closer to her. Emery looks down and notices their steel toed boots touching. She blinks and looks back at him. "Yeah, and you should be eternally grateful to me." Her voice was filled sarcasm.

"Oh, I am, Emi."

"My...my name doesn't have an 'i' in it." Emery says, her brows furrowed. She was genuinely confused by the nickname.

"We should talk more...outside of work, I mean."

Emery raises her brows, "Oh. Ah...okay. " she nods her head, finally understanding what's happening. "Well, let me make this clear for you." She sets her clipboard down.

"Oh my god, she set it down—she set it down!" Chimney whispers harshly.

Hen grins mischievously, "Let the hellfire begin."

"I'm not looking for anyone to...date. Especially..." she looks Buck up and down and chuckles, which causes his smug smile to drop. "You."

"What's wrong with me?"

"Please, Probie. We don't have enough time to discuss what's wrong with you—"

"I'm everyone's type."

Emery squints her eyes, "Well, you're not my type, asshat." She then cocks her head to the side. "Maybe, you should check your horny cocky attitude at the door and stay away from me."

"Can't stay away from you, if we're on the same team, genius." Buck presses his lips together. Emery's back straightens. And a bitter laugh escapes her lips. "You know what? You are so right. Here..." she grabs her clipboard and looks across it. "Ah."

"Probie, the bathrooms need cleaning and so does locker 235."

Loud exaggerated gasps come from Hen and Chimney. Buck shrugs, "What is this payback or something?"

"No, it's just a little...Probie initiation."

No matter how many times Emery has scrubbed locker 235 clean, it would always end up in worse conditions that before. She gave up on that locker a long time ago and so did everyone else. Who knew how it looked now...

Buck scoffs and begins to walk away from her. Emery could feel her chest tighten with even more fury just from the way Buck brushed her off. She had a clipboard. He should be listening to her.

"Oh, and wash the dishes while you're at it!"

The firehouse falls silent from Emery's abrupt shouting. She inhales a deep breath and she exhales a sharp one. Emery turns to see everyone staring at her. They all quickly look away from her and pretend to be doing anything else. Emery's back straightens and her eyes shift to Hen and Chimney. She squints her eyes when she notices their smiles. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"It's just...we've never seen you yell like that." Hen laughs. "Looks like someone's got their fire back."

Emery softly scoffs, "No. That asshole is just a prick." Her eyes shift back to Buck walking away. She could feel her left eye begin to twitch just thinking about him fucking yo the dishwasher.

"Can someone be an asshole and a prick at the same time?" Chimney asks.

"Yes." Emery immediately answers. Chimney lightly jumps from her suddenly whipping her head back over to him. "Because I just met one. And his eyes are stupid." She turns on her heel and walks over to the fire engine.

Chimney and Hen look at each other with the same mischievous smiles and they weren't going away anytime soon.

Now.

"Emerson."

"Hi." Emery holds up a hand. "Uh, I know you probably weren't expecting to see me ever again." She rubs her hands together. Emery didn't know how to do this. Respectfully talk to people that hurt the people she loves. But she knows that Maddie and Buck love their parents, so she just had to suck it up and say what she had to say.

"And I know it's not my place, but Buck and Maddie are far too important to me and I couldn't not say anything."

Margaret and Phillip keep their eyes on Emery, waiting to her to continue.

"Buck loves you guys." Emery starts. She opens her mouth to speak, but Margaret interrupts with a soft scoff. "Well, he doesn't reassure us about it."

Emery's jaw clenches, "It's you two who have to reassure him."

"Excuse me?"

Emery shakes her head, "He thinks you hate him. The way you brush him off. Treat him like he's nothing—no parent should treat their child that way." She looks at them with a softness in her eyes. "I understand you were never able to properly grieve Daniel..." her voice was gentle, trying her best to be cautious about her approach. "But you have to understand that Maddie was never able to either and Evan...he never got a chance to hear stories about Daniel. About what a great brother and son he was."

"You treat him like he's an inconvenience. Like it's his fault." Emery continues. The parents didn't even bother interrupting the woman. It seemed like she was far from done. "It's not his fault And he's not an inconvenience—do you have any idea how special your son is?"

"Last night he stayed in a burning building against orders to save a civilian. And he did!"

His parents tense and a sense of confusion washes over them. Emery saw it. "But nobody told you, right? Why would they if all they're gonna get are lectures or stories about what could've been done differently."

"We don't blame Evan for Daniel dying." Phillip says.

Emery slumps her shoulders. "Well, from Buck's point of view, it sure seems like it."

The woman slows her ragged breathing. Was she even making a difference with her words? She doesn't even know if they cared. Emery knew that some of her words weren't just about Buck. They were about her own experience with her parents in the past. Maybe this was all futile. Some people don't change.

She should know, right?

"It's like Buck said at dinner...he just wants you to love him no matter what. Like parents should." Emery holds her hands up. "I can't tell you to do anything. But I'm just saying you should want to."

Emery turns away from the Buckley parents and walks away from the motel.

☆

"What a day, huh?"

Emery finishes tying her shoes and she lifts her head to Chimney. She laughs softly and hangs her head low. "You're telling me." Emery looks back at Chimney. "Did you talk to Buck?"

Chimney smirks, "You mean, Evan?" He teases Emery which causes her to roll her eyes. Chimney laughs and leans against the wall. "Yeah, I talked to him. Told him about why Maddie didn't leave with him in the first place."

Emery's eyes sadden. "Oh...how did he take it?"

Chimney pulls his face back, "You know the story?"

"Yeah, Maddie and I were drunk spilling about our trauma one night." Emery stands up from the bench. "Did Buck go see Maddie?"

"We're headed there now." Chimney says.

Emery lets out a breath of relief. "Good." She rolls her wrist and Chimney notices. "Your wrist acting up?"

Emery chuckles, "Understatement." She admits. "It's been weird since the fire. I thought it was just the stress, but..." she shakes her head. "Maybe it's something else."

"Well, hold on." Chimney holds up his finger up. "Maybe you're stressed about something else."

Emery's stomach flutters. "I don't know what you're taking about?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm sure Dr. Martin'll get you to open up sooner or later—"

"I like Evan." Emery admits in a harsh whisper. "Like a lot."

Chimney slowly nods his head. "A lot as in...?" He wanted to hear the words to see just how serious Emery's feelings were.

Emery opens and closes her mouth while her heart beats erratically against her chest. She was so scared to even say the word out loud. It felt taboo to her. Like this word would cause everything to go bad for her. Suddenly Chimney waves a hand in her face and she snaps out of her thoughts. "Em?"

"You know what word." Emery chokes out. "Don't play dumb, Chim."

"What if I'm not playing?" Chimney holds his hands out. Emery deadpans, "You're literally a genius. You know the word."

"Well, if you can't say the word then how do you expect to tell him—"

"I'm not telling him." Emery quickly says. "I don't even know if he—"

"If you say you don't know if he feels the same way, you're getting pinched." Chimney holds his hand up, silencing the woman. Emery pouts her lower lip. "Then I won't say it."

Chimney deadpans, "Em, he is crazy about you."

Emery's face gets hot and she feels her stomach begin to flutter. "So...so what do I do?"

Chimney then smiles. It causes her body to relax. The smile had her prepare for the advice Chimney was going to give her.

"Honestly? You need to just tell him how you feel."

Emery swallows. It sounded so simple, but to Emery it was anything but. She could feel her fear slowly start to get the better of her. "With everything that he's been through today...I don't think I can—"

"Hey, Chimney."

Emery and Chimney look at the blonde that entered the locker room. Buck's eyes shift from Chimney's to Emery's and a small smile finds his lips. "Hi, Em."

Emery swallows and she gives him a wave. "Hey." She looks at Chimney, who raises his brows. Emery's jaw goes slack and she quickly looks back at Buck. "Evan, I..." her words halt.

Buck keeps his bright blue eyes on Emery's. Not too long ago, Emery remembered those eyes being filled with so much pain. And she remembers how his eyes looked when they saved him in that building. Buck even admitted that he almost gave up. He didn't need her confessing anything to him right now. That would just be another thing to be added to the list he had to worry about.

Emery clears her that, "Chimney told me that he was taking you to go see Maddie."

"What?" Chimney rolls his head to the side and looks at the woman. Emery bunches her shoulders, "Yeah, just a minute ago remember?"

"I remember it's just. I didn't expect you to talk about that." Chimney emphasizes, referring to her feelings for Buck. Emery smirks, "Yeah, well, this is important. And I think Buck should focus on what's important to him." Her eyes then travel to Buck's. His eyes were on hers. Emery raises her brows from the look across Buck's face. Buck couldn't believe what his parents told him. It stayed on repeat in his mind.

"Your friends are very nice. Especially Emerson. I like her."

Buck raises his brows and his face heats up. "Yeah, I like her too." He looks at his hands.

"And she must really like you if she came to talk to us."

Buck pulls his brows together and looks back at his parents. "Wait, Em, did what?"

The parents exchange a look which causes Buck's jaw to clench. "Well, Em came to our house earlier and told us about how you felt. And how we made you feel."

Buck keeps his eyes on his parents then he shifts his eyes over to the railing. "She did that for me?"

"Like I said, Emerson must really like you."

"You think he's okay?" Chimney looks at Emery.

The girl softly hums, "Hard to say." She folds her arms and looks at Chimney. "He's been going through it these past couple days."

Buck's face was spaced out, obviously thinking heavily about something. Chimney and Emery were just trying to figure out what was going through his mind. But they never thought about who would be going through his mind.

"Maybe we should leave?"

"No."

Emery and Chimney look back at the blonde. Buck blinks and looks between the two. "I'm okay. I promise." He chuckles. "I was just thinking about something I had to do later."

Emery frowns and nods her head, "Well, I should let you guys get over to Maddie's." She lightly touches Buck's arm and his stomach clenches. "Good luck."

"Thanks, Em."

☆

As soon as Buck got home from Maddie's house, he called Emery.

And soon as Buck asked her to come over, she grabbed her keys and bolted out of her house. Emery didn't know what Buck wanted to talk about. But after the week he's had, Emery was prepared for anything.

Well, not anything.

Buck was leaning against his kitchen counter when he heard the synchronized knock on the door. His stomach started tonflutter and he could feel his chest clench. He walked over to the door and opened it, revealing Emery on the other side.

"Hi." Emery breathes with a small smile on her lips.

Buck returns the smile, "Hey, you came...pretty fast."

"Well, I'm a fast driver." Emery grips the strap of her purse. "Can I...?" she motions her head to his apartment.

Buck's brows shoot up. "Oh! Yeah, of course—come in!" he steps to the side

Emery laughs and enters the house. "Thanks." she hangs her purse on the rack by his door without a glance and sits in a chair in front of the counter.

Buck gently closes the door behind him and he didn't know why, but he started feeling nervous. And as soon as he started feeling nervous, he couldn't control his blunt way to start the conversation.

"You talked to my parents."

Emery tenses, "Yeah..." she lets out a small breath. She was ready for him to yell at her. "I'm sorry about that." Emery stands up. "I tried to tell them how amazing you and Maddie are and how much they're missing out on, but I think I just ended up having my own feelings spill out and..." she trails off her words when she notices a small smile on Buck's face. "...you're smiling. Why are you smiling?"

"Because my parents came to the firehouse earlier." Buck chuckles.

Emery raises her brows. "Yeah? Is everything okay?"

"I mean...I think everything's going to be okay." Buck says with a small breath of relief. "Thank you for talking to them. You didn't have to do that."

Emery's eyes soften. "You did it for me with my mom." Her face then drops. "I'm not saying it's me repaying you or anything. I wanted to do it. For you."

Buck's heart rams violently against his chest. The way his parents described how passionate Emery was talking about him. He didn't realize until now that maybe Emery felt the same way he did. Or maybe she was always this passionate with her friends.

Emery could feel the energy shift in the apartment. This wasn't just two friends having a heart-to-heart anymore. Suddenly, Emery wanted to either press her lips against Buck's or just take a cold shower.

"I should get going."

Buck is pulled out of his thoughts. And he refocuses on Emery's face. He reluctantly nods his head. "Yeah, of course. I'll...see you tomorrow."

Emery gives him a small smile and turns to walk out of the apartment. As she walked to the front door, she found herself stopping. With her hand on the doorknob, she knew she had more to say.

"Do you..." Emery inhales and turns to Buck. "Do you remember when you told me that I deserve the best?"

Buck meets Emery's warm eyes and his chest untightens.

"Well, you do too." Emery presses her lips into a soft smile. "You deserve to be happy, Evan."

A comforting silence settles between the two and Buck sucks in a soft breath. He felt drawn to tell her more. He was putting everything on the line with the next words he was going to say. But in all honesty, he didnt care. He needed Emery to hear this. Buck couldn't let Emery walk away without her knowing.

"What if I told you that when I think about my life and my happiness...you're there?"

Emery feels her muscles tense. Buck stands up from the chair and he cautiously makes his way over to her. With every step he took toward her, Emery's breathing grew heavier.

"Whenever I think about my happiness, I see you right there with me." Buck keeps his eyes on Emery's no matter how many times he wanted to look away. He was putting it all out there.

"I know I'm risking everything saying this. Our friendship and us being the best coworkers. But Emery, just to be with you? I'd risk everything." Buck feels his entire face get hot and his heart begins to accelerate in speed.

Buck didn't know what else to say. He saw the shock on Emery's face and maybe he said too much? Oh god, maybe he shouldn't have said anything at all.

"I know this is a lot and I know that what you and I have right now is amazing. So, if this isn't going to go anywhere then we can forget this ever happened—"

"You think I can just forget you just admitted to wanting to be in a relationship with me?" A dry chuckle escapes Emery's lips. She had a look of disbelief across her face.

Buck tenses and he could feel a sense of embarrassment wash over him. God, he shouldn't have said anything. He ruined one of the most important relationships to him and now he was going to lose her for—

"You'd think I want to forget?"

Buck's breathing stops. He knows he just confessed his feelings to her, but still...this felt unbelievable. Maybe he didn't hear her right. But the tightness in his chest lessens and he could feel his heartbeat ease.

Emery's eyes soften and a small smile graces her lips. "I know there was a time when we wanted to be...something." She looks to the side before looking back at him. "And I think we both needed to figure out a lot of shit before making our way back here. To each other."

"Evan..."

Buck's stomach flutters from his name come from her lips. Emery sucks in a breath and her heart warms. "I think now is most definitely the right time."

Buck felt his worries wash away the second those words escaped her lips. Emery and Buck both laugh, too stunned and awkward to make a move. Emery takes a small step forward, her urge to put her lips against his becoming far more unbearable.

"I want to kiss you." Emery speaks first. "Can I kiss—"

"Yes." Buck exhales. "Yes."

Emery laughs and cups Buck's neck. As soon as her hands met his skin, sparks were the first thing he felt from her fingertips. She then pulls him into a gentle kiss with a deep yearn behind her lips. Buck kisses her back, unable to wipe the smile off his lips. He grips her waist as she slightly leans back, making sure she doesn't fall.

Emery's heartbeat fills her ears and she slides her arms around Buck's neck as he pulls her closer. Buck could feel his own heart beating against Emery's as their chests press together. The two reluctantly pull apart, trying to catch their breaths. Buck opens his eyes and Emery was already looking at him with a cloudy yet giddy look.

"Would you like to go on a date with me?" Buck softly speaks. "We never actually got to go to Pauly's."

Emery chuckles, her cheeks hot. "Listen, I don't know if I'll be able to get that reservation again, but I can try."

Buck softly laughs which causes a warm smile to form on Emery's lips.

Buck then lifts his hands from Emery's waist and cups her cheeks, kissing her again.

━━━━━━━━━━

author's note.

YALLLLLLL IT HAPPENED TELL YOUR FRIENDS!!!!!! THE SLOW BURN IS OVERRRRR

How are we feeling rn???

words : 7804