𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐢'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯

as i drove home i had a fiery determination to finally end things with jasmine. my heart ached with the knowledge that this was the right thing to do, even as my stomach churned with anxiety. 

she hasn't stopped spamming my phone since i cut the phone on her yesterday. as i drove down my street, another message came through. i parked outside our shared condo and opened my phone as i scanned through her messages.

𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫🌸

dani did u just cut the phone??? |

why did u do that?? |

im sorry i shouldn't have hired an investigator |

answer the phone danielle! |

stop messing with me im going to have a panic attack if u dont answer |

im on the next flight home! |

u got me fucked up dani! |

pick up ur phone |

im home where tf r u??? |

why is ur location off?? u with that bitch aren't u |

u need to learn to stop messing w me! |

i couldn't help but suck my teeth in annoyance at the amount of messages she sent me, not to mention that she was already home waiting for me. waiting to argue. i ran a frustrated hand through my hair before stepping out the car, mentally preparing for the huge argument.

i stumbled into the apartment, feeling the weight of the world pressing down on me. the soothing calm of skai's place had been replaced by the tense atmosphere of my own home. 

the kitchen lights were still on, casting an artificial glow on jasmine who was waiting for me, her suitcase standing beside the door. she looked tired, but her eyes were sharp with expectation.

"when did you get back?" i ask calmly, trying to keep my voice steady as i closed the door behind me. there was a brief silence as jasmine stood arms crossed staring at me so i spoke up again, "anyways, we need to talk."

jasmine's face hardened, her gaze piercing through me. "i arrived four hours ago to an empty house. and yes we do need to talk. but i want to hear it from you—why don't you tell me what is going on?"

the anger in her voice was barely contained. her hands were clenched into fists at her sides, knuckles white.

"why don't we sit down for this talk."  i suggested, hoping to diffuse some of the tension. my own hands were trembling, but i forced them into my pockets to hide it.

"no. i'm being so serious dani where the hell have you been?"  her voice was sharp, cutting through the air like a knife.

"i was at skai's." i simply said, bracing myself for her reaction.

"i knew it! at this point you're not even ashamed are you?" jasmine's voice rose, her eyes flashing with anger. she took a step forward, and i could feel the heat of her fury radiating off her.

"jasmine, i'm really not here to argue with you to be honest. our whole relationship hasn't been going anywhere for a while now. skai isn't the cause for the breakdown of our relationship. there is no harmony, no communication and no damn trust." i tried to keep my voice level, but i could hear the frustration creeping in.

"why is that? huh, answer me dani, why do you think we don't have all of those? because even after four fucking years you still can't over your ex!" her words were like daggers, each one stabbing into me.

"we've been having these issues way before skai. you've never trusted me from the beginning of the relationship because of my past and held it against me, like a knife at my throat!" my voice rose despite myself. "then yesterday, you tell me casually that you hired someone to follow me around? what the fuck, jasmine, are you that stubborn to not see your issues?"

"are you hung over your ex yes or no?" she demanded ignoring everything i just expressed, the real reason we are here in the end.

"you know what, i'm done. i came all the way here to tell you that we're over. i'll stay at a hotel for time being, maybe come back and get my stuff—"

"stop!" jasmine's voice cracked, tears welling up in her eyes. "you can't just walk out like this."

she took a step closer, her face a mixture of anger and desperation. "this is all because of skai. if she hadn't come back into your life, we wouldn't be here."

"it's not just about skai," i said, shaking my head. "it's about us. we've been broken for a long time. with or without skai, we are not good for each other."

"so what? you're just going to leave?" jasmine's voice was barely a whisper now. 

"yes," i replied, my heart aching. "i'm sorry, jasmine. but this is the end."

as i turned to leave, my hand trembling on the doorknob, jasmine's sobs grew louder, more frantic. 

suddenly, they changed—short, rapid gasps that sent a chill down my spine. i glanced back and saw her clutching her chest, her eyes wide with panic. her breaths were coming in shallow, desperate bursts.

"jasmine!" i rushed back to her side, my heart pounding. "breathe, okay? just breathe." i knelt beside her, grabbing her hand and squeezing it gently in an attempt to calm her. "look at me. focus on my voice."

she tried to speak, but the words came out as strangled cries. tears streamed down her face, mixing with the sweat that had broken out on her forehead. i could see the fear in her eyes, and it mirrored the panic i felt inside.

"okay, jasmine, listen to me," i said, keeping my voice as steady as i could. "we're going to do this together. breathe in slowly through your nose, okay? count with me. one, two, three."

she tried to follow my lead, but her breath hitched, and she let out another sob. i squeezed her hand tighter, my other hand hovering over her back, but not quite touching her, keeping a respectful distance.

"it's okay, it's okay," i whispered, "just keep trying. you're doing great. let's try again. in through your nose, out through your mouth."

gradually, her breathing began to slow, the gasps turning into deeper, more controlled breaths. her grip on my hand was still tight, but the panic in her eyes started to fade. i kept talking to her, my voice a steady murmur in the dim light of the apartment.

"that's it, jasmine. just like that. keep breathin'." i watched as she followed my instructions, her body slowly relaxing. the tension in her shoulders eased, and her breaths came more evenly.

after what felt like an eternity, her breathing returned to normal. she let out a shaky sigh, her eyes closing as she leaned back against the wall. i stayed near her, my arms not quite touching her, feeling the exhaustion in her body.

"i'm so sorry," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "i didn't mean to... i just..."

"shh, it's okay. have you been takin' your anxiety med?" i murmured, keeping my tone neutral. she shook her head slowly.

we stayed like that for a while, the only sounds in the apartment her slow, even breaths and the faint hum of the refrigerator. i could hear her breathing gradually returning to a steady rhythm, her body no longer shaking.

"thank you," she finally said, her voice still fragile.

i nodded, not trusting myself to speak. the weight of our conversation, the intensity of the moment, it all pressed down on me. i knew this didn't change anything, but in that moment, all i could focus on was being there for her, helping her through the panic.

as i looked at jasmine, memories of my past relationship with kehlani flooded back. i remembered the nights i cheated, the guilt that consumed me, and how it tore us apart. the realisation hit me hard—i shouldn't have kissed skai or stayed the night, at least until i broke things off officially with jasmine. 

i was doing the same thing to jasmine that i did to kehlani, i cheated yet again. my relationship and desire to be in one with jasmine was over, but for once in my life, i had to chose to not be as selfish as i knew that i have caused her immense pain from the fact that she was right—i still have feelings for my first love. and that would be a hard pill to swallow for anybody.

in that moment made the decision to stay until i knew that she felt a bit better. the guilt gnawed at me, making it impossible to leave. i couldn't abandon jasmine in this state. i had to stay, at least for tonight, to make sure she was okay.

all my relationships end up badly, what makes you think you won't mess up with skai. i closed my eyes in defeat.

i helped her to her feet and guided her to the couch, making sure she was comfortable. "i'll stay tonight," i said softly, standing up straight. "just to make sure you're okay."

jasmine looked at me, her eyes filled with a mix of gratitude and sadness. she noticed the distance, the lack of intimacy, and i can tell that it seemed to hurt her even more. 

"thank you, dani," she said quietly.

i nodded, feeling the weight of my actions pressing down on me. as i settled into a chair nearby, the reality of my situation became painfully clear. i was trapped in a cycle of my own making, hurting the people i cared about because i couldn't figure out my own feelings.

i couldn't text skai or speak to her in this state. i felt completely messed up.

i am messed up. i held my head in my hands as i closed my eyes tightly, the negative thought gnawing at me.

***

i decided to go back home, back to my mother's home. i needed her as i felt completely drained from the past two days. my life felt like it has flipped upside down. 

the weight of everything that had happened—jasmine, skai, the complications at work, the increase in my negative thoughts—had left me feeling like i needed to escape. as soon as i landed, i turned off my phone, effectively ghosting everyone.

truthfully i wasn't mentally fit to speak to anyone. i hardly spoke to jasmine as i left. she stayed locked in our bedroom whilst i stayed in the living room, unable to move the whole day. 

when i packed a light bag to leave, i felt jasmine's eyes follow my every move despite her acting as if she was sleeping. i knew that i didn't want to be with her anymore, but i wanted to handle the situation with care and emotional intelligence, something that has brought me guilt for lacking in my previous relationships. i also desperately needed motherly advice.

the familiar scent of home greeted me as i walked through the door, a mix of my mom's cooking and the comforting, slightly musty smell of the house i'd grown up in. my mom, with her warm smile and open arms, pulled me into a tight hug.

"danielle, mi bebé" she said, her voice full of genuine relief. "you look like you could use some rest."

i nodded, feeling a lump form in my throat. "yeah, ma. i really do."

the next few days were a blur of home-cooked meals, long naps, walks around my old favourite spots and quiet conversations with my mom. we sat on the porch in the evenings, watching the sun set over the neighbourhood, the crickets starting their nightly chorus. it was peaceful, a stark contrast to the chaos i'd left behind.

one evening, as we were sitting on the porch swing, the topic i'd been avoiding finally came up. my mom looked over at me, her eyes filled with concern.

"danielle, ¿qué está pasando realmente? i can tell something's been bothering you." [translation: what's really going on?]

i took a deep breath, feeling the weight of my secrets pressing down on me. "it's about my relationship. i'm no longer together with jasmine."

my mom's expression softened. "oh, danielle," she said quietly. "i had a feeling this was about her. ¿qué pasó?"

"it's complicated, mom," i continued, my voice breaking. "i was with jasmine, but it wasn't working. we haven't been doing well for a while, and then skai came back into my life. we started bumping into each other a lot, and ma it turns out i still feel strongly for her as i felt four years ago. but i've hurt people, and i've made so many stupid ass mistakes."

my mom reached over, taking my hand in hers. "danielle, let me tell you something. love is never simple. and feelings can be messy. but what matters is that you're being honest with yourself and with those you care about."

we sat in silence for a while, the sound of the crickets filling the air. i felt a sense of relief, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. being home, where i was brought up and with my mom, gave me the comfort i needed.

after a while, tears streamed down my face as i listened to her words. "thanks, mom," i whispered, my voice choked with emotion.

"no te preocupes por eso mija" she replied, pulling me into another hug. "no matter what happens, you'll always have a place here, and you'll always have me." [translation: don't worry about it sweetheart]

***

as soon as my plane touched down in LA, i turned my phone back on and was immediately bombarded with a flurry of notifications. texts and missed calls from friends, my crew, dante, and even jasmine filled my screen. 

i couldn't help but notice that skai hadn't texted or called. it was understandable since my sudden disappearance must have looked bad to her, and i knew that i needed to speak to her in my own time, with the right words.

when i arrived at the condo jasmine and i shared, i was greeted by an unexpected sight. the living room was decorated with balloons, streamers, and a large "happy birthday" banner. the scent of freshly baked cake and various party snacks wafted through the air, mingling with the hum of conversation. 

confused, i set my bags down and called out, "jasmine, what's goin' on?"

jasmine emerged from the kitchen, wearing a bright smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. she was dressed in her favourite party dress, her hair and makeup meticulously done. 

"oh, hey! my friends decided to throw me a birthday party a couple of days early."

i glanced around, noticing some of her friends, all whom i've only spoken to once, were chatting and laughing. the sight of their carefree faces contrasted sharply with the turmoil i felt inside. my irritation grew, but i bit my tongue. 

"you're throwin' a party?"

jasmine's smile faltered for a split second before she regained her composure. "yeah, why not? i thought it'd be fun. come on, join us."

the last thing i wanted was to celebrate, especially with her. the tension between us from our last confrontation hung heavy in the air, but with her friends around, i couldn't speak freely. 

"i'm really tired from the trip. i think i'm just goin' to go to the room and rest for a bit."

jasmine's expression tightened, but she nodded. "sure, whatever you need."

i turned to walk away but couldn't help but pause midway. i faced jasmine and lowered my voice as i said, "ya know we're not together right?"

"yes i do, you don't have to remind me." jasmine said, remaining a smile but her eyes gave a warning. i sighed and stalked off.

as i made my way to the bedroom, i noticed the way some of her friends glanced at me, their expressions a mix of curiosity and something else i couldn't quite place. the laughter and music from the living room grew fainter as i closed the door behind me with a soft click. i leaned against it, taking a deep breath, the sound of my own breathing loud in the quiet room. 

the annoyance and confusion simmered within me. i couldn't believe jasmine was pretending like everything was fine, like we hadn't just broken up days ago.

sitting on the edge of the bed, i checked my phone again, scrolling through the messages. my friends were worried, dante was checking in, and jasmine's messages were a mix of anger and concern. but still, nothing from skai. the absence of her name on my screen weighed heavily on my heart.

the bedroom, once a sanctuary, now felt stifling and oppressive. the framed photos on the dresser, moments of happier times, seemed to mock me. i lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. the condo felt claustrophobic, the laughter and chatter from the living room grating on my nerves. i needed to figure out what to do next, how to navigate this mess. 

the door to the bedroom opened slightly, and jasmine peeked in, her eyes searching mine. "dani, are you sure you don't want to join us? people will start talking, you don't even need to stay for long just say hello. please?"

"jasmine, can you stop this madness. i don't give two shits if me staying here looks weird, i'm not goin' out there as your partner just to please yo friends." i said, raking a hand through my hair.

her face hardened, but she stepped into the room, closing the door behind her. "what is your problem dani? you break my heart and now you want to ruin my birthday too? you'll be able to move out and get as far away from me as you'll like. can you please just at least help us take pictures?"

i looked at her, the tension between us thickening. the exhaustion from the past few days weighed heavily on me, making it harder to think clearly. jasmine's words struck a chord, and despite everything, a part of me felt guilty. she was trying to hold onto something that was already broken, and i could see the desperation in her eyes. i hated being the cause of her pain, even though i knew this was the right decision.

"fine," i muttered, my voice low. "i'll come out for a bit, but i'm not staying long, i'll be heading to work."

her expression softened slightly, relief washing over her features. "thank you, dani. it means a lot to me."

as i changed into something more appropriate for the party, the irritation simmered beneath the surface. jasmine had always been good at manipulating situations to her advantage, and this was no different. 

still, i couldn't bring myself to start another argument right now. the sooner this was over, the sooner i could retreat back into the solitude of my own thoughts.

when i finally stepped out into the living room, the sound of laughter and chatter hit me like a wave. the decorations were even more elaborate up close, with strings of lights casting a warm glow over the room.  jasmine's friends were scattered around, some holding drinks, others posing for photos. 

i poured myself a glass of something strong, not really caring what it was, and took a sip. the alcohol burned as it went down, a welcome distraction from the chaos around me. 

i stayed to myself, leaning against the wall as i watched the party unfold. jasmine was in her element, laughing and chatting with her friends as if everything was perfectly fine. it was surreal, the way she could switch between emotions so easily, as if the argument in our bedroom had never happened.

occasionally, one of her friends would approach me, trying to make small talk. i interacted with the bare minimum, my responses clipped and mundane. i couldn't even hide my boredom, the disinterest clear in my tone. they probably sensed it too, because they didn't linger long before moving on to someone else.

if you held a gun to my head and asked me to identify one of her friends names, i would be dead.

at one point, i noticed one of jasmine's friends standing with jasmine and the group of girls, her phone held up as they posed for a picture. i didn't want to be in any photos, so i turned slightly as two more of jasmine's friends were trying to engage in a conversation with me. i was too drained to think much of it, though, the flight exhaustion was making it hard to focus on anything for too long.

all i could do was wait it out, counting down the moments until i could escape again.

𓏲𝄢 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐝!