aria's pov:

i spent the rest of the day avoiding james. every time i turned a corner, it felt like his eyes were on me. maybe i was imagining it, but maybe i wasn't. the tension was unbearable, like i was balancing on a tightrope that could snap at any moment.

lydia chattered beside me about something—probably about an upcoming event, or some gossip i should've cared about—but my mind was miles away, stuck under that staircase, remembering the heat of his hands on me, his lips pressed against mine, the way i felt alive in the worst, most reckless way possible.

"aria?" lydia waved her hand in front of my face.

"yeah, sorry. what were you saying?" i blinked, trying to refocus.

"red or black, for the welcome party?" she asked, completely unaware of the storm in my mind.

"uh, red. definitely." i forced a smile, though my thoughts were miles away. 

"you have good taste." she smirked. this woman.

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james was leaning against a locker down the hall, laughing with his friends like nothing had happened. how could he look so normal, like everything was fine? it pissed me off. i wanted him to look as rattled as i felt.

i rolled my eyes, pushing past students. "i need some air." i muttered, to whom? i don't know. i stepped out into the courtyard, the crisp autumn air biting against my skin. i inhaled deeply, trying to steady myself, trying to figure out what the hell i was going to do.

"running away again?" his voice cut through the air like a knife.

i froze, not needing to turn around to know it was him. james.

"i'm not running." i lied, still facing away from him.

"you sure? because you've been avoiding me all day." his voice was calm, but there was an edge to it, like he was daring me to deny what was happening between us.

i turned slowly to face him. he stood there, arms crossed, that infuriating smirk barely hidden behind his serious expression. "i'm not avoiding you, james. i'm just—"

"just what?" he stepped closer. i hated how my body reacted, how my heart started racing, how i felt pulled to him even though i knew it was a bad idea.

"this is messy. we both know it. i don't want things to get more complicated." i folded my arms, trying to create some kind of barrier between us. i had to protect myself, right?

"you think it's not already complicated?" he laughed, but there was no humor in it. "aria, we crossed that line a long time ago. and don't act like you didn't feel it too."

he was right, of course. but i couldn't admit that. not to him. not to myself.

"what do you want me to say?" i asked, frustration bubbling up in my chest. "that i feel something? that this isn't just some stupid mistake we made? like, that summer? because i don't know what the hell this is!"

he looked at me for a long moment, his jaw clenched, his eyes unreadable. then, softer, "maybe i don't either."

that admission hung between us, heavy and raw. it was the first time he had shown any vulnerability, and for a split second, it scared me more than anything else.

"we can't keep doing this, james," i whispered. "it's not going to end well. for either of us. it never has."

"maybe." he took another step closer, his hand brushing against mine. "or maybe it's already too late to stop."

i looked down at our hands, feeling the electricity between us. maybe it was too late. or, maybe i just needed to keep my distance. i didn't want a repeat of last summer. ever.

his hand held mine, and for a second, everything else faded away. just the warmth of his skin against mine, the quiet between us. i wasn't sure what to make of this moment—was it a mistake? probably. was it going to end well? definitely not. but there was something about james that pulled me in, even when i knew better.

i didn't pull away. i couldn't.

"you don't make this easy, you know that?" i said, looking down at our hands instead of meeting his eyes. if i looked at him now, i knew i'd be done for.

"when have i ever made things easy for you, aria?" his voice had that teasing edge to it, but it was softer now. less guarded. it almost scared me how much i liked hearing it this way.

my mind was too caught up in how close he was, how his thumb was lightly brushing the back of my hand like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"so, what now?" i asked, forcing myself to look up. his eyes met mine, and it felt like everything around us slowed down. god, why did he have to look at me like that?

he shrugged, a lazy smile tugging at his lips. "we figure it out."

"figure it out? that's your plan?" i raised an eyebrow, trying to keep things light. "solid plan, beaufort."

"hey, it's better than running." he shot back, and i hated how much sense he made.

"i wasn't running." i mumbled, though we both knew it wasn't true.

"right." he said, clearly not buying it. "you weren't running this morning when you left before i woke up, and you definitely weren't running when you avoided me all day."

i rolled my eyes, yanking my hand away from his. "you're so full of yourself."

he just grinned, that maddening grin that always made me want to smack him or kiss him, depending on the day. and, my mood.

"that, i am." 

"you need to let go, now." i said, looking down at her hands.

he smirked, leaning down just enough to make my breath catch. "if i don't?"

before i could think about what he even said, before i could stop myself, i grabbed his collar and pulled him in for a kiss. it wasn't slow or careful. it was desperate, like i was making up for lost time, for all the moments i spent avoiding him.

his arms wrapped around me, pulling me in closer as the world faded around us. in that moment, nothing else mattered. not the complications, not the mess we'd made. just him, just us, tangled up in something that felt like fire.

when we finally pulled apart, both of us breathing hard, i felt like i'd just jumped off a cliff. exhilarating and terrifying all at once. but, so fucking thrilling. it felt good to let go once.

"i hate you." i whispered, but there was no venom in it.

"good." he whispered back, his forehead resting against mine. "you're not supposed to like me."

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