┍━━━━ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ━━━━┑
outro: luv in skool
┕━━━━ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ━━━━┙

4 hours later of convincing Subi that we can't possibly go to the concert, that I feel ill, that I have somewhere else to be, that I'm not that big of a fan anymore — we're here.

Gocheok Sky Dome.

Subi sees right through me the entire time and has been determined all day that she'd bring me here. I already felt the nausea crawl up my throat when the Dome was in front of us and now that we're inside and heading for our seats, my entire body is sweating, my head hurts and my throat is dry.

My eyes flicker around the huge scene while Subi has a firm hold on my wrist as she leads us through the crowd of exciting fans. Everyone is humming along to the songs playing on the VCR screens, the merchandise and the big lettering 'BTS' jumps in my eyes and I clench my jaw and swallow.

"Come on, we're almost there!" Subi says as she tugs my sleeve more, her feet determined as she moves us so fast, but it almost feels like everything is moving in slow-motion.

With a seating at the left side of the stage, away from the floor I'm able to breath out in relief. I was so scared that the tickets were floor tickets and that one of the boys would somehow spot me.

Stupid I know.

I let out a relieved sigh and turn to watch Subi look with an approving look at the mass of people getting bigger and bigger by the minute.

"Impressive, I must say. Teach me their names again, real quick." She closes her eyes and furrow her brows in focus, her fingers pinched together as she leans in to me.

I giggle and smile, feeling the tense in my body vanish slowly.

"Kim Namjoon. Rapper, tall, fluent in English, cute dimples. Kim Seokjin. Vocal, also tall, Worldwide Handsome, blows out kisses all the time. Jeon Jungkook. Vocal, maknae, bunny-smile, almost in the centre in dances. Park Jimin. Vocal, dancing skills on point, gorgeous smile, runs his fingers through his hair much. Jung Hoseok. Rapper, dance-king, sunshine-smile, loud. Kim Taehyung. Vocal, boxy-smile, very affectionate, an amazing friend—"

I swallow, shaking my head at my sudden blur as I look at my sister, who's still listening carefully.

Biting my bottom lip I open my mouth and continue with the last person and I swear I feel my heart ache as I speak his name.

"Min Yoongi. Rapper, gummy-smile, a badass, and the most caring person I've ever met."

Subi opens her eyes and cocks up an eyebrow at me.

"Jia, I know you're a big fan but you do realize they have no idea you exist, right?"

She smiles a little before giving a gentle squeeze to my upper arm and I turn my head and glance out in the crowd again as I nod my head slowly.

"Yeah. I know."

The buzzing from the crowd intensifies as the clock nears the start of the concert, the same way that the churning in my stomach does.

I don't know how I'll react to seeing them again — they're totally different now. They have to be. All the success, being worldwide famous, the constant interest in them.

I'm brought out of my thoughts as the tune of 'Not Today' starts playing and the arena goes completely crazy. Subi jumps up from her seat, her arms in the air as she yells from the top of her lungs.

"Kim Jungkook let's mother fucking go!!!!"

I can't help bursting into laughter, and as she looks at me with a questioning look on her face I just nod and grin before I get up next to her and hug her from the side.

"Thank you for this, Subi — really." I say loud enough for her to hear, as the heavy bass booms in my ears alongside the many screams of excitement. She shrugs her shoulders and grins at me, before pointing to the stage again.

I divert my gaze to the huge scene, and as I do so it is as if time stops once again.

The seven boys whom I've spent what feels like years with. I've seen them struggle, their hardships, the little specks of success in the dark times, their wide smiles whenever they finished a new song, their weary faces when they had been practicing all night. Each and every one of them has been fighting to stand where they're standing right now, and the warmth erupting in my chest indicates my affection towards them.

I love all of them with my entire heart.

Without realizing, the tears are slowly rolling down my rosy cheeks as I watch them from a distance.

My gaze fixes on Taehyung, the charisma shining out of him as he struts across the stage with his beautiful caramel-brown hair. Next to him is Jimin who has the baby pink hair color that Taehyung was mocking back in 2013.

I chuckle through the tears before my eyes catch the man who makes my heart skip a beat. His pitch-black hair contrasts to his fair skin, his body moving effortlessly to the beats of every song that plays. His rapping so powerful, hitting every beat perfectly.

My breath gets caught in my throat as I think back of the two of us in the small dorm, the times he would buy me mint-chocolate ice-cream, when he looked at my lips swiftly, when he confessed to me, how he had caressed my face with his delicate fingers.

Why didn't I kiss him? Why was I so fucking stupid?

My heart hurts and I slowly sink down in my seat. I'm not with them anymore. I have to realize that — they don't know me anymore, they won't remember me. Maybe Taehyung, but he would never know where I am, what year I'm in.

It's better this way.

I run a hand through my thick hair, closing my eyes determined to enjoy the rest of the concert.

Before I know it, it's encore time.
I don't know what it is about BTS concerts, but time flies by so incredibly fast. The feeling of them leaving the stage hitting as they dedicate all their attention towards the ARMY is so heartwarming.

Subi has been enjoying the concert more than I could've imagined and she even has a firm hand on their names by now.

As 'Spring Day' plays, officially the last song of tonight I feel somehow empty. Tonight has been amazing, but the feeling of not seeing the boys any more, up close and personal nags at me. And I know it shouldn't. I was never supposed to be up close and personal with them in the first place.

The boys walks across the stage as the song finishes, their time to play freely as the choreography is over. Waving and mouthing cute words to the lucky ARMY's in the very front, the pure cherish shines in their eyes as they glance out on the 16.000 people who came to see their show.

I'm smiling wide before I suddenly feel a bright light hitting me on the side of my face at the same time as Subi's grip tightens on my arm.

"Wow Jia, smile to the camera!"

I turn my head and look directly into a camera who's filming me and Subi up close — at the corner of my eye I can see our faces on the big screen down on the stage, and my mind goes completely blank. I freeze, the sudden realization hitting me that the boys are able to see this as well.

That's when I jerk my head to the side, covering it with my shaking hands as I feel the tears brim in my eyes again.
The cameraman looks at me confused, but decides to back off and leave us be.

Subi turns and frowns at me.
"What the hell Jia?"

I only shake my head and stand up from my seat to look to the stage, hoping that the quick reveal of me went my unnoticed.

But what I see makes my mouth go dry.

Taehyung's back is turned and he is glancing up at the big screen where other ARMY's are now happily waving. His body is completely frozen, and that's when I know.

He saw me.

He turns around and I can see his eyes flickering through the crowd, nearing the seats where we are seated.
He can't possibly see that far, but I immediately pull at Subi's hand, wanting to get out of here as soon as possible.

Subi grunts unpleased, but decides to follow along as she can tell I'm unhappy.

As we're leaving I glance up at the stage once more and see Taehyung walk up to Yoongi and whisper something in his ear. Yoongi's eyes widen and his face gazes at the crowd as well, leading a hand to his eyes to shielding from the bright lights.

Fuck.

As the concert is officially over, Subi and I are still running and pushing through the endless amount of people. Panting and sweating, we reach the entrance and I make a stop as I suddenly feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.

I put up a hand to tell Subi to stop walking and as I try to catch my breath I fish up the phone from my denim jacket.

My temples are throbbing and as I read the text I received the nausea from earlier crawls up my throat once again and now I can't hold it in any longer.

I run to the nearest toilet and kneel down, heaving out as my stomach contract as I vomit.

Lying next to me is my phone, the screen light so bright — the black letters printed in my head, as I continue to vomit.

_____________
an update at last! sorry for the lack of updates — i have been busy with friends and my sister visiting me for the past week and then my job has been killing me as well. hopefully you will forgive me!
so ... did you like this chapter?
i hope you are all well 💓✨ take care

ps. the header pic is one that i took myself at the wembley concert :') such a good memory.