𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍 ; 𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐒

━━━━━━━━━━━━

You look down at the piece of paper that has a map neatly drawn on it and back to the cottage, eyebrows raised to form a look of genuine surprise on your face.

A smile summoned on your lips. Who would have thought that the mafia could have this beautiful cottage as their hideout? What a brilliant idea.

The paper was tucked back in your pocket as you raised your fist to knock on the door.

-meanwhile, 15 minutes ago-

"Mayday! Mayday! I repeat, MAYDAY!"Jerry screams, jumping up and down on a couch after closing the curtain, his hands wrapped around the binoculars.

"A young woman has been seen approaching our hideout! Send backup!"

"Shut it, Jerry."Felix hissed, walking out of the kitchen. A pastel blue colored apron wrapped around his body with his hand holding a soup ladle to point it at the male. "And you better get down from the couch or I will put broccoli in your bowl."

"But she has arrived!"Jerry turned to face him."If you do that, I will tell your mother you put ketchup in her carbonara spaghetti."

"You what?!"

"You psycho!"He heard someone shriek from behind and pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling a frustrated sigh.

"Off-topic."Felix looks over at his colleague from the corner of his eyes. "Who has arrived?"

"Our lady! Our boss! Our barbarian woman-"

"Okay, okay, we get it!"Jeff interrupted, snatching binoculars from Jerry's hands and stepping on the couch, ignoring Felix's screeching and Jerry's curse words as he shoved his face away to take a better look at the window.

And there, he saw you, heading your way here. In instant, he close the curtain when you turned your head in his direction. The color on his face drained, leaving him looking as pale as a corpse.

The other members entered the living room to watch the scene and each of them is holding cat toys. Three of them have the felines in their arms, probably it was due to their turns to play with the cats.

"What's wrong?"Felix genuinely asked out in concern. He understands. Yes, he completely understands that your face is terrifying which caused him to be speechless. He couldn't blame him for that.

"She is here to take the cats."Jeff finally spoke, face buried in his hands in despair. Everyone, except Felix, gasped as he only raised an eyebrow and shrugged.

"Oh well, it's time to say goodbye to them-"He was cut off when someone shrieked, akin to a sound of a woman,

"She is going to take our children!"

"Actually, they are her cats-"

"Gasping loudly! What are we going to do?!"

"Of course, we should give them back to her-"

"I have an idea!"

Felix facepalm, murmuring to himself."I could already smell something stupid."

"Holy shit! Jacob, didja farted?!"

"No?! It was Louis!"

"Look at him accusing someone else. He didn't realize he always farts in his sleep. We could even recognize whose by the smell."

"Okay, that's amazing and yet disgusting at the same time."

Felix, the red-headed, only stared at the scene in silence with his tired eyes before facepalming once again."... Am I the only sane person here?"

"You wouldn't understand us, Felix! You hate cats!"

"No, I don't hate them. I have a freaking cat allergic, you dimwit."He sneered and hummed when someone called his name from the kitchen, not taking his eyes off the group- in the fear of what they might do once he look away.

"Is this your new recipe?"

"Yeah. How does it taste?"

James made a gagging sound, "Bro, it straight up tastes like a dead sea."

"Damn- wait, James?"He snapped his head to look at the mentioned male, eyes squinting suspiciously at the sauce on the corner of his lips, "Did you secretly eat my cookings, again?"

"I just have a taste! I swear!"He declared before mumbling the next words underneath his breath, "If eating one counts as a taste, that's it."

"James! Those are rinderroulades!"

He retorts, "I was hungry, okay?! Oooh, is that pudding?"

"Pudding? No, wait, that is mine- put it back down! James Krüger, last warning!"He then faced his friends, "Don't do anything stupid, you hear me?!"And disappeared into the kitchen.

However, they pretend to not hear anything - both his advice nor the clunk sound of a metal object hitting something.

"Alright, let's go with plan A. We need to distract her."

"Lucian. Do whatever you can to stop her!"

"Aye, aye, Captain!"

"If we ignore the main reason for this plan, that kinda sounds cool."

───────────────

After minutes of fighting for his dear life, James eventually succumbed and was dragged back inside by Felix, with his body tied up.

"So, "Felix started, noticing the others crowding at the window to watch something. Of course, he joined them, though he wasn't expecting the sight."What is he doing?"

"His best."

"No, he is clearly twerking."

"True but at least we managed to distract her."

"And somehow I'm invested."

"Dude, she looks disgusted."

Dylan pondered for a while."Thinking again, I don't think this is a good idea."

"You think?"

"Me too."

"We are not taking a vote."

Felix is rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I hate y'all's stupidity with my passion."

Okay, let's just skip to the future by 5 minutes - abracadabra!

"You're telling me..."Felix spoke as soon as Lucian returned - after pointing at the sky and saying, ' is that an airplane?!' before dashing back inside the house. He was more surprised that you fell to his simple trick though.

"You've been twerking in front of her, embarrassing both you and our lady and, and, AND-The AUNTIES even saw YOU? Dude, you know how annoying they can be when they start gossiping."

"You can't blame me!"He defended himself, "I was bribed!"

"What did Dylan give you?"The red-haired male asked, gripping the back of Dylan's collar as he starts sweating profusely.

"Candies."

"What are you, ten?"

"I have an inner child to be fed!"

Puzzled dance on Felix's face, looking down at his tummy and back at his face, "You are pregnant?"

"Am I?"Lucian looks down at his belly before turning to his friend. "Am I pregnant?!"

"No!"

"Wait, who's pregnant?"Jerry inquired, walking back into the room while eating a mouthful of pudding nonchalantly.

"Me!"

"Congratulations!"

"He's not pregnant. He has been sniffing this weird leaf-wait, "Cassian cut himself off when he noticed marijuana in his hand and snatched it away. "give me that!"

"Whoa. Easy, Cassy. I'm with a child."

"You're not with a child."Cassian sighed, massaging his temples.

Bob then barges into the room,"I'm gonna be an uncle!", and turned to look at others, throwing his hands in the air, "We are going to be an uncle!"

His words surprisingly received loud applause and positive cheers.

"You're not going to be an uncle! None of you are!"And his words caused the crowd to sulk - though it was only for a moment when their happiness got restored with a simple 'meow' coming from the cats.

"Then who's going to teach the little guy how to ride a bike?"

Ignoring Jerry's dumb question, Felix tried to calm down the dramatic guy."Relax, Luce. You are not pregnant."

"Then why am I so moody and nauseous?"He asked while holding his tummy and gasped, "I think this is a morning sickness."

"Lucian..."The red-headed, once again, took a deep breath and placed his hands on his shoulders. "You are a guy. "

His face remained stoic as if processing the words. He could even see the way his brain racks before his eyes twinkled in realization.

"Oh! Right, I'm a guy!"

"You forgot your gender?"

"Scientifically and logically, it's impossible for me to get pregnant- Ow!"

"What?"

"I think it just kicked!"

"YOU ARE NOT PREGNANT!"

"How can you be so sure?!"

"That's it!"Felix points at the other two and instructs them, "Thomas, Julius. Through the back door, the two of you drag him to the hospital and ask the doctors, "He dangerously glances at Lucian, "if he really is pregnant."

Lucian anxiously swallowed his saliva, dread washed through him. Felix rarely gets mad. Stress? Absolutely but when he gets irritated? That's when he knew, he fucked up really bad.

"Sure."

"Why not."

"Wait! I was joking! Wait!!"He could even still hear his shrill cry despite the doors now closing shut. However, he doesn't give a damn.

"Excuse me, everyone. CATS!"Dylan shouted. "Now that I have your attention."

"You don't have our attention."Felix grunted.

"MONEY!!"

"I'm listening."

"You had me at cats."James stated.

"Relatable."

"Dylan, do you have something to say?"

"My butt is itchy. That's all. I looooove being an attention seeker."

"This little-"

"Well, I have an idea."Cassian interrupted and emphasized. "A good damn marvelous idea."

"You always suck at giving ideas."

"I don't want to hear that coming from someone who thought the tomato was a vegetable."

Bob gasped, "It wasn't?!"

"I don't know I have been living with idiots."

"Wait, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?"

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"Back to my idea! I suggest for us to change our names and move out of this house and bring the cats with us. I will change my name to Smith."

"Are we really going this far for cats?"Felix says.

"Cassy!"

"It's Cassian, you twat!"

"I thought your name was Smith?"Bob questioned.

"Smithy, you're a genius!"

"Oh, really?"

"No, I lied."

"This bitch-"

"All right, "Henry started. "before Cassian murder Louis, any suggestions?"

Their lips sealed shut when they heard your voice from the other side. "You know I could hear you guys from outside. And don't you dare bring my cats along."

"Soldiers, retreat!! Felix! You go!"

"What? Why me?"

"You are her assistant and a malewife! Woman loves malewife!"

"But-"

"Shut up! Whether it's but or butt, shut the fuck up and go!"

He got pushed outside and hear a click sound. Nervous chuckle escaped his throat at the sight of you.

' Those bastards. They locked the door. 'He irritatedly thought and bow his head down to greet you, grabbing gently your hand and planting a light kiss on the back of it.

He softly spoke, "... I'll guide you inside, my lady."

- while inside -

"Soldiers, we got betrayed by that goody-two-shoes!"

"How shameless he is!"

"That snake snitched on us!"

"We shall form an alliance!"

"Let's commit arson!"

"Oh! Oh! Let's do fireworks!"

A sharp cold voice immediately froze them at their spot, "Don't you fucking dare."

Dylan slowly turn around and let out a deepest gasp you ever heard."How did you get inside?!"

A jiggling sound was heard as Felix twirls the keys with his finger, "Did all of you forget that I hold all the keys to this house? Before you could ask, that's because you fools always forgot to lock the door."

"That's only the second time of this week. Don't make us look stupid in front of our lady."

"The second time of this week? Dylan. Today is, Monday."

"No need to concern yourself about that matter. You already look stupid the moment we first met. No offense."He gave you a bright smile and you returned his gesture.

"None taken, jerk."

Your smile dropped while he kept his on his face, showing you two middle fingers and dancing his way out from the room like a ballerina.

"Don't mind him. He probably took a whiff from that leaf too."

"All right, whatever."You sighed and held your hands out, "My cats please."

"No! Don't take away our children! I refuse! Where is my lawyer?!"

"yOuR cHiLdReN? They are mine, for your information! Lune, Baron, and Leon are my cats!"

"Nooooo!!! Don't take them awayyyy!"

"Guys, we can't take away the cats from milady. She's their mother."

"Right, but I have a solution."Louis chimes in, pride was written all over his face.

"Oh, here we go again."Felix groaned in defeat while rolling his eyes, though, he was kind of interested in what kind of solution would end this stupid fight.

Louis did a moonwalk and landed on his knee right in front of you.

"Milady, do you perhaps need a father for your cats?"He wriggles his eyebrows with his shit-eating grin dancing on his lips. His irking action summon a scowl on each of his colleague's faces, not liking where his question would lead.

You crossed your arms, your eyebrow quirked upward in amusement.

"What do you mean?"

"Ma'am, milady, miss, my naïve lady. In my humble position, I'm down on my knee to propose-"

"Take him away, guys!"

"Wait! No!"

"Don't let him get near our lady!"

"Well, damn. Anyway."You open your handbag to rummage for something, "Close your eyes, I have some surprise for you guys!"

"You will give us the cats?!"

"I said surprise, not a miracle."You pulled out a plethora of envelopes from your handbag- is there a black hole inside your bag for you to be able to carry such a thing?

"Your allowance."

"Along with the cats?"The glimmer in Louis' eyes grew brighter in hope."

"No."

"Tch, fuck this shit. I quit."

"Well, more money for us."

"Just kidding, I need money."

- extra -

After that, you forced them to accompany you to the market to buy peanuts for Anya.

Louise grinned, nudging the side of his friend, "You know what kind of peanuts I like?"

"I swear if you say those two curse words."Cassian seethed through his gritting teeth.

"Deez nuts!"

"That's it! You are so dead, Louis."

"Yeah, like your dad!"

"Okay, this will be the last time we will see him. Tell my mom I say hi, Lou!"

"No, wait! Don't kill him yet! He still owes me 25 dalcs!"

"He always kept his money under his pillow."

"Oh, then I will keep the changes."

"HAH! Jokes on you to think I still have 1 dalc."

"... never mind. Kill him, Cassian. I'll help you throw away his body."

And Louis was never seen again since that day.

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You thought I died but I am not! >:D

This chapter is completely random, presenting to you by my last two brain cells.

Yet this is the longest chapter lmao.

Why not give some comedy before angst, eh?

- from lovely author.