Hendery has been haunted by the same dream every night for the past year. Over and over—and fucking over. Looking deeply into brown eyes, stars and wonder showering down over him while soft fingertips stroke across his skin. Only at night, Hendery finds the calm he can't with his eyes open.

But when morning comes, when the sun chases the night away—reality swallows him again. The thing Hendery thought was love has never been anything more than a dream—not even when Yangyang was still right next to him, under him, glazing over every lie with his sweet voice. It all just made him all the more unattainable.

Hendery would feel him, taste him, inhale him.

But never truly have him.

And with memories created from lies, Hendery wakes up with dark spots on the sky-blue pillow sheet—spots that only turn bigger with every tear that keeps falling, like the rain from the skies outside the windows, hidden behind closed curtains.

The green curtains and the magnolia walls they painted together, the viridian chair Yangyang got reupholstered stands in its usual spot next to the old oak dresser in the corner. Everything blends into one big blur through tears clinging to Hendery's lashes—and he stares into the colors, like into a kaleidoscope of misery.

What will it take for him to just move on?

"Xiaojun?" Yangyang's nose scrunches up, Hendery used to find that so endearing, while a frown pulls his brows downwards. Mingyu on the other hand doesn't say anything. In fact, he has yet to say anything at all. Undeniably handsome that one—but not too many thoughts in that head of his, Hendery is certain. Does that tall brick-man even understand Chinese? How do they communicate? No, wait, scratch that—Hendery definitely doesn't want to even think about that.

A brief moment of silence, possibly only a few seconds, but damn does it feel like forever. Hendery clears his throat, clammy hands squeezed tight behind his back, he stands awkwardly, burning under the glare coming from eyes he used to know so well.

Beautiful Yangyang, if only his heart hadn't been hollow, if he didn't speak in lies and if his lips weren't coated with poison—maybe then, they could have been happy together. Still.

Maybe then, Hendery would be the one to hold his hand, still, take him home and kiss him on the forehead after a long day. But the longer he stays under Yangyang's stare, the more he falls apart—and so does every fragile memory Hendery has left of him.

"You know, I'm actually not that hungry." It comes suddenly, softly. Gentle in a way even Yangyang's voice could never be. Summer rain and sunsets; Xiaojun's voice is like a calming melody. "Why don't we go back to your place instead? You know you left me starving for something entirely different this morning."

With a gasp stuck in his throat, Hendery can only sheepishly grin—red ears and all. A careful touch fleets against his neck, then turns into a firm tug at the collar of his shirt. Chests bump together; light but powerful, like the way dark eyes narrow down in front of him. Seductively luring him in even closer.

Hendery would lie if he said he hadn't thought about Xiaojun after their first meeting. A simple, yet overwhelming misunderstanding. Fleeting thoughts have snuck into his mind, nothing too major—but still, they were there.

Just like Xiaojun is there. Here.

Now.

"Sure..." A whisper, nearly and easily swallowed by nervousness.

"It was nice to meet you," Xiaojun is polite until the end, glancing towards the other couple with a smile, before tugging Hendery's arm, leading him towards the door.

One last look, just one. It won't hurt, right? The quiet creaking of the door opening, warm, late afternoon sun against his skin—Hendery turns his head at the last second before walking out, but he steps directly into Yangyang's unreadable stare.

Hendery likes to believe he knows his ex-boyfriend's eyes better than anyone else. From the way they would shine like the sun when he was happy, how they sparkled like stars when Yangyang was heaving for air, naked in Hendery's arms—to the way they'd darken like an eclipse of the moon when he was angry. Hendery knows them all too well, but still, something new has just shown up. Close to anger, but even darker.

Jealousy is the only thing Yangyang had yet to show, could it really be it?

"I'll let go, when we turn the corner, okay?"

"Hm?" A light tug at his arm makes Hendery realize he has been staring at the sidewalk since they left the restaurant. "Oh, yeah, o-of course."

"Your ex?"

Just a simple turn of his head, a slight change of angle; Xiaojun looks at Hendery as they walk. Dark eyes squint under the sun, but they burn just the same.

"Y-yeah..."

"Figured."

As they turn the corner, Xiaojun does as promised—he lets go and Hendery finds that it feels heavier without his touch. Strange.

"Thank you... For helping me." Embarrassment washes over him; leaves a warmth over his cheeks that definitely show in a pink-ish shade. Hendery, despite coming out victorious from the first meeting with his ex, can't help but feel like an absolute fool.

"Don't worry about it." A soft chuckle blows over Xiaojun's lips, as he tilts his head to catch Hendery's eyes again. "This wasn't my first time playing the fake-boyfriend."

"Well, I-," clearing his throat, Hendery isn't certain how to react to those exact words, while he blindly searches for his own.

He should go now, but he doesn't want to. There's something about Xiaojun that makes him want to stay. But when no words come out, Hendery knows he is running out of time.

"I... Should let you go on with your evening now," he mutters, accepting defeat. "Sorry for taking up your time. I assume you were supposed to meet someone back at the restaurant."

The other Mr. Huang, possibly.

Xiaojun simply chuckles at Hendery's words, the corners of his lips pull upwards in a smile—and he definitely has a pretty smile.

"Actually, I came to dine alone," he then says.

Oh?

It would almost be a shame to let someone like Xiaojun eat alone...

After Yangyang broke up with him, Hendery hasn't felt the urge to pursue anyone, something his friends never seemed to understand. But now, standing on a random street, between a bookshop and a small café, he feels something he thought he'd forgotten long ago.

A spark.

"Before you say anything," Xiaojun suddenly says, shaking his head slowly as he speaks. "No, thanks."

"I- what?"

"You're giving me that look. But as I said, I came to dine alone."

Hendery frowns. Is he really that easy to read?

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he huffs, but his blushing cheeks definitely reveal the truth—and Xiaojun is indeed correct.

"Really? So you weren't thinking of asking me out?"

Left speechless, like his tongue has been tied around itself, Hendery just stands there—arms hanging down his sides, hands limp as well.

"Listen." A strange hint of teasing in Xiaojun's voice, but whatever it means is unclear as his words keep contradicting it. "You're hot and all, but this isn't a romantic movie. This will not be the story of how we met and fell in love."

Enticing but rejecting Hendery at the very same time, Xiaojun's words leave Hendery lost in confusion. The last part doesn't sit right with him though, and Hendery finally finds the courage to speak up.

"What? I wasn't thinking anything like that! You're being quite assumptions right now."

Sure, Hendery has always been a hopeless romantic, even after Yangyang broke his heart into a million pieces. Hendery goes from wishing for Yangyang to come back, to meeting someone new—and then back again, crying at night while stalking Yangyang online. It would be nice however, to fall in love again. This time forever. Oh, how he longs for someone to love—for someone to love him back, but that doesn't mean that some stranger can just stand there and accuse him of being the exact way he actually is.

Xiaojun laughs, lightly, as he stuffs both of his hands into the pocket of his loose jeans. His back leaned against the building behind him, he looks at Hendery with a smirk flashing across his lips.

"Am I?"

"Well, yeah!"

There had only been one certainty in Hendery's relationship with Yangyang—and that was how Yangyang was a master at lying, and Hendery was not.

"Fine," he sighs, exaggerating the sigh a bit more than intended. "Maybe... I would like to get to know you better."

The small confession feels heavy on Hendery's tongue, even heavier on his shoulders, but Xiaojun only reacts with a raised brow. Not too raised though, apparently it isn't some big revelation to him.

"Believe me," he softly chuckles. "You don't."

It is Hendery's turn to raise a brow. He has never met someone as confusing as Xiaojun, but somehow it leaves him wanting more. Hands clenched, Hendery forces the most firm voice he's used in ages.

"Believe me. I do."

"Stubborn. Cute."

The sun sets in the distance, coloring the city orange and red, while the conversation seems to go nowhere, but still it is going somewhere, although the road is unfamiliar and the destination unknown. Hendery sighs again, glancing across the street at nothing in particular—and as he strokes his fingers through his hair, he catches a glimpse from the corner of his eye. Xiaojun is quietly watching him. Closely.

Xiaojun could have left long ago, but he didn't. He stayed, playing that stupid game of back and forth. Luring Hendery in with his burning stare. The stare, which only intensifies under the evening sun, as if the entire sunset is happening right there inside his eyes.

"Well, Mr. Huang. I should get going." Elbows against the walls, Xiaojun pushes himself forward to stand up straight again. "Nice to meet you again."

"Wait-" Hendery chokes, hand reaching out, dangling midair. The first person to spark his interest, after losing Yangyang, is about to slip through his fingers, and Hendery doesn't like the thought of that. "Is... Is your real name even Xiaojun?"

An absolute weak attempt to keep the conversation going, to possibly get the smallest amount of information squeezed out, to buy himself some time. Desperation is written all over his face, Hendery is certain of that, but he doesn't care.

"No, but it's what I prefer to be called, Hendery."

It appears that Xiaojun has figured him out, giving no helpful information that can lead to Hendery accidentally finding him online. In a romantic way of course, not in a creepy stalker way.

"Can I see you again?"

"I think you'd prefer if you didn't."

"I don't understand?" And Hendery really doesn't understand. Unless Xiaojun is already involved with someone else. Or maybe a serial killer? How bad can it really be, Hendery is willing to take the chance.

"And maybe it's for the better that way."

"Isn't that up for me to decide as well?"

"You really are stubborn, aren't you?" Xiaojun laughs. "Well, if you ever need a fake boyfriend again. You can give me a call. But, there is something you need to know beforehand."

As the pace of Hendery's heart instantly increases, it only lasts a few seconds before the reason for it changes completely. The moment of bliss is fleeting—Xiaojun's next words seem so unfit for lips so beautiful, and every single one burns in Hendery's ears.

"Why did you change the restaurant? You love that other place. You asked me like three weeks ago to go there with you!"

Twenty minutes and a change of location later; Hendery and Yuqi finally meet up in a restaurant five streets away from the original one. She is right, Hendery does love the other place, but running into Yangyang definitely isn't something to put on the "love" list. Not anymore.

"Eh, I just felt like trying something new, you know?" he says, trying to sound convincing—but his voice goes higher, in that cursed way that reveals that he is lying.

Yuqi squints her eyes at him and Hendery isn't glad to admit that he sometimes feels rather intimidated by her—although she is one head smaller than him. Adorable face and big doe eyes, still she is quite a feisty one.

Tapping his bottom lip, Hendery pretends to be all busy looking through the menu card, but he clearly feels how Yuqi keeps staring at him.

"Bullshit, Guanheng," she snorts, crossing her arms at the same time. Staying in the same pose, she tilts her upper body forward, elbows pressing against the table as she leans in across it.

With his lips pursed together, Hendery keeps staring at the menu in his hands, but he knows he doesn't stand a chance against her. Especially not when she pulls out his birth name like that, then he knows she isn't to be played with.

"I had a horrible day at work," she then says, blowing a lock of her wild, curly hair away from her face. "Don't play games with me now. What is going on with you? You've been looking around, like someone is following you or something."

Hendery falls back into his seat, finally putting the menu card down. A heavy sigh slips from his lips, as he scoots around on the chair, uncomfortably and unnecessarily.

"I met Yangyang while waiting for you there."

And with that, Yuqi's already big eyes widen up even more. They look so big Hendery fears they might pop right out of her head. An inaudible gasp leaves her mouth, which has formed into a small circle, while she just stares at him.

"Oh," she finally says, voice lower, head as well—like a dog with its tail between its legs. "How did it go?"

Her face scrunches up, almost looking as if she is in pain, while she waits for Hendery to answer. Yuqi has definitely seen Hendery ugly cry one too many times over Yangyang.

"I... Fine, I guess? He was there with his new boyfriend."

A smack of her lips and Yuqi slowly nods—she knows how to tread carefully, the look on her face says it all.

"I see," she responds, although in a quiet tone. "I get why you're acting so weird then."

Hendery nods, the Yangyang situation is enough even by itself, adding the part about Xiaojun would only make everything worse. So, Hendery chooses to keep it to himself, just like he didn't tell anyone about what happened at the Jackson Wang party. Nothing really happened anyway, right? And his friends would only tease him relentlessly about it if he told them.

Nothing happened anyway. Nothing happened, Hendery repeats it in his head, again and again, just like he has for the past week. Although, it is rather hard to forget those sunset eyes and the soft voice that made his knees feel weak.

"Anyway," Yuqi's voice suddenly cuts through Hendery's thoughts, and for once he is thankful for that. "I guess the timing was quite good after all, somehow."

"What do you mean?"

"You've already forgotten? Sicheng's gallery opening!" Yuqi sighs while she rolls her big eyes.

"Oh... Right."

Truth be told, it isn't that Hendery had really forgotten about it, but he has definitely tried to push it as far away from his mind as possible. Nothing to do with Sicheng, although he apparently is quite the snitch, ratting Hendery out to Johnny Suh of all people.

It used to be the four of them; Hendery, Yuqi, Kun and Sicheng. All throughout high-school they stuck together like glue.

Many things have changed over the years, real life happened, ups and downs, university separated them, but they still made sure to keep in touch—Hendery went to Sicheng's place many times for parties back then.

All four of them are so different from each other, but it's their differences that make their friendship work.

Kun is the mature one, a bit of an overachiever, but never to the point where he becomes insufferable to be around. Quite the introvert, but very observant of his surroundings—so much that the others call him The Eye of Sauron.

Yuqi looks like a little princess, but she has a foul mouth, and isn't afraid to speak her mind, always having her friends' back whenever needed. She is spontaneous, and she hates when life feels too much like a routine. Life is a party, and I'm here to start it, she always says.

Sicheng is a dreamer, a poet, an artist. His mind works in ways Hendery's never could. Tall, with model-like features and fair skin, but he never wanted to be the one on display. Instead, he got a bachelor in fine art, and then moved across the globe, to spend one year in France after graduating. Now back in Shanghai, opening his own art gallery.

And then, there's Hendery. He knows he used to be the funny one, the entertainer. Always ready with a joke, or doing something silly and stupid to make his friends laugh. But what else does he have besides that? And is he even still that? Hendery doesn't know anymore, and he is afraid of knowing the answer.

"You're coming, right?" Yuqi asks him, although Hendery is well aware that there's only one correct answer. "It's been so long since the four of us all met up. You even ditched me the last time we were supposed to meet up with Kun."

"I know, sorry..." Biting his lower lip, Hendery's head is filled with way too many thoughts all at once.

"It's fine," she says, flipping through the menu. "You know I'm just sick and tired of third-wheeling with him and Gaahei!"

The way Yuqi flips the pages of the menu turns more aggressive, as she continues on complaining about their mutual friends. Kun met Gaahei, a petite and angelic-looking girl, through Yuqi herself, who went to the same university as Gaahei—although Yuqi now regrets ever introducing them to each other.

"I can't believe neither of them have confessed yet," Hendery laughs, both at Yuqi's complaining and his other friends' inability to see they like each other. "They've been crushing on each other for ages now."

"I know right? Guess The Eye of Sauron doesn't see everything after all. I mean, how oblivious can you be?" Yuqi taps herself against the forehead a few times, emphasizing how foolish she thinks their friends are acting.

"So, are you coming then?" Yuqi asks again, when she and Hendery are walking down the street after dinner.

Well aware of what she is referring to, Hendery is close to saying yes—but it is easier said than done, so he holds back a little longer.

It's been a while since he last saw Sicheng, they text often and call each other every few weeks. The problem is something else entirely.

Someone else.

Yangyang is Sicheng's friend; old classmates during art studies, they knew each other even before Hendery met Yangyang.

"I don't know," Hendery shrugs, nudging her arm lightly. "He's become kinda pretentious after he came back from Paris."

"He's always been pretentious, Hen, but we love him anyway, remember? And this really means a lot to him. He's worked so hard for this."

"Mh."

"Listen," she then says, linking her arm around his. "I know what you're thinking. That's why I said earlier, that the unfortunate meeting today might have been good for you. I mean, we all know he will be there."

They walk side by side without speaking for a while. Yuqi talks a lot, but she also knows when to stay silent, when to give Hendery some time and space. She is right about one thing, Hendery thinks to himself, the ice has been broken somehow. Surely, he can survive an evening in the same room as Yangyang, right? To show Sicheng his support.

"Or, if it'd make you feel better, you could bring a date?" Yuqi teases him, poking him in the side with one hand while holding onto his arm with the other, to prevent him from escaping.

"Yeah right," Hendery snorts loudly. "Let me just pull one right out of my ass."

But maybe that is exactly what he needs to do?

"You really are stubborn, aren't you?" Xiaojun laughs. "Well, if you ever need a fake boyfriend again. You can give me a call. But, there is something you need to know beforehand."

As the pace of Hendery's heart instantly increases, it only lasts a few seconds before the reason for it changes completely. The moment of bliss is fleeting—Xiaojun's next words seem so unfit for lips so beautiful, and every single one burns in Hendery's ears.

"I'm an escort. I don't date outside of work. Also, fucking costs extra."