𝙍𝙖𝙮𝙮𝙖𝙣𝙖-𝘼𝙜𝙚 22

Things weren't going as well as I had hoped for.

Atif wasn't around with Hamza when he was younger which was amazing, but as soon as Hamza was old enough to go to school, he was everywhere. 

He would be there for him when it was homework time and whenever Hamza had a problem. Every time my son would try to get to me he would find his father there with him first. And Atif wasn't giving Hamza the right advice. 

Every time I would mention something, it would result in new bruises but I never once stopped complaining because this was my son and his future. 

It was one day when Maria told me Hamza's school called and requested to see me did I realize just how bad this was. 

So with a heavy heart, I went to Hamza's school after Atif left to shoot for a movie in Australia. Hamza's school wasn't fancy at all and was in fact a normal school. My driver Buck told us that Hamza rarely tells people who his parents are even though Atif encouraged it.

Af first, I wondered if Hamza was getting bullied for the lies he told the kids but the minute I entered the room, I knew it was something else.  

I knocked on Mrs. Hill's door and was surprised to see a plump grandma. She seriously looked a minute away from retirement, and someone who right now should be in her kitchen making gingerbread cookies for her grandkids. 

She smiled at me and told me to come in. 

After I sat down and we shook hands and introduced ourselves she started right at it with a huge frown. 

"Now Mrs. Khalil," she started but stopped once she saw me flinch. I never liked addressing myself as Mrs. Khalil for obvious reasons. "Actually, Ms. Martin will be fine," Mrs. Hill made a o face and then started again. 

"Right Ms...Martin I am afraid that I haven't called you here for good reasons." I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "What did he do?" Mrs. Hill seemed almost fascinated while saying this "Well...Hamza's temper has been going haywire more now a days. For a 4 year old, its expected but he seems to be having a bad mood every day." 

I knew who to blame that for. "At first he would quiet down after I threatened to call you or your husband, but he's been ignoring me and saying "Do you know who my dad is?" more and more now a days. And...well its quiet odd but Hamza has been getting teased by the boys and he does hit them, but not as much as he hit the girls." 

oh boy

"I mean... a girl stares at him and he gets up and just...oh I cant describe it." She clenched her hands together as if 4 year olds fighting were the roughest thing she's seen in all of her years of living. 

And in that moment, I realized this wasn't a regular pinch a girl and run away situation. 

"I'm so sorry, how long has this been going on?" Mrs. Hill gave me a far away look as if thinking how long its been. 

If it's been so long, why didn't she tell me sooner? 

"Well, before it was just threats he gave the girls. But yesterday he actually...he actually hit  Nancy pretty bad...she had a busted nose and I'm pretty sure she lost a tooth." I sighed and again and blinked several times to get the tears out of my eyes. 

This was all clearly Atif's fault and I know that kids learn stuff from what they see. The fact that Hamza might have seen Atif hitting me...It made me wanna scream and run away with my son far from this world. 

"I see... thank you Mrs. Hill for bringing this to my attention. I will for sure talk to Hamza about this and I promise he will not be doing these things again." Mrs. Hill nodded "Thank you. It's bad he's hitting boys and girls but its the fact that he's hitting more girls then boys is whats peculiar to me." 

If  only I could tell her who he learned it from. 

"Ms. Martin, you really have to do something." Maria said grabbing my hand and stroking it. I had been crying a lot since I came back from Hamza's school worried sick. Even if I explained to him how hurting people were bad, I was scared that he would tell Atif and he would try to do something to him. 

I was sick and tired of being scared of everyone, I was sick and tired of my son possibly seeing his father hit his mother everyday. 

I guess I was just sick and tired of being alive at this point. 

I wanted to take my son and hide him somewhere but I couldn't. 

I sighed and figured the best way to find out about this was to ask Hamza myself. 

After Maria brought him to me, I took a deep breath and turned around to face my son. This was the moment I was waiting for, the moment for me to be his mother. Of course, I didn't expect it this early, but the moment was here. 

I smiled gently and sat down in front of my 4 year old son who was bothered by the fact that he was told to pause his Paw Patrol. "Hamza, how are you?" I started. Hamza grunted and said "What is it?" I felt a pang hit me at his tone.

Great, he was talking like Atif too.  

"I got a call from your teacher today. She told me that you have been hitting some girls in school?" His face suddenly lights up as if I told him we were going to Disney land. "Yeah! Aren't you proud of me?" 

When he noticed my sour face he scrunched his up "You..you aren't proud of me?" I shook my head "No I am not proud of you! Why would you ever think that?" Hamza stared at me like I just asked him a math question for university kids. 

"But..Father said that everyone would be happy of me..he said that the only way girls will listen to me, like me was  if I hit them." I stared at Maria who stared back at me. I was furious as ever, how dare Atif tell my son all this bullshit!

I grabbed Hamza's tiny little hand and urged myself not to cry "Hamza, sometimes your father....he isn't right. Sometimes he..he..." I trailed off not knowing if saying the word lies is something he should know yet. 

"He what?" He asks me "Sometimes your father can be silly. He doesn't know a lot about women, and I can tell you that no girl likes to be hit." Hamza nodded, looking fascinated by the fact. 

"So..what I did was wrong?" I sighed happily, maybe this was easy after all "Yes Hamza. What you did was very wrong. If your father says anything like this again, you tell me okay? And tomorrow, I want you to say sorry to Nancy and every other person who you hit understand?" 

Hamza nodded and kissed me on the cheek before hugging me, I heard tiny sniffles and then he said in a tiny voice "I'm sorry mother." I gently rubbed his hair and kissed his forehead. I stared into Hamza's tearful eyes while he stared back into my own tearful eyes. 

"No, I'm sorry." 

Atif wasn't happy with me when he found out the next morning that Hamza had apologized. The result was a black eye but luckily makeup existed. After he had yelled and punched me, he stormed off muttering about how unlucky he was to be married. 

The irony of this man made me want to scream and throw pouring lava hot coffee in his face, but for now I was sipping some mildly hot coffee. 

Maria put my coffee cup down and stared at my eye "Rayyana, you need to do something." I put my book down and took a sip of my coffee.

I made a sour face and said "Can you add some sugar in this?" I put the cup down and waited for Maria to put sugar in it. Maria sighed and picked up tiny sugar cubes, I heard the plump of them going in my cup and then I smiled while drinking it.

Perfect.  

"Rayyana I am deadly serious." I stared up at Maria with a cheeky smile "Deadly huh?" And then I turned back to my book. I guess Maria couldn't understand me because she snatched my book away and glared at me "Could you stop saying ridiculous words and tell me what the hell you have planned up your sleeve?" 

And so, I told her. I watched as she shrunk with every word I spoke. By the end, If she had shrunk for real she wouldn't be bigger then a speck of dust. She looked like she had to throw up so I opened a window for her to get some cool air.

I stared out into the sunset and wondered what whore Atif was fucking right now. "Rayyana you cant be serious." I smiled at the thought of me being as free as the birds chirping outside. Just me, Hamza, and Maria out there somewhere. 

Free.

"I am serious Maria," I turned around and smirked at her "Deadly serious."