↻ AUTHOR ࿐྄ྀ  Mila_333
↻ REVIEWER ࿐྄ྀ HONEYFLOWERbp

First Light :: 6/20

First impressions matter when it comes to getting readers. It should create just enough intrigue to entice them. And for this to happen your book should be different from the many other books on Wattpad. Your book followed a format that countless others have used, I can’t even count on both hands how many times I’ve seen a book exactly like it. What makes yours different?

» Title :: 1/5

Although it does have something to do with the story and ties in with the characters, it is not unique in any way. Not to repeat myself, but I can’t count how many times I’ve seen the acronym ‘CEO’ here on Wattpad. Have some creativity please. I mean seriously, anything else would have been better. Maybe you could have named it after a different element of the plot? Just a suggestion.

» Cover :: 3/10

I don’t have much to say about the cover as it is pretty generic. It’s really similar to the other billionaire CEO love stories I’ve seen on here. It’s a stock picture of what looks like a man and woman with font on top of it. If your story deserves that boring of a cover maybe you should reconsider changing both

However, I do have advice. You could have made it more alluring by adding your face claims. It would be really nice if you were actually able to see some faces, it would gather more readers because attractive people get more attention than the ones with their faces cropped out.

You could even go a different route and make a cover that has something crucial to your story. For example you could have used a camera or other aspects of photography, since your main character Lisa is a model. Using the character's careers in your cover would be great, since it's such an integral part of them. Therefore an integral part of the story which would make it an amazing cover.

Another thing you could do is add an intriguing quote from the story or a tagline. Some eye-catching phrases that will garner more readers. This also is like killing two birds in one stone as it can give readers a taste of the story while also leaving them wanting more!

That's my advice for you on the cover, if you follow those three things I'm sure you will definitely stand out from the rest. It's because the things I have mentioned is stuff that is unique to your story hence giving it its own identity. Straying away from all the books already like it.

» Blurb :: 2/5

A blurb should give readers insight into a story while simultaneously leaving them wanting more. Here are some praises and pointers that I had about yours.

First of all, I liked the way you introduced your characters in your blurb they are the most important part of a story. And I think it was clever to write a blurb that way, since we will be spending most of our time with these characters.

Now onto the criticisms, the first part of the blurb where you described the two was a perfectly fine beginning. But the rest of the blurb is where it started going downhill. There are some syntax errors.

For example:

“If not falling in love, will she be able to resist the lust while the heart throb of NYC try to get her knees weak and cause her heart to beat frantically?”

And the sentence after,

“Trapped amidst her overwhelming feelings for both of the guys, she will need to ravel her way out of a life threatening enmity, unfolding dozens of secrets taken to the grave, right after she thought everything was going to get fine.”

On top of being wordy and grammatically incorrect, the sentences lack sense and flow. I don’t exactly know what you were trying to say here, so unfortunately I won’t be able to reword it for you but I hope you are able to spot your own mistakes and fix it. You wrote this about two years ago as well so I’m sure you will be able to.

Other than that, your blurb asks the reader rhetorical questions which I think is effective in hooking them in despite the basic plot you have. But we’ll get into that in a later topic. For now I think you should just revise your blurb and make sure your sentences flow well.

Dawn :: 2/10

Your first few chapters are essential in getting people to come back for more. It can make or break a story. Your goal as an author is to hook your reader in, leave them with questions and get them to care about your characters. And sadly I didn’t feel that way with your opening.

Right off the bat we are in Lisa, your main character’s perspective. We start off with an extremely wordy sentence that sets off alarms in my head. If you want to write a better opening I would suggest breaking down that sentence into two and using less description. Sometimes less is more as I’m sure you’ve heard.

Moving away from that, I felt like your opening was boring. I’m sorry if that comes out a little harsh but how am I supposed to care about a character that has the ‘dream’ life already? There is no mention of inner conflict which I think is the best way to start off a story. We just get thrown into this world of glamour but there is no substance to it.

Staying on the topic of Characters, I just think you should ask yourself this question. What makes me root for Lisa or any other character in the story? Because frankly I care for neither one of them and I don’t need to, they already have everything! And there are no hints in the first chapter that show there might be something underneath. Which makes your story one dimensional. To better your story, I would start it with mentioning Lisa’s sister way earlier to show at least some inner conflict.

That’s all I have to say about the start of your story. To sum it up, I would tone down on the description, watch out for sentence structure and work on characters’ inner conflict to give depth to them and interwove the story.

Plot and Idea :: 2/20

I just have to warn you this will be one of the harshest sections in the review, but this is what you signed up for when you submitted your form here at Seesaw. Okay it is safe to say that I have some critiques about your plot or should I say a second hand plot.

Lets start off witht the originality. I’m sure you are aware yourself that this plot is not innovative in any way shape or form. And this would be fine, some great books have the most used plots. But it was your execution that made your book just like the thousands of CEO romance stories out there. There were no new aspects to this trope nor were there any refreshing takes. Just some recycled plot that I’m sure will be used by other authors again and again.

Another thing that I found particularly frustrating was how everything was all over the place. I mean c’mon things were happening one after the other without warning or proper transition. And what I mean by that is, I as the reader felt like I was constantly put into new situations without given hints as to what might happen next. You might think readers predicting the story is bad but a little bit of it is always needed, or else your story will just feel like random events clashed together.

Also some aspects of conflict that were hyped to be more dangerous than they were seem to resolve rather quickly. For example, The Lauren conflict. Besides her being a one dimensional character she is also hyped up to be Lisa’s nemsis but all it took was one public outburst from her and everything was all fine again. People take Lisa’s side and no real damage is done to her, at least that is what it felt like. That is just one example of this. I suggest revising to spot more.

I hope this makes sense to you and you understand why I’m so harsh about this. Just keep focusing on being creative and try not to be an exact copy of the next CEO love story. You can write about anything, choose to write a story that hasn’t already been written.

Characters and Emotions :: 0/15

This is an area that I am most passionate about as you can tell from other parts of this review. Characters and their emotions are what I think a story should always be concerned with. They drive or atleast they should be the ones driving the plot, making their own destiny. After all, the story is all about them. They should be multifaceted, not necessarily needing to act rationally but their should always be a reason behind their actions and emotions. Here are some problems I found with yours.

Lets start off with the obvious. Your characters are one dimensional. They lack desire, you might argue that Lisa wanted Aiden but I didn’t feel it as much as I should’ve. When making an interesting character that people care about, the readers should always feel desire oozing from them. Their goals shouldn’t be a want but a need for them. And I just felt like your story heavily lacked that. I recommend you revise your main characters and ask yourself why they do what they do.

Another thing lacking in your story is your character's inner conflict. This is what your character's fears and misbeliefs are. Fear is self explanatory; it ties in with misbelief and desire. It is what stops your character from achieving their goal. And their misbelief can be something that they can view about themselves or the world. Is this making sense? If not you can comment here and I can try my best to explain further. If I do it here this review would get extremely long real quick

One other major problem I had was with your protagonist, Lisa. She is a Mary Sue.

{Mary Sue
noun
(originally in fan fiction) a type of female character who is depicted as unrealistically lacking in flaws or weaknesses.}

I had been counting all the things she was flawless at while reading your story and here is a list.

» People around her perceive her as undeniably gorgeous, every man that is not her relative has developed an attraction towards her.
» Perfect Job at a top agency and you mention before that she got this job immediately when she started modelling
» Born wealthy
» Went to Oxford, so basically intelligent
» Helps children in Africa (I mean you could have been a little more creative)
» Amazing at Martial arts

And the list goes on…
If you want to make your character more believable don’t make them basically a perfect human being. I beg of you please let her have some flaws atleast enough to balance out her Mary sue-ness or even better don’t try to make her a pro at basically every aspect of life.

On to emotions. I feel like your character’s emotions were the product of them having no depth at all. For example, the way Lisa didn’t bat an eyelash when Nicole told her what she had been up to these past few years and many more incidents that I will fill up a book listing. If you fix the things that I have mentioned above and apply it to your main characters. Writing their emotions will come as natural as breathing.

I would list more things but I feel like I already mentioned the main things that need to be fixed. No need to get down to the nitty-gritty as most of the problems lie within the fundamentals. Please take what I say to heart and I promise you, you will have a masterpiece in your hands.

Writing Style :: 7/15

Writing style, although not integral, can be very irritating if it’s not done properly. With your book I thought your writing was okay overall.

It didn't move me but I don't need that to happen, I just need the message to come across. Although sometimes I was a little confused as to what was going on I mostly understood, which is a good sign.

However as I mentioned before I recommend you tone it down on the descriptions. I counted so many commas in your sentences. You don't need to describe everything in sight of the characters. Just try to show things that are important to them or the plot.

Those are my critiques on your writing style I genuinely don't have much to complain about. Just focus on what's important and get your message across.

Grammar :: 18/20

Ah my least favourite section to mark. I feel like an English teacher doing this. Like writing style I don't feel like it is as important as characters or plot. But it will help the immersion process (which is what you should always be striving for) when it is done right.

Most of the mistakes I have found I've already said before and I don't want to sound like a broken record but break down your sentences! You don't need to make them a paragraph long each!

There were a few typos here and there but I can’t penalise you for that. Every author does it. Other than that your grammar is perfect.

TOTAL :: 35/100

Reviewer's Note :: I'm sorry if I was harsh but please do not be discouraged to stop writing! Could you imagine if your favourite author stopped when their writing was bad? You shouldn't stop either. Writing is something you should take charge of and it is your responsibility to better yourself. Don't stop and please take my criticisms as building blocks that will help you create amazing stories in the future.

Also this is Wattpad after all, no need to take this too seriously.

I like the plot twist at the end. :D It completely took me off guard but I was kicking myself for not getting it sooner. All the best for your story.

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Yours Truly,
SeeSaw Fam.