↻ AUTHOR ࿐྄ྀ yoursauther
↻ REVIEWER ࿐྄ྀ -jennieverse-

First Light :: 7/20

» Title :: 2/5

Starting with the title of your book. It is an interesting one but I am not sure if it is going to attract any readers. You could have been more creative with your title, when I go on to read your blurb so that I can find any connection between the story to your title, I find none. The title should hold some importance and at least have some connection to the story; it should just look relevant to the plot. The relevancy needs to be surfaced quick enough to not create any confusion for the readers. Even after reading 10 to 12 chapters of your story I could not find the title relevant. For the title I suggest you go with something a little more unique and something that would have a deeper connection to the story.

» Cover :: 3/10

I am really sorry to say but I am not very convinced with the cover neither am I impressed. The cover in no way gives out thriller for a mafia vibe. The selection of pictures needs to be better, the font style should be better and also the text placements need improvement. The overlapping filters are ruining the vibe as a whole. Again the cover is not very relevant to the story and does not express the genre or the idea of the story in any way. I suggest you get your cover made from a graphic shop. It would look better and will help you attract more readers.

» Blurb :: 2/5

No talking about the blurb of your story, it is very confusing. First of all I can see that it is divided into three parts and none of the three parts make complete sense. The basic setting you use for writing has a few problems that I will talk about in the writing section, but apart from that the whole blurb looks messy, as a reader I am not sure if I would like to proceed and read the book after reading the blurb of the book. A blurb of a book is the first thing a reader reads about the book so you need to make sure that it is expressing your best. I could find a lot of grammatical errors in your blurb. I suggest you keep your blurb a little short and precise and try to state clear facts in a way that it looks clean and is understandable.

Dawn :: 5/10

The first few chapters are introductions which is all good but I think instead of having two introductions, it could have been finished in one. Apart from that there were few punctuation mistakes, I will talk about it in the grammar part. Overall the introductions could have been a bit more aesthetically pleasing. Now talking about the first few chapters, apart from the constant grammatical and punctuation errors, I liked the starting. Although just the next chapter followed a cliché where the female lead wakes up by the alarm. I am not saying clichés are bad but you should try and be a bit more creative from time to time.

Maybe instead of getting the chapter started with an alarm clock ringing, you can start the chapter with the female lead having a nightmare and then suddenly gets woken up by the alarm, just to realize all that she saw now was a dream. In this way you can stick to your plot outline as well as get creative with it. Try not to write the obvious always, it will pull out the curiosity out of the readers.

Plot and Idea :: 11/20

If I am honest with you, rarely a book on wattpad with a unique plot. Most of the troupes have been excessively used over time. Mafia/ Mafia Romance is one of those troupes, there are probably hundreds of books out there on the same topic but from those hundreds of books, what makes a reader read your book is how you have influenced the cliché troupe to make your plot unique. To be very honest with you, I couldn't find an astonishingly unique factor in your story. Again 'revenge' is a very cliché plot conflict. I suggest you try and read as many mafia fanfictions as you can, so that you get aware of the clichés. What to write and what not to write, in a way it won't make your book just like any other. After observing the cliché scenario, try to implement something new in your story.

Characters and Emotions :: 10/15

The characters in your should be presented in a way that the readers are able to mentally and emotionally connect and relate with them. There were places where the emotions of the characters were not properly justified and seemed exaggerated. The dialogues and decisions didn't seem very rational and thus I had a difficulty in connecting with the characters and understanding their real motives. I suggest you try and make the characters more realistic by making them make realistic decisions. At some point there were few reactions that seemed very fictional and just out of the blue, it just made the whole scenario very unrealistic.

Writing Style :: 6/15

Now starting with your writing style, first of all I am not sure if you are aware of the fact that the setting you write is not actually how a book or a novel is written. The way you have written the book is how a play is written. And since you are writing a book this is certainly not the way you should write. The next thing is you have put the action and verbal tags into brackets before the dialogues, while writing a book the action or the dialogue tags should follow the dialogues just after the double inverted commas end.

How you write :-

Namjoon:- (angrily) get out!!

How it should be :-

"Get out!" Namjoon yelled in anger.

There are sudden capitalizations in between the sentences where it's not needed, I suggest you remove those. When you are addressing a character from Author's point of view, refrain from using nicknames like 'Tae' and 'Hobi', when it's a character's pov then it's alright but not in the author's pov. All of these just make your writing look very amature. You need to highly improve your writing, use literary devices and descriptive writing, just don't write plain sentences, it makes your writing look dull.

Grammar :: 8/20

As mentioned earlier there were a lot of grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes -

> There were a few spelling mistakes here and there that I suggest you correct by proofreading. Also there were places where the spellings were influenced to express the character's emotions which is very wrong. For e.g :- "Finallyyyyy" shouldn't be written like this.

> I noticed that there were parts where you just put the dialogues along with the descriptions without any quotes.

> In many places you have misused ellipsis (...) it's usually three dots, not more or less, but you have used (.........) which again looks very immature.

> Using the same punctuation repeatedly in the same place looks very immature, only (?) or (!) would suffice instead of (???????) or (!!!!!!!!)

> Even in the introduction page, Korea, which is the name of a place, had its first letter written in lowercase. This is all about common nouns and proper nouns which are literally the basics. Not only that "I" was written like "i".

> Do not use Korean words in the midst of your writing, it disrupts the flow and makes your writing very unprofessional. For eg :- when you used the word 'jaebal' or 'kwenchana', it's very unnecessary. You can use korean designations in your writings which is alright. For eg :- words like "Oppa", "Noona", "--- Nim", "Sunbae", "Hubae", etc.

> I am mentioning this under grammar because I think it might be related. In the 22nd chapter, in the very beginning there is a conversation between Soora and Taehyun. I suppose they are talking to each other. In this case Soora calls Taehyun "Oppa" and Taehyun calls Soora "Noona". This was very confusing for me, just in case you aren't aware, let me explain it to you.

Oppa :- when a younger female addresses an older male.

Noona :- when a younger male addresses an older female.

Now if Soora is Taehyun's Noona then how can Taehyun be her Oppa? I hope I was able to explain my point. Refrain from using references that you are not completely sure about or at least make sure you do some research, it can leave your readers in confusion.

TOTAL - 48/100

Reviewer's Note :: Don't get disappointed at the number, just keep trying and I am sure you will become a better writer in the future. Best of luck with your writing.

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Yours Truly,
SeeSaw Fam.