↻ AUTHOR ࿐྄ྀ  infuation
↻ REVIEWER ࿐྄ྀ  TVD_Lover1999

First Light :: 10.5/20

» Title :: 5/5

Why is the title so important? It represents your book. If you poorly represent, then people won’t be drawn to it, and you could lose potential readers all because the title didn’t stand out. You’re in luck, the title of your story is both unique and catchy. The title goes hand in hand with the blurb and the plot of your book. So you did an amazing job taking that into consideration when choosing your title. It’s also obvious (by the title) that you intended to make this a book series.

» Cover :: 4.5/10

The cover is the first thing that potential readers see when scrolling through Wattpad. A lot of readers are picky, especially when it comes to the cover of the book. If a cover doesn’t meet a certain standard, then readers won’t even bother to look at the blurb. They’ll just move onto the next book.

I love the cream and gold colors that are used. When we think back to Ancient Greece, those colors were very popular,  as well as Gods, idols, and so forth. What I don’t understand though, is why her eyes are also gold. The color looks smeared on there like a yellow powder, making it look very sloppy and amateur. And is she wearing a crown? I can’t even tell. It’s important for the image to be clear on the cover. So that your (potential) readers don’t strain trying to make sense of it.

As for the fonts… you can’t even see the subtitle, not unless you’re looking for one. And the font for your book title is extremely sloppy. I can’t even read the word ‘trials.’ Nor can I see your first name, due to the words overlapping.

The cover itself is eye-catching, but you also have to take into consideration other key elements. I recommend a re-make. I know that the cover wasn't your fault (unless you’re the one who made it) the only good thing about it appears to be the image and palette itself.

» Blurb :: 1/5

The blurb (or description) is the last thing that people see before opening your book, or running away from it in some cases. So it’s important that your blurb contains a hook and intrigues your readers.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with a short blurb, but in your case… It seems rushed. “Who wants to become a God?” Seems out of place. Maybe try using something else such as “Who wouldn’t want to become a God?” Do you see the difference between the two?

You also say ‘Solstice is first in line.’ But considering that this is the first and only time that she’s mentioned in the blurb, it’s off-putting and looks a bit strange. I suggest removing this part.

Lastly, you state “Do you want to be a God?” But you’ve already contradicted yourself. At the beginning of your blurb you ask “Who wants to become a God?” And then you follow by answering with “Everyone, that’s who.” So that doesn’t really make sense does it? Nor does it belong.

Your blurb could be much better if you put some real thought into it. How important is this book to you? Ask yourself that while rewriting it.

Dawn :: 4/10

The Dawn are your introductory chapters. This usually ranges between 2-3 chapters. They determine whether or not someone continues to read your book. So in order for that to happen, they need to be entertaining and unique.

Your book starts out in an intriguing way, but there was no need to use italics for the first sentence. That makes it a grammatical error.

Also, considering that you are describing a full conversation in chapter one with your protagonist and her mom, there have to be quotation marks around the dialogue, even if you’re talking about the past. You mention a mountain as well, but you don’t go into detail about that, so we have no idea where that came from, or what you’re going on about. There needs to be more detail surrounding that. It was random.

You switch tenses several times throughout the story. It’s very important that you choose one (past or present tense) and stay with it.

You do a lot of telling rather than showing. It’s very important that your readers are able to feel your character’s emotions in a sense. It makes them connect with the character on another level, and if they can relate, they will want to continue reading. Your paragraphs are also a bit all over the place. You jump from one topic to another, making it look a bit messy and forced. Your character also just stumbled across a talking pillar in her home, yet shows zero emotion about it. She basically says “I’m shocked.” And how can the pillar wink? You said nothing of it containing eyes.

When Clio finishes up her story in chapter one, you fail to put any end punctuation within the dialogue. You actually do this quite often, and not just within the dialogue but at the end of general sentences as well. You also separate Zeus’ speech into three different paragraphs, when you do that it becomes confusing and we think that someone else is talking at that point. We also now know that the MC isn’t in her home, but is at the champion's home. I think you should have went into more detail about this, so that we, as readers,  weren’t confused.

There are quite a few writing errors in chapter two as well as the misuse of dialogue tags. And considering that your protagonist is a female, wouldn’t that make her a Goddess if she won?
Your story obviously takes place in Ancient Greece. They didn’t have trains back then, so for her to use the expression “train of thought.” Wouldn’t make any sense.

What do you mean by pregnant pause? If you’re using that word for the use of being ‘big’ or ‘huge,’ then that is incredibly disrespectful. And if you’re using it the ‘correct’ way, using it in this sentence doesn’t make any sense. It’s meant for an exciting pause, in this situation it was just awkward.

Moving on… in just the first couple of chapters I noticed a lot of errors. As mentioned before, your paragraphs were all over the place, and there were at least three times that I was confused and had no idea what you were talking about, or what was happening. Everything should come together effortlessly, but instead it looked forced. You also left out some important details. How did Solstice end up becoming a part of the olympics? You don’t want to leave any questions unanswered.

Plot and Idea :: 15.5/20

Every event that takes place in your story, leads your character closer and closer toward her main goal—the plot. If there are holes in your story, or unanswered questions, it will puncture your plot and won’t be up to standard. The idea is pretty self explanatory, it’s the central idea of your book.

Firstly, you use a lot of words that didn’t exist during the time period of your story. I also had quite a few questions that never got answered, plot holes.

Paragraphs were forced, making it sloppy. What I mean by this is, you would change what you were talking about at random, leaving us confused.
Your story doesn’t necessarily need to be rewritten, it just needs to be improved (from what I can tell.) The idea of your story was unique and original. I’m personally a huge fan of Greek mythology.

Characters and Emotions :: 7/15

It’s important that your characters seem realistic and relatable. Nobody wants to read a story where they can’t relate to the main character. The emotions of your characters also need to be realistic.

I’m going to be straightforward. There were some holes in the building of your character. We don’t know much about her past. All we know for sure is that her and her mother had issues. Where is her father? And who did she live with after the banishment of her mother? These are things that we need to know.

There was close to no emotion. You basically said “I’m shocked.” (Not in those exact words, but more or less.) When you’re shocked, is that how you react? No? Then it shouldn’t be how your character reacts either. And why does she get annoyed so easily? What even in her life made her such a negative person? We don’t even know what she looks like.

Writing Style :: 12/15

The writing style determines whether or not how smoothly the word/sentences flow, and if your way of writing is unique in your own way. You don’t want anything to look out of place or unnatural in your book, because it can take drastic measures to fix if it’s butchered.

To be honest, I think you wrote beautifully. I see so much potential in how you word things and describe them. It could have easily been perfect if there weren’t so many writing errors, along with how unnatural your paragraphs formed. It seemed forced and did alter the flow/style of your writing.

Grammar :: 4/20

Having precise grammar and punctuation is important because horrible can butcher your entire story. Even wrong or no punctuation can do this.

There were a lot of grammatical issues. In a lot of areas, you didn’t even put a punctuation mark. End punctuation is important because it closes a sentence. You also used italics wrongly on multiple occasions. Italics are meant to be used for the following: Emphasis and contrast. It shouldn’t be used at random, or because it looks interesting.

Dialogue tags were also misused a lot. An example of a correct dialogue tag:

“I’m tired,” I said.

Now an example of an incorrect dialogue tag is:

“I’m tired,” I yawned.

You had several instances where you followed that second example there. You also placed commas in random places, which also altered the flow and style of your book.

TOTAL :: 53/100

Reviewer's Note :: While there may be many things that can be improved, the plot of your story is really interesting and I don’t want you to feel discouraged. Almost Nobody starts out perfectly. But practice makes perfect! I hope that you’ll take my advice into consideration, and I wish you well on your book! Have a good day, and thank you for requesting from us!

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Yours Truly,
SeeSaw Fam.