it's been exactly three months since i came here , and in those months so many things have changed . I was feeling so happy and grateful to be with my family even if it was just us three in the meantime i didn't step in that palace i have missed aynur so much , she came to visit me sometimes .

just like mihrimah who was already familiar with our house , she was coming at least twice a week . She was complaining about how Sah sultan was managing the harem , it was a complete disaster . i always wondered why selim didn't give the authority to mihrimah but she herself revealed that she preferred staying with her daughter freely and of course she didn't want such a big responsibility and i understood her .

« A letter has just arrived for you your highness » one of our servants came to me and gave me the letter in my hands and before i could open it i already knew who it was from .

« Thank you , you can leave » i started opening the letter and my eyes immediately fell to the writing infront of my eyes , but this was my father not selim as i was excpecting .

I started reading each word her said and i kept growing anxious because he revealed to me that they almost died in the battlefield , i barely felt my hands holding the letter .

this was the last letter he sent and it probably was written a week before , the strangest thing is that he didn't write anything reassuring me about their well being . I had to ask someone , anyone

I immediately got up from my seat and called for my mom who came out of her room panicking when she heard me calling .

« What is it what happened and why are you so pale » she grabbed my hand and i just gave her the letter for her to read .

In the meantime i was circling in my own spot trying to find answers for this .

« I'm sure they're fine just don't panic okay ? it's bad for you » i got handed a cup of water my one of the servants and managed to sit down a bit .

« I have to go to the palace i have to know what's going on »she sat down next to me and put the letter aside , she hid her concern very well but i wasn't like her .

« Okay okay we will go talk to Hasan pasha since they left him in charge but just calm down okay » she grabbed my cheek and i kept nodding after her , she ordered them to prepare the carriage .

I wore my coat and immediately went to the carriage with my mother , as for akça she was already in the palace. it took us few minutes to arrive but for me it felt like forever .

i wasn't expecting to set a foot here again but i did in the least unexcpected moment and for a reason i would've never excpected either .

As we got inside i could see everyone passing by us shocked to see me , i didn't bother to pay them attention i just wanted to see hasan pasha now .

« Call Hasan pasha for me right now » i ordered the agha that was guarding selim's room, i stepped in along with my mother and waited for him to show up .

i scanned the room and nothing has changed ever since , i remembered every beautiful moment i spent here . i got interrupted form my thoughts when hasan pasha came in

« Hasan pasha may i get an explanation on why his majesty and my father aren't reachable at all ? They were on the verge on dying and there's no new about them » i immediately started speaking and he looked at me and my mother apologetically.

« Yes your highness you're right , but - um » he started looking away « But what ? if you know what's going on tell me » i yelled , i wasn't myself anymore now i was blinded by fear .

« We also haven't been able to reach them , everyone says the boat they were in sinked . the last letter that arrived was the one in your hands » he pointed at the letter between my mothers hand and i felt my world spin in so many directions

« So now you're telling me , they may have died but no one knows if it's true or not « i asked trying to stay composed and he nodded after me .

« I don't care how you do this but go find them, fly , run or walk to them i don't care i just want to know the truth « i approached him dangerously and he looked at me deeply while nodding . « that's my father and husband that were talking about here , find them or find out the truth »

my mother approached me and grabbed shoulder to help me stay steady , hasan pasha bowed down to us and we stayed there in his room .

« Mom what if something really happened to them what if they died » i could sense my hands shaking but my mom was way too comforting she kept telling me that it was going to be okay .

i wonder if i'll be able to sleep these upcoming days , i wonder what they're doing right now . if they're dead or alive i just want to know if they're fine .

Me and my mother quickly left his room right when i calmed down a little , i didn't wanna spend any other minute in this palace i felt like i was trapped . we immediately left to our home but akça didn't come with us .

she was doing her best to avoid sah sultan and was only with mihrimah . when we got back home i went straight to my room and layed down on my bed i was hoping an answer would come tomorrow .