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PART ONE — CHAPTER ONE
❛ absence makes the heart grow colder. ❜

2000
then

BRUCE WAYNE WAS STILL A KID when his was welcomed into the world. Or at least that was what it had felt like when he had held the child, his child, in his arms for the very first time.

He had been finishing up his third year at Princeton, studying law, when his girlfriend at the time, Vada Lexington, had broke the news. She was pregnant. Two months, to be exact. They'd been dating for only a little bit longer up to that point, after knowing each other for almost all their lives.

It came as a shock, of course. They weren't trying, rather they were being careful not to. Bruce thought Vada was joking at first. She had to have been. She was always pulling his leg over something serious. There was no way he was going to be a father, let alone this early in his life.

But then he'd seen her swollen belly, and he knew it was real, that it wasn't all just happening inside of his head.

"Congratulations are in order, Bruce," Vada had said. "You're going to be a dad."

It wasn't an easy pregnancy for the young woman, by any means.

Vada always made sure to bring up the fact that nothing so far in her life could compare to being pregnant. She slept as often as she could in Bruce's New Jersey penthouse, just enough to have the energy to open up her eyes in the morning. Then there was the morning sickness that didn't just occur in the mornings, that didn't always end in the relief of vomiting. It followed her throughout the day, from the bathroom to breakfast, from class to class, and back home again. She was always on the brink of tears, not able to remember how it felt to be well.

Bruce tried to help as much as he could, but there wasn't much he could do besides hold her hair back or feed her every cravings and hold her close to him at night.

It certainly didn't help that he had no parents to support him through the pregnancy. Only his butler Alfred was around, who, by default, was always there for every event in his life, major or minor. He can still remember when he'd first called him to break the news. He'd been so scared. Scared of what the future held, scared even of what Alfred thought. But the older man calmed him right down, and reassured him. That this, that the child, was not a mistake.

"God has been kind enough to give you something to love again," Alfred said, "don't you dare throw it away."

Bruce wouldn't.

He wouldn't.

But the baby, a girl, had come too soon.

There were supposed to be more calendar pictures to go. There were supposed to be more baby showers, more checkups, much more time to prepare for her arrival. But, as fate would have it, there wasn't enough time. There never seemed to be enough time for the last member of the Wayne family.

The birth had happened so quickly that Bruce couldn't even recall it in any specific detail. He just knew that Vada was exhausted afterwards, barely able to keep her body awake. She'd held the baby up to him, not even asking if he wanted to hold her before she shoved her in his arms. He tried to be as careful with her as possible, afraid his touch would break her.

He cradled her body to his chest, heart to heart. She had to only weigh about five pounds. No more than that, possibly less.

Then it hit him.

He'd helped bring something into being.

And it, she, was beautiful. Perhaps the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen in his life, alongside his mother.

A name came to him shortly. He'd hadn't had time to think of one before, not yet. But he knew what he wanted to have belong to her. May God protect.

"Jacqueline," he uttered, stroking his baby girl's cheek with his thumb.

And so the child became Jacqueline Frances Wayne.

It wasn't a name that held any prior special significance, not on his side of the family nor on Vada's.

But it was hers, and that was all that mattered.

Just hers.

As Bruce looked into her dark brown eyes that matched his so clearly, he only had one thought about the whole situation.

He didn't really deserve this.

He was too young. He was barely twenty years old. He was still just a kid who wanted his parents. He was a parent. He now had one job for the rest of his life, and there was no going back.

Now that child, almost five years of age, lay resting in a bed too big for her, a room even bigger, with a shadow watching over her. She had always been so tiny, looking so out of place whenever she went out in the big world around her. It only made sense how out of sorts she looked in his life, too.

Which is why he was going to leave her behind.

Where he was headed was no place for a child. Jacqueline needed security. She needed warm showers, proper meals, an education, a childhood. Innocence. If he took her with him, she'd have none of that left.

He also couldn't stay. He had to leave and make things right— so that he could come back to save the city he and the last bit of family he had left, called home.

But he wanted to remember her like this.

Her dark hair that had grown down to her ribcage in the five years she'd been alive, those doe eyes, her slightly upturned peach-pink lips. Tightly holding her stuffed teddy she couldn't sleep without, her legs pulled into her chest, her body swallowed underneath the blankets.

An image where she was safe, and at peace.

It would be the only thing able to get him through seven long, cold years.

He pressed two fingers to his lips, kissing them, before turning them around and resting them against Jacqueline's forehead. It was their way of saying goodbye, a signal Bruce had created when she was old enough to finally understand why he was always coming and going from her life. He found that he never had the strength to actually say the word 'goodbye'. Bruce hadn't been strong enough for her. Not then, especially not now.

He would be a stranger when they met again.

There would be so many years, so much time lost between the two of them. He would miss so many firsts. Her first day of grade school, her first friend, her first love, her first heartbreak. When he'd be back, she'd most likely be all grown up. He wouldn't even really be a dad anymore.

But he knew what he had to do.

And all he could leave his daughter with was two words:

"I'm sorry."

When Jacqueline woke up, the first thing on her mind was him. He wasn't at her bedside, though he had been there the last time she was awake. She asked him to stay, and he had. He couldn't be too far now. He promised he was going to have more time for her now that Mom was back in the hospital. But she didn't know her way around his house yet. He could be anywhere, and this place was huge.

Her tiny feet covered by her pink bunny slippers carried her around the upper level of the house, then, downstairs when there was no trace of him on the former. She passed by the living room, the dining room, but no Bruce was spotted. She figured he must be in the kitchen— where else would anyone be in the morning?

As she bounced in, the butler, whose name she thought was Alfred, was sitting down at the coffee table, empty handed. The girl found it strange. He wasn't... doing anything. He was just simply sitting there, looking down at the floor. She felt a sudden flutter in her stomach, like she already knew that something had happened. Something bad.

She hesitated, before noticeably clearing her throat. "Excuse me," Alfred looked up, and got to his feet almost immediately. "Where's my dad?"

His eyes were glistening— yes, something was wrong. 

Alfred got to his feet, and slowly approached the girl. He then knelt down, despite his bad knees, so he could be on the same level as her.

Carefully, he told her, "He's... gone at the moment, Jacqueline."

"To work?" she asked, cocking her head to the side.

"I'm afraid not."

Jacqueline pondered for a minute. "Did he go on vacation?"

Alfred gave a nod. "Yes, Miss Wayne." He paused. He didn't want to lie to the girl. But he wasn't sure how to tell her her father had just abandoned them. So he made sure to add, "He's gone on a very long vacation."

Jacqueline frowned. She found it rude she hadn't been invited to go with him.

"When will he be back?" she then followed with, as she rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet, waiting.

Alfred paused, pursing his lips. Jacqueline tried to meet his eyes, looking for an answer, any hint at all.

He glanced over his shoulder, catching a quick glimpse of the sun as it peered through the kitchen window. As he turned back to face her, he smiled. Alfred knew he had a new job now; and that was protecting this child.

"It's a lovely day outside, too lovely, in fact, to be cooped up in here all day long." Alfred held out a hand to the girl. "Would you like to take a walk with me, Miss Wayne?"

She let out a sigh through her nose, before nodding.

In her heart, Jacqueline knew this meant that he, her dad, the only person she thought she had left in her life, wasn't coming back. Not for a very, very long time.

aaaaaand i finally get a chapter out! hopefully it wasn't too rushed or anything, let me know your thoughts!

now here are some big changes the story's gone through that you may or may not have noticed: 1st, jackie's mother is now an OC named vada lexington! i decided i wanted to be original, and i also have no idea why i made pamela isley (aka poison ivy) her mom in the first place 💀 but yeah, now we have vada who will also be the MC in my upcoming the batman 2022 fic! she's such a cutie (when she's not going insane) and i'm so excited to bring her into my universe of ocs.
and 2nd, i've also added vada's brother oliver (played by boyd holbrook) to the cast list. since he's a big character in my the batman fic, i decided to add him into the nolanverse to give jackie some added stress (lol). he will be a prominent character during batman begins so get ready! i sure am, and i hope to see you guys soon!

don't be a stranger ;) please vote, comment, and stick around for some more angst coming to you shortly! (i hope)