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x. self-made prison

IT HAD BEEN 6 years since Louise stepped foot on that hospital ship, 6 years since she was saved by Murphy and the Dawsons, 6 years since the first time she lost a patient, 6 years since Jack.

Jack kept his promise. He wrote to Louise as once as he arrived in Scotland. It was the first of many letters, but they were significantly reduced when he was sent back into the battlefield. Louise would send her letters to him while he was at war, and Jack kept all of them in the inner pocket of his jacket, right by his heart. As much as he wanted to write back, he never had the chance to do so.

The last time Louise heard of Jack was 2 years ago. She would write to Jack's mother, asking about Jack and if she had heard anything of him. But, she was in the dark about her son too.

It broke Louise's heart to think that Jack could be captured by the enemies or dead. She didn't know which would be worse - possibly being captured by the Germans would be the worse fate for any soldier, but the possibility of Jack even being the slightest bit hurt caused tidal waves of worry to swallow Louise. The lack of a response to her letters didn't help.

However, she had never stopped writing to Jack after he stopped, in hopes that he was out there somewhere. She always kept all his and his mother's letters in a small chest by her bed and read them over and over again every night before she drifted off to sleep. She would often envisage about Jack's death in her nightmares, but on the odd occasion where she was having a better day than the last, she would dream of the future she could've had with him by her side.

In those dreadful 6 years, Louise had managed to easily step onto any hospital ship or boat without little to no care. It seemed her worry for Jack overpowered her fear of the sea.

Her worry caused her to become nauseous, she would be sick for days from just thinking too much about Jack Collins. She would hardly eat unless her mothers or siblings forced the food down her throat. They hated seeing like this. It got even worse when Andrew was sent back to war. Carey and Viola believed that her reaction to Jack's disappearance was worse than her reaction to the ocean.

It was selfish and a tad cruel for her, but every time she was shipped off to the battlefield or even in the local hospitals, she wished she would Jack would be one of the many patients, lying in bed, waiting to see her. But he never was. It would put others at ease to know that their loved ones weren't in the hospital or injured, but it only caused Louise to worry about where he actually was. If he were in a hospital, at least then he would safe and well cared for. But out there, he was dead meat - like everyone else.

On the 2nd of September 1945, the war was finally over and Britain celebrated. Louise was happy - her brother and father managed to survive, along with her little sister, the in-laws and further family. It was a miracle. Many families had experienced one loss in many ways, yet the Davies had managed to avoid death.

At least, that's what all the other Davies thought. Yet Louise couldn't help but think differently. Yes, Jack Collins wasn't a Davies by blood or by marriage, but Louise wanted him to be. She wanted to hug him, to kiss him, to marry him, to start a family with him, to forget all about the war with him. But he wasn't there. He wasn't with the Davies as they celebrated their country's success. And from Louise's knowledge, he would never be there. After two years of nothing but pitiful glances from the postman, Louise knew there was no way Jack could be alive.

Louise had to move on, but she knew her heart wouldn't let her. She couldn't escape from his self-made prison she had trapped herself in, and she didn't even bother to find a key. She didn't need to. The brunette felt comforted if she constantly thought of Jack. Lousie felt guilty if she didn't.

The whole Davies clan was sat in the big living room, all drinking, smoking and laughing, as the horrid events of the war moved to back of their minds and instead were focused on the nicer memories that they were fortunate to experience.

Louise was sat with Andrew, Viola, Carey, Matthew (Carey's husband), Alex and Tommy. Although Tommy wasn't a member of the Davies clan, he and Alex had remained in contact throughout the war and soon became the best of friends, and the Davies easily welcomed him into the family. Louise felt uncomfortable as the conversation changed to the future. She didn't want to admit to her lonely future, and the people around the table would sense that. Carey rubbed her hand up and down her sister's arm.

"Lou. It's been two years. You need to let go," she softly spoke.

Lousie sniffed as she felt the familiar burn of tears built up behind her eyes and the tingling sensation in her nose. She nodded. "I know I do, but I don't think I can," she softly admitted. "I love him."

The young people around her sympathetically frowned at her words. They knew she was totally devoted to the blonde pilot she had only met once, but they didn't want to sit back and watch the beloved girl throw away her life over the disappearance of a past love.

"Listen, Lou. We know you love him, and you always will," Alex started, leaning his arms on the table as he talked directly to his cousin. "But you can't stay lonely forever. He wouldn't want that for you."

Louise looked away, her mouth forming into a tight line as she sadly nodded. She eyes focused the light lace curtains that blew under the soft autumn breeze that wafted in through the open windows. Alex was right. Jack wouldn't want her to waste her life away, waiting for the possibility that he may be alive.

The brunette tilted her head back carefully as she heard her mother scrap her chair back at the sound of the doorbell but didn't pay much mind to it as she returned back to the young members of the family.

"Yeah," Louise looked down her fidgeting hands in her lap. She picked at the loose thread of her white and beige floral dress. "You're right. It's just gonna be hard to move on from him," she admitted. "He was perfect," she sadly laughed as a tear slid down her cheek.

Andrew, who sat beside her, gently rubbed the stray droplet from her skin. "We're here for you, Lou. We'll always be here for you. That's a promise."

Lousie wanted to smile but the word promise made her think back to Jack's promise to write to her - their pinky promise being childish and innocent as if they were teenagers in love again. It made her heart wrench and warm at the same time. It also made her think of the young boy from the Moonstone that she couldn't save. She had promised the Dawsons that she would keep George alive, but she couldn't live up to her words. That made guilt rise up her body like acid building up in her throat.

"Thanks, guys," Louise whispered. Their conversation continued until the Davies mother hurried back into the room with a huge grin, her footsteps heavy with excitement. Everyone's conversation halted at the sight of the greying woman being so giddy.

"What is it, Pat?" Gerald, the Davies father, spoke to his wife, intrigued by her behaviour. Pat turned to her middle child, her smile growing at her daughter's confused expression.

"Sweetie," Pat spoke, eyeing solely on Louise. "Someone's here to see ya,"

Lousie tilted her head in confusion as her mother gestured to the person hidden behind the wall closer. A gasp escaped both young women sat by Louise while everyone was confused at the visitor. Louise felt like crying as her eyes raked up and down the tall figure of the visitor. And she did. She stumbled out of her chair. If it wasn't for Matthew's quick reflexes, the chair would have crashed onto the wooden floor. Louise laughed with relief through her tears.

The visitor grinned at the woman. She had changed. Her brown hair was longer and she had bags under her large brown eyes and it was clear that her body had been thinned out and she was now donned in a pretty floral dress rather than a bloodied nursing uniform. He only saw perfection.

"'Ello, lass," The visitor greeted in a thick Scottish accent, still stood by Pat's side, not sure how Louise would react. Soon, all the young people who sat together snapped their heads to look at each other in realisation at the recognisable dialect.

Louise could've crumbled to the ground as her eyes absorbed his figure. He had changed too. His once clean-shaven jaw was now littered with ginger scruff. His once slim figure was now a bit more bulky - not overly muscular but clearly more strong than he once was. His cropped blonde hair was now longer and a lot more floppy than their last meeting 6 years ago. Instead of his dashing navy blue RAF suit, he was now dressed

"Jack?" Louise's voice was a mere whisper as fresh tears brimmed her eyes. These weren't sad tears for once. They were ones of relief. Of happiness. She felt the key slid under the door to her self-made prison.

Jack nodded, grinning widely, showing off his straight, white teeth. He held out his arms, raising his brows with a hopeful look on his face. Louise sighed with content as she skipped up to him, crashing the pilot into a hug that neither wanted to pull away from. Jack rested his chin on top of her head as she tucked herself in the crook of his neck. The whole Davies clan awed at the scene.

"I thought you were dead," Louise whispered into his chest.

Jack tearfully hummed and tightened his grip on the girl, his hand running up and down the length of her back. "I'm sorry, love," he whispered back.

"Why'd ya not write?" Louise questioned, her confusion evident on her face as she pulled back slightly from the embrace yet her arms remained firmly around his waist.

Jack brushed back a few stray hairs from her face, his thumbs caressing her smooth skin, admiring every freckle, every shadow, every indent, every line. All were imperfections to Louise, yet Jack thought every part of her was beautiful. "They banned us from writing to anyone. They believed there was a spy among the RAF so no one was allowed to write back. I tried. But they burned every letter that tried to leave the base. I'm sorry."

Louise shook her head, her hands reaching up to hold his face between her palms. "Don't be sorry, silly. It was out of hands, weren't it?" She smiled up at Jack.

Jack nodded with a grin. "Still sorry though. Ye should've heard the bollocking I got from me mother. Glad you're taking the news better than she did," he laughed softly.

Carey and Viola rushes up from their seats to greet the pilot, bombarding the blonde man with countless questions, a few compliments intended to tease both Jack and Louise.

The rest of the family happily greeted the new comer with open arms and large smiles.

After 6 years, Louise felt happiness again. She had finally unlocked her cage. She was free again.

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